Thursday, December 04, 2008

Thoughts at 3:00 AM About This Dress & Wowmart



I saw this dress in a People Magazine while waiting in line at Wowmart.

I am going to get to the dress in a minute, but first, just let me say this: I knew it was a bad idea, going to Wowmart in December, as bad as making a brand new recipe for the first time when company's coming over, or letting Katie Couric interview you. Going to Wowmart in December = "May I please have some more stress because I'm looking to add a few pounds, and stress eating is my number one strategy for getting my pants to fit just a leeettle bit tighter?" Insanity.

So, since I'm apparently all about maximizing one's personal stress, I went in and proceeded to hunt and gather our food for the week. Favorite awful moment: small child saying to his mother, "I'm going to blow your face off ... I'MJUSTKIDDING."

The second favorite moment, which was not awful but funny, was another little boy talking to his mom about a package of string cheese in their cart: "I'm going to eat all of this in one day!" Now there is a kid after my own heart. But I do hope his mom also picked up some Fiber One.

So while I waited in line I perused a People Magazine, an event reserved for traveling to Kazakhstan or waiting in line at Wowmart, which takes approximately the same amount of time, counting layovers, time changes and price checks.

Anyway. I came across this fashion "wowzer," and wondered what Madge had been smoking before wearing this in public.

Grass? Weed?

A few points about this dress:

1. Is it a cross between Peter Pan and Cavewoman of the Bear Clan?

2. Is this where "going green" is taking us?

3. Oscar the grouch is clearly having impure thoughts about Madonna. It's the dress of his dreams.






4. I think this dress is a little "ho hum." It's simply crying for better accessories to further the putting green motif, such as a hat fashioned after this :











5. One "plus" to this dress is that if normal women wore it, the many rolling hills and bumps underneath would just add realism.

6. Is it just me, or does that resemble a fungus growing along the bottom?

I know, I'm being snarky, and that's not pretty, either. I just don't get this dress. Maybe it's one of those styles that looked great on the hanger (or on the lawn) but then failed the person when worn.

Naaah. It's just bad. Bad to the roots!

42 comments:

Kim said...

You are so much more creative than I am at 3 a.m. The only thing I woulda seen is Santa's little elf. I'm really glad you're sharin' your insomniac funny with us. I'm usually just depressed at 3 a.m. because I'm not asleep YET or I can't get BACK to sleep. Although watching funny movies at 3 a.m. can heighten their humor to new levels. Even not funny movies have great humor at that hour.

Smilingsal said...

That dress doesn't even look good on the model.

Tabi said...

Ahhh, the comparison to Oscar the Grouch was great!! I am in agreement...did she not really look at herself before she actually left the house?!?!

Susan Storm Smith said...

When I first saw it I gasped that she would actually put something like that on--but then I thought, you know, breaking up, divorce sometimes makes our heads a bit out of whack. Madonna--getting real---is just demonstrating it.

Great post, I loved the reference to Oscar and the putting green! Wonderful

Dena @ Green Acres said...

I saw this same picture in People magazine. My first thought was "If going green in this way is right, then I definitely want to be wrong!" I don't do bugs and you just know they are going to be loving their new traveling home.

lmerie said...

LOL - Wowmart (which is nicer than my term for it) in December???? hehe

That dress is awful, but it accomplished its mission - it grabbed attention. But I doubt it intended to have such a great-funny-snarky post about it! Great way to start my day!

Ally said...

Yikes!! Green, yep I do not want to go there. You are just to funny!

Chatty Kelly said...

Maybe this is what Kermit meant when he said it's not easy being green??

Yuck. I'm with you, not flattering. So A-Rod's wife is laughing at this one. You think?

Emily said...

I wonder if it has to be mowed...fertilized? A dress as "attention-grabbing" as that surely needds some sort of maintenance?

a Tonggu Momma said...

Well done, Linda. Well done.

Melissa said...

What's sad is I just keep thinking, "I wish I had her legs." Until you get to the shoes, then that desire stops cold. They're pretty bad, too.

Shannon said...

Linda,
We just can't even hope to understand the significance or class of this statement. Madge is so far from us (or out there), kabalically speaking...LOL

Greg C said...

Not to mention it would be dangerous to wear that around a goat. I bet you get redbugs if you wear it. I think some fig leaf underware would be a nice accessory.

Mrs. Who said...

The dress is truly awful. But People magazine? I LOVE it. I have a subscription and my philsophy of life is that if it is not in People magazine? Never happened.

