Monday, February 04, 2008

Old Happens

Old is happening all around me. I am a carrier of old. In fact, if you are under 40, you had best look away or you, too, might catch it. It creeps up on you over night. In one moment, you are a cute chick in 1996 wearing white hose with a red jumper, and the next thing you know, you're not. And even though in 2008 white hose is clearly "what not to wear," it looks pretty good to you at this point because you know you were probably at your peak in those white hose and red shoes. With a giant bow in your hair.

So here are some signs I noticed today that unequivocably state:

"I am old woman, hear me roar. Or was that just gas."

OK, this is a bag that I got some time ago at Bath and Body Works in one of their deals. It's a tote. But this is what I call my purse. Because I need lots of things with me, at all times. And, I also have a companion bag I drag everywhere in my car which contains about four books I'm working on at once. Nevermind that I rarely get to them. Let's just say that if I had been stranded on the LOST island, I could have added to Sawyer's library substantially.

Remember that purse meme that was popular last year when you dumped your purse's contents and bared your soul to the world on your blog? Well, always on the cutting edge even when I'm a year late, I present: my stash that will further prove my pending antiquity.

Here you will note bags within bags. I learnd to carry red bags within bags from my 82 year-old mother. She's says they're easier to see in the bigger bag. So I am now following in her footsteps, basically becoming her more and more daily. Now, the navy bag is my medicinal bag. It holds everything from Epi-pens to inhalers to Ibuprofen to allergy meds to eye drops and extra contacts .... Then there's the large red bag of makeup. The little red bag is the charge card purse. In addition, I have two combs, four or so pens, a copy of several pages from a book I'm leading a study on, hairspray, [usually I have a small can of Cling Free, too] loose change, dental floss, gum, a cellular phonical, checkbook, long striped bag for unmentionables, and yes, a grapefruit. Don't miss the small magazine there, which leads me to the next piece of evidence proving I'm old:

My new subscription to Prevention Magazine. No other comment needed. But it ain't over. Let's move on to the next evidence:

Hoarding paper products.

And here you can see the gifts I'm starting to receive. The joke is, of course, my last name is Crow. And apparently, I'm not just old, but "olde."

Here is the latest development. Or "unvelopment." My bones are leaving this earth, slowly but surely. Therefore, I am now chewing calcium chews, which are really thick, so when I chew them I feel like a cow. Calcium chews, people.

For your final consideration, I present "the jowl." Where this grew from, I do not know. All I know is, when I lean forward, my face somehow moves forward, too. When I am in a fitting room waiting on my daughters, I look in the mirror only to see my mom looking back at me. Don't get me wrong, my mom is lovely and looks about 15-20 years younger than she is. I am just not ready to be her ... yet. Nevertheless, the expression in that last picture says it all. It's happening. Whaddya gonna do. Rock on.


Kelly @ Love Well said...

I'm not 40 yet, so maybe I shouldn't be commenting here, but I think you look mah-velous, dah-link.

Besides, whatcha gonna do, you know? The way I see it, we're all blessed to have the chance to grow old. Every day is a gift -- even if it is another day to hoard paper products.

Julie said...

Since I am considered "over the hill", turning 50 this year, I have watched the skin on my thighs begin to sag. Have you experienced that? One day I saw them in the mirror and thought....."My legs are starting to look like my mother's". No one told me that would happen. THANK GOD for Capris!

Have a blessed day,

happybunny said...

This is so funny - just the other day I was looking in the mirror and looking back at me was my mum with as you say the jowls - When did they arrive ?. Was I asleep at the time. My mum 83 next month is marvellous for her age but I just dont feel ready for all this yet. I look at my teenage daughter and think it doesn't seem that long ago I could wear the height of fashion, do my make-up and see only myself in the mirror.
Hang on in there girl - I'm with you all the way...............

Kelli said...

My claim to fame?

I'm 43 and a card carrying member of AARP. Or at least their drug plan.

Thank you anonymous insurance assigner from Medicare. You sense of humor needs some adjusting.

Heth said...


You may be getting older, but you sure are getting funnier everyday. This post had me dying laughing.

Especially about the red jumper and the big bow. HAhahahahahaa!

What are you talking about, you are so young, except for the calcium chews.....

Susanne said...

Ah yes, rock on.

I think I've always been old because I don't ever remember wearing white hose with red shoes. ;v)

I noticed me turning into my mom when I was looking at a shirt in the store and thinking my mom would like this and then I went and tried it on for me. That's when it hit me that I was now on the cusp getting "older".

Lelia Chealey said...

I love how you look at life! You always make me laugh.
I'd be afraid of what I'd find in my big bag.
Have a great week!

Fiddledeedee (It Coulda' Been Worse) said...

Rock on, indeed.

The other day, I thought I heard the ice cream truck in our neighborhood playing, "The Old Grey Mare, She Ain't What She Use To Be."

Made me hate ice cream, all of a sudden.

You rock! And I mean it.

Anonymous said...

I'm 41 and I think there's a recall on my butt! The one I have recently started sagging and looking bad. I need to get me a new one. Is there a place I can return this butt and get a younger one? Oh, yeah, it's called plastic surgery and that's out of the question.

