Thursday, January 01, 2009

01.01.2009, Chuck Colson and Balto Bolt

Today ... is 2009. (Turn head, switch to camera 2.)

In other news: You know that Chuck Colson award I talked about yesterday?

Yeah, that one.

Several of you said, "I don't get it. Did I miss something?"

You would be those who are either 1)Logical, linear thinkers 2) New Readers Here.

At any rate, I did not check my skewed sense of humor, and I caused a big red question mark to form behind your eyes.

Against my better judgment (Because what joke, good or bad, ever gets better when explained?) I'm going to tell you why I chose this award as a joke. (Like a tour of my brain.)

First of all, I was hung over from the ISWYS party the day before, so I was sorta loopy. That condition set the stage, right there.

Secondly, I don't do awards (give or receive) very well, so this one comically (I thought) reinforced my award-reticence. Also, although I was completely ga-ga over the fact that you all did such a wonderful job on your vids, I didn't want anyone to think I was suddenly all about giving everyone a real award because that would be, well, dumb.

Thirdly, I Googled "award" or something like that, and Mr. Colson's award appeared, and it cracked me up for several reasons, although I know Mr. Colson is a person of stellar character at this point in his life. No joking aside, I know that the man is a noble man. Just his award cracked. me. up. And so, I knew I would have to use it somehow, some way, and the complete random association with ISWYS once again, cracked me up. And that is the story behind the Chuck Colson award, which you will probably see again from time to time in 2009 when the mood strikes. Because, just look at it; it rocks:

(I know Dave Barry would get this. I just know it.)

Still more News: My daughter and I went to see "Bolt" the other day, just the two of us, in a tiny theater that was sweltering, for some reason.

I still can't believe my 16 year-old went with me and no one else because on her list of "who I'd like to hang out with" choices, I think I rank somewhere just above Chuck Colson.

Maybe that's because I remind her constantly about how when she was little, she used to say, "Let's go to the 'movity theaty-er,'" which is the cutest thing ever. (Insert daughterly eyeroll.)

Or maybe it's because I can't keep the names of movies straight, as in I kept calling this movie "Balto" (1995) for three days straight before we went:

"Hey, Kristin, when are we going to see 'Balto'?" "It's 'BOLT', Mom."

"Kristin, what time does 'Balto' start?" "'BOLT' starts at 3:50, Mom."

"Kris-teenyweeny, which cineplex is 'Balto' at?" "Showplace 7 is where BOLT, BOLT, BOLT is showing, MOM."

Anyway, because it was so hot in the theater, I had to take off my Old Navy fleece vest that I got myself for Christmas for only $5. Upon returning home with the vest back on, Jorge informed me that I had a giant price tag hanging from my left armpit.

Hmmm. Perhaps this could be another clue in the mystery of why my kids don't want to hang out with me.

Have you seen "Bolt?" It was pretty cute, but we like dogs a lot. The movity was really clean, with the only questionable moment being when two dogs sniffed Bolt's "bo-bo," as we in our home sometimes call the nether regions.

There was no proselytizing for greenness or other politically correct statements, which is pretty refreshing. The only concern I had was near the ending where the girl, Penny, and Bolt are in a burning building, and instead of Bolt leaving her, he lies down beside her, showing undying, yet dying, loyalty. That was sweet, but it crossed my mind that very small children might see that scene and in spite of all we tell them infer that they should stay behind in a fire for something/someone they love, instead of getting out. Many a child has returned to a burning home to fetch a pet.

How do I know this?

Because I am a student of melodramatic 70s TV such as "ABC's After School Special;" that's how I know.

And although this gives the plot away, Balto Bolt and the girl do not die, which is a great ending for a kid's movie, by the way.

"Hey, we certainly can't have those cartoon heroes dying on us, can we, Linda?"

Linda: "No, we can't, Spencer," [chuckle, chuckle]

(This is news anchor banter.) (Turn head; cue camera three.) (Drop smile; cue serious face.)

Linda: "And now on to a more touching human interest story: When I was growing up, we used to eat cabbage every New Year's Day because it's supposed to bring you money; however, as far back into my family's history as I can remember, it mainly brought us gas."

Spencer: "That's unfortunate, Linda."

