Thursday, December 07, 2006

Stealing Christmas and Getting Toasted

So we have our annual church staff Christmas party tonight. I think there will be 50-60 people there. We will play that game where you act like savages and "steal" people's gifts. Not my favorite game, but it is as much a Christmastime institution as those Christmas cards with the baby-faced, cherubic cartoon nativity people and the kid who forgets herself in the program and pulls her dress over her head.

Anyway, one year our worship leader, a man of substance, was bound and bent (a Hoosier-ism, I think, meaning "determined") to snag his wife's chosen gift. He started off in a mad-dash across the floor (at the country club, no less) and fell, sliding INTO the person holding said treasure, knocking her over and taking other carnage down around them, as well. It was not pretty. But it was funny.

So as I prepare for this festive event, I'm trying to figure out what to eat this afternoon that will tide me over so I don't look like the hedonistic staff member tonight, eating her food and her husband's and friend's, too.

I decided on a scrambled egg sandwich on toast (protein), but here's the dilemma: A couple of weeks ago, tiny ants got into one kitchen cabinet and feasted on toaster crumbs. Ants were IN the toaster. I got it all cleaned up and taken care of, but the toaster is "dirty" in my mind, and therefore; I cannot eat its offerings. I mean, it's really hard to clean a toaster. I can't immerse it, let alone boil it like I would like to. (Once I boiled my son's pacificer and plastic rattles and warped them beyond recognition.) Well, you cannot believe how much you want a thing that you don't normally think about at all until you can't have it. Suddenly, every day, I want toast. I MUST HAVE TOAST. Any suggestions?


Susanne said...

Now if you asked my hubby he'd tell you not to worry about it, that if you happened to get an ant it would just be extra "protein". :vD

Maybe Mr. Osburne can pick you up a new one at Wally World while he's there.

Big Mama said...

Well I'm a little late and by this point you're probably at your party getting tackled for the present you hold in your hand.

I would have suggested broiling the toast in the oven or maybe just roasting it over an open fire, like chestnuts.

D.S. Lear said...

Seems that toaster has the same inage for you as those "potty teeth"

Buy yourself a toaster and a nice cover for it...Do this quickly before someone in your home thinks it would make a good Christmas surprise....then again your family probably never did's the thought that counts right? Anyway buy the toaster that's my suggestion and I'm sticking with it....Love the "Coleman Lady"

We all need our daily bread!

The Human Napkin said...

Okay, here's my thoughts. When I was in college, I loved me some grilled cheese sandwiches, but we weren't allowed to have toasters (or coffemakers... BOO) in our dorms. So I had to nuke it. Because for some reason, microwaves were allowed. I don't know why. Of course, the prostitution ring going on upstairs might have distracted the RAs, had I decided to bring in a contraband toaster, but I was too chicken. So I nuked bread for grilled cheese sandwiches. I don't know how well it'd work for toast, though.