Thursday, June 28, 2007

Cheap Shoes + Feet = Ripped Up Feet in Cute Shoes

Feet and shoes, shoes and feet. What can I say.

Well, for starters, I can say I'm an idiot.

Remember a few a weeks back I bought some really cheap but really cute shoes (see Have You Ever Looked Into the Soles of Killers?) and they sliced and diced my feet until I scarred? Pray tell, what was the lesson I learned from that dreadful experience? Was it:

A) Don't buy cheap shoes and expect them to be comfortable.
B) If you want comfortable shoes, you probably shouldn't buy cheap shoes.
C) Two phrases that do not go together: cheap shoes and lack of pain.
D) Don't use one of those callous razors on your feet while you're watching TV. (oops not that one; that one came later)

Answer: Any one of the genius maxims above would have been good for me to remember, but I didn't learn any lesson at all. (Evidence of lesson not learned: see cheap pink shoes above, with dog looking at me in disbelief.)

Baby Girl and I went to that shoe store called "Cheap Shoes, Come and Get 'Em," where they were in the middle of a BOGO sale (buy one, get one half off). We were drooling. And that was before we walked through the door.

So, since the deal works for shoes that are clearanced, we got several shoes for $2.50 and $3.50. What? YES! "Good Night, Nurse and Lawsy Day!" That is what my grandma would say if she were alive. It's what you say when your joy and astonishment are beyond words. Just typing the account of the cheap shoe plunder, I need some air.

So it's today morning. I am going to wear my new pink ones. I coordinate my outfit. I put on jeans. Too short. Other jeans. Too long. Other jeans. Too short. (This phenomenon is very real because height-wise, I'm on the cusp of tallness, 5'8", and I have whole a collection of both tall/short and fat/skinny clothes.)

I make the final choice, and walk out of my bedroom, only to notice in my periphery vision that every time I step, there is a left hot pink "flash" of color, then a right hot pink "flash," then a left, etc. Every time I take a step, I see these shoes, and it is very disconcerting.

I almost take them off, because I feel like I'm wearing neon signs on my feet, but then say to myself, "Linda--they were $2.50. TWO-FIFTY. Get out of the house and get to work."

Step, flash. Step, flash. Step, flash, all the way to the car.

As soon as I got into my office, I had to go back outside to the other building. All the way across, I'm staring at the clouds, the new building, the road ... anything to distract me from the flashes.

I get half-way there, and a lady I don't know calls out ACROSS THE LOT, "I like your shoes!" She cannot know my embarrassment, but I remain ever gracious.

By 2:00 pm, quittin' time, the tootsies have had it. They are wailing and gnashing their teeth, crying out, "What did we ever do to you that you would torture us like this? Didn't we drag your butt across the finish line at the Indy Mini one month ago?"

So I come home, stretch out and survey the damage. My dog is very concerned for my well-being. She is thinking, "Great. I know what this means. No walkies today. She probably won't even make it to the fridge for a snack. All for these ugly gray shoes." (She says that because, as we all know, dogs are color-blind.)

So between my razored soles and dashed top-sides, I am a mess. There is only one thing that cheers me up: I have several pairs to decide between tomorrow.


Diane @ Candid Reflections said...

Linda, you are so funny! I'm sorry your feet are now offically shot. I think it sounds like a good excuse to stay home from work tomorrow. You should sit back...elevate your feet and blog all day on your laptop. Intermittant soaking of said feet will be helpful as well. Here... I'll write you a Drs. excuse if you need one: "To Whom It May Concern: Linda's feet need to heal. Please excuse her from her regularly scheduled responsibilities. Thank you, Dr. Diane" There you have it! Good Luck! (please do not sew me for mal-practice) :-) Seriously...ouch! I hope you heal quickly. P.S. Thank you for leaving encouraging comments for me about my blog and photography. :-)

Diane @ Candid Reflections said...

P.S.S. It might help if I could at least spell correctly... I meant "sue me"...not "sew me" :-)

Gretchen said...

Well...poor Zoe. Her mom needs a breather today...

However, in the words of Billy Crystal, playing Fernando Lamas, "it' is much better to look mahhhvelous than to feel mahhhvelous, Dahling." And. You. Look. Mahvelous. And...feet aren't stupid. Several pairs of new shoes from which to choose probably makes them feel just as nice as a hot foot bath with massage. Mmmmhmmm.

Well, maybe motrin wouldn't hurt. :)

Connie Barris said...

Were you tortured as a child..?? and you are trying to punish yourself?

I, because I am your dear friend now, will give you free counseling...

first, we clean out the closest.. literally,,, then through the mind...LOL...

I think you should write a book...
"Do my shoes make me look like an idiot?" or.."walk a mile in my shoes and you'll know why I'm in counseling"

ps.. I have my computer back... no email but the internet.. so I'll post my award winners tomorrow

again.. thank you so much...

Susan said... least you only paid a small amount for this little lesson, right?? Sometimes shoes are just so much can't resist them. And having choices is SO worth it!

:-) Susan

Anonymous said...

Blogs obviously serve as a path God leads us on. I went to this blog and that blog and another blog and ended up here, where I laughed so hard!! It was perfect medicine for my 11th day with sick children. Thank you so much for the good medicine. I hope you find some just as good for your feet.

Melanie said...

Are you on something?

Just wonderin'.

You know with all the toughening you've been doing, you could start a magic act walking on nails or broken glass or something.

Amber said...

I learned the hard way that Clarks are the only way to go.

God Bless,

Roxanne said...

LOVE Clarks.

LOVE Holey Soles (the Canadian version of Crocs, but I got them 1/2 off with a coupon).

LOVE your new Hot Pink Flashers.

Just wear them when you DON'T have to wear them all day. . .like to church on Sunday night. Two hours max, your home and feelin' fine.

Lisa writes... said...

I do love a bargain! And I too have paid dearly after the fact! Funny stuff...

Jen said...

They are cute, though! The price we pay for beauty!

Susanne said...

I find it hard to let a bargain like that go too. Hubby sings me that song by Willie Nelson, "We'll save a lot of money spending money we ain't got." LOL!

But I sorta really like that hot pink flash and I probably would have bought them too, even with a "Beware - Instrument of Torture" tag attached to them.

The Woman said...

If I could feel my feet, they would feel for you... When I try on shoes, The Man has to check their fit. If not, I could literally walk my soles off and not know it.

Next time, trust that adorable puppy face! She knows shoes! ;o)

His Singer said...

In honor of your woes, I have left you a present on my blawg. Please feel free to pick it up at your leisure.

My condolences on your lack of...your obvious....your FEET. :0)