Monday, April 16, 2007

Bad Genes? No, Just Bad Jeans

This morning I took K shopping for some summer things. Feeling frustrated about weight-gain, I decided to forego my lower-rise boot leg or flairs for ... my old, comfortable, reliable "mom jeans." You know the ones I'm talking about, the jeans featured in the old Saturday Night Live mockumercial. Maybe this picture will jar your memory. Or your gag reflex.
You know, you can bend in these things and not worry about showing your ugly underwear waistband that you forgot not to wear when you slipped on your cute jeans. There is no draft. There is a handy-dandy kangaroo mama pouch in front to hold your three-months-along shape 15 years after your last pregnancy.

But when I went into the fitting room with K, I saw myself in the triple mirror. Horrified, I wanted to buy something, ANYTHING, even a clearanced Christmas tablecloth, to wear instead.

I said, "K! Why did you let me wear these out of the house?" She said, "I was pretty sure Stacy and Clinton wouldn't be here." [The only possible high point of this whole ordeal.]

I remember when these things used to be in style. Remember this cool group?
Yeah, well Tori is wearing the same jeans I wore today. I told K. I was going to throw them away as soon as I got home. But when I took them off, I thought, "You know, I'd better not pitch them. I may need them when I paint. Or when I'm bloated. Or when I'm sad because my husband has left his out-of-shape wife and my kids have finished college and have lives of their own in Ft. Collins, Colorado, and I'm too old for youth ministry and I need to bend to feed my 17 cats who live with me." So they're back in the top of my closet--ugly old security pants!
Rock on. *I knew this might happen; someone asked if this picture is actually me. No, it is not. I may admit to and provide factual, photographic evidence of a lot of dumb things about myself, but a shot like this would not be one of those moments.

19 comments:

Rhonda said...

I really like this post. I almost regressed and bought a pair of 'mom' jeans recently. I actually thought I looked okay in the mirror. Yikes! Momentary lapse of judgement. My teenage daughter was not with me when I was shopping. Thankfully, I pulled it together and opted for the hipper, not-too low-rise flair jeans. Phew!!

Melanie said...

I'll come feed your cats so you don't have to bend. :>)

I pretty much just gave up on jeans. I'm all about the denim skirt and capris these days.

Sandy said...

Is that last picture .. you?
I love the lower cut jeans. Finally they are comfy to wear. Er.. unless you have a muffin top that hangs over the top!
Happy Weekend!
Sandy

Linda said...

Rhonda, I am so glad you hung on to your sanity. We must guide each other through this and hold each other accountable!

Linda said...

Melanie, a true friend offers to feed one's cats. Thank you. Thank you.

Linda said...

Sandy, please see the * note at the bottom of my post. You managed to bring one of my fears about this post to fruition!

Connie Barris said...

Linda,
Jeans... what a great subject...

Mom jeans to go with our mom underwear, right?

Or let's go to the whole Spanx topic.. Heaven forbid you bend over in those tight little too low waisted cellulite revealing jeans wearing your spanx...
now there is a topic of discussion.

Funny too you should mention age limit to the youth ministry, my hubby and I had that very discussion today... what would that age be?

(Ps... have you checked out my Random questions that I rebutted)

Connie

Susanne said...

In my case, discussing jeans with anyone but the cat is not an option. And my cat keeps a good secret.

Big Mama said...

I may have to perform an intervention here and tell you that you must throw those jeans out. If you need to paint your house, there is no need to subject your neighbors to this fashion don't. I honestly think you'd be better off wearing sweat pants, and I don't throw that term around lightly. :-)

Linda said...

I forgot to mention those would be 17 Imaginary Cats. I'm allergic. But that just makes me more eccentric.

Rhonda said...

Hey Linda

Another thing in common. The cat allergy. Since developing this I have also incurred a strong dislike for the feline species.

I checked out your church and OneEighty sites. Looks great. Our church is a five-fold ministry church as well. My husband and I might have some questions for you about OneEighty.

Jen said...

90210 use to be one of my favourite programs as a girl

Deena said...

But I love my comfy momma jeans...I worked hard as a momma to earn the right to look bad:-0

Ummm, that didn't sound as good out loud as it did in my head...

**Helpin' Linda change the imaginary cat litter**

Carol said...

Oh, man. Don't you just hate when you can't wear what you want to wear? And how come we didn't have the gap-at-the-back problem with 70's hip huggers? I swear we didn't. Was it because we wore them with smock tops and body suits?

samurai said...

Well, I really don't have much to say about the whole "jeans" thing. lol But perhaps you will find a nice fashion that you like.

Good luck with that. :)

JennaG said...

Were those jeans really in style? I hope they don't come back in! Ugh. Seriously terrible jeans!

Nancy said...

Funny how we have all adjusted to the current fashion. I agree that the photo looks weird, but is was nice to have jeans that I didn't have to pull up every five minutes to avoid showing my underwear or worse! How about a compromise?

Robin said...

Fun(ny) post, Linda. I soooo resembled what you said.

This winter I pulled on a pair of jeans that had been hanging in my closet--they were HUGE! I was sooo confused, then realized they were my "fat jeans"...I had forgotten how much weight I had gained (then lost) to need them. I kept them on all day. They made me feel skinny :). How could I toss something that made me feel like that???

LOL to Carol, too....smock tops and body suits? ** s i g h **

Lizzie said...

Linda, caught your blog from a comment you left at the laundry pile. Very funny post on the jeans. My sister and I are forever trying to get our mom to give up the ugly "mom" jeans to no avail. I'm sending her this post asap(we are always threatening Stacy and Clinton on her :-)!!)