Sunday, August 31, 2008

That's Not the Way I Like It, Papa Don

Recently, I ordered a pizza from … “Papa Don’s.”

This is how it went down:

Pizza Dude: “Hello. Papa Don’s. [Garbledy garbledy gook-gook].”

Me: Not knowing what the teenager on the other end of the line just said but guessing it was something like, “May I help you,” I asked, “What are your specials today?”

Pizza Dude: “Hold on.”

Me: Blink, blink. “OK.” But I was already on hold before I actually uttered, “OK,” of course, so he didn’t really know if I wanted to hold or not; he just “holded” me before the second blink. I know this kid had on baggy jeans like this; I just know it.

And then I was sucked into the vortex of the “Very Enthusiastic Papa Don’s Recorded Announcer Man” loop ...

Background music: KC and the Sunshine Band, “That’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.”

Me: Eye roll

Announcer emerges loudly over “uh-huh, uh-huh:" “Right now! You can take advantage of our Adventure Trio! THREE medium pizzas! With THREE toppings! For just $21!” ~ Followed by crescendo of KC and the Band to commemorate that life-changing announcement.

Me: Wondering why three three-topping medium pizzas is “adventurous.” Even I, the biggest baby of all time, can stand a little more adventure than just three medium pizzas for a non-spectacular price. “Perhaps,” I thought, “The toppings are mystery toppings that the customer does not get to choose. Maybe the kid on the other end of the line gets to choose my toppings. Now that might be an adventure.”

Announcer: “Be sure to pick up your ‘The Mummy Returns’ gift card, which can be re-filled at your next stop at Papa Don's!”

Me: “Huh? I just want pizzas. No mummies. No mummified toppings. Why are you telling me about ‘The Mummy Returns?’”

Recording: Music. “Johnny B. Goode.”

Me: “This is ridiculous.”

Announcer: “Feeling adventurous? Why not try our Adventure Trio: THREE medium pizzas with THREE medium toppings at only $7 each!”

Me: “When is the dude ever gonna take my call?”

Announcer: “HEEEEY! Don’t forget you can always order Papa Don’s on line!”

Me: “HEEEEEY! Don’t forget you’re not the only pizza place in town! Take my order!”

Announcer: “Right now, with a special order from Papa Don’s, you can get $5 off tickets for ‘The Mummy Returns!’”

Me: “I hate mummies! I hate KC & the Sunshine Band! I hate Enthusiastic Recorded Announcer Men! Take my ord-- ….”

Pizza Dude: “OK, Lady, geez. Our special is a large pizza for $5.99.”

Me: “OK, sorry. I’ll take two. I’m feeling adventurous.”


Kim said...

Unable to sleep here on vacation... this was a great way to kick off the day! Oh, well except my laughing may have awaken my family! Thanks for the fun post... :)

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

You are totally cracking me up. I've also had my share of run-ins with the pizza-order guys.

But, I'm not believing that you are baggin' on KC. i mean, come on ... Shake, Shake, Shake Your Booty is a classic.:)

Mocha with Linda said...

I thought maybe since he didn't know the specials he put you on hold to listen to them! That's too funnt.

Been missing you. My mom's in the hospital again and it's been a wild week.

sara said...

This is why I make pizza at home!! :)

Smilingsal said...

This blog is just like KC & the Sunshine Band... “That’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.” LOL

Ballerina Girl said...

We always feel the need to stay on hold...that is what I don't get. I do it, too....
but why stay on hold....
ah, the telephone dilemmas we face ;)

nikkicrumpet said...

I'm glad you stopped by and visited my blog...I love following people home and seeing great new places to visit. This CRACKED ME UP! too funny. Hope ya have a glorious holiday weekend!

annie's eyes said...

There's a special school of training for pizza shops, I'm certain. But, I confess I have had the number to Pizza Hut memorized for years. Smiles, Annette

skoots1mom said...

i order papa don's almost every weekend for our youth group...welcome to my world!

i pray i will never have to work in a pizza place for a living.

have you seen the RETURN OF THE MUMMIES yet?! ha ha ... hey, maybe if you'd go see the movie, they'd give you a pizza coupon!!!

PJ said...

Too funny! Computer answered machines (or ads on hold) drive me batty! Loved this one!

I think my favorite fast food thing is when I carefully name everything I want: Extra large, original, extra cheese lotta chicken. And they say would you like original or crispy.

I say I'd like my extra large, orginal, extra cheese lotta chicken original.

Would you like cheese?

With my extra large, original, extra cheese lotta chicken, I'd like extra cheese please. ETC...

And to think, I probably taught the poor kid English. Hope I made him/her write a really long essay!!!

Charlotte said...

Thanks for visiting my blog and for the nice comments. You are the same age as my son. He was born in 1962. I have enjoyed my visit here at your blog. It's nice to see a blog that doesn't have the background from The Cutest Blogs on the Block. Of course I can't complain about that because I am using them on two of my blogs. Anyway, this is a lovely blog. I especially like your header. I thought the pizza story was hilarious. I can certainly identify with it.

Becky said...

That sounds just about right... dude. Actually THREE pizzas with THREE toppings each for $21 is a good deal. I'd go for it and just put some in the freezer for a rainy day.

P.S. My George is a Venti... 6' with whip cream, LOL!

Anonymous said...

Incredibly funny. I woke up from my Sunday nap and you made me laugh..Thank you


Susan said...

Oh the trials of the pizza order. It can be so frustrating, can't it? Hope things were well when they arrived.


Marina said...

yes BG, is right we always stay on hold don't know why and yes I end up singing there silly songs ") marina

jennifer said...

Lady, you are crackin' me up!

Edie said...

Wondering out loud:
1. Did the pizza arrive?
2. How long was the wait?
3. If sagging swimming trunks are acceptable in the Olympics, are sagging jeans acceptable for the pizza guy?

The world may never know.... :D
Thanks for the laughs!

Linda Vujnov said...

Hey, just giving you a shout out...Pizza Dude announcement was way wacky and funny at the same time. I hate pre-recorded messages.
We here in CA say "way" a lot.

Tabi said...

Yep, I am really glad I followed my gut with my kids needing glasses! My oldest daughter already is dyslexic so we definatly didn't need to add to her trouble! Bug's is the one that is so bad though and that's what floors me about the whole thing but he is really bad not just a little! How does an EYE dr. miss that! Just thankful that I asked another dr about it!

Chrysanthemama said...

Oh my goodness, that was funny! Was the pizza worth it? I can't wait to check out more of your blog. Thank you for a good morning laugh with my 1st cup of coffee!

LisaE said...

Wow! I am missing out! We live in the sticks in rural WA and just got pizza delivery available down our road about 2 years ago... I must try it out and give you my report! Thanks for the laugh!

LisaE said...

Wow! I feel like I'm missing out. We live in rural WA state and have only had pizza delivery out our road for about 2 years. I better try it out and give you my report!
Thanks for the laugh!

Pam from alertandorientedx4 said...

The last time I ordered from "Papa Don's" (And I do mean LAST time) there was a moth COOKED on our pizza. I wondered why none of the youth group was eating that pizza since they are normally like locusts. We took a picture for "proof" of our crispy little friend. Better ingredients--better pizza....

Dena @ Green Acres said...

You cracked me up with that. Although, I was with you all the way up until you said you hate KC & The Sunshine Band. That's just wrong. I was going to marry him...back in the day. LOL

Diane said...

I am SO behind, but SO glad I sifted back through the older posts. I laughed until I hurt. You "slew" me...already read that one too, but I'm going backwards. LOL