Debbie said...

I thought it was some sort of hula skirt gone bad.

missy said...

i'm pretty sure people could hire you for a snarky fashion review article...genius!

Angela said...

I have the same outfit, but I don't guess I'll be wearing it anytime soon. Thanks.

Melanie @ This Ain't New York said...

I think it looks a little like Easter grass.

Beverly said...

she is thinking with all her money she can def get away with bad outfits/fashion!

Pam Warden Art said...

She looks EXACTLY like Oscar! You hit the nail on the head :)
Pam

Susanne said...

I don't know what made me snort more coffee out of my nose: Oscar's thoughts or "Is this where going green is taking us?" Oh heaven help us I hope not! LOL.

You are entirely too funny at 3 a.m. I just give Oscar a run for his money in the grouchy department at that time.

Tina said...

seriously... NOW would be the ideal time for Stacy and Clinton to comment on your blog.

ew.

Was fun getting caught up here. You still crack me up.

I don't know if I'm going to do the "I see what you're saying" ... I stink at technology. :)

Mel said...

FORE!!!!

Wow at 3am i am never coherent and you are funny and coherent I am jealous!!!

Wowmart is a no-no in dec. I have actually banned myself from that store after one dec when my husband and I ran in to get lightbulbs and 3 hours later walked out with approx. $300 bucks in stuff...i knew then I had no ability to control myself in that store.

Melissa the Careful Wisher said...

I think it looks like one of those big rolls inside a car wash!

Mocha with Linda said...

Reminds me of this picture I saw a week or so back on Angela Hunt's blog.

My comment there fits this as well, a quote from a T-shirt my husband has: "I fought the lawn and the lawn one."

Angie Atkinson said...

WOW!! That is one outrageous dress. What was she thinking?? Maybe she had a contest going with Bjork on who could wear the worst dress. I'm not sure, but I think she may be catching up with the infamous bird dress. LOL. Thanks for the giggle!!

The Social Frog said...

Great post! To funny :)

Becoming Me said...

Too funny---it is a horrid dress, but I have to admit...I admire the confidence with which she wears it.

Rachel said...

SO so funny! I like your snark! :)

Laurie Ann said...

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying! What a dress! Keep the snark up on things like this. It's highly appropriate.

Nettie said...

You are NOT being snarky. I saw that dress while in the line at Wowmart as well (also wondering why in the heaven I would bring myself the misery of shopping there in December .. I digress - back to the dress) ... I was hoping that there would be some sort of explanation about it, as in perhaps little David was working on his new creative wonders and she couldn't refuse his pre-school art work ... alas, I just see her smiling face and wonder what I am missing.

I am new to blogging and glad yours is one of the first places I stopped by!!

RosyRose said...

That's great...I have to agree it looks like she missed costume party at Dennis Rodmans house...:)

JO said...

LOL! She could be Oscar's girlfriend! TOO FUNNY! :)

Joanna said...

Has ANYONE been able to figure that woman out?? I'm trying to think when she's actually dressed nice. At least she's finally wearing the bras under the clothes instead of on the outside.

I'm with ya on the skarky.

Smelling Coffee said...

I love your humorous posts!

And, a little Wowmart info for you: I went there on Tuesday morning around 8am, and it was empty of people, shelves were full, and if there were lines, they were short. The check out lady told me that of all times in the week - 8:00am on Tuesday morning is the very best time to come - because stock people call in sick after the weekends, and by Monday 3rd shift, everyone is working, and by Tuesday morning, the store is full for the week. Just in case you really wondererd. :-)

Anonymous said...

Not to mention the shoes....

Brenda Susan said...

Ugly! At least all she has to do is mow it if she wants to change the hem line!

Tammy said...

If I hadn't seen Madonna back in the 80's...I would SWEAR that she had been a dude in a previous point in time.

And isn't Oscar's theme song, "I love trash".

Fitting, dontcha thing?!

Linda said...

Add a little fertilizer to that dress and it becomes a floor length gown for the oscars...or grass for an Easter basket.

Money doesn't buy taste.

Angie said...

I think it's a good sign that you don't get it. Hillarious insights.

Tim and Vicky said...

Did you ever think the dress might be made of hemp and it used to be floor length and have sleeves? Just a thought. :)

Debbie said...

Great post - love the Oscar line. It made me think of a bad elf costume gone Goth... Shouldn't she have donned golf shoes and a bracelet made of tees for accessories?