Conference, End of Day 2

Sitting here in a hotel room with three other women debriefing about today's sessions and about whether Airborne makes you gassy.

The consensus is yes, Airborne makes you gassy.

We attended some great general and breakout sessions today, but now I'm on information overload.

Highlight of the day: Frances Chan, author of Crazy Love. You should check him out.

Lowlight: standing on cement steps through many, many songs. Speakers who repeat phrases ad nauseum. Sessions running way too long.

But I'm not one to dwell on the negative.

I am, however, one to dwell on gas.

Because I'm reminded of it about every three minutes, as are my co-staff.

OK, it's 12:15 a.m. and I'm not asleep yet, which I think is illegal.

I'm signing off. I loved reading your comments, just don't have time to reply in hotel lobby.

So, Ta-ta, or Toot toot for now.

In Atlanta! Actually, Duluth

UPdate Thurs 7:13 am: I'm in Gwinnett Arena in Duluth. (Hello, Stalker, come get me, I know.) (Like I would have a stalker.) But you are not a stalker, so you could just come to the arena and look for me! I'm the one wearing khaki pants! You could have the arena people do a "Paging 2nd Cup Lid. Paging 2nd Cup Lid. Your bloggy buddy is here."

Just a quick note from the hotel lobby as I await the rest of my staff to meet here and head out to the first session of the conference.

I have to tell you all--this was the BEST flight I've ever had, which is a great SOO-PRISE! Thanks be to God!

And I was virtually worry-free. No nausea, no gripping fear that would've been embarrassing because I was seated right next to my boss. The first thing he did was hand me "the bag."

We ate at O'Charley's, which we do not have at home.

I've been listening to the reports on TV and have a tiny, tiny bit of fear about the arena and airports and all, but I do have sanitizer, which is scented like bubble gum, for the professional who has a wild side.

I was greeted with a long note from Jorge when I opened my suitcase, which was wonderful.

Life is good.

Thanks for praying!

Return to Hodophobia with Willy Wiener

Today I'm departing with my church staff for the Orange Conference in Duluth, GA. The last time I flew was in June to the She Speaks Conference, and I wrote this post to expose my intense fear of flying to the world, because apparently I cannot stand to maintain one shred of pride on this blog and had to blab about that weirdness, too. So I'm re-running it here because I think it's relevant and helpful to me (there IS something redeeming in the post) as I prepare to take to the skies today. But I would love your prayers. See ya in a few, and I have a couple of posts for you while I'm gone. PS: Airborne tastes awful.

I just found out that I am afflicted, in the truest sense of that word, with a particular type of anxiety called "hodophobia," [HOE-doe-phobia] which is the "fear of traveling." And Jorge is now so accepting of my condition that he is "lovingly" calling me "Ho-do" for short.

Anyway, do I need to remind you of what I'm doing June 19? Hint: It involves leaving my bedroom.

Hodophobia is different from Pteromerhanophobia, which is not "fear of pterodactyls" but is instead the fear of flying. The diffference is, we hodophobes do not like traveling in any sense.

I'm not in love with flying, mainly because of motion sickness, but that can be fixed with medication, and I promise you, it will be. It will be. (If my seat mate only knew, he would be thanking God right now, because when I flew to Phoenix, I threw up.) But a general fear of traveling, I'm not so sure about that.

I have not been posting in detail about my stress level over this conference because I could just see you going, "O-kaaaaay ...." and X-ing me out forever due to my irrational nuttiness. For instance, in airports, my ears start buzzing and my vision blurs so that I have trouble reading anything, including pertinent information, which is sort of crucial to traveling. I feel paralyzed and dependent on everyone around me to lead me. And I'm making this trip alone.

After returning from Gatlinburg yesterday, I dreamed of the conference all night long. All. Night. Long.

I dreamed I was hanging out the back of a plane, which was not comfortable. (There wasn't room for me.) I dreamed I made the pilot angry. I dreamed I had lied about attending a conference and was sneakily trying to attend two conferences at once (sort of like the Brady Bunch episode where Peter tried to keep a date with two girls.) I dreamed I missed a flight. In short, I dreamed every bad thing you could dream about traveling, because, have I mentioned?, I'm a hodophobe.

Early this morning, Jorge talked me down off the ledge and away from cancelling everything. Here's the deal: Once I get to Charlotte (Thurs. eve.) I have no way to get to the hotel. There is no shuttle that night like there will be for the conference proper. I thought I was going to have to take a taxi. I do not know how to do this. I could not imagine calling, hailing, paying, tipping ... Apparently, I also have taxiphobia, which is not a real name but should be for fear of taxis.

