Tuesday, April 24, 2007

A New Angle on American Idol


Thank goodness for TiVo, the most beloved and functional member of our family. My son's track meet lasted through most of AI, so I had to get caught up, but no prob, Bob, thanks to Tivo.

Without, "sniffle," Sanjaya, I didn't know what we would all comment on. Talent? Yeah, they've all got it now. Marketability? Yeah. Strong fan bases? Yup.

What's left?

Eyebrows.

So I thought I'd focus on these signposts that frame the face, marking the emotional gamut from surprise (Melinda) to sultriness (Chris) to disapproval (Simon).

Chris came out of the gate with his usual expression: eyebrows lifted through the entire song, looking as if he's straining to keep his eyes open. I've never understood the term "bedroom eyes," but I think he might have them, or at least 3:00 a.m. eyes. Randy said Chris's jacket was "fly," but cargo pants?

Melinda sang next, and her brows, properly shaped and appropriately full, also have a dip down the side for extra "oomph." That girl has "oomph." I cannot hide the fact that Melinda is my favorite, although Jordin is merely one spiral curl of preference behind her. More on those two later.

Blake sang "Imagine," which I muted a few seconds into because I HATE that song and what it stands for: no heaven, no religion, just everyone living for the day, etc. It is, in my humble opinion, a song that was hell-inspired but wrapped in a beautiful melody. Blake has interesting facial expressions. He sings with his chin lifted almost all the time. My kids think his mouth looks too small for his face, and it distracts them. (Why are we [my family and the American public] so shallow?) His brows are a little too bushy for my taste. America loves this guy. I predict he'll be in the last three. "But for me, man, it was just OK."

Sidetrack: Why do people bring those sorry homemade signs to American Idol? I mean, if you are blessed to be in that audience, couldn't you invest in a stencil? A lamination?

LaKisha does not have healthy brows. They are skinny. What is up with that. She did do another great job singing tonight. She and Melinda get lovelier and lovelier.


Phil. has. eyebrows. His rival Peter Gallagher's. If this were an eyebrow contest, Phil would wipe the stage with his eyebrows. (Ew.) Anyway, as Simon says, "It's a singing competition!" so I have to say that while Phil did OK, he did not raise my eyebrows.

Jordin, who drew applause before her song even ended, has perfect brows for her age, full and not over-processed.

Sidetrack: Why do the House commercials get more macabre every week? Death warmed over?--it's worse than that. I would choose death before looking as miserable as these sick characters. I can't take this show. Why do I have to sit through the most horrifying parts of the next episode when I DON'T want to see dead people?

OK, I want Melinda to win the title because, although she and Jordin are unbelievably talented, Jordin is younger and more marketable than Melinda. Jordin is going to be a star no matter what. The title of American Idol will propel Melinda to a height she truly deserves, as well.

I have to tell you that Melinda is taking a beating from some of the public about how she looks. I feel terrible about this. I think she's cute, and I love her straight hair. I won't repeat here what mean people say, but it has to hurt.

Finally, Ryan's brows are perfectly man-groomed. He is the quintessential metrosexual. So what was with that facial hair? Not Ryanly at all. And when he took off his tie for Jordin, I told my husband there are women swooning all over America right now because of that chivalrous, sweet gesture. His response? "I just made fun of someone today at work for wearing a skinny tie." My husband is not a metrosexual.

So that's my take on AI this week. If you have a brow commentary, feel free to bring it on. It's what I'm here for.

16 comments:

Big Mama said...

My husband even noticed Phil's eyebrows tonight, which is quite the feat. And thank you for calling out the homemade signs. Can they not do better than some glitter glue and bad magic marker?

Personally, I think Melinda is darling. I hope she wins because she has a great heart and you're right, Jordin will be a star no matter what.

Susanne said...

LOL! I never noticed the eyebrows but now guess what I'll be focused on next week!

Jordin and Melinda for sure the top 2.

The Preacher's Wife said...

I am fascinated that you can expound on eyebrows in such a profound way...I'll never look at another set the same way again. LOL

YOu are the funniest thing on the planet...:))

Connie Barris said...

I am amazed at your detailed observations....

I will never look at AI the same way again...

but I have to say I agree with you 100%

how funny....

April said...

I am so lame! I don't have Tivo and I always forget about Idol until it is half way over. So, I only get to see the last couple of performances.

I like Jordan and Melinda for the last two but who knows what America will do.

I didn't see the Ryan with the tie thingy... and Jordan was last... I don't know how I missed it...now I feel like I really missed out on something.

Heth said...

Your sidetracks crack me up. Even though Blakes mouth is too small for his face, he's still my favorite. I didn't watch it last night, I stuck to my tv-free commitment. I'm glad I missed Blake singing "a song that was hell-inspired but wrapped in a beautiful melody." Hahahaha I love that.

Melanie said...

EYEBROWS! Too funny. I think people are hard on Melinda because she has remained modestly dressed. :>) Good for her!

Sharon @ Little Lessons said...

Ya know, I only get to catch AI on occasion...I love reading your 'reviews' of the show!

However I never did understand people who notice eyebrows. Hmmmm.... I also don't understand all y'all out there that pluck and shape those things. That hurts! I'm not one much for pain.

Keep up the good work on reporting on AI...Love it!

Cindy said...

I'm SO glad you said that about "Imagine"! I have detested that song forever. Lennon describes a dreary, socialistic, godless world where you can't even have your own "possessions." And that's supposed to be "inspiring"? Please! I'll take Melinda's song any day. Didn't know Faith Hill had it in her to write like that.

Anonymous said...

Don't you realize that you can fast-forward through those House previews with your fancy Tivo?

I think my eyebrows could whip Phil Stacey's any day. Now, if I only had a skinny tie and a smaller mouth ...

Gretchen said...

Oh, Linda, you crack me up. I have put you as one of the blogs I love to visit, but realize i did this w/o permission. Let me know if you'd like to be deleted.

BTW, I'm to self-centered to notice others' eyebrows, but mine are FINALLY looking good now because I found Omega eyeshadow by MAC. I simply brush it in with a brow brush. Worth every penny. Suddenly, the eyebrows God gave me are now a dark blonde, rather than some neon goldish/orangish/brown. Blonde brows are hard, I tell you. :) And...I don't care that Melinda is neck-challenged. I love her and I see Jesus all over her. She's beautiful to me.

Lynn Donovan said...

Linda,

What wit and hilarity. I can't wait to read what you observe. Eyebrows. Just hysterical. Love it.

Also, love the shirt in the sidebar. If I find one I am buying it for you.

God is so good. You are a delight and a joy. Blessings, Lynn

Always Jen said...

I have been reading you blog for a few weeks and find you recap of AI hilarious! Today was not exception. I have no idea how I am going to avoid looking at EVERYONE'S eyebrows! Thanks!

Susan said...

Great post, Linda, and I totally agree with you about the Imagine song.

You're so in tune to people...eyebrows...I've not really noticed.

:-) Susan

samurai said...

I jsut can't get into AI. But I appreciate you taking the time to share your insights.

Jami Leigh said...

I too have always hated the song "Imagine" Frankly I really don't want to imagine that, I'm not sure I can...
As for the eyebrows, from the beginning my husband and son have been saying something had to be done about Phil's eyebrows. Which is a little telling since I didn't know either of them knew anything could be done with eyebrows

After Melinda's song my 7yr old daughter jumped up and proclaimed, "I think she must be a real Christian!"