Tuesday, February 13, 2007

It's Official. It's a Blizzard.

I may post several times today. In fact, if I don't, it's probably because of a white-out. We're in a blizzard. Consider any posts S.O.S.'s from Caroline Ingalls snowed in the cabin with the kids from Malcolm in the Middle. Right now the 14 year-old girl is baking muffins. It's the more mature Playdoh. This is gonna be a long day.

Update: Thank you all for your survival suggestions. I pressed through the Walmart mayhem last night, five feet at a time. Each checkout lane was 10 carts deep, at least. I stopped counting and caught up on my magazine reading.

Walmart had tables with paper and crayons set up to distract kids while parents waited in line. I heard moms bribing their kids, "If you'll be good, I'll get you a ..." fill in the blank: "sucker," "toy," "pony," "tickets to Disney," "a guest spot on 'Hannah Montana.'"

They were sold out of our normal brand of milk, so I brought the caviar of milk. They were out of beef, except for suspicious pre-molded patties. I had planned to make chili, but they were out of tomato juice, so I put back the other ingredients. When I finally got to the register, there was a single can of abandoned tomato juice just sitting there smirking at me.

If I had to answer my own "5 essentials" questions from yesterday, I think it would be:

1. Pee pads for the dog. They're like diapers only flat on the floor. That's a whole 'nother post.

2. Toilet paper. But the only kind left had apparently been shipped from Ecuador, where the bark had been peeled from banana trees, dipped in bleach to produce a beautiful gray color, and then rolled by hand. If I get a hang nail, I will file it on the toilet paper.

3. Scrapbooking supplies. Scrapbooking will keep me sane while the natives dance around me. "Focus ... focus ...."

There was just a huge crash in the kitchen. (5 second mandatory wait period) No noise is good noise, so on we go.

4. Laundry detergent. Because life as I know it all around me may be at a halt, but laundry, or should I say Laundry, is an entity that thrives in any brutal climate, like hardy, multiplying cockroaches.

5. Ibuprofen. More essential than vitamins yet less drastic than Nyquil. But we do have Nyquil, just in case.

In this picture we see that the mom, in an attempt to hide from her children, cannot fool the baby hyena who will persist in bugging the mom, even if he must tear at her flesh. I fear this is what it'll be like at the end of the day today.


Melanie said...

I am sorry to laugh at your expense. I was raised much better than that... but LOL. I am lovin' the photos.
On a more serious note, hope you survive The Long Winter.

Mommy!! said...

Okay, the laundry comment made me snort. Which means it was really funny, because I only snort when I laugh really hard. I might write down the last half of #4 and frame it in my laundry room. Hardy, multiplying cockroaches! Hahaha! It's funny because it's true...

samurai said...

I couldn't help but smile while reading this entry. :)

May God get you through this time. :)

Thank you for your prayers and encouraging words!

Praying for your Prodigal said...

Laughing hyterically--sadly---at your expense! Sorry! I'm laughing with you--really I am!

You could not have found a more appropriate photo!

Living in Minnesota all of my life, we have experienced plenty of blizzards. I can relate to the pre-blizzard shopping experience and the angst one feels at having to entertain the children for days!

Way to find some humor in an otherwise humorless experience--Blizzards are not fun. Good luck! Stay warm! You've stocked up quite nicely....except maybe you should have gotten some Benadryl...it always made my little ones sleepy!

Bad mom! Bad mom! Bad mom!


Susanne said...

Pee pads for the dog! LOL! I never woulda thought of that but it makes total sense to me. Which is a scarey thought! :v)

Your laundry comment made me laugh and think of Star Trek and you gotta know that every time I watch it now I'll be looking for your laundryish/cockroachyish looking character in each episode.

Stay warm and safe!

Big Mama said...

The description of the toilet paper was priceless.

Susan said...

Oh my goodness...I didn't get over here yesterday!! I hope you all are staying warm. I had to laugh that people are buying Cheese Doodles and Oreos. I'm always amazed when we are on Hurricane Warning what people buy...and JUNK FOOD is at the top of the list. It's almost like they're going to go watch a sporting event or something.

Hope you're warm...praying for all of you.

:-) Susan

crickl's nest said...

I would love to hear a whole post about how your dog needs pee pads. *rofl*

And why don't you just give the KIDS the Nyquil and have some nice scrapbooking time? bwahahaha I'm just kidding of course. But maybe if you make a big list of chores with their names at the top, they will see it and then stay far away from you the rest of the day! (let me know if it works) lol

Southern Girl said...

Good luck surviving the crazed hordes inside your house -- you made it through the Walmart mayhem, so you've already proved your mettle. ;)

Stay warm and pray for a thaw!

Amy said...

Hi from blizzardy Indiana! We are getting it right now and my poor daughter had to go to work in this! Anyway, thanks for stopping by and yes oh yes am I talking about Donny Osmond! Sigh! I'm 42 and not ashamed to admit I still love him ;o)

Congrats on being a finalist! I need to read your post and then vote!

Try to stay warm and sane!