So I started doing research on hodophobia, and I came across a set of 5 minute news videos where two doctors spoke to a news anchor about anxiety. One of the doctor's names, and I am not making this up, is Willy Wiener, which, if you find this unbelievable and want to verify, go here. I did not find Willy Wiener to be that helpful, but I'm sure he is a wonderful man.

However, there is a site called Living with Anxiety that I found somewhat helpful. Here is a prayer I lifted from that site, which I hope is OK since I pointed you there:

Prayer for a Special Need Like Not Wanting to Take a Taxi (OK, I added that last part).

Lord Jesus, You have said, "Learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart." With confidence in Your loving heart which offers rest to weary souls, I come to You in this my time of special need. In Your unfailing love, read the prayer that is written on my heart, and grant the grace that I ask of You, in accordance with Your holy will. In Your name I pray. Amen.

Simple, but effective for me. When I am in an airport, I may not be able to even utter a prayer, but he can read the prayer that is written on my heart.

Later, I sat through the sermon, which was about living your life as an example to others, among other subtopics. Looking at me in my paralyzation, would anyone want to trust in the God I worship? I felt so ashamed that ultimately my fear revealed a lack of faith. If I believe (to cite one of many examples of God's power) that God parted the Red Sea, do I not believe he can get me from the Charlotte airport to Embassy Suites? Am I afraid He can't read a map? Speak southern? Find me if I get lost? Help me count money for a tip? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

God has worked out so many details for me to be able to do this conference--you wouldn't believe. I think I am supposed to go; I really do, but I think I'm under spiritual attack, too.

So I headed off to the grocery store. I turned on the radio only to hear Lysa TerKeurst speaking. I had to laugh. ["Ack! I can't get away from 'She Speaks!'"]

All through my grocery trip, I thought of the ordeal, turning it upside down and inside out, over and over. I started feeling so depressed and my self-esteem was plummeting.

When I got home, my husband stopped mowing the lawn to tell me that while I was gone, he arranged for a limo to pick me up at baggage and take me to the hotel. The driver will have a sign with my name on it, so there's no missing me. (I'll be the lady with kaleidescope eyes clutching her suitcase for dear life.) This company specializes in freaked out travelers. The fee and tip are paid in advance. If I cannot use the voucher offered by Proverbs 31 to get back to the airport, he will arrange a ride back. My husband loves me. My God loves me. I don't deserve the love or faithfulness of either, but there you have it.

In fact, I cannot explain people's general goodness toward me, except that God loves me through them. I am so humbled.

So now I've processed, to some degree, what has been eating at me for weeks and weeks and growing almost by the hour--I'm not kidding.

So do not X me out; God isn't through with me yet, as they say.

I can do this trip because with God (and the limo guy) all things are possible!

That's all the news from the land of Hodophobia.
Signed,
Hodophina

Phase 2 of the 30 x 5 Comes to a Close

We did it! Or not!

This is the end of Phase 2 of the 30 x 5.

Oh the challenges of bad weather, sick kids, spring sports, lack of motivation, birthday celebrations, etc., etc.

But realize this: if you managed to do this, not do it perfectly, per se, but still do this, you are AMAZING! For four weeks, you have been mindful of choices and have put effort into something you often think about but don't really act on: moving.

Those times that you pushed yourself when it was the last thing you felt like doing counted--counted big time!

Whether you lost pounds or not, you built muscle. You revved up metabolism. You filled your lungs fully. You disciplined yourself to push on. You exercised your heart-muscle. You stimulated endorphins. In short, you rocked!

If you did not complete it successfully but were torn between hits and misses, think about how much better off you are for the days that were hits than misses. DO NOT DWELL ON THE MISSES. That is an attack of negativity that is pointless and merely feeds your excuses not to get up again.

If I told you that I missed a few days, would you scold me? In the words of Boy George, "Would you really want to hurt me? Would you really want to make me cry?" I mean,would you tear me down, or would you point out the times that I worked at it when no one saw but me?

You would encourage me; I know you would. You would be, as Andy Bernard has so eloquently said, my traveling pants.

So let me be your traveling pants. Let us all be each other's traveling pantses.

It's biblical. Let me again refer to Paul who said, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up" (1 Thess. 5:11). And no, that isn't the only scripture I know; I also know Psalm 23 and Genesis 1:1.

So if you completed this Phase, here is your award:



Note that it has a red 2 on it, signifying you did Phase 2. You can just right click on this pic and save to your file then upload it.

If you did not do so well on the 30 x 5 but have a great sense of humor and would like a button, I have one for you, too:



I hope that you keep moving and focusing on what you're doing well. I will begin Phase 3 when I return from Atlanta next week (more on that tomorrow). But you can still continue moving until I officially start Phase 3 ... i.e. no excuses!

So now let's link up and talk about our experiences in Phase 2. Let's travel our pants until the cows come home.

