Monday, December 03, 2007

Average Day

What's your average day like?

Mine always starts with prayer. Not because I'm so spiritual but because in that half-in/half-out of consciousness state, I'm rattling off praises and concerns like a machine gun. If Rain Man prayed, it would sound like that.

Then I get up and go to the bathroom. I debate about getting on the scale. If I do step on the scale, I immediately make a face. Then I look in the mirror and wonder how I still have mascara smeared under my eyes, even though I took the makeup off with Mary Kay's stuff the night before. I ask myself, "Why like this?"

I turn off the air purifier which I use not to purify the air but to provide white noise, which I love to have when I sleep. My problem with my purifier is that when I lie in bed and change the TV channel, the air purifier on the other side of the bed reacts with the TV remote and goes off. So I have to hold the remote way down at the side of the bed to switch channels. It's a delicate balance of power.

So after I turn that off, I shuffle out the door to the next room on the left, the laundry room, where I change the dog's diaper. Yes, you read that right. Only the diaper isn't on the dog; it's on the floor. Some people call it a puppy pad or pee pad. They're not fooling me. It's a flattened out diaper. Then I put down a clean diaper. I give her new water and fill her food bowl if it's empty. She eats about 1/3 c. per day because she's so little. I wash my hands for the second time since I've gotten up, which is within five minutes.

If there's a clean load of laundry in the basket, I pick it up and haul it into the family room.

In the family room, I turn on the space heater and either start the coffee or sit with my forehead in my hands while Husband fixes my coffee. Sometimes I actually open the Bible.

I'll skip the shower and go on to my workday. If it's Monday, it smells like pizza from the night before. I turn on the computer and watch my 1,000 emails appear in my inbox. Mainly they go like this:

Received from: Bebo Esperanza. Subject: Vi+agra can make you big+ger than ever you dreams possible

I'll keep that in mind, Bebo. But you can remind me 600 times a day, if you feel like it.

Usually, I'm the first one in the office. I begin the process of tying up the loose ends of the night before.

I'm supposed to take some important papers to the main building each Monday morning. If I don't get them there by 9:30, I get a phone call asking where they are. It's cold out there, people. Today the treks across the parking lot were harsh. I had to pee going out and coming in.

Back at my desk, it feels like I have a cubicle in the Alps because it's so cold. I pull out the tiny space heater for the first time this fall.

I look at my daughter's picture and say a little prayer for her. She is cute.

Then it's back to tying up more loose ends. I also get the agenda ready for our staff meeting and do a bunch of fascinating routine stuff like request checks. This is called multi-tasking. Occasionally, the monotony gets broken up with a call like this:

Oneighty, this is Linda; may I help you?

Do you have a book by Hook?

Well, our bookstore is only open on the weekends, but I can take your name and number and find out if we have it. If we don't, we can order it for you.

Well, have you ever read it?

No, Ma'am, I haven't. But I'll be sure to have C. get back to you right away.

Well, you should read it. I heard them talking about it on Christian radio, and it's sooooo good.

I'm sure it is.

Well, if you don't have it, you should get it.

OK, well, I'll be sure to have C. get back with you.

And then I get to call the copier repair man because the copier hates us all and just goes comatose whenever it feels like it.

After the staff meeting, I have exactly one hour to do more tying up of loose ends and attendance tasks, but people from the other building call to ask me stuff. A volunteer called today to ask if his umbrella was there. My boss asked me to make a few calls before I meet with him personally.

Then I meet with him at 1:00 and discuss the registration system. I leave the office at 2:00 pm knowing I've gotten about 3 things done all day.

I go home and eat a bowl of my favorite cereal and then go pick up my girl and her friend. I drop off the friend, drop off my daughter and go to Hobby Lobby to buy some ornaments that are half off. I am the happiest I've been all day.

At home, I fix my girl a dish she has never had in her 15 years: Beef Manhattan. She says, "Mom, this is leftovers from yesterday piled on top of each other on a piece of bread." And I say, "Yes! Isn't it the best thing you've ever tasted?" She cracks up.

Then she says, "Zoe smells funny." I say, "You mean smells odd or smells like poop?" I'm hoping against hope that she will say "odd."


I take Zoe to the mud sink where she goes into nervous convulsions. There is indeed a dingleberry. Her hind end gets a bath.

Finally, I get to decorate my tree. I cannot get the ribbon to lay right. I email Susanne for help. She cracks me up with a funny story about her ribbon.

All the time I've been home, occasionally I go to the computer to see what you all are up to. That is the fun kind of multitasking.

Lastly, I get a call from my sweet Mom who is tellng me for the 400th time she's so proud of me for "the talk."

And so ends an average day in my life. What's your day like?


Vicki said...

I love your way with crack me up! My day isn't half as interesting as yours, though.


Becky said...

Hmmm, V*iagra, dingleberries and funny looking leftovers. Sounds like you are about normal to me.

I am glad you stopped by my blog today. You are right, Blogville is full of young mamas and older grandmamas. Good to meet another in between.

I enjoyed this post. You made me laugh. And I got a litte thankful for my quiet life where I do not deal with an office and a dingleberrie doggie. Hehehe.

Have a great week. Come again.

Susanne said...

I like this post. Now I know how your days go. But I will admit I'm totally envious of you getting off at 2 p.m. What a blessing that is. I'm afraid if I wrote my day out everyone would totally be snoring by the second paragraph.

Diane J. said...

Hi, Linda. ;o)

Thanks for the visit and comment on my blog. It's always nice to make new blog friends, especially Christian friends.

Yes, we are in the minority among the Mom Bloggers, aren't we? I'm 44 and my daughter is 20 with a 7 month old baby. Although there are quite a few older Moms and Grandmas who are blogging these days as well.

I thoroughly enjoyed my visit here and hope to get better acquainted. Hope your week is blessed. :o)



Bev Brandon said...

thank you so much for your sweet comment...My Savior Loves My Savior Lives...

you have such a sweetness about you...

Laura said...

You are hilarious - and I love how your days are full of prayer and humor. The two go hand in hand!

Robin said...

So funny! I have two yorkies and trust me, I know the word dingleberry! Right now one of my yorkies is going through weird phase and well, let's just say I'm getting a little weary of what I find in the laundry room each morning! Uggghhh!

Cyndy said...

My day is not quite so busy but just as full of the odd little things like dingleberries (although for me it's usually the errant hairball left in the middle of the hallway so that I can step on it with my bare feet first thing in the morning while I'm making my way to the coffee...oh so pleasant)and weird spam from Bebo...he does know a lot of people doesn't he?
I love your blog, it always makes me smile and I always have my second cup in hand!
Hugs, Cyndy

Sandra Evertson said...

I had to come visit you because that pup is so cute!
Lovely blog!
Happy Holidays!
Sandra Evertson

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

My days are far less interesting and involve many more diapers than yours! I am also so proud of you and the talk. Good work, sister!

Merrie said...

Life... yours tops the list of being able to enjoy every part...

Suzio said...

It sounds like your Average Day is a marvelous day full of love for life and your family. There's joy in the hum drum of daily activities. May God continue to bless you with satisfaction in his provision for you!

MamaToo said...

just happened upon your blog from TT, and your writing started my day out wonderfully! Thanks for a giggle - I'm sure I'll be back again.

mom huebert said...

That was an interesting glimpse into your life. Thanks!