Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Riots, Flying Buffalo Chicken

First of all, if you're watching national news right now, you will see a prison riot happening right down the highway from us in New Castle, IN. It appears that a bunch of inmates got bored and set a mattress on fire. Whatever else ensued, every police officer in Henry County and some state police are there to put out a mattress fire. Sheperd Smith is trying his darndest to keep the momentum of exciting, breathless reporting going, but there's only so much you can say about a helicopter view of a burning mattress: "There appears to be a burning mattress ...." "A mattress has apparently been set on fire; we don't know why ...." "There you see a fire apparently started by inmates on what appears to be a mattress ...." "Officials say this is definitely a mattress. On fire...."

This leads me to recall a recent incident where I was sitting at a four-way stop right by our tiny municipal airport on my way home from work, where an officer was directing traffic. This was an odd sight, like someone directing traffic through Mayberry. Then I looked to my right and saw the biggest convoy of busses and lights, etc., that I've ever seen in my life. I thought President Bush had come to finally visit Garfield or something. (Garfield the Cat "lives" here.)

As the vans and busses rounded my car, I noticed that all the passengers were men, and they were all extremely focused on seeing who was in my car, if you know what I mean. Blech.

Turns out, New Castle didn't have enough bad guys to fill even half their prison, so what did Indiana do? We imported Arizona prisoners. These were the guys in the huge convoy. They don't tell citizens that hundreds of inmates are passing through their town in order to avoid any commotion.

So now New Castle is probably scratching its head saying, "Gee. Maybe we shoulda had a formal mixer so's these guys could get to know each other better before ploppin' 'em in the crowd here."

In other riveting news, today was Secretaries' Day, and our church staff took us ministry assistants to lunch at Chiles. I don't know what was wrong with me today, but I totally embarrassed myself throughout the meal. I was so klutzy I reminded myself of Steve Martin in that movie All of Me, where part of his body is possessed by Lily Tomlin and he can't control himself. The very first bite of buffalo wings I took shot off my plate, hit me on the right, um, chest, and ricocheted off onto my friend next to me. She was very nice and offered me her Tide stick. (Why oh why didn't we have these when my kids were little? You people with $500 strollers and Tide sticks are so spoiled!)

A few minutes later, I dripped salsa onto the front of me. A few minutes later, after the meal, THANK GOD, I was talking and spewed some spittle. This gal next to me will probably make sure to position herself far away from you-know-who at the next big meal. She was so nice though, saying, "Look, I've got four kids. The fact that you're not laying your head on my lap right now makes this meal a success for me." Yeah, I have cool co-workers!

So now I'm off to watch my son's track meet in a town past New Castle. After that, I plan to kick back and watch AI, but you all know, it's just not gonna be the same.

12 comments:

Connie Barris said...

I got it... let's start with salvaging toilet paper in the prisons... just imagine after a hot wing dinner... here ya go... two squares of toilet paper...

and honey, you are saving Mother Earth....

Can you imagine that look on their face?

Riot, did someone say a riot?!?!

Nise' said...

Secretary's Day today???? Hmmmm... No wonder I got the day off, cheap boss.. No, just kidding! I will probably have to eat those words when there is something nice waiting for me tomorrow on my desk!

Sorry for your embarrassing moments at lunch but it sure gave me a giggle oday!

a soldier's wife said...

I wanted to stop in and say "hi".
I'm so enjoying your posts. You are a wonderful writer!

Jen said...

was it a yummy lunch despite your little accidents

Heth said...

I love your summary of the news reports about the burning mattress. What an exciting story.

Carol said...

They really make $500 strollers?

Susanne said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who needs a Tide stick now and again! See another thing we have in common.

Melanie said...

So where was Farrah Fawcett during the newscast?

Ahem... the burning bed.

Sorry.

;>)

Big Mama said...

I can relate to your meal at Chilis more than I'd care to admit.

And no one can turn nothing into news like Shep Smith.

the naterspotaters said...

give the newspeople a break wouldjya? i mean, do you know how hard it must be to deliver an interisting story only a weak after Virginia Tech? for crying out loud the front page of yahoo was about how they found a chemical with properties similar to kryptonite (wow, i spelled that right on the first try!), which was used to fight the fictional character you may know as superman. if thats not a desperate story i dont know what is.

April said...

Man, I hate the whole spittle thing! I was talking to some the ladies at my kids soccer game the other day and like every sentence or so some spit would fly out. I was man what am I teething or something!? Sooooo embarrassing. I tried to play it off like it didn't happen. LOL

Sharon @ Little Lessons said...

New Castle? You live near New Castle? Some very good friends of our from my childhood live in New Castle! :-)