Thursday, April 26, 2007

What Were "Hugh" Thinking? Why I'd Like to Ship Some Celebrities off to the New Planet

I am sure that you all have heard about the discovery of a new planet reported within the last few days. Ron Kaitchuk, a physics professor at Ball State University here in Muncie, which has an actual planetarium all Munsonians have been to a gazillion times on field trips when we were kids and with our own children on field trips another mazillion times, says, "The good news is, a newly discovered planet found just outside our solar system appears to have the ability to support life ... the bad news is, if you throw your shades, sunscreen and trunks into a suitcase and blast off tomorrow in our fastest spacecraft, you'll get there in about 100,000 years."

This got me to thinking.

I'm envisioning a Versace Space Shuttle equipped with the finest luxuries, fully stocked to last a "fer piece," like 100,000 years or however many miles that translates to. This new planet, aptly named, "Sanjaya," could be promoted as the most elite place to live, where there are no taxes and only the beautiful and famous can live undistracted by regular people and unaccountable to any higher power, like Oprah.

Seats would be limited, so celebrities' agents would be calling and pulling every string to get their clients on booked.

However--get this--celebrities would have to be voted onto the shuttle by the American public!

Who would you nominate to make the virgin voyage? Not that they have to be virgins, because although this is make-believe, the virginal requirement would clog up the fantasy just a little too much to maintain even the tiniest hint of any actual possibility.

Therefore, I'd send:

1. Rosie O'Donnell
2. Alec Baldwin
3. Howard Stern (both Howard Sterns)
4. Several TV evangelists (count as one if unified in The Alliance of Parasitic Protozoans)
5. Barbra Streisand
6. Michael Schiavo
7. OJ Simpson
8. Charlie Sheen
9. Elton John
10.Al Gore

And Richard Gere is pushin' the list. And, I might nominate Hugh Grant who seems normal most of the time but occasionally wigs out and does something insane, like cheating on Elizabeth Hurly with that weird person of the night and just recently, assaulting someone over the head with baked beans.

Anyway, I'm sure the Sanjayans could live happily ever after together. What do you think?


Connie Barris said...

First of all, this species would be extinct very quickly as they would eat their own... sanyabalism, I think it's called.

Second, beans is that the new form of gas for this planet? I think you are own to something..

and if we add Jerry Springer he could take a few guest to join in on the bean toss... and such other destructive behavior....

Linda, once again, I think you have just outdone yourself...

This is too funny....

I read about the planet but you have bursted my bubble, 100,000 light years away?? man...I was all packed.


Deena said...

I would vote against you on Alec...Steven says he is **this close** to accepting Jesus, and I'm praying this latest incident pushed him into God's arms.

However, a big AMEN to Rosie!!!!!She could be the queen of Sanjayaland! Why is she SO angry??

I'd also send
1. Hilary Clinton
2. Osama Bin Ladin
3. The Jolie-Pitt tribe
4. Justin Timberlake
5. Oprah
6. Michael Newdow (the anti-pledge guy)
7. Britney Spears and the rest of the Brat pack
8. Nancy Pelosi
9. Tom Cruise
10. Madonna

Then I would broadcast TBN, INSP, The 700 Club, and any other Christian broadcasting I could find via satellite 24/7 (or whatever the time frame would be on Sanjaya)...ah, we can dream, can't we??

This is all tongue in cheek, of course...I'm praying these heavy hitters of politics and media one day meet Jesus and turn around...

Heth said...

Now that is some funny stuff. And I had to laugh at Connie's comment. Sanyabalism? HA!

Nancy said...

Good suggestion and I think you made some good selections. Can we add all the stupid media people too!

Tammy said...

Oh, you have quite the mind, Linda...:)(I mean that in a good way!)
Wow...I really think these are some good candidates for to go where no man has gone before...but with all of them together, I predict that the first three months will be lots of laughs and good times...followed by a quick breakup of their newly formed society. Just matter of time.
Yet...for awhile, I'm sure there will plenty of hot air to use for fuel there! ;)

Melanie said...

I would like to add Jimmy Carter- woa! The crowd gasps!! Being a former Georgian, believe me, Mr. Peanut needs to go. He could meddle in all the peace talks between Rosie and Donald.

Susanne said...

Oh please send the Donald! And add Dennis Rodman and oh, any and all persons who harm children. And yes, Brittney and Paris can go too!

Linda said...

You guys are so funny! I actually had Dennis Rodman and Donald Trump and Paris on the first draft of my list. Melanie, the thought of Pres. Carter between those two cracks me up.

Sharon @ Little Lessons said...

And please add the movie maker Michael Moore!

samurai said...

Does it have to be limited to so few?

Good read today! Thank you for that smile. :)

Leigh said...

I just found your blog, and I have to say...I am loving the list. Couldn't agree more...except maybe adding Donald Trump.

charlestonyaya said...

Oh please - can we get that ship out of her soon!?!?! And make sure that we leave room for a few of our professional athletes who think that they are above the law!!

Crystal said...

Wait, can't we just send all of Hollywood?!?

Your blog is so great. It's always perfect for a little comic relief. :o)