Friday, January 09, 2009

What I Haven't Done


Last night at one of our youth events, a co-volunteer made food for all of the workers to enjoy, since we arrive about dinnertime and many have not had time to eat after work. I am not one of those who hasn't had time to eat, and yet usually, I'm elbowing legitimately hungry people out of the way so I can git me some victuals.

But last night I had not partaken (why do churchy people use that word when no one else in the world does?) and so I was taken aback to hear my food-preparing co-volunteer mention that her chili was made with beer.

Suddenly, a big hole opened up in the earth and swallowed our church, and now I don't have to go to work tomorrow and create more mail-merges in Word that I would like to punch in the face.

But before we were swallowed up, I said, in a jovial way, "Beer? Really? I'm glad I didn't have any then, because I'm 46 and have never tasted beer, and now it's like this big record of nearly fifty years of no beer, so I feel like I just can't have any now or ... then I wouldn't have these awesome 'bragging rights.'"

She blinked big eyes at me like I had wounded her, and I quickly saw that I needed to further explain my list of "What I Haven't Done."

For the next two hours, she was totally captivated. Just kidding. But I did give her the list so that she would "get" my joke about myself (NOT about her beer, etc.).

My list is all about normal things that normal people have done which I haven't, not highly exciting things like big game hunting with Clark Gable, because most people haven't done that. At least nobody in my Girls' Group has, and let me tell you they have done a lot of things, especially in their lives B.C. (before Christ. You know what I mean.)

Back to me. Which, really, isn't everything?

So here is a partial list of common things I have never done, and which I cannot do at least until I'm 50:

1. Tasted beer or been drunk.
2. Gone to a drive-in theater.
3. Ridden a motorcycle.
4. Ice skated.
5. Skied. Skiid. Skid. The past tense of "ski."
6. Picked up anyone from the airport. Or a bar.
7. Been to Chicago (and we're not very far) or NYC.
8. Been to the Indy 500 (and we're even closer). Once I won tickets and gave them away.
9. Been in a physical fight, except with computers.
10. Played any kind of football.
11. Watched any part of Lord of the Bo-Rings.
12. Seen a comet or meteorite or whatever.
13. Eaten most shell fish. I still cannot get over people eating GIANT INSECTS!
14. Gone out of the house without some form of makeup on. Oh. There was that time when I was five, but I learned my lesson.
15. Bought a car or filed taxes. My husband has always done this.

I'm stopping there because, well, you're way too interested in this, and you're going to need some of that energy for the weekend when you're doing all kinds of fun stuff like eating shrimp.

Actually, my list is missing a few because I can't remember some of the best ones right now. But if I ever update my non-life, I'll let you know.

Or I may follow this list up with "weird things that I have done."

How 'bout you? Is there some common experience you have not had? And please. Don't try to show-up my Girls' Group by telling me you've done everything under the sun. Because they will just say they were doing that before you were born. And since most of them are older than I am, let's just say it's possible.

55 comments:

Danielsen5 said...

Wow, I will be up all night now thinking about this! LOL Off the top of my head the only thing I can thing of trying a ciggarette. Never once did it, to gross! I'm sure there is more, will keep you "posted" - LOL.

Blessings, Beth Ann

Brenda Susan said...

Ha! I never went to a movie theater until college.
Never tasted beer until last year & never went to a school dance, because that also was considered totaly sinful in my growing up family!
Freedom is lovely!

Nel said...

Enjoyed your post! It made me think of something. Me and a friend were teasing another friend because she had a list of things she had never done either. She had been raised in church and neither one of us had and it was still BC for both of us. I remember asking her what rock did she crawl out from under? And without skipping a beat she looked me in the eye and said the biggest rock there is...Jesus Christ! Talk about getting our attention, we were both speechless...and that is saying alot! That was one thing that stuck with me, and was always in the back of my mind, until several years later I too accepted Christ. I would be very proud of having a list of I never dids... By the way I love your blog. You always make me smile!

SanDe said...

