I don't know what my ethnic heritage is. I think my dad said something once about being Pennsylvania Dutch, but I think he just said that because he likes pie an awful lot. I only know I'm a A-murikin. Oh, and there is one other "people group" to which I belong: The Apple Woman Clan.
Many American women belong to the Pear Woman Clan, but not me. I believe my ample apple waistline points directly to the likelihood that I'm a direct descendent of the very first Apple Clan Woman, Elke Van Appelstreuselbakker of der Nederland, Indiana.
I'm speaking, of course, about where we women carry our fat, either around the apple-shaped middle or the pear-shaped hips and thighs.
So, which are you, an apple danish or pear tart?
Long before I ever had a child, even when I was in high school, I had a slight pooch in the front pocket, if you know what I mean. My best friend had a completely flat, or concave, tummy but had larger thighs and hips.
Now that I'm 45, the apple is engulfing me. I'm being swallowed by the apple that is me. It is working its way up to my upper arms and neck. Help.
Fortunately, one of my smarter middle-aged moves was to subscribe to Prevention Magazine, the Reader's Digest of health suggestions that has been a fixture in my mother's little blue wicker basket in her bathroom since Saturday Night Fever was the next big thing.
Guess what I learned from February's issue? There is supposedly a diet especially for my people.
It's called the "Mufa" (monounsaturated fatty acids) diet. Put simply, Mufas are good fat. (And that's another one of those odd sentences you can't believe you just said). Apparently, fat-bellies could use some more fat, but the good kind of fat--Phat fat. These smart fats are supposed to ward off chronic disease and help you lose around the middle section.
Now hold on to your fruit baskets, 'cause here are the 5 food groups of the Mufa Miracle:
1. Oils - canola, flaxseed, olive, peanut and pesto, safflower, sesame, soybean, sunflower, walnut. Serving = 1 T.
2. Nuts and seeds - (Oh happy day. Love these.) Macadamia, almonds, brazils, cashews, chunky natural peanut butter, sunflower seeds, pecans, pine nuts, walnuts, etc. Serving = 2 T.
3. Avocado - Serving = 1/4 c.
4. Olives - Black or green. Serving = 10 large.
Drum Roll, Please!
5. CHOCOLATE -
("Welll, You know you make me wanna (Shout!)
Kick my heels up and (Shout!)
Throw my hands up and (Shout!)
Throw my head back and (Shout!)
Come on now (Shout!)
Don't forget to say you will
Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah!")
Dark or semi-sweet chips, shavings or chunks. Serving size = 1/4 c.
You eat one serving of one of these at every meal. You'd have to read the research and see the before and after pics to fully appreciate the claims of this diet. But they say that even people who just start including these fats actually lose a little without exercise or strict dieting.
The Mufa diet is calling my name. So "Moof" over, lettuce and carrots, and "breng op het goede vet!" [Bring on the good fat!]