It's that time of year again--Lillian Vernon, the 21st Century Mary Poppins, returns with her big bag o' bobbles, her menagerie of trinkets and tools and engravable everything. I'm surprised they don't offer to engrave ice for your parties. (I'm pretty sure that Lillian's spies are frantically taking note of that idea right this second.)
I now present to you:
A) Some what-nots that I actually like.
B) Some what-not-to-buys if you want the recipient to keep his eyes looking straight forward and not rolled up in his head in exasperation due to your dumb gift-buying skills.
Isn't he cute? This Snowman wine bottle holder has a bronze finish, and his hat is attached by chain so that you can put it atop the wine bottle. We are teetotalers, but our friends enjoy wine. $19.98
Silver-plated wine collar or stainless steel coaster with felt on bottom. Free engraving! Yes!! $9.98 for the collar and $14.98 for the coaster.
Guess what this is? Say goodbye to old-fashioned wooden toothpicks as the time-honored way of testing for cake doneness. Yes, it's a stainless steel cake tester. $4.98. Not recommended for actual tooth picking. Not available for engraving, unless your name happens to be "Cake Tester."
I'm lovin' this. It's a candle carver for fruits/veggies. Dig hole; insert tea light. What's this little beauty worth to you? It's $12.98. That may seem a little steep, but just imagine how Martha Stewart-like you will seem to your guests!
"No need to have your homely maiden spinster daughter sit and hold the ball of yarn while you knit any longer, Milady, for we are in the age of high-tech helps." Twine dispenser: $7.98 or $12.98
And now we begin our descent into Lillian's deep Victorian needlepointed bag of doodles. $12.98. Hmm. When did Lillian join the Highway Robbery League? I'd say this is worth $2.98 and no more.
Hey, all you OCD perfectionists out there! Tired of taking your toothpaste or denture cream or Preparation H outside and placing them under your wheels as you back out? Try this handy "tube squeezer," only $3.98. Hours of fun.
Last but not least, the "knork." From the catalog: "The convenience of a fork and the function of a knife in one simple and safe utensil! Set of 2 durable, stainless-steel knorks feature a 4-pronged fork with a built-in knife on the side. Great for everyday use or for travel, and offers a safe alternative to knives for young children!" Hello? Does anyone foresee a trip to the ER on Christmas because Tiny Tim has speared his ham and then sliced his jaw???
On the other hand, it does provide a new name to call your brother when you're sitting at the Christmas dinner kid table: "You're a knork!" "No, you're a knork!" etc.