Saturday, October 28, 2006

Breathe Right--Think Right: How Have We Missed This Connection?

My husband is a morning person. He shines at 5:00 am. Notice I did not say "rises and shines," because typically, he has already risen before 5:00 a.m. (That's a topic for another post.) But I highlight this fact because of the kind of interesting things he comes up with at this hour. He is in his element.

Every morning, like George Bush does for Laura, my husband brings me coffee, while I sit in our big recliner, eyes half open, trying to leave behind the world of flying through tree tops to return an item at Kohl's (dream land) and enter the real world for another day. He "helps" me through this transition in various ways.

This morning, he put his quirky flair on the coffee scene by donning a Breathe Right nasal strip. You know, those little strips with the spring action you stick across your nose to help you not to snore or to help you breathe when you have a cold. It kind of forces your nasal passages open. I don't even know where he got this. Anyway, he was wearing one.

On his forehead.

I focused in and cracked up. "What are you doing?" I ask.

"Expanding my mind," he answers flatly, like my question was ridiculous.

"You are a dork," I say, while dying laughing.

Our 17 year-old son is filing this trick away, I'm sure, to impress a girl with someday.

"Is it working?" I ask.

"Yes!" he says. "I've already figured out that profit margin solution!"

"Huh?" (I don't do numbers in the morning.)

"K's homework. I've got it all figured out," he says slyly, pointing to the strip, as if it's magic.

"You are a dork," I repeat.

Since he cannot refute this accusation, he shifts his energy to our son and jumps on him to wrestle him. I think this strip is hallucinogenic. Apparently it makes you feel younger and stronger, as well as smarter. Gimme some of that.

There is no point to this post except to say that the next time I get stuck on one of my crosswords, I'm going to stick a Breathe Right strip on my forehead and see if I can get the fount of information to flow. I mean, it only makes sense: breathe right, think right. My husband is ingenious.


Big Mama said...

I may head to the store right now to buy a Breathe Right strip. My brain is currently functioning at about 27% capacity and I could use all the help I can get.

Susanne said...

I think you oughta patent that idea before anyone else steals it. What a creative hubby you have! And you son gets up at that bizarre hour, too?

The leaves I borrowed were from my senior citizens front yard and he was not happy that they had the audacity to let their leaves fall on his property and expect him to rake them up. And the boulevard trees belong to the city and I figure they owe me for watering & mowing their boulevard in front of my house all summer long. But ya, I'm a fanatic, I know!

Donna Lear said...

My husband purchased those strips once. I believe he was honestly attempting to do something really nice for ME. You know the kind of act of kindness husband's do like buying me a Coleman cooker off Ebay because it was made in my birth year. Anyway that's a whole other issue. Back to the strips, he bought them and applied one as directed before bed. The next morning the strip was stuck on MY pillow beside my head.

Was that strip seeking me out? A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Maybe that strip just blew my husbands mind and sought one who could use a little help?

Love your blog!

Linda said...

Too funny! The Coleman cooker is one for the family annals. Husbands--(bless their hearts) sometimes they DO try. What you said about the strip seeking you out--I'm picturing this scene where the strip inches its way like a caterpillar across the pillows to you. Kind of like a puppy. Sometimes puppies and nasal strips choose their owners. Thanks for commenting! You made me smile and made my day.

Melanie said...

I tried these for their first purpose- snoring. They didn't work for me. Maybe I should wear them on my head while I blog. And, yes please link to me. I was actually going to ask you the same! Really! I have you in my fav.s on my computer already.

Zim said...

That's awesome.