What Every Mom Needs for Mother's Day: Spilt Milk

I'm so excited! Spilt Milk is a brand-spanking-new devotional for moms written by my very own blogging buddy, Linda Vujnov!

Linda's blog, titled the same as her book--What? I haven't mentioned the title yet? Oh, excuse me; it's

spilt milk.

As I was saying, Linda's blog, titled the same as her book, is one of my very favorite bloggers. Her posts are succinct, funny, wry and observant. Her topics are wide-ranging, which I appreciate because my blog is all over the place, too. We are kindred spirits AND kindred Lids.

Linda is a very genuine person who should not be living 2,000 miles away from me in a place where the temp only drops to a balmy 55 degrees at night because that is just wrong.

Anyway, she sent me her book,

spilt milk.

and the best news of all is that she sent me one to share with you!!!

As I said, Spilt Milk is a devotional, so you're not supposed to consume it in one sitting, but I got about half-way through and had to pop up and write this post because of my Spilt Milk fervor.

On second thought, I don't think "fervor" and "milk" should be used in the same sentence because that conjures up images of curdling. But I do love this book, and I want to share it with you. If you'd like to receive a copy before Mother's Day for yourself or your own mother, please leave a comment after this post, and I'll choose a winner on May 2 and send it right off to you so that you get it in time. The reason I cannot draw before that is that I'm getting ready to leave for a conference and cannot work my Random Integer Magik from afar. But I'll do my best to get it to you before Mother's Day.

From the cover:

Spilt Milk is an inspirational devotional filled with hilarious stories that will encourage any mom. This book is an outstanding source of real life wisdom that will lead even the busiest of moms into a closer relationship with Jesus Christ. — Rick Warren, Senior Pastor, Saddleback Church

Rick Warren? Who's that?

I guess he wrote a book or something. But he's no Clinton Kelly, of course.

Description:
Laughter lightens the heart and helps you discover grace in the moment In a mother’s land of milk and honey, the milk is often spilt and the honey is usually smeared all over the face of the baby in his high chair. Linda Vujnov has been there and knows exactly what it feels like. Between packing lunches, drying the dishes in the sink, returning emails, and making sure mascara is applied without smudges, Spilt Milk offers a delightful alternative for busy moms that will lighten your day and remind you that God’s grace is found in the most unlikely places. You’ll discover the ways God uses the everyday adventures of an imperfect woman to emphasize his grace.

Also: Linda Vujnov has been in the field of education for nearly twenty years. She served as the interim junior high pastor at Saddleback Church and as a volunteer in high school ministry. Linda currently serves on staff at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California where she coordinates launching new Saddleback campuses in and around Orange County and is a MOPS speaker. Linda is married and has four children.

They left out the detail that her rapper name is "L-Vuj." She can thank me for that.

Also, I would like to mention that she has posted great "I See What You're Saying" videos and has personally met John Stamos.

I don't know why she knows so many celebrities; probably because they heard she's a friend of mine and that I know Clinton Kelly. Yeah, that makes sense.

Please pop on over to congratulate L-Vuj because that's what we do in this blogging community, we " ... encourage one another and build each other up" as in 1 Thessalonians 5:11.

Linda, I am so proud to know you and share in your publishing success. May many moms be blessed as they receive encouragement from your insights as many times as I have! I rejoice and give God glory with you!

New Column

Please come read about God leading me out of some comfort zones lately, and share in the comments about how He is moving you in your life, too!

30 x 5 Update and Weekend Workout Video

Wow, the cherries post from yesterday sure struck a chord with you all. And bless your hearts, not a one of you mentioned the calories involved!

After all, I'm still trying to cut 100 per day. I mentioned before that if you want to make a rough estimate of 100 calories, cut out eating something about the size of your thumb. To that I say to myself, "Is that so?" Because there are days when I've got such a sugar craving I'd consider cutting off my thumb just so that I could "legally" eat a cookie or two.

Like Subway white chocolate chip-macadamia nut cookies. Oh.My.

Not that I know how good they are from recent experience. But the memory of them is deeply embedded in my brain like the sound of my mother's voice from inside her womb. They are the building blocks of my dietary DNA.

So how's the 30 x 5 going?

I'm hanging in there. At the beginning of week two in this phase, I was dragging hiney. One day I remember I got on the elliptical for 30 minutes, but it was probably worthless because it was like I had a separation of mind and body. I was not into it mentally. I just made my legs go up and down, without any iota of energy or intention. I probably could've had as good a workout by loading the dishwasher.

But I didn't quit; that's the important part, right?

So for the last couple of days, I've been really going at it with everything I've got.

For instance, I've been switching up the resistance and speed of my effort every 5 minutes of the 30 minutes. I think this is more challenging than simply extending my time to 45 minutes or longer, really.

