Monday, September 25, 2006

Aboriginal Ideas (Not Ides)

I betcha I’m gonna get a lot of hits on this post. People will be searching for real information about Aborigines, expecting to read about a specific people group in Australia, although the word stands for any indigenous people. Google will suggest this post to surfers, and it will take them a millisecond to be angered by the very words your looking at now, and they will click away before you can . . .


I know this because although I can’t see who visits my blog, I can see (sometimes) the search words that led them here. Right now, lots of people all over the world are battling the 24-hour bug. Miserable, stopped up, hoarse, red-eyed people have propped themselves up in desk chairs to search “24-hour bug” only to be referred to my bogus site. Imagine their frustration when they get here looking for remedies and find instead my post called, “Anatomy of a 24-Hour Bug,” which has nothing at all to do with physical malady and everything to do with the emotional/spiritual malady I suffered while imprisoned in my bedroom by the bug one weekend, where I watched re-runs of Laguna Beach and The Simple Life. Death by Dimwitting.

Still with me? “Aboriginal” can also mean “beginning, raw, or undeveloped” ( And that’s what this post is about: snippets. Aboriginal, underdeveloped ideas. Ones not worthy of whole posts (and yet, inexplicably, I’m compelled to forge ahead.)

SNIPPET 1: My Top 5 List of Crossword answers you should know.

Elia Kazan. One of the most visible members of the Hollywood elite. Kazan's theater credits included directing A Streetcar Named Desire and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and Death of a Salesman. Interestingly, he testified in the infamous Hollywood Communist Red-Scare hearings. But before you toss him out on his director’s megaphone for snitching, remember that Burl Ives (yes, Sam the Holly Jolly Snowman of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer) also snitched. This true Hollywood story is hard to believe. I mean, doesn’t it seem to you like Yukon Cornelius would be much more conservative than Sam the Snowman and thus much more likely to snitch at that hearing? Anyway, Elia Kazan is in every crossword I work.

Obi. A long, broad sash tied about the waist over a Japanese kimono. Of course, it’s never clued that way. It’s always like, “Kyoko’s fashion statement” or “Meiko’s cincher.”

AHA or OHO. Both expressions of surprise or discovery. Or a jolly laugh. Or equivalent of “Eureka!” or in my experience, “So that’s where the kids hid the chocolate!”

ERNE. Sea eagle. Also spelled “ern,” but not to be confused with “urn” or “Ernie,” from My Three Sons. Ernie would definitely be more like a sea “urchin,” which, I’m not kidding, can also mean “mischievous boy.” PS: Robbie Douglas was cute. Chip looked like a chipmunk, which I have always thought was a cruel casting device. I mean, where is Chip now? Probably taping the next season of “The Surreal Life.”

IDES. (in the ancient Roman calendar) the fifteenth day of March, May, July, or October, and the thirteenth day of the other months. Riiight. Got it. Just when you finally memorized, “Thirty days hath September . . ." you have to come up with a rhyme for that doozie. How about this: “The ides are day 15 of October, May, March, July. It’s the 13th day of the other months; only God knows why.” Anyway, forget Friday the 13th--the ides of march were really bad luck for Julius Caesar.

SNIPPET 2: Beginning of list (aboriginal list?) of favorite song lyrics. Today’s fav: “Whatever happened/ to Tuesday and so slow/ Goin' down to the old mine with a/transistor radio....” This is, of course, “Brown Eyed Girl,” by Van Morrison. Any song that remembers the little black transistor makes me smile and makes my list. The rest of the lyrics make me smile, too. Wikipedia says the lyrics were too "racy" to be aired in 1967, but they’re tame now. In fact, "Brown Eyed Girl" is on George W. Bush's iPod, which proves once and for all, Dub-ya rocks.

SNIPPET 3: I’m working on a column for this Saturday’s paper. Sort of. Actually, I’m thinking about it while I write about crosswords and Van Morrison and summer loves. Sigh. Anyway, I’m not posting another thing until I stop procrastinating and write that column.

But I can’t wait to see how many searches show up for Burl Ives, transistor radios, obis, Elia Kazan, Aborigines, and “Do you remember when we used to sing: Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da. La te da.”

*Note Sept. 26: Overnight, someone in France searched "Kathy Couric biceps" and was sent to my site. Interesting.

1 comment:

Zim said...


Just so you know...I came here on purpose, not by Google. But those people will be glad to have stumbled upon your blog when they read the immense wisdom & inescapable humor within each post.

I've actually seen "Streecar Named Desire" & "Death of a Salesman," and we talked about that...but I would have forgotten the name! (I still might...but I was excited to know a little bit of what you were talking about as I read).

"Brown Eyed Girl" is SUCH a great song!! Love it!

I started a new clicking on my name no longer will lead you into the world of Xanga. This is basically because of what I mentioned in my last email. Just wanted to let you know!

Hope all is well, and I'll be in touch soon!