Thought this would be too easy. How do you determine what you haven't done if you haven't been exposed to do it .... like a fish in water who doesn't know it's wet. hmmm. Must be late. Let's see.

~ never bungy jumped which isn't even on a list of want to's considering I get sick on the swing

~ never riden a Harley bike which I WILL do before I die. You know ... a bit of Top Gun with my man although we will be the senior citz version. Bizare visual right there.

~ never been overseas, unless flying to Tasmania counts. (maybe I better explain.... tass is a state of Australia but an island)

~ never been on a cruise ... may hold off on that one considering the swing thing

~ never been dead ...?

~ never made a complete fool of myself to an infinate cyberspace crowd ... oh hang on. Probably done that.

If someone wasn't haggling me for puter rights, I would have though of more but one connection to twelve people involves personal sacrifice so that will do for now

~

A Stone Gatherer said...

Very interesting! I love shrimp and lobster YUM YUM! To see a meterorite is so cool! 50 going to be a great year for you!!!

Mel said...

Ok all i can say is wow...i never thought about stuff i haven't done that others would normally do. Interesting list!!

Greg C said...

May I call you Saint Linda? Other than the girly things I have done everything on your list and then some. Most were all BC though. Lately I have been a good boy. :) Mostly.

Esthermay said...

So. . . basically, you’re telling us that your BUCKET LIST includes getting drunk, eating GiantInsects and picking up a stranger in a bar, leaving together on a motorcycle and heading to Chicago to watch Lord of the Bo-Rings at a Drive-In somewhere near Merriville, IN on the way to Chicago where you will then secure job with H&R Block so you can afford to buy a car and get back home – all while wearing NO make-up.

Cool. Far better than the original movie.

I’ve never run for public office. And I've never spent a night in jail. Why those come to mind: ?????? I watch too much FoxNews.

Rach@In His Hands said...

What, partake is not a part of everyone's everyday language?! :-) People must think I'm cRaZy when I use that word.

As for a list:
*I've never driven a stick shift car
*I've never needed a passport (so sad) until now...South Korea will be the first. Not bad!
*Never smoked a cigarette
*Never cooked a Thanksgiving turkey
*Never curled my eye lashes....too scared to

etc.

Have a great weekend!

sara said...

the whole beer thing brought up a memory for me. In our first church in ND many of the women prided themselves on the fact that alcohol had never passed their lips. This was a very conservative farming town. I don't think they ever thought about the "vanilla" they used...hmmmmm. Anyway, I was in charge of a WM luncheon and had gotten an airforce wife to cater the food. chicken salad and fr. onion soup. The sr. pastor's wife and I were chopping chicken, when we saw her pull out a CASE of beer and put in the pot for the French Onion Soup. Now we were serving 200, so it was a BIG pot. the sr. pastor's wife stood there cutting chicken saying "oh my, oh my, oh my" under her breath. Now if you're a cook, you know that the alcohol burns out of the beer when cooked and we were the only 3 that knew but I had to make the decision to dump the soup and start over (things always "get out" in a small community and I didn't want to get my husband fired from his first ministry)...we took the soup across the street to the salvation army!!! :)

Susan said...

That is an interesting list indeed. I don't like the taste of beer, so you are not missing anything. I don't know what I haven't done yet that is normal...
Have to think about it!

Susan D said...

That's some list! I have to admit, I've done a lot. Everything on your list except No. 8, but I'd rather go to NASCAR than INDY. I'm totally with you on No. 14. SanDe mentioned bungy jumping, overseas, and a cruise. I haven't done those things either. But I have been skiing in the Rockies, kayaking on the Pacific Ocean, camping on NYE, and scuba diving. None of those things compare to the adventure I'm having w/Jesus!

Debbie said...

Here's an idea. Maybe you and I can walk around together and tell people we are opposites! I think I had done most of those things on your list. That is too funny.

Pam from alertandorientedx4 said...