So for the first 5, I'm on a slow, hard climb. Then, I dial it down and speed up to a bicycling pace. And so on.

And I have added another component which I posted pictures of on Wednesday, the exercise ball and weights.

It's true that there is no food or pill that speeds up metabolism, but building muscle speeds it up because muscle burns more calories than fat, and after you lift weights, you continue to burn calories at a higher rate for a while afterward. You don't do that with aerobic exercise so much.

Did I tell you I'm a PhD in Exercise Science? JK!

But my son is majoring in Exercise Sci. Frankly, I can't believe he's old enough to major in anything but Ninja Turtles, so isn't that cute?!

Anyway, that's what I'm up to as far as moving around.

We wind this up on the 28th, and I will have a Mr. Linky up for you to post about it, if you so wish. But go ahead and leave a comment today about how Phase two is going. Or not going. See: Lazy cat on the treadmill video.

And now I leave you with your weekend workout video. I think the point is to laugh until your sides hurt, which I do on a regular basis with my friends. Is this how I sound??

Why It's Good to Be a Grown Up

When I was little, my mother fed me canned fruit cocktail to keep me, a-hem, regular.

The overarching detail of that memory is the one or two beautiful halves of bright maraschino cherries hidden in the melange.

I yearned for those pretty cherries and would beg for them, and bless her heart, she would let me have them, and anyone else who wanted the fruit got stuck with the bald grapes and grainy pears.

I did like to drink the "juice" in my bowl afterward, probably all sugar water.

Anyway, the other day I was enjoying a newly re-discovered joy: cottage cheese with pineapple. Yum.

I was just mow-mowing away when it hit me, "Wouldn't this be good with cherries?"

A quick trip to the fridge proved fruitful, pardonnez ze pun.

So I added a couple of cherries and got so happy.

I'm a simple girl.

Then I had another thought: "I want more cherries."

"No," I told myself. "Get control of yourself, woman. You only get two cherries, and you know it."

But then I back-talked myself, "Who made that rule? Mortimer Dole?"

And so ... I ate a lot of cherries.

And I loved it.

So here is reason 27 of "Why It's Good to Be a Grown Up": You get all the cherries you want.

Wordless Wednesday on Thrusday: Fetch?

Dance Dilemma & 30 x 5 Update

So how is Phase 2 coming along? I'm still plodding along on the elliptical, just waiting for Spring to show up, like a baby that's four weeks overdue. I want to be outside! Rain, rain, rain. It's time for an environmental C-section.

Challenges, challenges:

How's the approximate 100 cal deficit going? I'll be frank with you: I'm stinking at this, but I'm not giving up. For instance, the good news: today at Red Lobster I had only one Cheddar Bay Biscuit. The bad news: each biscuit is 160 calories, so if I had not had even one, I would have been truly better off. There is no nutritional value in one of those biscuits, just taste bud-heaven value.

Tomorrow, the entire church staff is taking all of the ministry assistants out to lunch for Secretaries' Day. I think we're going to Chilis. I'm going to have the Guiltless Buffalo Chicken Sandwich for 386 calories, Alex, but what shall I have on the side?? Steamed vegetables, yes? Good choice, as long as they're not smothered in butter or oil when they come out.

One tip I'll share: when I'm trying not to snack, sometimes I suck on a Halls Eucalyptus cough drop thingy because it's so strong, I don't want to eat eucalyptus-flavored snacks. You're welcome.

So keep at it, and if you haven't seen Greg's workout videos, you should go cheer him on. Go Blue Team! (Blue = Boy)

Dance Dilemma













I have a daughter enrolled in a dance class which is getting ready to compete after a whole school year of rehearsing one, single, solitary dance. I just saw the dress rehearsal and am uncomfortable with the costumes and some of the dance moves.

Just look at those pics. We always chuckle at the first one, calling it her "no neck" picture, although we think it's adorable. And then there are last year's pics, which are OK, just "dark." But at least big, baggy sweatshirts are modest. And at least the black thing on her face isn't a "666." (I'm always so able to see the positives in life.)

Oh moms of little girls, look away. No, you should probably looky here. For many of you, this is what's known in literary circles as "foreshadowing." Because you, too, may end up with little dancing girls who turn into bigger dancing girls, and you may find yourself fighting the contemporary culture, the secular world view, and you, like me, may feel like a middle aged catfish trying to keep your little catfish out of the koi pond at Hugh Heffner's estate. I have no idea where that image came from, except maybe from the same place that brought us "environmental C-Section."

