Monday, April 07, 2008

Covet Much?

I need this outfit. Let me rephrase: I neeeeeed this outfit. I can see me wearing this at She Speaks with Spanx holding it all together and in. Sigh. Or rather, I can see me 15 years ago wearing this to She Speaks holding it all together with something which the evolution of me has now made extinct: muscle tone. Sigh.

O skinny model, you are so cute and young.

Your calves do not look like upside down bowling pins. Sigh.

You have no muffin top, and yet you are so cute someone should nickname you "Muffy" because, dang it, you are so cute. Sigh.

I can see that you are walking along a beautiful not-fake beach somewhere where there just happens to also be kitchen tile for you to stand on in your heels. Your silky smooth hair does not blow into your eyes, the sand not into your teeth, your heels do not sink.

Cruelest of all, your flapless arms are staying put. Sigh.

I think I shall have life-sized poster of you printed on thick poster board and strap you to the front of me so that we can go to She Speaks together. I will put a sticky nametag on you that bears my name. You just keep smiling and stepping. You will hail the cab; I will buy you your dinner, a whole mint or two.
We will take She Speaks by storm, and I will dedicate my next published work to you, my dear friend, Muffy Chadwickmodel.

18 comments:

A Stone Gatherer said...

What a hoot! You are a good way to unwind in the morning! Have fun at She Speaks! Forget the model, she doesn't eat anything anyway

Susanne said...

If there are any extras of those cardboard cutouts I need a model too.

I do love that outfit although I would probably kill myself in the heels high enough to make me look right in those kinds of pants.

Your upside down bowling pins almost made me spew my coffee onto the montitor in laughter. You really ought to have some kind of warning symbol on your posts! You are too funny.

Darlene R. said...

hahaha! You're so funny, Linda!
It stinks when things start heading south...and east and west! sigh...

Jenny said...

One of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Especially the not fake beach that happens to have kitchen tile to walk on... bahaha.

Oh, Muffy, I love you and I hate you.

Mocha with Linda said...

The upside down bowling pins made me laugh out loud.

Yep, she's cute and she's got a cute outfit.

But I daresay she's never experienced the delight of being a mom to sweet kiddos. And that is worth bowling pins anytime.

Melanie said...

Two mints? She'll have to go on a diet after the trip.

Linda Vujnov said...

And oh, when she turns 40 she will be writng the same post, on her blog, about a younger, cuter, her.

Carrie said...

Oooooooh yeah don't we all wish we looked like that. But you have to remember - she's been airbrushed. I bet she doesn't really look like that. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself.
God bless :)

Teri said...

Muffy needs to eat a bagel...I am sure she hasn't had one in a LOOOONG time!

She Speaks is lucky to have you. Ok, I don't believe in luck, but still...

Listen, try being vertically challenged with upside down bowling pin calves. Not pretty. Sort of like tree stumps with attached upside down bowling pins. It is just wrong.

Thank you though for making my morning a little brighter. You are RICH Linda. You have the humor thing down, but you also write some very compelling posts as well. I do SO enjoy you!

Ann said...

You're going to be great at She Speaks. Beautiful, charming, witty you. And I'm jealous of all the people that will get to meet you.

Don't beat yourself up over that silly model, just remember one very important word in the modeling business....PHOTOSHOP. There really is flab there, we just can't see it because of the magic of Photoshop. Yep.

Robin said...

I'm going to She Speaks too and I am in a PANIC about clothes and weight.
I totally relate. Sigh.

Debbie said...

The outfit is really cute - for you.... On me it would be like long pants that were expecting a flood. And of course my model "stick-on" would require leaving part of the beach to cover all the parts of me!
Hillarious post - and if you're actually stressing about what to wear at She Speaks - DON'T. You always look great.

Mommy, the Human Napkin said...

Muffy there looks like she could really use a cheeseburger. Every day for a week. Then maybe she'd look like a real person. I think real people are perfect the way they are. So what if I'm a little smooshy in places and my hair is turning grey? God loves me just like I am.

Ang baylis said...

Upside down bowling pins! I finally have a name for them! You are hilarious! I wish I could tell you I cannot relate... but unfortunately I can! Muffin tops and all! Thanks for making me laugh this afternoon! Now I better get to cooking dinner...
Love,
Angie xoxo

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

Your brilliant wit is back
You must be feeling better :)

Rhonda said...

Hi Linda

Thanks for stopping by. I like reading bloggers who have kids around the same ages as mine too.

I think I need to make friends someone like Muffy too. Do you think she has a sister??

Perhaps she can help me with my delusions of facing reality.

Jodi said...

LOL! You are too funny Linda. Upside down bowling pins.

The model needs to eat a sandwich & some chips.

Tina said...

love the bowling pin calves analogy...crack. me. up.