Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Armed and . . . Ridiculous

I have a post beneath this post you should read because it has at least some substantial thoughts in it. This post, however, is not substantial; it is just "sub," as in sub-par, or below average, at least as far as content. Yes, I'm referring to tonight's episode of

the reality show where five "sub" celebrities joined our men and women in blue to fight crime here in "Little Chicago."

Tonight we saw the usual toothless, denture-less, bra-less criminal elements in precarious situations that might cause you or me to blush: bloody domestic disputes, crack pipes, prostitution, a report on a deceased man discovered in his apartment . . . but the best/worst scene of all might have been the sisters who had a dispute over one's young son who was apparently ill. There was some disagreement, I think, about whether he should go or stay. Discussions about such decisions don't usually escalate to the point of police mediation, unless, of course, you're in south Muncie (which, by the way, is where I'm from.)

When Erik Estrada and his Muncie police partner arrived at the house, the sisters were in their yard screaming at each other in the most peculiar, low-pitched voices we've ever heard. It sounded like they had something caught in their throats, both of them, so it must be a family trait--maybe a syndrome called DTTO, or "Dish Towel Throat Obstruction Syndrome."

The climactic moment was when the elder sister turned to the camera to plead her case saying, "My son has a vaaahruuuuul in-fec-shuuuuuun. Ever tahm he FARTS, he go to DIARRHEA."

Erik Estrada pulled out his best bi-lingual tricks, but you could see he did not speak this strange language, a derivative of ancient Hoosierian. Ernest T. Bass from the Andy Griffith show was like an elocution specialist compared to this lady.

We felt bad to laugh so hard at this moment, but not so bad that we didn't replay it five times and laugh so hard we almost lost control of our bodily funk-shuuuuuns.

Am I mean? My husband says I'm mean to write these things. But these people sign waivers, get paid AND get a T-shirt (WOW!) for appearing on this show. The sisters I wrote about probably re-played this segment more than we did and had a party, too. I probably wouldn't watch this show at all if it weren't in my town.

This is real drama for these mixed up people, and there is another real tragedy involved: the children. So there are definitely un-funny moments in which you feel compassion for lost, addicted people and emotionally scarred children. But between those moments, you can't help noticing La Toya's triangular-shaped nostrils, and you lose it all over again. Maybe after this series ends, I'll stop being sub-human again.


samurai said...

I know exactly what you mean. There are times I have to replay those kinds of scenes just because I'm not even sure what they were saying.

I wanted to let you know that I am going to link to your blog on my blog (if that's OK)... and that your "4063 miles to fitness" inspired me - sort of...

Thanks again...

Mommy!! said...

Dangit, I missed the show last night! Thank you for posting about it... I wonder if it will come out on DVD? Hahaha!

Roxanne said...

Hilarious!!!! I cannot wait to share it with my husband--but will wait until the kids go to bed so that we don't have to keep telling the kids "Nothing." when they ask "What's so funny?"

Fiddledeedee (It Coulda' Been Worse) said...

I don't think I could take on another reality show. I've not seen this one. You have to wonder what people were thinking, signing the waiver and all. And this is true with Dr. Phil and most all reality shows in general.

I've made my husband SWEAR to me that he will not call the good people at "What Not To Wear." But I suspect he will anyway. And when they show up on my door, I'm going to ask for TWO t-shirts before I sign any stinking waiver. That's all I'm sayin.

Linda said...

Dee Dee, you crack me up. BUT--I would indeed do What Not to Wear! It's one of my favorite shows. I would bear the degradation.

Susanne said...

Ah, you gotta love "reality". I still have not seen this show. I want to see it not to see Eric, LaToya or the other ones. I wanna see where you live! I know, nosey aren't I?