You're probably thinking that the teenaged girl and I are nose to nose in disagreement over this conservative discomfort, but you would be wrong. We are actually thinking along the same lines, but I, of course, am more conservative than she is because at 16, she doesn't feel the need to protect herself, but I, the MOTHER, do feel the need to protect her and teach her not to ignore the discomfort, which is serving as a moral compass. You could say I "feel the need to heed" the Voice in me saying, "Uh, what is wrong with this picture?" But I don't want to be seen as that one dance mom who goes ballistic when she doesn't like something.

The dilemma, then, is how to handle this situation that completely frustrates me at the studio with grace and tact. I'll let you know how it all works out. (When I have the party where I burn the costume.)

Weekend Wonkiness: Song Lyrics Which Have Always Stumped Me

One of the best things about the Internet is the ability to have the mysteries of life solved in like 15 seconds flat.

Case in point: Bruce Springsteen's "Blinded by the Light," as recorded by Manfred Mann's Earth Band with the infamous lyric, "revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night," which I, along with many others assumed was "wrapped up like a douche, another roller in the night." I thought that line was code for something mysteriously dirty when I was a teenager, and here it was a reference to a deuce coup, a la Beach Boys' subject matter.

And we've all wondered about Steve Miller's "Pompetus" or "Prophetess" of love.

One of my favorites that I've sung incorrectly for years went like this:

Jojo was a man who thought he was a woman
But he knew it wouldn't pass.
Jojo left his home in Tucson, Arizona
La la la lalala la.

While the actual lyrics, of course are:

Jojo was a man who thought he was a loner
But he knew it wouldn't last.
Jojo left his home in Tucson, Arizona
For some California grass.

I don't know about you, but I'm partial to "La la la lalala la" rather than "For some California grass." McCartney is so cliche here.

I have never been a big Beatles fan, but I do like to yell "Get back, Loretta!" from time to time from this song, which for me is just a variation on Stacy London's, "Shut up!"

Are there any lyrics that you can't figure out or recently solved?

The other day, I had a disturbing revelation, all on my own without any help from the Internet, about Paul Simon's "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard." I remember singing that song at the top of my lungs when I was kid, not having a clue about "what the mama saw, it was against the law."

But the other day, the proverbial light bulb flickered in my brain, and I had a whole mental image. Yikes. So then I went to Google to see if I was right.

Oh, I think I was. But there are also 3,000 other theories out there.

People have a lot of time on their hands, even when it's not the weekend.

So how about you? Any lyrical confusion?

The One Where the Old Guy Rams His Bicycle Into My Car

Every day, an elderly man, sorta like this guy here, rides his bicycle around our church's campus.

Round and round in a big circle he goes, like the kid named Adam Farmer in Robert Cormier's I Am the Cheese.

Our "Adam" is kind of a grumpy dude who doesn't really like it when cars enter or leave the lot. Because you know, it's his track. He has been known to throw staff an unkind word and unsympathetic look when we dare to leave for lunch or go home.

Perhaps he thinks we should join him.

Anyway, today, he came staggering into my office saying, "Who has the green Camaro?"

And that's when I crawled under my desk because I thought I had left it in gear and that it had rolled over the man who was barely alive to tell about it.

But no, he said, "I just hit your car."

Come again?

He said, "I don't know what happened. I guess I was just so caught up in the moment that I didn't see it until I was right-up on it."

So it tore the cover on the front, aka "Le Bra," but I think no real damage was done. Except maybe to Adam Farmer, who said, "And I hit my artificial knee."

Uh-oh.

So I had to fill out an accident report because ... a man ran his bike into my car. Which was sitting in plain view in a parking lot with nothing else around it for yards and yards.

How odd.

I should be more upset, but how could I be when I know this is exactly the kind of thing I do as a normal course in life?

Perhaps "Adam" is my soul mate, and fate had him ram my car, like a sucker punch of love.

Nah. I still like Jorge the Jabanero. But he'd better watch his back. The vultures are circling.

Questions About Blogging

I just saw that I have written 1,076 posts on this blog.

I guess you could say I love words.

In elementary school, when we would have free time inside instead of outdoor recess due to rain or snow (a good possibility from October to April, btw) I would head to the back of the classroom where my teacher kept stacks of brownish recycled paper with the solid and broken lines on a fly-infested cement windowsill. I would grab a couple of pages and begin writing a novella at my desk while the spiritless peons around me "played," oblivious to the creative genius in two pony tails just rows away.

Apparently, I still love to write because it's difficult for me to skip a day here. I would probably just keep on writing and writing right now, even if you clicked away and didn't come back for five years. If you came back in 2014, I'd probably be blogging about 30 x 5, Phase 72 and how I keep watching American Idol despite it being the worst season ever.

So here's a stolen meme about blogging. Trying to find its source of origin would have led me down a path of links that I'd still be on in 2014, so I'm just plain ol' stealing it.