OK...I've gotta ask...because I'm just twisted that way....
#6: Never actually driven to an airport to pick up an arriving passenger? Like driven around and parked in the yellow zone designated for the pick up of arriving passengers? Or never gone to the airport and "picked up" a stranger..as in, "Hey, baby, fly here much?" LOL!

Mocha with Linda said...

Okay, I'm not interpreting these as things you are going to do when you turn 50. Just that you are almost 50 and still haven't done those. Oh, but then you said you couldn't do them at least until you're 50. So now I AM confused.

Scary how many of them I haven't done either. #1, 3, 6, 8, 9, 11 (it wsa on in the house, but I didn't really pay any attention to it), 12... Lobster is disgusting. I will eat shrimp though.

I've also never been in jail, gotten a tattoo, smoked a cigarette, tried any type of drugs, never even been to a bar or club, never owned a gun, never bounced a check.

And if you'd asked me 2 months ago, I could have said I'd never been in a cast. :-p

Roxanne Kristina said...

Hey girly,

Busy catching up on blogs after returing from fun family trip to FL. Missed you while I was gone. Hope all is well and your holidays wonderful.

Blessings,
R

Angela said...

I love your list! I have never watched Star Wars! What can I say, I hate space! Someone gave me the first Lord of the Rings movie and I tried to watch it but I immediatly fell into a coma. I will have fun trying to think of other things I've never done!

lmerie said...

I have never skied either . . . I have tasted beer- but hate it! I use to say I have never been drunk, but I took a swig of brandy, when making a bisque once- too see what it taste like and what the big deal was. No big deals. My eyes got glassy, so hubby says I was drunk. I did not dance on the table or pass out and did not have a hangover. So I feel b/c he says I did, I can't say "never drunk" so now I say, "I have never had a hangover"!! kind of dorky huh? but I was proud of my never drunk!

Any way - fun list! Oh, and I just sent you (email) the mystery pic missing from my post.

sara said...

yep, you missed the recipe!!

It's here: http://thebowyers.blogspot.com/2009/01/you-aski-deliver.html

Aunt LoLo said...

Wow..you make me feel positively exotic!

I've never...been an only child. Smoked a cigarette. Been drunk.

Gone skydiving?

That's all I can come up with! Sad.

Thanks for stopping by Bubba Bubbles!

Dawn said...

Never saw Casablanca - which seems to be a cultural oddity, but I do not really have a list such as yours. And I LOVE beer marianades especially on steak, never heard of it in chilli but that could be good. It sounds like your after 50 life may be pretty enjoyable.

Carol @SheLives said...

I've never mowed the yard and most certainly do not even intend to. Why mess up a perfectly good, life-long winning streak?

12-arrows said...

totally funny especially Lord of the bo-rings! I hear you on that. I loathe that movie and want to cringe and cry when my family wants to watch it! Perfect time for me when they drag it out. You are too funny.....and since I am 50 (UGH) now maybe I can do some of these things for you! LOL

RissaRoo said...

I've never gotten a speeding ticket, milked a cow or eaten escargot. Until I was 20 I'd never seen "It's a Wonderful Life", which everyone tells me is very weird.

I agree with you about eating mollusks! Sea bugs. Ick. Plus, some of those little critters are designed to "clean up the water" by sucking up scummy stuff and eating it...I can't get it out of my mind that eating them would be similar to pulling the filter out of my fish tank, squeezing a little butter and lemon on it and chowing down. *shudder* I freely admit to being weird, though!

Merrie said...

oh my! You have lead a sheltered life! I thought being a pk (preacher's kid), a pw (preacher's wife) a ps (preacher's sister), a pn (preacher's niece), and a pm(preacher's mom) had prevented me from ever doing anything.
Now, I feel like a totally wild reckless woman!
I have not had a tattoo or a body piercing (except ears and only one hole in each ear).

sheila said...

Well, I've done all those but #5. I'm afraid of heights, so I've never sky-dove (dived? lol...it's like you and the past tense of ski)

I'm also afraid of lows, lol, so I've never scuba dived/dove? lol. I guess I like stable ground!

