Monday, November 05, 2007

Lillian Vernon Holiday Must-Haves?

It's that time of year again--Lillian Vernon, the 21st Century Mary Poppins, returns with her big bag o' bobbles, her menagerie of trinkets and tools and engravable everything. I'm surprised they don't offer to engrave ice for your parties. (I'm pretty sure that Lillian's spies are frantically taking note of that idea right this second.)

I now present to you:

A) Some what-nots that I actually like.
B) Some what-not-to-buys if you want the recipient to keep his eyes looking straight forward and not rolled up in his head in exasperation due to your dumb gift-buying skills.

Isn't he cute? This Snowman wine bottle holder has a bronze finish, and his hat is attached by chain so that you can put it atop the wine bottle. We are teetotalers, but our friends enjoy wine. $19.98

Silver-plated wine collar or stainless steel coaster with felt on bottom. Free engraving! Yes!! $9.98 for the collar and $14.98 for the coaster.

Guess what this is? Say goodbye to old-fashioned wooden toothpicks as the time-honored way of testing for cake doneness. Yes, it's a stainless steel cake tester. $4.98. Not recommended for actual tooth picking. Not available for engraving, unless your name happens to be "Cake Tester."

I'm lovin' this. It's a candle carver for fruits/veggies. Dig hole; insert tea light. What's this little beauty worth to you? It's $12.98. That may seem a little steep, but just imagine how Martha Stewart-like you will seem to your guests!

"No need to have your homely maiden spinster daughter sit and hold the ball of yarn while you knit any longer, Milady, for we are in the age of high-tech helps." Twine dispenser: $7.98 or $12.98

And now we begin our descent into Lillian's deep Victorian needlepointed bag of doodles. $12.98. Hmm. When did Lillian join the Highway Robbery League? I'd say this is worth $2.98 and no more.

Hey, all you OCD perfectionists out there! Tired of taking your toothpaste or denture cream or Preparation H outside and placing them under your wheels as you back out? Try this handy "tube squeezer," only $3.98. Hours of fun.

Last but not least, the "knork." From the catalog: "The convenience of a fork and the function of a knife in one simple and safe utensil! Set of 2 durable, stainless-steel knorks feature a 4-pronged fork with a built-in knife on the side. Great for everyday use or for travel, and offers a safe alternative to knives for young children!" Hello? Does anyone foresee a trip to the ER on Christmas because Tiny Tim has speared his ham and then sliced his jaw???

On the other hand, it does provide a new name to call your brother when you're sitting at the Christmas dinner kid table: "You're a knork!" "No, you're a knork!" etc.


Tammy said...

You're hilarious! I love the "knork" name! Can't say I'll be buying one of those. Who sits in an office somewhere and comes up with these type things to sell? And to think someone is getting paid to come up with these. WOW!

Fran said...

Seriously?? A knork?? That was kind of funny and I don't see how they keep coming up with these inventions. I did like the fruittakeoutcentercandle thingie.

Have a great day. I'm so glad you came by my blog.

Carrie said...

Hi there, this is my first visit here!

Those are some very interesting items. And that "knork" is just scary.

I'll be back again!
God bless :)

thouartloosed said...

The knork looks like a bad joke of some kind. You know, like the buzzing hand shake or something. I used to get the Lillian Vernon catalog and enjoyed it. I see they've stayed on the cutting edge of inovation! This was fun to travel down memory lane.

Melanie said...

You are no knork. You are a riot. Looking for the recall on this one...

samurai said...

That toothpaste thing is a great idea! LOL

Susanne said...

The tube squeezer comments made me laugh out loud! Hmmm, never thought to back my car over the tube.

And the Knork? Are they serious?

Ann said...

Hahaha! The knork and the toothpaste thingy remind me of my grandma's generation.

Mommy said...

Those are some niffy little items. I like the toothpaste sqeezer,(so I can impress my OCD husband, LOL!) and the tea night carver.

The cake tester is nice also, but one thing that are nice about tooth picks are you throw them away. You don't have to wash it! ;)Just get an engravable tooth pick box! :)

The Knork kind of looks a bit scary! Not very good Etiquette either. ;)

Thanks for visiting my blog. I like yours very much. :)

Deven said...

That's funny...the toothpaste thing reminds me of ME. :) I have problems. And I have two of those things -- not kidding.

Shelly said...

The 'knork' - LOL!!!

And I'm not going to lie...the toothpaste tube squeezer momentarily made me excited before I realized that I needed to get a life! lol

laurie said...

i'm with you---that knork looks dangerous. dont' cut your tongue!!

Kacey said...

Hi Linda, Thanks for stopping by my site, but I can't imagine how you found it, but I am happy to find your blog. Reading blogs saves tons of money on books and magazines and I get a bang out of really good writers. Love your list of "stuff" today --- especially the toothpaste thing. We used to have keys that rolled tubes down to the bottom, but it worked better with metal tubes. About the apple corer--- use red apples, dip them in beaten egg whites, sprinkle with sugar and allow them to dry. Then stick in the candle, put them on greens and throw a few cranberries over the whole works --- instant centerpieces. (We did that for fifty tables at church for a dinner a few years ago) Also, I am amazed by the number of things on your profile that are dead on for me. I'm older, but love all the things like American Idol, Dave Berry, Erma Bombeck, Max Lucado, Gushy chick flicks like While You Were Sleeping and Little People, Big World. Maybe I'll get serious and make a list of things I love, too.