1. What is your blog about?

Good question! Every bit of advice I read about successful blogging includes the admonition to make your blog about something. "Find a unifying theme." "Be an expert or at least an aficionado." This is also the main problem when I talk to editors about publishing a book. They like what I write, but I don't have a snazzy theme, like, "Teenagers. Aren't They a Hoot."

But my blogging style reminds me of a dog on walk; I'm distracted by every different smell, sight and sound along the path. And off the path. So much is amusing!

I see something on TV or in World Magazine and think, "I've got to blog about that," or my kids say something funky or I have a day when my finger gets caught in the wheel of the paper cutter at work and I break the toilet there as well, and I think, "Yep, that's a post." It's all good. No, literally--it's all good!

2. What will you never write about?

• Something that someone asks me not to write about
• Details about my job, which often kills me because that is one rich topic; believe me.
  
• Details about my marriage
  

3. Have you ever considered quitting blogging?

Yes, when I feel overwhelmed with the pressure to post daily or comment as much as I'd like elsewhere. I just don't have enough time. And time seems to be speeding up exponentially. It's a little freaky.

4. What would you do instead?

I used to write long hand, especially when I went through depression, page after page. Then I started keeping an online journal, just a Word doc. It's possible that if I didn't spend so much time blogging I might submit for publication more. It's also possible that I would be the queen of crosswords because I LOVE solving them almost as much as I do writing.

If you took all writing possibilities out of the equation ... I would ... breed Yorkies? At that point, I would become divorced because Jorge would not even consider that option. So maybe he should buy me a laptop.

5. What do you think blogging will be like in 5 years?

In five years, I'll be 51, which seems unbelievable. I doubt I'll have a grandchild by then, but we'll still have American Idol, so I'm set. I sure hope LOST is resolved by then. Or do I?

6. What is the most extraordinary thing that happened to you because of blogging?

Extraordinary? As in "extra-ordinary?" Hmmm. I've joked about Clinton Kelly emailing me, but that's about the only odd thing that has happened as a direct result of blogging. It has been a little strange and fun to meet people for the first time who tell me they read my blog because someone else introduced them to it.

One time a friend with whom I'd been acquainted years ago but hadn't spoken with in recent years told me that she read my blog regularly and then saw me in the grocery store but was too star-struck to say hello. Totally cracked me up.

It has also been wonderful and "extraordinary" to meet you! Isn't it amazing the friendships that can emerge from just the written word? BTW, happy birthday, Diane.

7. Did you write a blog post or comment you later regretted?

Yes, and I did delete the post. I think it was inflammatory, and I'm not about that. You all know I'm not afraid to have an opinion, but when I first started blogging, I went off on an issue in an un-loving way, and that I regret. But now I'm more growed-up 'n stuff.

8. Pet peeves?

• Music that automatically loads with a blog and scares me to death because my speaker is up.

• Really, really long posts (like this one, Lid?) without paragraph breaks.

• Constantly mixing font styles and sizes within a post. Have mercy.

• Centering posts.

• Preachiness, sermonizing

• "Reaching" too far to make a spiritual point. Sometimes a cookie is just a cookie, a coincidence a coincidence. In my opinion.

• Too much sappy praise for the husband. A little goes a long way because we probably don't think he is the sexiest man in the world, but we're glad you do. Plus, when you're struggling in your marriage and people go on like that, it's painful. It's like bragging about how rich you are to the impoverished or something.

#1 Pet Peeve: Anonymous negative comments. Do that here, and you're toast. Wow-was that un-loving?

End on a happy note:

I love:

• Posts written by missionaries and teachers.

• Posts about teenagers.

• Humorous posts. My favorite post ever is probably Big Mama's Like the Sopranos, But Without the Violence. It is one of the funniest things I've ever read in my life. When I linked to it here, I started reading it again and laughed out loud. It's so funny, but at the same time, it's poignant and loving. It's a blogging masterpiece, if-t you askt met.

I agree with William Davis (no clue who he is, actually) who said, “The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and then think for ten minutes.”

*********

30 x 5 Update: Elliptical for 30; said no to Sugar Cream Pie, our state pie. But caved in for a piece of pineapple upside-down. Sigh.

Makeovers and Leo Sayer

So I'm watching Biggest Loser, and the contestants are getting Hollywood movie premiere makeovers. [Please trim Filipe's hair. Oh, please.]

Envious, that's what I am. On two levels.

Sure, I'd like a bodily makeover from head to toe. But instead of Mr. Tim Gunn or Bob or Jillian helping me, Mr. Elliptical is kicking my patootie.

And here's what I look like after an hour with Mr. E.:













Grumpy.
Smeared mascara.
Swallowing water.
Tired and doubtful.

Yikes.

But there's another makeover I'm working on, and you're looking at it right now. The blog, that is.