Linda: "Yes, and that was in the days before scented candles. But we never lost hope of obtaining cold, hard cash. No, we covered our noses with one hand and dove fearlessly into treacherous territory playing 'search the couch cushions,' all New Year's Day with the other hand, Spencer."

"Simpler times, Linda?."

"Ya, You betcha, Spencer. Made us stronger. In more ways than one."

"I'll bet."

[Simultaneous nodding AND shaking of heads to imply agreement and general disdain for today's families' lack of fetid New Year's traditions. Cue exit music.]

So do you have any special plans/traditions for New Year's Day?


Anonymous said...

On New Years Eve I make Holipshurs. They are actually cabbage rolls with saurkraut, potatoes, rice, onion and sausage. And you eat them with malted vinegar. And I'm not rich, but the gas might be on to something. Happy New Year!

Edie said...

Happy New Year back atcha girl! 12:55 am. ;)

Mel said...

why is it that our teens roll their eyes when we tell them adorable stories of themselves when they were younger?

Greg C said...

We are making a pork roast and the traditional southern, hoppin johns and collards. And speaking of gas, lets just not go there.

Robin Lambright said...

It's a southern thing, I have my blackeyed peas and greens waiting to be cooked for dinner tonight. The truly amazing thing is that this is probably the only time that blackeyed peas and greens will grace my table again until next new years day. But tradition is tradition and hey if it ain't broke don't fix it. Besides who am I to thwart the possibility of good fortune.
Bring on the peas, greens and extra cash I say!

PS: ISWRS was so much fun. I have never gotten 28 comment on a post ever. I so totally enjoyed it. What a great idea!!

sara said...

oh my word, you and the little guy in your head are hilarious!!! I stayed up way past my bed time and getting me to laugh this morning was a feat...but you did it!!!

Love the chuck colsen award and I want it!!! :)

Today we have an annual open house. our whole church is invited so we have usually around 100 ppl+ so up. I have already started the biggest pot of black eyed peas you have ever brings good luck!!!

Happy New Years friend!!!

annie's eyes said...

Hey there, Happy 2009! We're going to my sister's--which, if you only knew what this meal promises. The girl never cooks. I can't wait to see. I haven't gotten any calls yet though...hmmm. Hope she knows we're bringing the whole fam and a friend--just a little payback for all those other times she rounded up the homeless crowds and brought them to our house. I'm kidding. I know she'll do great and we'll all deal with the indigestion. Okay, love ya bunches, and can't wait to hear more about Chuck Colson and other creativity of your brain!

Mocha with Linda said...

Cabbage?! Nope, it's black-eyed peas down south. My dad insisted on them every year. I can't stand the things, so I don't eat them.

After last year, maybe I should!

Glad to see your 2009 is off to your trademark humorous start!

(And tell Kristin that was soooo cute what she used to call the movie when she was little!)

Kay said...

Just had to tell you I was reading your blog this morning in bed with my iTouch and about fell out of bed laughing. Happy New Year! :-D

Cathy Davis said...

I've seen Bolt, but not Balto and I thought it was adorable too! It was one of our movie dates my hubby & I have.

We eat greens and blackeyed peas for money and luck. Like you, the only thing I remember it really giving me is gas...and not the kind that will fuel a car!

Well, on that note, I guess I'll go because I'm just rambling.

Oh, last night, as the clock turned midnight, my husband gave me a kiss and said "Merry Christmas"...(Maybe he'd been drinking the champagne while I wasn't looking???)

Susanne said...

Did you know you have a talking head in your head? LOL. You are too hilarious when you are "loopy".

My dad always wanted my mom to make lentils because supposedly that made you rich. Yeah, we're still waiting the cold hard cash to come rolling in. Why is it it's always stuff like cabbage and lentils that makes one rich and never stuff like cheesecake?

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

OK. Guess I get the Chuck Colson thing, now. I guess.

Anyway, love "Bolt" and actually got teary-eyed in 2 parts. We're dog people too.

We do black-eyed peas and cabbage. They're cookin' right now.

No other plans. Just rest and do laundry.

Kim said...

No traditions to speak of, although now that we're in Argentina we might pick up a few :-)

ISWYS was way too much fun and to get an award on top of it is just icing on the cake. I proudly accept the Chuck Colson award! LOL

carol ~ i throw like a girl said...

Hey, Linda! Happy New Year! My 16 year old and I saw Bolt together. I loved it and so did she! Sorry I missed ISWYS. I am so behind on everything and even if I did video something, I still need College Son to post it for me. Things just did not align correctly for me this time. AND my laptop died today. Not that that has anything to do with ISWYS, but it gives you a glimpse of what the past week has been like around here!

Lots of love to you and the fam!

Melanie @ This Ain't New York said...

Dave would get this entire post. You crack me up!!

I got the Chuck Colson Award for a strange reason. I am on the Prison Fellowship email list and they sent an annoucement when Pres. Bush awarded him this award, which, by the way was created by Nixon- ironic, huh?

The Cabbage dialogue? CLASSIC LINDA!

Melanie @ This Ain't New York said...

Clarification- What I meant was that Chuck Colson actually got an award this year from Bush. Which makes it more funny than just the one on the Internet.

Oh, Linda. You know how I think...

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

I think with all the traditions we have for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I'm all traditioned-out by New Year's Day.

I made a huge sandwich using one of those big round sourdough loaves (I think they're called "boule?") Anyway, I cut the top off, pull the soft bread out leaving the sides and bottom, line it with spreadable cream cheese, and fill it with deli meats, cheeses and spicy mustard. Put the lid back on and slice it up! We're having 7-layer dip with that.

Weird, I know. But nobody in my family but me likes cabbage and black eyed peas. Lucky for us, I'm not superstitious. :-)

Get it? Lucky for us...ha!

Anyhoo, thanks for letting us crawl around in your head some today. :-D Happy 2009!

Carol said...

Okay, I get it now. Spencer gets the Chuck Colson award and Balto gets gas after Bolt eats cabbage.

Took me a while, but I figured it out. Yay, me.

Happy New Year, Linda!

Chatty Kelly said...

Okay, full disclosure, I still don't exactly get teh Chuck Colson Award humor, but the rest of your post was hysterical, so I'll just over look Chuckie.

New Year's Day is my dad's birthday (73 today) so our New Years always involve a visit to dad's house. :D

Phyllis@Aimless Conversation said...

The cabbage exchange was priceless. So funny. I have no traditions awt all for New Years, perhaps we should start some...

Debbie said...

I think we're going to start a tradition of watching a movity and eating your Tortilla Soup (I don't do cabbage - or black-eyed peas for that matter.) Hopefully there will be no gaseous reperucussions.

I'd love to tell you the eye rolls end when they get older but, if so, it must be after they're at least 30 since I still get them from all of mine!

My ADHD Me said...

You are SO funny!

(look other direction and move to camera 2)

We're taking down Christmas decorations today, Spencer.

AND...Good Night and Have a Pleasant Tomorrow...(shifting papers around while the theme music plays).

Beverly said...

I thought it was black eyed peas that bring you money? happy new year by the way!

Chatty Kelly said...

By the way, I've seen Balto and plan on seeing Bolt with my girls. Yesterday we saw the Tale of Despereaux (which I guess you could confuse with the tale of Desperado for fun...why don't you come to your senses, you've been out riding fences for so long.)

LOL!! Just cracking myself up.

Susan said...

Wow, Linda! You've been a busy lady! Our family sometimes has the black-eyed peas and sauerkraut thing...and I guess that is the cabbage thing, right? I hate both of I pretty much eat whatever leftovers there are in the fridge during that meal.

Hugs and Happy New Year!

:-) susan

Stonefox (otherwise known as Heidi) said...

Happy New Year! Sorry I missed the ISWYS...I missed it because of my stupid wart, but I'm gearing up for the next one!

Ang baylis said...

Happy New Year, Linda! Thank you SO much for your comment on my blog today! It meant more than you will ever know. You are such a great friend! Your blog makes me smile and I look forward to more fun in 2009!
Angie xoxo

Heather of the EO said...

I know we're pretty much strangers, but I do love you. Seriously, your humor is ridiculously lovely. I just looked over and watched MY dog lick the couch for awhile. Must be a snack there. Sorry, I digress. Fun post, that's what I'm trying to say.

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Heather at EO: Well, I do love to be loved by strangers. Wow does that sound weird.