My husband is a morning person. He shines at 5:00 am. Notice I did not say "rises and shines," because typically, he has already risen before 5:00 a.m. (That's a topic for another post.) But I highlight this fact because of the kind of interesting things he comes up with at this hour. He is in his element.
Every morning, like George Bush does for Laura, my husband brings me coffee, while I sit in our big recliner, eyes half open, trying to leave behind the world of flying through tree tops to return an item at Kohl's (dream land) and enter the real world for another day. He "helps" me through this transition in various ways.
This morning, he put his quirky flair on the coffee scene by donning a Breathe Right nasal strip. You know, those little strips with the spring action you stick across your nose to help you not to snore or to help you breathe when you have a cold. It kind of forces your nasal passages open. I don't even know where he got this. Anyway, he was wearing one.
On his forehead.
I focused in and cracked up. "What are you doing?" I ask.
"Expanding my mind," he answers flatly, like my question was ridiculous.
"You are a dork," I say, while dying laughing.
Our 17 year-old son is filing this trick away, I'm sure, to impress a girl with someday.
"Is it working?" I ask.
"Yes!" he says. "I've already figured out that profit margin solution!"
"Huh?" (I don't do numbers in the morning.)
"K's homework. I've got it all figured out," he says slyly, pointing to the strip, as if it's magic.
"You are a dork," I repeat.
Since he cannot refute this accusation, he shifts his energy to our son and jumps on him to wrestle him. I think this strip is hallucinogenic. Apparently it makes you feel younger and stronger, as well as smarter. Gimme some of that.
There is no point to this post except to say that the next time I get stuck on one of my crosswords, I'm going to stick a Breathe Right strip on my forehead and see if I can get the fount of information to flow. I mean, it only makes sense: breathe right, think right. My husband is ingenious.