A week or so ago, I posted a poll asking your opinions about making over 2nd Cup. The overwhelming majority of you said, "Keep the cappuccino machine." I'll try. But I think it's what makes my page load more slowly than some.

They say you start to lose readers after 4 seconds of loading. I just did a test, and I think it takes 6 because of my machine image. Would you like to test your upload time? Go here and insert your URL.

Anyway, I'm leading towards bold colors with lots of white space because I want to look neat and clean. I think it's a Spring cleaning thing. And guess what I noticed? It's funner to do cyber Spring cleaning than washing windows!

30 x 5 - 100: So what approximate 100 cals did you say "no" to lately? I turned down bagels and rich coffee flavoring. I did have a small chocolate, so that wasn't great. But look at what all I would have had, had I not been mindful of saying "no" to something! So that plus one hour with Mr. E. is my latest 30 x 5 - 100 update.

And now I'd like to share something that I discovered through Missy at It's Almost Naptime. This is my Hollywood movie premiere of "Jorge and Linda." It's approximately one minute long, and the best part is near the end. See how I tied the first line of this post to the last? Yeah ... un-cha! Let's dance!

The Sound of Muzizzle, Twins, 30 x 5

Remember when Dena made me this button? It's because I love musicals so muchnot.

However, the following vid (at end of post) is for all of you card-carrying Broadway musical lovers, of which I am a mirror opposite, a card carrying protester of Broadway musicals. You must watch this all the way through for the full effect. (Eye roll.)


Speaking of mirror opposites, I read the other day that there's a longstanding well-respected hypothesis that most left-handers are surviving siblings of mirror-image twins. Apparently, in as many as one in 8 pregnancies, a twin is "reabsorbed" due to chromosomal or other abnormalities. I could not wait to forward this info to my eldest two children who are both lefties. The onslaught of replies between them and me was both hilarious and disturbing. Suffice it to say my son replied, a la Dwight Schrute: "This means, of course, that I have the strength of a grown man and a fetus."





So today we're out of the gate on the next two-week adventure.

Look, I know I'm not getting around to you faithfully. I admit it. But here's a thumbnail of why I can't, couched in the context of "yesterday."

• Awoke only in time to get ready for work--without shower!

• Worked. Computer down most of morning.

• Picked up Kristin after school.

• Dropped Kristin at home but did not get out of car. Drove to parental home.

• Worked on Dad's computer. Note irony in that statement.

• Failed at Dad's computer. Called Jorge to come after work to help.

• Tried to help Mom decide between two pink dress suits. Laborious process. Finally, I put suits on, and WHAM she knew immediately which one she liked and which one she didn't. Slightly disturbing.

• Took copious notes for Mom concerning her funeral plan preferences, re: clothing, casket lining, songs, readings. A fun time was had by all.

• Came home, ate late dinner.

• Checked your comments here. Became overwhelmed.

• Wrote this post.

Technically, we didn't start the 30 x 5 yesterday; today is the first day of this two weeks. But yesterday I did deny myself some Jolly Ranchers and tons of unhealthy edibles in the cafe in the building where I work, where I'm free to go at any moment and purchase any food under the sun, with one stipulation: It must be unhealthy. AARGH!

I will also confess to you, and hope that it does not discourage you, that I was down 5 lbs and then put it ALL back on from Good Friday until today. DOUBLE ARGH!

But this is a new day, right? I'm going to do my best to get around to reading your progress. hang in there with me; I need you. Please be sure to encourage some others a long the way. Just a little "Hey there; I'm in this, too," helps a lot.

And now, to end on a ridiculously happy and sappy note, here is the musical vid:

Sound of Music Train Station @ Yahoo! Video

Unveiling Phase 2

I hope you had a blessed Easter. We did, in spite of our doomed yearly tradition: The Easter Ham. Here we are, being our somber selves. I just wish we could loosen up a little bit once in a while. Especially the boy.

The Plan: Phase 2 of 30 x 5, Starts Tomorrow. TOMORROW.



Many of you have expressed interest in continuing our new quest toward regular, attainable movement. That is excellent. That is called "forward momentum," my friends. Un-cha, Un-cha, Un-cha. "Un-cha" is me dancing in my chair right now doing that thing where people put both clenched fists out parallel in front of them and sort of jerk them around in a circle like a lawn sprinkler. Kinda like this, only palms down:



Anyway.

We're going to continue moving our 30 minutes for 5 days per week for two weeks, but we're adding a component. We're saying "no" to something to say "yes" to something else.

We're saying "no" to any random 100 calories each day to say "yes" to: "Am I making better choices?" "Am I in control of little mindless compusions to eat?" "Do I want to look and feel sleeker and more energetic?"

We want to answer "yes" to those questions. And we will.

By the way, this 100 calorie denial is to be in your head and inaccurate.