I can't think of things though that most people do/have done that I haven't. How weird! now I have something to sit and think about today as I'm nursing my sore mouth! lol. p.s. nice to meet ya!

Susanne said...

LOL to Esthermay's comment. Too funny.

Things I've never done? Been to any kind of pro sports event, pulled an all nighter, met a movie star in real life, been arrested. LOL. I don't know. I'll have to think harder on this one.

Marsha said...

When you turn fifty, I will try to remember to send you some Louisiana Crawfish! They go well with ice cold beer!

Love your list but can't believe you haven't made it to Chicago. The Indy 500 I understand. I've been but never saw a race car make a full lap around the track. We were in high school, our band (Selma High School, now part of Wapahani) was invited to play on race day (so I've actually been on the track) but we stayed in the infield, mostly playing cards on the air-conditioned chartered buses. We had a blast. Unfortunately that is the year Eddie Sachs was killed... 1964? could that be right? Geez!

Kingdom Mama said...

This cracked me up! Since you can see a meteor completely by accident, try not to look up until you're 50!;)

Well, I'll be 30 soon, so I guess the "common experience" I haven't had is I've never smoked pot. But I don't think I'll start after 50:)

Deven said...

*I've never lived anyplace longer than 7 years. (Actually, I'm adding on to my record with every day here in Marion.)

*Never been water skiing

*Never had surgery (Is there any wood to knock on around here?)

Sitesx6 said...

Fun..this makes me think....
1. I have never jumped out of a plane (never will either).

2. I have never pole danced. (Well...I had to think of something)

3. I have never gone to bed without brushing my teeth..EVER. (gross)

4. I have never had my appendix out.

5. I have never had coffee. (seriously)

6. I have never eaten an anchovi. (is that how you spell that?)

7. I have never had Mountain Dew.

That is it for now...enough shocking info. for one day. :)

Faith said...

You MUST get over here to NYC...at least once in your lifetime. At least to visit Lady Liberty!!
I'm with ya on #11 and I never plan on watching them!
You'relucky you've never had to pick anyone up from the airport!!
Ok. I've never been to Chicago but I never really wanted to, so...
Never been to Disneyland/World.
Never seen the Grand Canyon although we want to.
NEver been drunk and I'm proud of it!

Terra said...

I have to admit my list is much shorter, not for any reason other than that I have done some things that are on your list! This was fun to read...might have to try to make my own list on a lazy blogger day!
Thanks
Terra

Dena said...

I am most shocked to find out you have never been to a drive-in theater! That was most of my high school weekend activities with my girlfriends. We were so sad when our local one closed down.

Honestly, I sadly don't have much of a list. Back in the day I did many things...including some I'm not so proud of. The three that do come to mind though are:

1. experimented with any form of illegal drugs
2. had anything waxed. OUCH!
3. gone ice skating

Rachel said...

I too have never tried beer and I've never smoked a cigarette or done any kind of drug. I've also never skiied but not for the lack of trying; I'm just too darn clumsy. Wow, I'm going to have to do my own "Not Done" list. :) Sounds like another carnival, Linda... :)

Laurie Ann said...

Oh, too funny! There are plenty of things I haven't done but when I stopped and tried to think of them I came up blank. So I'm pontificating as you read this.....okay. Through. Here's my list of "Well, I've never..."

1. flown (in an airplane - off Daddy's barn, yes.)
2. lived anywhere outside a 60 mile radius of where I grew up
3. tried sushi
4. chewed gum in church
5. liked cartoon movies, ever

Darlene R. said...

I have never ice-skated or skied, skiid or skid either!
I did have some girl push me off my bike once when I was, like, 9. Does that count as a physical fight? :)

Susan said...

Hmmmm...I'm going to have to think about this. I mean there are plenty of things I've never done that I "wouldn't" do anyway...but I'd like to think of some things that I "might" try if given the chance. Food for thought from one blogger who HATES beer...but loves it cooked in food...like beer bread and beer cheese soup and steamed hotdogs. YUM!

