Thursday, September 25, 2008
What it Really Means Is ...
At the time of this posting, there are 39 days until the Presidential election. That means 39 more days of political jargon being flung at us by pundits with agendas all 24 hours of those 39 days, no matter how much the talking heads doth protest too much that they are bipartisan. Commentators and anchors are way more transparent than ghosts are. And scarier, too.
Listening to some banter the other day, I began to wonder what political buzz words and plain ol' jargon would mean if they were interpreted in the context of American momhood. You know, through the "soccer mom" lens. (No, not specifically Sarah Palin's lenses, but didn't that accidental cliche work well here??)
So here’s a list of political phrases [PD = political definition] followed by a translation into mom intpretations [MD = Mom definition].
PD: Nickname of McCain’s running mate when she played high school basketball.
MD: Nickname of toddler who is feasting on the flesh of his church nursery mates.
Cone of silence
PD: Denotes that a candidate has been secluded to make sure he/she doesn’t have extra time to process questions that her opponent will have to answer off the cuff.
MD: Area within six feet of teenager at dinner table.
PD: An unnecessary or wasteful project, sometimes done merely for appearances. Often refers to a government-funded project with no purpose other than political patronage.
MD: An unnecessary or wasteful project, sometimes done merely for appearances, such as preparing brussels sprouts for dinner or sending homemade cookies to a school party instead of Little Debbie plastic brownies.
PD: One side being deliberately vague on a policy so as to preserve their options. Also known as having it both ways.
MD: When Dad remains deliberately vague on a decision so as to avoid being the “bad cop” parent. Also known as self-preservation.
PD: Someone who supports both sides in a conflict in order to find out information.
MD: Highly intelligent mom of teenagers who supports both sides of siblings in conflict in order to find out information.
PD: An attempt by corporations to disguise their policies as environmentally friendly.
MD: Laundering knees of blue jeans and sweatshirt elbows after backyard football/soccer.
Reality Based Community
PD: The liberal counterpart to the "Faith Based Community.”
MD: The real-life counterpart to “Family Sitcoms.”
Trickle Down Economics
PD: Often used in a derogatory manner, the usual meaning is a misunderstanding of supply side economics, it is usually used to sarcastically refer to the concept that the rich will shower down riches on the poor if only they could get tax cuts.
PD: Asking people for their opinions on various matters, especially political leanings. Usually has a + or - 3% margin of error.
MD: Moms asking for kids’ input on various matters, especially the consequences of behavior infractions. Children should be advised that there is a + or – 3% chance of their receiving their preference.
PD: States voting Republican.
MD: State of Mom’s complexion when preschool son runs his hand up the mannequin’s leg in Macy’s.
PD: States voting Democratic
MD: The emotional state after giving birth, also known as post-partum depression.
PD: Referring to the previous administration [duh] which often carries the brunt of blame for current problems.
MD: Referring to the previous administration [grandparents], who often carry the brunt of blame for current parents’ poor parenting skills.
PD: Redefining boundary lines for voting purposes.
MD: Redefining sleeping arrangements/bedroom boundaries nightly according to each kid’s claim of being afraid, thirsty, wet or lonely.
PD: An emphatic prohibition of any sort, esp. the right of a President, governor, or other chief executive to reject bills passed by the legislature.
MD: “Read my lips: No, you will not now nor will you EVER drive to Daytona for spring break with your soccer team and the cheerleaders. Vee-toe."
PD: An exceptionally long speech, lasting for a day or days, or a series of such speeches to prevent the adoption of a measure generally against the will of the majority.
MD: A tactic used by teenagers to wear and tear down a parent who will not let the teenager attend an event that apparently "everybody else’s mom" is allowing their kids to attend.
PD: “Grand Old Party”
MD: Also “Grand Old Party” thrown when child finally goes on the “Grand Old Potty.”
PD: Gross National Product. GNP/capita is a measure of national income per person.
MD: Gross Nasal Product. GNP/capita is a measure of discharge that any one child produces in a 36-day marathon head cold.
PD: People so committed to a political cause or candidate that they senselessly ignore facts in conflict with their political viewpoint.
MD: Bottle-fed babies of Redneck moms.
PD: Limitation on the size and armament of the armed forces of a country
MD: Strategically placing younger siblings on the sofa between a teenager and his/her date.
Do you have any you'd like to add?
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