Wednesday, June 04, 2008

The Goals I'm Meeting and the Goals I'm Not and My Tattoo

How much writing for She Speaks have I accomplished today?

I revised one sentence.

Note that I didn't say I created one; I just revised one.

How much food have I eaten today?

5 lbs worth of fried chicken and 5 lbs worth of strawberry shortcake, and that's not counting all of the pretzel sauces I sampled at a shop called "All Sauced Up" or the cashew brittle or fudge I sampled. I bought the raspberry pretzel sauce. Two kinds. Just in case I want to open a jar and continue eating in my sleep.

Gatlinburg is not conducive to serious writing, but it is conducive to dreaming.

That is, I did dream last night that I finally got a syndication deal for my column, and I was very excited about that, until I realized that the deal was with my high school newspaper, The Sentinel. That was a little deflating. I can't even get a deal when I create my own universe in my dreams.

By the way, if I don't post in the next day or two, it's because I'm having trouble with the wireless. Apparently, Gatlinburg is not conducive to blogging, either.

I spent almost the entire day shopping down the main drag. There are lots of air brushing shops and wood-burning craft shops and what I like to call the "Fatten Yourself Up Before Your Conference" shops. Surprisingly, there are some adult-oriented shops here, too, with such names as "Sexy Stuf" with one "f," and my favorite, "La La Tina #1," which I'm seriously considering adopting as my new blogging name.

She Speaks Sisters, please note when you see me that a mere three weeks before the conference, I could actually fasten all of my clothes, including my shoes.

Oh, I bet you're wondering about the tat. Yep, I did it. I got a tiny hummingbird on my ankle. -- The henna variety. :) It will wear off before the conference. I did this just to freak out my 21 year-old daughter, who believed me for a few seconds, and that was pretty awesome. But then she said she knew that if it were real, I'd have a bandage or something. But for one, brief shining moment ....

The sad part is, even though it's temporary, I think it's the wildest thing I've ever done. And the worst part is that I'm such a wimp I had to ask the person, "Does this hurt?" and he said, "No, but I can make it hurt if you want me to." But that wasn't good enough. I had to ask, "Is anyone ever allergic to henna?" I'm surprised he didn't write "I am a NERD" on my ankle.

This is what Gatlinburg does to you, people. It strips you of your Internet, lures you with so much food that your brain itself seems to be deep-fried leaving you unable to write or do anything but spend money and eat more, and it makes you think you're Carly Smithson.

20 comments:

Teri said...

La La Lidna #1!

I am totally going all Carly...yep, soon and very soon there will be a tat on my little foot!

Gatlinburg sounds wonderful!

annie's eyes said...

Hmmm. A henna tattoo? I'm tellin' your mom. Seriously, sounds like heaven to me-fried chicken and fudge and the mountains! That's what vacations are for! Enjoy...Love, Annette

My ADHD Me said...

I never had a tatoo, then when I was FORTY YEARS OLD, I went to a Pampered Chef party at my sisters house. The party was a bit of a flop and just a few people came. When it was over, on a fluke, we both went and got tatoos. Mine is a small yin-yang on my ankle. I've never once regretted it....but it DID hurt!!
Mary
my adhd me
P.S. No more Pampered Chef parties for me!!

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

Oh, La La Tina #1, we are gonna have so much fun. Let's get really crazy and go get SHE DONE SPOKE tattooed on your butt the last day of the conference, yes? Lysa Terkhurst has one.

Susanne said...

Wow, I had no idea you were such a wild child, LInda! LOL. Did you belt out "Come together" after you got the tatoo? You're too funny. As is your tatoo guy. His reply cracked me right up. Apparently Gatlinburg also makes one very funny.

Barbie said...

Last year I got my first tat and that was probably the wildest thing I had ever done....till last Friday when I got my belly button pierced;-)Yep I am 38 and I work in the youth ministry lol

Linda said...

Y'all are fun-nee.

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Okay. I thought I was going to die when you said even though it's temporary you think it's the wildest thing you've done. Fun - E.

You're smarter than me because I don't even know what henna variety is. I thought there was just real ones and then the rub on kind that my neices LOVE. Maybe I'll google it.

Glad to hear you are relaxing and enjoying the sites. I'm jealous.

Mocha with Linda said...

Don't go all wild now - remember you are in the Bible Belt. (Although belts are optional with all that good Southern food! Have you had any grits yet? And something tells me you don't appreciate the abundance of sweet tea. . . .)

Sounds like instead of She Speaks it's gonna be She Groans.

And you better let up on the eating when it's getting close to the ride home - remember, what goes down must come up! :-)

Robin said...

I love the henna tat idea - that would totally freak my kids out if I did that!
Two short weeks is all that's left before She Speaks. I'm frantic about getting my writing ready - there has just been so many other things competing for my time lately! But I can't wait!

Roxanne said...

I think the henna tatooist (?) is funn?

"No, but I can make it hurt if you want me to."

Muddy said...

Gatlinburg really is a place all of it's own. Walking that main strip, you do wonder what kind of world you've stepped into.

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

Oh my - something tells me "She groans" might get repeated.

Carol said...

Gatlinburg and me are tight! I graduated from UT at Knoxville, so we went to Gatlinburg all the time. My husband and I love to count the couples with hands in each others back pockets as they walk down the strip. I love to get a coffee, a caramel apple, and cruise through the shops. You should get an airbrushed t-shirt that says "She Speaks Linda". You would be the envy of everyone there. ;)

As far as the proposal goes, I'm with you girlfriend. I am feverishly working on my as well. I haven't even started sample chapters yet if that makes you feel any better. I'm stuck on the competitive market analysis. Best wishes to you! :) Can't wait to meet you.

Miscellaneous From Missy said...

Ok, skip "happy writing." Go for "HAPPY EATING!!!"

hippochick said...

hi,
i,m just droppin from michelle's blog. i have a dragonfly tattoo on my right ankle. thereal thing. got it when i was 61, i love it. i tell everyone it's my way of thumbing my nose at old age.

since i'm a true coffee lover, i'll be back.

Amy B said...

Well, LA LA (your new nickname), the henna tattoo is definitely a great idea, fashion and safety. I mean, who would have thought? I might get one!

Have a great time at She Speaks. I wish I could be there with you!!

Amy

Susan said...

I love the henna tattoo! That's just fun, fun, fun!

:-) Susan

dcrmom said...

Linda, you are SO funny. Can't wait to meet you in a couple weeks!!

MoodyBlue said...

Come on Linda!! You were this close to joining us "inked" ones!!! LOL!