Yes, you read that right. In your head, and inaccurate--or approximate. No writing down or consulting Google or Oprah. Just guessing. GUESSING.

Because getting it exactly right "to-the-calorie" is for legalists and perfectionists. I refuse. I refuse!

So, for instance, I will do my 30-45 minutes on the elliptical, and then at some point during the day, I'm going to forego some extra calories LIKE LEFTOVER EASTER CANDY, thereby skipping 100 calories (or so). I'm saying "no" to Sweetart Easter chicks and bunnies to say "yes" to no jiggling muffin top this summer.

Because rolls and floppiness are cute on Easter bunnies, but loppy muffin tops on us, NOT CUTE.

According to the University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension online newsletter called Food Reflections, "It takes an excess of about 3,500 calories to gain a pound. Break that into smaller bites and 100 extra calories a day can put on about 10 pounds a year. The GOOD NEWS is LOSING 10 pounds can be as easy as eating 100 calories LESS each day for a year."

Wow. It doesn't take much to come up with 100 calories. I bet if I can make just the tiniest changes, I could drop 100 cals per day. And so could you.

And just in case you literally have no idea about calories or if you simply like easy quizzes, there's an online quiz called, "What Does 100 Calories Look Like?" at Women's Health that can help you figure out what a 100-calorie serving might look like. For instance, 1/6 of a large order of McDonald's fries is 100. Ten Peanut M & M's is 100.

But basically, if you want to know a good estimate, try not eating something roughly the size of your thumb. That ought to do it.

So can we do this? Can we keep the 30 x 5 forward momentum going and drop 100 pesky calories the size of our thumbs for the next two weeks? Can we?

Yes we can!!!

Leave a comment if you're in for the next two weeks!








As always, grab the button!

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Our Season Conclusion of: 30 Minutes of Moving for at Least 5 Days for 2 Weeks!

Yes, it was a Thursday, March 26, to be exact, when we started this endeavor, which right off the bat threw a bunch of you off because who starts anything healthy on a Thursday?

Uh, we do.

Because if you wait until the "right" day, there's going to be a reason to stall before you can say, "chocolate Easter bunny."

Once, when I worked for Weight Watchers, I made this giant calendar on a flip chart with all of the regular holidays highlighted. We tend to slack off of our eating/moving plans on holidays, don't we?

Then I marked all of the non major holidays, like St. Patrick's Day. Did you eat a little somethin'-somethin' on that day this year? I'll bet you did.

Then I added generic holidays, like, say, four birthdays per year per family, just as a guesstimate. Plus, there are anniversaries, graduations and baby showers, etc.

And who could forget the family vacation?

By the time I was finished, there were more "holidays" vulnerable to overeating than regular days of the year!

So if you apply that same principle to moving, there's always a reason to stall:

1. It's THURSDAY, for Pete's sake!
2. I'm a morning (noon, evening) person, so I'll start tomorrow at that time.
3. I have a cold.
4. I'm thinking about catching a cold.

And on and on. So we just jumped right in before our minds had time to sabotage us.

Clever little bloggers, aren't we.

So here are some observations pertinent to my experience. After that, please sign in with Mr. Linky and let us read what your experience has been like. Feel free to be honest and brief, if you like.

1. This was fun. I liked knowing you all were out there moving along with me.

2. I did pretty well. Yesterday I didn't get to move, which technically was my third day of non-movement, which is disappointing, but overall, I kept my commitment.

3. I did watch my food intake, which was not part of the deal, but I just wanted to. The first week and a half, I was really faithful to my plan. The last half of this week, not so much. I felt better physically the first week, and I think it's because I controlled myself a little more. That motivates me to return to goodness.

4. I do enjoy the elliptical machine, especially when Dr. Phil is on. Time flies when he's on a rant full of metaphors about hunting dogs and something else I didn't understand.

5. I'm ready for warmer weather so that I can get outside because I love to see the sky when I'm walking/jogging. It's a spiritual experience for me. Some people love the mountains or the ocean; I love the sky. I pray best when I'm walking outside.

6. You guys are rugged. Some of you tromped through snow to get your 30 in. Others juggled small kids and illnesses. That's amazing, and you should be commended. In fact, if you finished the 30 x 5, you deserve an award, which I hereby present to you by the powers vested in me by our 30 x 5 icon and supreme leader, Greer Childers of Body Flex Deep Breathing:

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And for those of you who didn't quite make it to completion and can relate to the cat in this video, I offer you:



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Anyway, I hope you had fun.

I want to take Good Friday through Easter off of blogging, but I'm coming back Monday with a new proposition that you do not want to miss. Why? Because we need to keep our mojo movin', that's why.

OK--now let's hear what you have to say about the 30 x 5 Challenge!