Sunday, June 10, 2007
Epinephrine -- or -- Epidural?
OK, the nonexistent prize, if it existed, would go to Michelle at Life is Just Ducky. These are indeed the Epi-pens that have been prescribed for me should I have another allergy attack like the one I wrote about before, which I'm not going to link to because you wouldn't go there anyway.
Anywho ... so I go to the pharmacy to have this script filled, and the pharm brings out these big honkers. I thought an Epi pen would be about as thick as an ink pen and about four inches long. Wrong. The reason the Epi-dagger is made this monstrous is so that you can "slam it right through your jeans" according to Herb the pharmacist, which is an ironic name for a pharmacist, seeing as early drugs were mostly made of herbs. That would be like your local fireman being named Sparky. Sort of.
Which brings me to my next stream-of-consciousness thought that is absolutely not related to the real subject of this post but is related to ironic names. When I lived in Findlay, Ohio, there was an attorney there whose surname was ... I kid you not ... "Weasel."
So Herb proceeds to pull these babies out and show me how to lock and load them. He says not to spear myself in the front of the thigh because I could bend or break the needle or hit something I'm not supposed to. And he demonstrates how to start my "swing" toward my outer thigh waaay over my head so I can "get some good force behind it." Herb looks like he is enjoying this practice session a little too much.
Al the time, I'm thinking, "WHAT KIND OF A NEEDLE CAN GO THROUGH DENIM?"
So ... let me get this straight ... if I start to wheeze and lose consciousness, I can choose to
A) Black out and wake up in heaven OR
B) Drive a nail into my leg and wake up still 15 lbs. overweight, behind in my laundry, and living with three teenagers.
I'll need to give this some serious thought.
Most disconcerting, however, is the manufacturer's total indifference to style and color and of the Epi pen. And how in the world is a woman supposed to carry one of these with her every day, seeing as how purse sizes have shrunk over the years in inverse proportion to how backsides have grown over the years? It will definitely not fit well in a clutch; that's for sure.
Nevertheless, even though the pen looks like it should be for giving EPIDURALS instead of Epinephrine, this is my lot. I just hope that if and when I react again, Herb is nearby, because I think he would relish the opportunity to "assist" me.