Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Almost Works for Me Wednesday

Why can't I just do a linky thing like everyone else? (Click to get to "Rocks in My Dryer," who hosts this carnival. If you don't know what the heck that means, welcome to my world.) My ideas never quite fit the topic. And just because I work in an office and am supposed to keep everyone there on track and on time does not necessarily mean I know exactly what day of the week it is. So what happens is that Wednesday slips by and then I find myself tryin' to do the Wednesday thing on Thursday, etc.

But I have been waiting to dissemenate some solid, practical ideas for a while now to you all who are surely tired of those hoity-toity tipsters with their fancy-pants Wednesday ideas like . . . pulling out that little screen thingy from the slot in your dryer and peeling off the free lint quilt for your kid's doll.

I say, "Come down to Earth, people!" How about some real tips for sub-real people?!

Tip #1: How to clean off your Swiffer thingy when you don't have time to throw it in the washer. (Illustrations below.)

Push thingy around your floor to build up some dust. Lift up mop with your arm completely extended because you are deathly allergic to dust and are trying to keep it as far away from your face as you can.

Proceed to patio door. Open door, stick head out and look up and down street to make sure no one is looking. Wave at Mrs. Koch, the octagenarian walker, then duck back inside until she passes. Not away, just passes your patio doors.

Re-open door, lean out around the wall and slap mop head against brick wall. Do this with gusto. Once it is securely "snagged" on the brick like Velcro, begin to drag it down the wall. You will see dust accumulate on the brick. Do not be alarmed. **You need only be alarmed if the planets are aligned just so, causing some freakish physics rule to kick in, sucking the dust particles back into your house. If this happens, you must immediately withdraw and slam the patio door shut. IMPORTANT: Withdraw head before sliding the door shut.**

Repeat that step where you draaaaag the mop. Then slap it up high and draaaag the mop. One more time, reaching from your tiptoes--draaaag that mop. Once you think you've cleared off most of the dust, think again.

Slap mop ahead against wall. You will see dust from 1947. Slap again. Again. Again.

Once more, look around to make sure no one saw you. Retreat. Close door.

And that's how you clean your Swiffer thingy.

It works for me!


His Singer said...


Jane said...

This was a funny post! I may actually try this as we like to use the swiffer things long past gross.

Susanne said...

That's hilarious! I myself don't own a swiffer thingy but I can beat my railing up pretty good with my lamb's wool duster. But I always use the tip to make sure no one is looking and now I will certainly remember to pull my head in before I shut the door.

Big Mama said...

Oh you do make me laugh. That's the kind of tip I can actually appreciate and will come in handy as soon as I finish making this quilt out of my dryer lint.

Kelly said...

I just stumbled on your blog and was reading the last few days posts... had to let you know that I also thought I was making up my 9 year old daughter's name "Cailin". So many Caitlins, we wanted something different but similar... I still love it, and she is one of a kind, as I'm sure is your Kaylin!
(How many times have you said "No 'T'" when filling out paperwork or hearing her name called out as CaiTlin?!)

Anonymous said...

To say this is funny would be an I attempt to "perfect" my home for the New Year...I found this hysterical...I still haven't got the hang of the swiffer thing yet ;) Thanks for the many grins and giggles this favorite was spraying raid on the that is a Works for me Wednesday ;)

The Human Napkin said...

Hee hee, that cracked me up! I've been thinking about getting a Swiffer for some time now, but then I'd have to actually use it. Right now, I sweep and then give a wet dish towel to all three of the small people in the house and let them go after the floors. They actually do a good job! They clean the floors, the walls, the windows, the doors, the cabinets, everything.