The first sentence of Rick Warren's Purpose-Driven Life says, "It's not about you." I agree. Actually, it's all about me. At least it is at Wal-Mart.
According to a Globelink article (re Canadian retail) called, What Would Linda Buy? Wal-Mart Needs to Know (November 7, 2006), I am quite powerful:
At the new Wal-Mart Supercentre, it's all about Linda.
She's the prototypical customer for whom the massive stores are being designed, right down to where the bras are displayed.
"Linda" is 30 to 45 years old, has two or three children, a husband and a career. She's a soccer mom who multitasks, and she's time-starved.
Got that right, Amen!
"When we put together a new service or product, we say, 'Let's check with Linda,'" Wal-Mart Canada chief executive officer Mario Pilozzi said.
Why can't the rest of the universe work this way?
"Linda" has a hectic life, and anything that Wal-Mart can do to make it easier is a feather in its cap. "Linda is like the CEO and the CFO [chief financial officer] of the family," Mr. Thompson said. "We've got a lot of respect for this lady. She is balancing her kids, her husband, her career... We look after her and we become her one-stop shop, her destination for all her needs. Linda wins, we win and our shareholders win."
Me likey when Linda wins.
A-hem. Excuse me, but I'd like a few words with my Wal-Mart love slaves. Hoosier Linda has some suggestions for Wal-Mart.
1. Clean up your aisles.
2. Schedule more than three cashiers for your forty lanes of checkouts.
3. Offer free samples of high quality chocolate and coffee.
4. Allow curbside parking for anyone named Linda.
5. Clean up your bathrooms at least semi-annually.
6. Fire Greeters. Employ Bouncers to keep out mullets and confederate flags and people who slap their kids every five seconds.
7. Take down Sam Waltons 20' picture. It's like Big Brother is watching you all the time. Sam Walton, J.C. Penney and Colonel Sanders are all dead. We don't like them staring at us from on high.
8. Stop playing Wal-Mart commercials and Kenny Chesney videos on suspended TVs in your stores.
9. Get some better lookin' smocks for your employees. Better yet, get rid of the smocks. (Revolutionary idea.)
10. Employ people to make sure there's a price tag on every stinkin' item. In the event a tagless item is missed, instruct cashier to believe customer about price, no matter how ludicrous the claim, e.g.: A full swingset with curly slide for $8.95? Why not. Better to get stiffed by one customer than make the 50 people behind her angry, too.
Finally, anyone caught stealing should be made to eat lunch with this man or a reasonable facsimile: