Saturday, January 31, 2009

How to Impact Your Man this Super Bowl Weekend!

Did you know that there is a site called Bacon Today with an actual Bactionary defining all things bacon? Why do I suspect that this is not a "mommy blogger" site but a site built by men for men about a food group that probably makes every man's top ten list?

My co-worker forwarded this to me, and I thought I'd share it so that if you wanted to impact your husband this weekend (mainly his arteries and colon) you could get step by step directions right here.

Behold the dainty morsel called, "Bacon Explosion." You must see all of the pictures to appreciate this monster. I'd like to see the Barefoot Contessa try to top this creation!

You'll need:

A strong stomach
2 pounds thick cut bacon
2 pounds Italian sausage
1 jar of your favorite barbecue sauce
1 jar of your favorite barbecue rub


Step 1: Create a 5×5 bacon weave, making sure it's taut and square.

Step 2: Add barbecue seasoning to your weave.


Step 3: Layer 2 lbs. Italian sausage and on top of your bacon weave. (I simply can't say "your bacon weave" enough because it is so absurd.) Press the sausage to the outer edges of the bacon, creating a patty that is the same thickness all the way across.


Step 4: That little "added touch": Fry up some more bacon and layer it on the sausage patty which is on top of your bacon weave. Now pour some of your favorite sauce over the crunchy bacon.


Step 5: I'm quoting directly here because I can't improve on these directions:
Now comes the fun part. Very carefully separate the front edge of the sausage layer from the bacon weave and begin rolling backwards. You want to include all layers EXCEPT the bacon weave in your roll. Try and keep the sausage as tight as possible and be sure to release any air pockets that may have formed. Once the sausage is fully rolled up, pinch together the seams and ends to seal all of the bacon goodness inside.



Step 6: We ain't done:
Roll the sausage forward, completely wrapping it in the bacon weave. Make sure it sits with the seam facing downward to help keep it all sealed up. Sprinkle some seasoning on the outside of your bacon weave, and now this bad boy is ready for the smoker.

Cook your Bacon Explosion at 225 degrees in a constant cloud of hickory smoke until your Thermapen gives an internal temperature reading of 165 degrees. Normally, this will take about 1 hour for each inch of thickness, but that could vary depending on how well you maintain your fire and also how many times you open the smoker to take a peek. Mine took about 2.5 hours, which was right on target with its 2.5 inch diameter.






Now, if you wanted to add an authentic Hoosier touch to this, you would simply deep fry this meat log. Mmmmm.

If this dish doesn't impact your man, I don't know what will. What do you think your man would say to this?! Is he a pork lover?

43 comments:

skoots1mom said...

we're pork lovers here...and we're so gonna try it...
thankx!!

Brenda Susan said...

ugh! Seriously?

Renna said...

If I were to offer this up for my husband, he'd be rummaging through the desk to see if I'd taken out a large life insurance policy on him, 'cause talk about a heart-attack on a plate!

Becky said...

LOL.... I love My Love too much to make this for him. Impact my man!?! as in impacted arteries!!!

Ballerina Girl said...

not sure my man would like it...but it doesn't sound to bad for me :)
maybe I am the one needing to be impacted this weekend! it is MY Steelers going for their 6th ring!!!
(Can you tell how excited I am?)

Happy Superbowl, er, I mean, weekend ;)
BG

beckyjomama said...

My man would try a piece and would be fine with that. His Dad - ya know, the HEART PATIENT, would eat the entire thing in one sitting and wash it down with some taters and jalapenos and then wonder why he is waking up in the ER! Gotta love him!

Chatty Kelly said...

My husband would LOVE this. It made me feel alittle sickish just reading the directions. But I would give it a taste once it was cooked. I like bacon, but not a sausage fan. Maybe make it with ground beef like a meatloaf. I'd totally try that.

Pass the caesar salad. :-)

Robin @ Be Still and Know said...

I think this wonderful dish needs to be served up on a plate as you drive to the emergency room, but I know the hubby would love it!

Blessings
Robin

Dena said...

Being farmers, we lubs our pork. However, that being said...this looks totally disgusting to me. Maybe because I saw the name "Burnt Finger". eeewww!

I want to know how you eat it. Sliced? Put a hunk on a cracker? Or do you just pick up that bad boy and take a bite?

Kathryn Magendie said...

Angie (Gumbo Writer) would be laughing at me today coming by here on "Bacon Day" since I don't eat pork and am sorta a "flexitarian" -- laughing!

Love the look of your blog, but I really love the title - I just had my second cup of coffee!

sara said...

I can feel my arteries hardening even as I read this...yikes!!! But my husband would love it...too bad I don't have a smoker!!

R.L.Scovens said...

That is way too awful, I'm sorry!!LOL That's definitely a "killer Meal" right there!lol

Garden Girl said...

You can't make this on the FOREMAN GRILL where the fat runs out?
It looks fun to make, but to eat? Well, not so much.

Debbie said...

Does this recipe include an open heart surgeon or is that extra?

carol ~ i throw like a girl said...

Wow! That looks amazing! My husband has a friend whose wife is a vegan and they usually come to our Super Bowl party. I somehow always manage to offend her by accident. Like the first time I met her I gave her a hug while wearing my leather jacket. The look on her face said it all. If I served this, I'm sure she would never step foot in my house again. Thanks for posting it at Saturday Stirrings!!

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Dena, apparently you slice it, but the site did say you could put it between bread if you must. Gag.

Garden Girl said...

I just got your comment on my blog and feel as though I have been visited by the QUEEN.
Thanks for stopping by! Y'all come again!

Angie Ledbetter said...

My DH (Deer Hunter) would have to make one just for himself (yep, deep fried), and one for others to share. :)

Linda said...

Ah, the heart paddle special! I am not a fan of meat so this is hard for me to look at.

Men everywhere are probably saying "Linda understands me, she REALLY GETS ME!"

Alexia said...

Wow - That's like a week's worth of dinner's for us. LOL

Melanie @ This Ain't New York said...

I'm pretty sure this is included in the Economic Stimulus Package.

Jeanette said...

Oh my goodness, how does one get the grease off of one's hands when preparing this delicacy, not to mention one's innards. I do have to admit it looks awfully good, when we were younger this would have been the main dish at our Superbowl party, now we serve fruits, vegis and grilled chicken and ribs. How boring is that???

Kim said...

This sounds positively wicked good! My son built his own smoker this year and loves to use it, so I'm sending him the link :-)

Edwina at The Picket Fence said...

That sounds really great, I know my hubby would love it, now if I can just find the time (or take the time) to make it for him.

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Melanie, I think you're gonna need some stimulus after you eat this.

Lisa Laree said...

(forgive me, but I have to say this...)

'Impact' your man???

Um, isn't a side dish of prunes required here? I'm just sayin'.

Mel said...

Ok I saw this on Fox and Friends i think yesterday morning but don't remember...I am thinking it would be great for the Superbowl if you ate healthy the rest of the year!!!

the whole weaving of the bacon thing looks tough though.

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

I was getting ready to fry some bacon for my hubby's Saturday morning breakfast, but after looking at this, I am not sure I can stomach that task anymore.

You know that you are going to have to adopt Bacon Weave as one of your catch phrases now. :)

- Ok - hubby just walked in and looked at it and when I said, "Doesn't this look horrible?" he looked at it with a gleam in his eye and said, "What does it taste like?" Sure...never mind the fact that you need paddles to start your heart back up again.

Carol @SheLives said...

Ummm...yeah. That's a lot of meat.

Mocha with Linda said...

Send it to Capitol Hill. They like pork up there.

I can't even fathom making that. I love bacon. . .2 or 3 piecesat atime!

RissaRoo said...

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that that's not Kosher.

I bet it would taste good.

However to burn off the calories you'd consume from eating one ounce you'd probably have to run something like 2.5 marathons, and because I'm lazy (and also not yet talented at bacon-weaving) I think I'll pass. My hubby would love it, I'm sure. But the last thing we need right now is the Baconator 5000 sitting right there next to the Velveeta cheese dip! ;o)

Sara@i.Sass said...

First off, call the doctor, that is one emergancy waiting to happen. Second, who the heck has a "smoker" laying around the crockpot and fry daddy, blender and food processor?
Is it the "in" food gadget, or do I just live in the wrong state?
smoker, that makes me laugh.
I can't even look at the thing, it makes me want to be vegatarian! ;)

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

I really can't top the rest of the comments here. I will reiterate that my hubby would probably be delighted, but I would feel guilty for sending him to an early grave.

Blooough. That's the best spelling I can come up with.

jennifer said...

There are no words. wow.

Roxanne said...

I love sausage. I love bacon. But together? That's like the Chik Fil A chicken and egg biscuit. . .eating chicken with eggs is just so very wrong on so many levels.

The bacon weave though? That is enough to bring a tear to any man's eye.

Tammy said...

That is freakin' unbeWEAVEable.


*snort*

Is that site sponsored by some cardiology group, or maybe a cholesterol lowering drug???

Heather @ Not a DIY Life said...

Yep, I think my hubby would LOVE this! And your bacon weave may be absurd sounding, but it sure looked good!

Thanks for sharing!

MissMeliss said...

wow. no offense...but as a non-pork eater... YUCK YUCK YUCK!!!!! gives me the heebies just looking at it. lol

But...hope it works out for ya!! LOL

Melissa

Jodi said...

This post is SO funny because my best friend and I were talking about bacon this very morning and how much we love it. We even referenced that old commercial where the dog is going around the house looking for bacon and he's going "Bacon, bacon - BAKE EENNNN" and then says "What is say?? I can't read!!!" When he looked at the bag.

Do you remember that commercial?? LOL!

Carmen Gamble said...

Wow! It's kinda like suicide on a plate. Way to play with your food though...love the bacon weave!

Dawn said...

I could feel my arteries clogging as I read!

I'm thinking I'll be failing my man miserably on this one! Ha ha!

Blessings!

Jenny said...

Definately an artery clogger, but if you made it and cut it in portions for hamburgers it would be a great party food. Once a year of course;)

dh said...

They tried it on gma and said it was delicious, but I think I could only do a taste before I'd give up.