Thursday Thirteen Top 13 Signs You’re Stressing Out/Over-doing Christmas
1. When you’re trapped in the Walmart baking aisle and cannot extricate yourself, you start whispering, “I’m really in Times Square … I’m really in Times Square ….”
2. You have so many ornaments and trinkets on display that you can’t dust, but you just pretend it’s snow.
3. When you’re worshipping in church, you sing like Bing Crosby.
4. You feel pressured to buy gifts for everyone, even tiny leather gloves for the gingerbread men that you baked.
5. You bought so many gifts you can use the receipts to wrap gifts.
6. You hung tiny Christmas lights on the crèche and put a “Baby’s First Christmas” Santa hat on the baby Jesus.
7. You bake so much that you just keep your oven mitts on. They can also double as driving gloves.
8. You Photoshopped cute, angelic kids’ faces over the tops of your urchins for the annual family Christmas photo. Image is everything.
9. You claim that the flour covering your kitchen and kids and the lint on your clothes and dandruff on your shoulders are all part of the fake snow decor.
10. You drag your kids kicking and screaming away from Santa only to discover upon buckling them in car seats that they are actually Santa’s mall elves.
11. You threaten to send your kids to Rudolph’s Isle of Misfits if they don’t straighten up.
12. You renamed your dog max and put reindeer antlers on him.
13. You’re smiling in your mug shot, because although you got arrested for brawling with another woman and knocking her to the ground in Macy’s, you got the last sparkly snowman suede shirt. Victory!