:-) Susan

annie's eyes said...

I love that you have a list you haven't done and it isn't the list of things you have to do before you die. This Bucket List is supposed to remain full. And there is satisfaction in it. I get that! I don't have much I haven't done that I don't plan to do some some day. Like Paul said, everything is permissible but not everything is profitable. Good blog fodder, too. Love, Annette

Edwina at The Picket Fence said...

Confession Time :)
Most of those things on your list i must admit, I did BC. And now that I am 'a little' over 50 I have a few things I still need to conquer such as
1. Getting up without the aid of a cane
2. Cooking a meal that everyone actually enjoys
3. Taking a long hot bubble bath without being interrupted
4. Staying in bed all day long
5. Staying in bed all day long with my 'favorite man' and etc...... :)

Chatty Kelly said...

I"ve never been to the moon. Other than that, let's just say I've lived a full & exciting life, and am saved by grace, thank you Jesus!

Jodie said...

Oh my gosh, Linda! You surprised me and a laugh jumped right out of me with the Lord of the Bo-Rings remark.

I mean, it's just like you to say something like that, but I never saw it coming. :) Thanks for the laugh! :)

Michelle said...

OMG LINDA! Life without shellfish???

I would never survive :)

Brenda Susan said...

Ha! You asked about my church background, initials were A/G. Now we are Non-Denominational.

Baba's Blog .. Babies Are Special said...

Hi Linda, I have not done some of the things you have listed ..But I do love seafood. fish and shrimp...

I have never .. been on a cruise ship, gone water rafting,learned how to knit or make a quilt.. I hope I do these things in my lifetime..

I have given you an award.. come claim it. Hugs, Baba

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

Well...I've done almost every one of these. :-) Wow, what a list! I think it's WAY more interesting that you've never done these as opposed to me posting this list on my blog and saying "I've done most of these!" :-)

#5 - cracked me UP
# 13 - ditto #5 (how's THAT for some "old school" terminology?)

I can think of A LOT of things I WISH I'd never done. I'm pretty sure you don't want that list.
:-)

Edie said...

I've never been snow skiing(sp?) but have water skiied (skeed):P.

Have never been in real snow. The few flakes we get here in this part of TX doesn't count for snow. And I was over 40 when I saw that.

Never been in a physical fight but have been way too close for comfort.

Hmmm something to think about anyway. I'm wondering how long it took you to come up with this list. :)

Edie said...

OH, duh, been married.

Becky said...

#12??? Really, never? Like a shooting star? Or as in Haleys type thingys?

marina said...

linda i have never been too NY too and would love to go some day when I don't know. marina

marina said...

ps. a really good post thanks for sharing, marina

Debbie said...

Seriously? Okay, first I have to say that I thought I had already commented and then forgot reading this and the comment since the other Debbie's comment could have been mine.

Now that I've determined that I haven't lost my mind...

Only matches are #5, #10, and a sort-of on #8. I haven't been to the race but I've been to Carborations Day and I've been to the Brickyard 400 - several times.

You're going to have lots to do once you're 50! ;)

Deven said...

PS - I totally didn't read this as you going to town after 50. Am I weird?

Linda said...

I've never, nor will I ever smoked. My parents were chain smokers and I picked up black lung from them.

I've never flown on an airplane. Also hoping I can dodge that bullet forever.

Never done drugs. Never had a tattoo.

Tightening the Corset Again said...

For me...
1. Never done any illegal drugs. Not ever.
2. Never cut grass
3. Never had a speeding ticket
4. Never seen any of the Lord of the Rings things... nor Star Trek...
5. Never snow skiied but have water skiied. Badly.

Great list. My dad has only had one drink in his whole life and he's 60. My mother didn't drive until she was 38. Her mother never drove. My great-great grandmother never rode in a car (even though they had been invented long before she died - she was afraid of them).

It's funny the things that we think are important... that aren't so much.

Love hugs and prayers!
heather