Roxanne picked up this great meme from Joshilyn called "[Insert Your Name] Needs." You Google the phrase "[Name] Needs" and then pick out your favorites to post. Here are mine:
-Mental help. OK, but mainly when adding numbers over 10. Big deal.
-More interesting female friends. What? I defer to my blogroll, a regularly "motley crue" of interesting females.
-To drop by home and pick up her congo drum. Yeah, that way I could practice in my Camaro while waiting in line to pick up kid #3 from middle school. She'd probably think I was really cool if I stepped outside the car and beat it while she walked out to me.
-A little extra "oomph." Really? Well, I happen to have scored really high in the "oomph" factor at the annual Sweetheart's Dance at the Sunnyvale Home for the Aged two weeks ago. Some people appreciate curvaceousness in a woman, even if it is concentrated mainly on the backs of her arms.
-People to make telephone calls. Yeah, if I could just find a way to get people around work to make calls FOR the secretary, I'd be doin' alright.
-To change her oil more regularly. Wow, this one hit home. I won't tell you how long it's been. I actually have that on a to-do list.
-To be a good listener, good communicator and champion of her region. Hey! Am I not always proudly boasting of our superior cornstalks and Ball canning jars in Hoosier Heartland?
-Apply the patch to the middle tier. Hmm. Could that be a cellulite-eradicating patch applied to the middle tier of her mid-section?
-To be renovated, badly. Thanks. Where's my patch?!
*In response to that last purported need, I'd like to quote one variation on this theme about what Linda doesn't need:
"I don't think Linda needs to show off her body to be HOT, unlike some big-lipped actresses." SCORE!
-Needs to sing back-up. I totally agree. I will bring my congo drum and sing back up for ... who else ... Sanjaya. We sing in the same key, all the time.