Calcium Chews, good idea! Better for you than Breves from Starbucks, which is where I get my calcium AND my less-than-pert rear end.

Kelley said...

You know, I am the third Kelley to comment on here, there must be something about that name... As for getting older, my grandpa always said "it's better than the alternative!" Thank goodness for a sense of humor. And BTW, you look great!


Susan said...

Oh my goodness....I am SO THERE FOR YOU! I don't have the "jowl thing"...but I have so many things that I am just watching change daily and I think "Yep, it's come." Ugh.

And yes ma' just need to "rock on"!

:-) Hugs,


Cyndy said...

Yeah, okay, I'm with you on the jowl thing, and I started using the make-up for the aging set a year or so ago after I noticed the other stuff caking in my laugh lines. AND I'M ONLY 42! The other thing that always gets me is humming along to "Everybody Wants To Rule the World" in the grocery store.
I also have a daily pill box, mine is pink and Husband's is blue. We load 'em up on Saturdays together.
Mercy...what will it be like in twenty years?
All this to say, I'm walking along right there with you sister...wait, hold on, I've got a run in my white stockings.

Kimberly said...

Oh Linda, your blog always makes me smile but today it made me laugh out loud! Because I am so with you. I too have a VERY LARGE purse plus another bag! But I have carried a large purse since I had my first child. I once got mugged and hit the guy with my purse, cutting his forehead. Later while giving my statement to the police, my husband who was trying to lighten the moment, asked if they were going to have to register my purse as a lethal weapon :-)

Merrie said...

oh do I understand - TOOO well! I'm glad they are saying that 50 is the "new 30". I'm almost to the "new 40"!
I should be used to it because all my life I have been told I look "just like your daddy"... that is nice, except who wants to look like a fat, baldheaded old man when they are a little girl - or even a young lady - or for that matter a 58 year old! (yes, he was fat and baldheaded before I was even born!)
Blessings as we age gracefully and enjoy all the added blessings of extra skin and wrinkles and spots and other things not mentionable!

Roxanne said...

I'm creeping up on 40, and I have far more white hair than my mother did at my age. Also chin hairs. Ah, well, we will own it all--including our grapefruit and magazines.

PJ said...

Oh dear. Can I stop laughing long enough to comment?? Maybe. Maybe not. I'm qualified to comment -- you'll find me on the log at "Bloggers over 50" Believe me, you look great!!

But the big bags (purses, I mean), I have them (purses!). And the bags inside: the medicine bag, the make-up bag, the "necessary" bag which includes a tape measure. (Ya just never know!), the "extra card" bag for all those membership cards (Like the 13th pair of white hose are free at 4 different places). BIL lives in LA, he gets me designer bags (well made look alikes!) So I have D & G, Dior, Be & D, Chloe, etc. AND...I have a rolling bag for my books, calendar, whatever project I'm working on. I call myself the Bag Lady Diva!

When you're past 50 you no longer talk about sags ANYWHERE!!! So...there I will not go!

:) BLessings.

Michelle said...

Hey Linda, My jowls look like a pit bulls.......

No worries chick (see, I am old too!), You are gorgeous!

Alana said...

You are beautiful!

I'm just a little worried, though, because I can relate all too well to this post and I just turned 33.

Do you feel better now??

Darlene R. said...

Old is already happening and I'm 32! I'm saggin' in places that just shouldn't be saggin'!

I found the purse meme kinda fun. I wasn't a blogger a year ago, so I might just do this tomorrow!

Brenda said...

On one hand, I'm not looking forward to growing older. But on the other hand, I see older couples together holding hands, and you can sense a peace about them. I'm kind of excited for that. And you're not that old yet!

Laura said...

Okay, first, I LOVE Prevention magazine. And the "old/olde" thing made me laugh out loud - you are too funny.


Praise and Coffee said...

You're the best!!!!!!!!
A companion bad, I love it!!

YOU are adorable!

Debbie said...

I am right there with you (past you technically) my friend. I have the chews, Cyndy's pill boxes, and I'm trying desperately to figure out when these crow's feet showed up. I know for a fact they weren't there a few years ago because my sister who is 5 years older was complaining about hers and wondering why I didn't have them.

Funny, funny post!

Sher :) said...

I WISH I looked as good as you!! But I can relate to seeing my mom in the mirror. :)
Thanks for stopping by and posting on my blog.

Chris said...

Oh I love this posting!! I too am getting the "jowls". I too hoard paper products! My purse and backpack...shameful.:-)

Thank you Linda for making me smile! When I smile, my jowls look less prominent. yay.

claudia said...

Hi Linda , Thanks for these morning giggles..I am still laughing after reading your posts.. The sesame street gang is so right on.. and this post on jowls... oh my how true.. I like to do that thing where you pull your face back and up with your hands and then look in the mirror.... Hmmmmm how do I look now? .. like when I was 35? ... Where's the scotchtape?.. Oh well, as written, it sure beats the alternative and I've earned every precious little sag and bag... HA! claudia