Thursday, December 02, 2010

I Forget How to Do Cold

I've lived in middle America all of my life, which means I've done winter a few times.

At the beginning of each winter, though, everyone here has to readjust to the cold, and the older you get, the more difficult it is, except for one thing: as you age, you tend to drive slower. Like a stopped clock being right at least twice a day, there's bound to come a time when that slow driving is appropriate, usually the first snow/ice of the season, when you don't look like you're driving slow because you're old; you look like you're driving slow because you have common sense that the young whippersnappers don't have. But you're really just old.

Anyway.

I'm struggling to adjust. Today it snowed, and I could not find the new Isotoner gloves I bought just before Thanksgiving. I've worn them a total of one time, and now they are lost. The bones in my hands ached from the cold.

My big black parka kept unzipping from the bottom. I hate when that happens.

My nose ran when I walked across the parking lot. There were no tissue balls in the pockets from last year.

I had to take a heavy load on a dolly across the parking lot. In the snow. Dollies don't have snow tires. They should.

When I left work, I forgot that my car had sat outside all day and that I would have to scrape the windows. No scraper on board.

But I did not do what my young co-worker confessed to today: turning on the wipers and opening the door, which resulted in snow being swept into his car. "Rookie mistake," he said.

I plan to be ready to tomorrow. I will actually wear boots, which means I will not have to putter across the parking lot like Tim Conway's shuffling old man. And I will find those gloves before I walk out that door and zip off to work at 25 mph. I will wear Chapstick. I will play Christmas music at my desk and roast--not chestnuts--but my toes--not on an open fire--but at my space heater.

Winter is here. Tomorrow, I will be ready.

20 comments:

Debbie said...

YAY! Finally someone who tells it like it is. I'm starting to OD on all of the cheers that my FaceBook family and friends are giving for snow and winter. I thought I was the sole fan of summer and warm weather. To my kindred spirit: Should you be travelling in my vicinity, I promise to pull over and let you pass...because I can guarantee you that I'll be going 20 m.p.h. I guess this means I'm old, too!

Linds said...

Oh I know. I can't find any of the gloves. The hats - I had to make new ones, and as for the winter boots, they are Somewhere Safe. But I forgot where. Another lesson - do not leave all the de-icer spray in the car, or you will not be able to de-ice the lock. But in 2 weeks I should be back up to "speed". And by then the UK snow will be gone. Typical.

STILLMAGNOLIA said...

I don't live in middle America...I live in the South...but 30 degrees constitutes winter here...and we had a hotdog/marshmellow roast with our youth last night in our backyard at our new fire pit...and this morning I feel so congested....and i did wear a coat...and gloves....and my boots (should have worn the sherpa lined ones)....and stood by the fire. Winter is here...and I will prepare even better than I did...I will not plan activities outside when it is below 50.

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

You were all kind not to point out that I said my car had "set" outside all day, which is another sign that I live in middle America and am definitely aging. Good grief.

"Just Me - NC Beth" said...

You made me laugh....we don't deal with snow here in the piedmont of North Carolina...and Lord help us when we do see a few flakes or two... EVERYBODY goes crazy!!

As far as winter attire...don't have any!! WEll, I do have many sets of gloves and somewhere I have a coat, but choose not to wear either! Hate winter attire!! And it's about 29 degrees outside this morning...

~Beth

Leelee said...

Tim Conway's shuffling old man...I LOVED the Carol Burnett show...and i've googled clips from the show the last 30 minutes...a great way to avoid the cold outside....

DebC said...

Yes. Yes. Yes.
[...waiting for summer again in Indiana]

Mocha with Linda said...

Brrr.

Helen said...

Oh, I'm feelin' your pain!

LynnMarie said...

I live in the North East and we have not had snow yet at our house. Now the northern part of the state did, but not down here. Haveing said that, I am ready for it! I have found my boots, gloves, scarfs, ear muffs, and winter coats because I really don't like cold! I don't mind driving on the roads so much UNTIL I come across that person who is jogging in the road!! There is so much snow that the road no longer is wide enough for 2 cars to pass safetly and there is that one jogger all in black just running along!! What is wrong with this picture? Any how, enjoy the snow, keep it for as long as you like.

Carrie B said...

EXACTLY why I don't like snow! :)

The Bug said...

I often walk like Tim Conway - but that's just my Arthur (arthritis) & the stiffness of age. I loosen up about halfway to the bathroom at work.

I wrote a minor whine about winter on my blog today - but I forgot to mention that I couldn't find MY gloves yesterday either. They were in my husband's car. It is so true that it takes a while to get my winter ducks in a row (especially because they all keep trying to migrate south).

Melanie said...

Yeah...I feel your pain. It's 51* here today. ; )
And yesterday it was a bit nippy when my friend and I ran near the beach (in shorts).

Rebecca said...

Hilarious (and so true)!

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

"There were no tissue balls in the pockets from last year."

Goofball. You make me laugh. You also make me think, but today you made me laugh.

Recovering Church Lady said...

In Nor Cal I love the warm weather, not the cold, and our COLD is not any where near your cold! I am a weather wimp!

SouthLakesMom said...

Just wait until global warming kicks in...you'll regret dissing the snow and cold....ha ha ha

Actually, I love this season of cold. I love snow days. I love being able to hunker down. I love the anticipation. I love the fact that all of the idiots in spandex who block the road in their bicycle gangs are elsewhere...heh heh

Thanks for keeping it real, Lid!

Carol said...

We've been dealing with that white stuff for a couple of weeks now. And we just keep getting more and more of it. It's been coming down all day today again. I'm with you - hate driving in it, so I avoid that as much as possible. But I'm retired, so I don't need to very often. Love sitting inside where it's warm and looking out at it every now and then. No yard work to nag at me now!

Ronda said...

And here I thought I was the only one that used last year's tissue balls...even one's I cant quite remember who they were used on, but hey, it had to be a familiy member of some type or it wouldn't be in my pocket. Very funny, thanks for the smile!

H-Mama said...

Tissue balls. *giggle* Classic. ;) We are still waiting for winter to kick in down here. Here's to hoping we will be ready. ha.