Wednesday, March 05, 2008


I know, I went all serious on you yesterday, and you said, "Whut?" when you saw I was all up into Oprah's Nowness. Never fear, it doesn't take me long to get back to the truly important issues in life. And so we move on to ...

Right off the bat, the biggest hit of the night for me: Ryan's striped shirt and jacket. I'm not joking! Most of the time, his wardrobe is just "a'ight, man. But this was the outfit to beat tonight--RyanSeacrest, Dawg, you did it, man!"

So who do you think is goin' home?

Luke Menard, that's who. Perhaps he will wake us up before he go-gos. Although I don't really want to hear it when he hits that HIGH again.

Someone loosed little David Archuleta from Paula's rear view mirror just in time for him to sing Phil Collins' "Another Day in Paradise." David (1 of 3 Davids) did show himself to be human, finally, by not having perfect pitch. There is one tick that is bothering me with little David, though: the tongue. Why does it come out all the time?

Next up was Danny Noriega. And here is where I'd like to give credit to Melanie of This Ain't New York for pointing out that we have both a "Noriega" and a "Castro" in this competition. Weird. Anyway, people do not like this kid. He is too "out there" in many ways for the Bible Belt. TMTH. What I notice about him, though, and to be fair, what I notice about a lot of the contestants, is the continual head bobbing in agreement with the judges whenever the judges are complimenting them. They don't nod as if to say, "Thank you, I acknowledge your kindness to me." They bob up and down enthusiastically as if to say, "I totally agree. I do have some of the best vocals in this competition. I WILL be back next week." STOP NODDING, everyone, especially you, Danny. I know; it's hard to be humble when you're great, but try.

David Hernandez gazed into our eyes again, and I found myself levitating with a hoop passing over me. He is imitating David Copperfield; I know he is! I loved how Randy kept saying, "You've got a big o' voice! A BIG o' voice!" We have a tire store here called "Big O Tires," and that was all I could think of: "Did he get his Big O' Vocal Cords at Big O' Tires?"

Michael Johns sang "Don't You Forget About Me," and for me, man, [sucks air through teeth and looks pained] it was forgettable. Sorry. He was one of my early favs, but now I'm just lukewarm. (Sorry, Luke Menard).

David Cook's whole performance was worth it just to hear Simon say he saw Lionel Ritchie at Whole Foods. That cracked me up so much. If I saw Lionel Ritchie in the grocery store, I would go up and sing,

"Hello--Is it beef you're looking for?
Tell me where to find the beef, 'cause I haven't got a clue--
There's someone coming over; I'm fixing us beef stew ...."

Anyway, I think David Cook did well on this rendition, but it's the first thing he's done that I've liked. Why does he sing with his eyes half shut? He tries so hard to look edgy, but he's got chubby cheeks. And I know whereof I speak concerning cheeks.

Jason Castro--Could he re-wind that story about how one of his dreds fell off at dinner? I was like, "Huh?" I mean, how could that happen? Do dreds get so dry they just snap off? Was it fake? I looked over at Jorge and said, "Can dreds just fall off like that?" and he said, "Well, that's just great, Linda, ask the bald husband about dreds!" I doubled over laughing.

Chikezie came out pretty strong again. The best part of this performance? Paula saying, "I've got two words for you, 'Bra' 'Vo.'" Priceless.

So now, it's up to the girls tonight. I hope Simon says something like he saw Celine Dion at the Klip-N-Curl. That would make me very happy.


Kelley at Aroma of Joy said...

Hey Linda,
I finally watched AI last night to see what all the fuss is about. Actually by the time I found the right channel it was half over but it was still quite entertaining. Unfortunately, I missed David A., who seems to be everyone's favorite. My favorite of what I did see was David Cook (maybe that is because he is from right across the State Line,in Blue Springs). I had real issues with the dreadlock man, for some reason he scares me. Anyway, I am glad I watched it and I have been told by my 15 year-old daughter NEVER to refer to it as AI again because I am not that cool. To which I had to inform her that I invented cool!!


Anonymous said...

Hello - is it beef you're looking for?

You funny joke lady!

I think David A will win, b/c Dawg, he's got teen idol written all over him. I never noticed his tongue., though.

Jason Castro is my dark horse for the guys. Your dreds comment....too funny! I was thinking the same thing too. I really like him.

David Cook was pretty good, although some of his mannerisms are a little bothersome. Not my style of music.

I want Danny Noriega gone, I couldn't stand Tainted Love, it was too edgy. And I grew up in the 80's and remember loving that song. I just can't stand to watch him strut....

I agree, Luke Menard will most likely be gone next.

Teri said...

You made several points that I couldn't agree more with! Although, I probably couldn't articulate them at a fraction of your wit! You make me laugh.

David A's tongue??? It is very bothersome.

I totally GET what you said about Danny and the head bobs. I ws thinking the SAME thing!

And please, your new rendition of Hello...I have four words for you HIL AR I OUS.


oh amanda said...

Linda your recaps are just 3000 times better than the show. I almost have tears in my eyes from laughing right now! Love it!

(and please, feel free to nod along!)

Amy Wyatt said...

You are cracking me up with your "Hello" song to Lionel Richie! I think Michael Johns could play Jim Morrison in a movie. And... I was surprised to find that David A is not absolutely perfect. We downloaded his version of Imagine from Itunes and it is truly wonderful though. Can't wait to hear your run down on the girls. I'm off to watch it on TiVo right now.
BTW... I have been concerned about Oprah for quite some time now. I won't mention what my thoughts are here for fear of getting a hundred emails from angry people, but maybe I'll let you in on it at She Speaks this summer. You might think I am crazy when I tell you... but you never know.

Big Mama said...

I'm with you. The Lionel Richie in Whole Foods thing cracked me up. And your song? Will stick with me for a long time.

Susanne said...

i decided i liked jason castro when on the idol site he listed for his personal goals in life: to be a loving father, a faithful husband and a servant of all. now i know that has nothing to do with how well he sings, but you gotta love a young fella with goals like that.

Kim said...

I'm jonesin' to go to a Whole Foods! Lionel Richie would just be icing on the cake. :)

I'm thinking that Luke will be one of the two guys to go, and I'm HOPING, PRAYING, PLEADING that Danny be the other.

I'm still a big fan of David A.'s, but also a Jason Castro fan. Actually, I think I like all the Davids. Not one fav. right now.

As for the girls, I know you haven't posted about it yet, but I'm okay with any two of the following to go home: Kady, Kristy Lee, or Syesha.

Melanie said...

I've started watching just so I can come here and understand all of your jokes! Really!

Ruthie said...

Paula needs to step aside and let you be one of the judges. You would be way more coherent, clever, and concise! Plus I find myself agreeing with you, and I can never tell if I agree with Paula or not, because I'm never sure what it is she's attempting to convey.

Simple Journeys said...

So, dawg....I say 'byb-bye' Luke. Loved the Whole Foods/Klip-n-curl thing! And that gaze of David Hernandez is probably not directed at us girls, but past customers: I'm not startin' rumors or nothin'--just keepin' it real, dawg.
And as long as I'm reporting:
And can we discuss Paula--what is she on?!?! And those poor contestants that have to stand ui there shuffling from foot to foot while the judges carry on with their little inside jokes--shape up, people!

Darlene R. said...

OH, I am soooo behind on the AI~ but SOMEBODY had to go to the Caribbean and soak up the sun and walk in the sand and swim in the ocean and then come back to beautiful Indiana and 5 inches of snow and ice. sigh.ktdpfw