Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Metamora, Part 2. "Sauerkraut: The Broom of the Intestines"

Monday, I left off remarking that Jorge, aka the "Anti-Claus" maintained a great attitude throughout the night. In fact, all the husbands did.

Sometimes our husbands stood over an open fire warming their hands while we went in and out of shops. It was like a scene out of Dickens, except no one wore a top hat or said, "Please, sir, I want some more."

Although one guy, who is from a very small, rural community around here called "Modoc," has a strange sort of accent that his sweet wife calls, "Modoccian," so his accent could be likened to Cockney, I suppose.

Dark fell at the shockingly early hour of 5:00 pm (Hoosiers are still adjusting to this whole Daylight Savings thing) and suddenly, the place looked so much better, in the dark. Because it was harder to see. But the lights were pretty, and there were some horse-drawn carriages.

On the way home, we stopped at a restaurant/bar that one couple had eaten at many times as children and teenagers in a nearby town called "Oldenberg." This couple has nostalgic feelings about this place; the rest of us had creepy feelings about this place.

We were seated in a dark, paneled room with a suspended TV that had the classic "Rudolph" show on. Of course, we had the mandatory old people's conversation about how when we were little you had one chance per year to see these shows, and now kids can see them anytime they want. Spoiled brats.

Once we got that important gripe out of the way, we could fully take in the surroundings, like the wobbly white tables with little gold flecks in the Formica.

Or several pictures, in one room, mind you, of Jesus of the Sacred Heart, similar to this one, which everyone looked to my formerly-Catholic husband to interpret, which he did by saying, "It's a heart," because one person thought Jesus was holding an acorn.

The odd thing was (well, among many odd things) is that they also had a yellowed 8 x 10 of a local athletic team between the Jesus pictures. We could only speculate that the team represented the 12 Disciples.

It took an hour for our food to arrive, which was actually good because we had that full hour to notice all kinds of ambiance, like the dish towels that served as napkins, and the grizzled old dishwasher in a dirty apron clearing the table next to us, who definitely resembled the convict from Dickens' Great Expectations.

You might think an hour wait is excessive, but our young server assured us that all was being taken care of and after all, "You wouldn't want bloody chicken, would ya?"

Yes, she actually said that. You can imagine how funny that struck me, and even though I buried my face in my hands, I could not contain the "Bwa-ha-ha" outburst, which neither stoic Germans nor restaurant servers appreciate.

We also noticed this quaint little reminder of the German influence:

Our sauerkraut is raw, never heated or cooked as in "canned sauerkraut." The flavors of the cabbage are enhanced in a special German-made crock in which the sauerkraut is aged.

Friendly, beneficial bacteria ferment the cabbage to preserve it and give it a pleasant taste plus a rich content of vitamins and minerals.

Sauerkraut is one of the healthiest foods on earth. It is a great aid for digestion and making it a wonderful compliment (sic) to any meal. Vicar Sebastian Kneipp, known as the "Father of German Medicine," called sauerkraut the "Broom of the Intestines."

Oh, that Sebastian Kneipp, he sure had a way with words.

And if that description doesn't have you Jones'n for some fermented cabbage, I don't know what will.

We were so hungry by the time the food came, no one cared about blood or taste or friendly or nonfriendly bacteria; we just snarfed it down and headed home in the buzz-mobile.

And that concludes the Metamora report. Do you think I could get work as a travel writer?


Kim said...

OH my goodness you are SO funny! :) I love hearing about your (mis)adventures in Metamora...I love that place!! :)

And strangely enough, I know all about Modoc...since that tiny little community is where I went to school AGES ago! :)

Me, travel writer? I can barely keep up with my blog...no travel (or otherwise) writing for me! :)


Smilingsal said...

I do love sauerkraut, but I've never heard that definition. lol

I don't think I'd revisit that place again.

Melanie said...

This was worth the wait. So funny! Please do consider becoming a travel writer...why not just get your own show? I would be your faithful viewer!

Anonymous said...

Part 2 scared me. Was it Metamora or Twilight Zone?! You were very brave for eating the sauerkraut. Now click your heels together and repeat after me...there's no place like home, there's no place like home...there's no....

Chatty Kelly said...

I could have waited all night after the bloody chicken remark. Yes ma'am, I believe I've lost my appetite!

Debbie said...

Too funny. Loved the depiction of the husbands.

On a scary note - I think I might have eaten at that restaurant once.

Mocha with Linda said...

So between the intestinal broom and bloody chicken, how IS your intestinal tract?! LOL

Sure you can be a travel writer if you promise to come to TEXAS!!

Tammy said...

I would have snorted when they said about the bloody chicken!

Glad it was worth the wait, because I am not patient when it comes to waiting on food! ;-)

Susanne said...

And here I thought you made up "Broom of the Intestines". LOL. I will never eat sauerkrat again without thinking of you.

Cyndy said...

Seriously!??? She said that????


Melanie @ This Ain't New York said...

That broom of the intestines put me in the hospital Christmas Day- 3 years ago, dear Vicar.

It was neither friendly nor beneficial.

I could totally picture everything in this post from the Formica to the bloody chicken waitress. GREAT POST!

Sandra in Phx said...

Oh my goodness. That is seriously funny!

Greg C said...

LOL that was so funny. I have been to places like that where they serve your drink out of a mason jar because somehow that is supposed to be special. One place even has a hole in the middle of the table so that you can push your trash into your very own trash can. Well yours and the others who sat there before you. I like to look in and see what everyone else threw away. Gosh this is all making me hungry.

So did the kraut work? Was the doctor right? Sorry, I had to ask.

Susan said...

Wow...sounds so fun! I don't know about a travel writer...but I'm thinkin' Erma Bombeck may be channeling through you a bit! Seriously, I love visiting here cause I always leave with a smile on my face.

Big Hugs,


Patricia said...

Yep! You're definitely a travel writer. But what you really need is a TV show like Rachel Ray's where she went around finding the best places to eat on $40 a day. Your take on the local color is much more hysterical than hers...

Mel said...

all i can say is that was quite the adventure!!!

sara said...

Ii can not believe she actually said "bloody chicken"!!

I do love sauerkraut in any form and miss my polish neighbor in IN that occasionally brought me some from Chicago!!! yum!!

Brenda Susan said...

Wow, that totally sounds like a good place NOT to go back to! "Bloody chicken"! What a horrible thing to say! How many stars do you give that place? -5?

momstheword said...

I have to say that you got me with the friendly bacteria.....personally, I don't care to get to close to bacteria. Friendly or otherwise. But then, I'm not hungry, lol!

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

Travel writer, indeed.

I totally broke the silence in here with my lol! Especially at the acorn remark....!

We could have some interesting conversation; I was a Catholic until I was 22.

And do you mean after all these years, I'm just now learning that you have to cook chicken an HOUR to make it NOT bloody?? Who knew?

Edie said...

LOL!!! I would have been Bwa-ha-ha-ing right along with ya!

I am curious how the sauerkraut was. I've eaten in a little German restaurant like that before. Well kinda like that. A little family owned place and it did take a while for the food to make it to the table although no talk of blood was ever mentioned. Anyway, they had the best sauerkraut I have ever had, and everything else was exceptional as well. Kind of a German home cooked meal.

Funny post!

PJ said...

You could get work as a travel writer for the OPPOSING side. (As in DON'T GO THERE!) I definitely will think twice about the lovely red cabbage kraut that my favorite Dutch/Canadian German & French trained chef serves. The words of Sebastian Kneipp will ring in my ears. Kind of like "Ken Lee" does! Do you think someone could sing "Broom of the Intestines"?