Don't You Just Hate That?

My friend Madelyn loaned me a little book, Don't You Just Hate That? by Scott Cohen, which comprises 738 annoying things collected for your bathroom break reading enjoyment. Here are a few samples ... see if you can add any to this list:

Walking by the same person you've already walked by in the dairy, produce, and frozen food sections.

When you try on a garment in a store and think, "I wish I could wear this," and then think, "I can. I can wear this." So you buy it and never wear it.

That it would be socially unacceptable, at your age, to wrap a Fruit Roll-Up around your pinkie and suck on it for two hours.

That nailing a Triple Lutz in the Olympic figure skating finals is one of the many joys you will never know.

Politicians who believe that any economic problem can be cured by opening a casino.

An opening parenthesis that is never closed. (Like this

When you're paying for something at a store and they ask you what zip code you live in.

When the driver pushes the unlock button but you pull the handle at the same moment and remain locked out.

When a friend says, "I have good news for you!" and it concerns her.

Not being able to throw out an old magazine because it has an article you want to read that you know you're never going to read.

Receiving a birthday card in the mail 8 days before your birthday.

Pretty good stuff, huh. Well, are there any little "Don't You Just Hate That?" moments you'd like to share?

Too Funny

So I confessed that at a certain light on my way to work, I sometimes cut through a parking lot to beat the red. Today, I came to that intersection, and lo and behold, a police car was parked strategically in that lot.

Now I don't have delusions about who and who does not read this blog. We all know Clinton Kelly can't live without a daily 2nd Cup, and Amy Grant couldn't be paid enough money to read it. But I'm thinking someone on the Muncie force is a follower. Just sayin'.

Tick, Tick, Tick ... On the Subject of Waiting

1. How good are you at delaying gratification?

I'm good when someone's watching. It's when I'm alone at night and there are snackies around that I cave. So a good thing for me to do would be to not have snackies around. That would be good, wouldn't it. Not happening.

2. Maybe a marshmallow wouldn't be too difficult a temptation for you. What food (or anything else) would be most tempting?

Food: No bake chocolate/peanutbutter/oatmeal cookies, cashews.
Other: Internet. Facebook and Blogging are guilty pleasures. And time wasters. But I wuv them.

3. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being saintly) how patient are you?

Actually, I think in most things I'm pretty patient. I award me an 8 in a lavish ceremony where I'm wearing a crown and a fur stole.

4. Have you ever waited for something in life only to be disappointed upon realization of the goal/object/etc.?

Conferences usually let me down. I think it's because there's so much hype from the organizations before you go that there's nowhere left to do but deflate.

Plus I've ordered and waited for clothes before that disappointed.

As for the bigger things in life, no. It's all been good. Especially those 3 nine-month waiting periods.

5. Are you a person who takes shortcuts?

Yes. One bad one is cutting through parking lots when I don't want to wait on a red light.

I tend to also take shortcuts with recipes. That doesn't always work out well.

I take shortcuts through buildings when I'm going from one to the other at work.

The best shortcut device ever: Tivo, which lets you shortcut through commercials!

6. Which line is hardest to wait in?

Customer service lines ... especially at the dreaded Wowmart. Shudder.

7. Did you wait to discover the gender of your unborn child until its birth?

Yes, and I was and am so glad that I did. This is one cultural change that has never worked for me--knowing the gender in advance. Maye I saw too many TV shows when I was kid where a pristine, pink baby was held up by the doctor announcing in a game show host voice, "IT'S A ... WHATEVER!" What a huge thrill it was for me each and every time. I would not trade those moments for anything! Truly 3 of the happiest moments of my life.

8. Are you more patient with children or the elderly?

At this point, probably the elderly, although with the very young I think I would be super patient still. I think from 6 years to about 15 is pretty difficult to be patient with.

9. Did you ever sneak a peek at a present?

Don't think so. That would've broken some rule, and unless it's cutting through parking lots or cheating on diets, I generally don't break rules.

10. What is the longest you've ever waited for anything?

Probably to be with my husband, in the honeymoon sense. Was that too personal? Woopsie.
Also, I think I waited, like, 87 years to be published the first time and in between.

11. Who has more patience, you or your significant other?

I do.

12. Which of the following songs about waiting is your pick for the best? (OK, you may substitute another, if you like.)

A) Anticipation by Carly Simon
B) The Waiting by Tom Petty
C) Right Here Waiting for You by Richard Marx
D) Wait for Me by Rebecca St. James


I choose Carly.

Thanks for playing this week!

I've Been WAITING for You to Answer These Questions

1. How good are you at delaying gratification?
2. Maybe a marshmallow wouldn't be too difficult a temptation for you. What food (or anything else) would be most tempting?
3. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being saintly) how patient are you?
4. Have you ever waited for something in life only to be disappointed upon realization of the goal/object/etc.?
5. Are you a person who takes shortcuts?
6. Which line is hardest to wait in?
7. Did you wait to discover the gender of your unborn child until its birth?
8. Are you more patient with children or the elderly?
9. Did you ever sneak a peek at a present?
10. What is the longest you've ever waited for anything?
11. Who has more patience, you or your significant other?
12. Which of the following songs about waiting is your pick for the best? (OK, you may substitute another, if you like.)

A) Anticipation by Carly Simon
B) The Waiting by Tom Petty
C) Right Here Waiting for You by Richard Marx
D) Wait for Me by Rebecca St. James

I'll answer tomorrow. Have fun browsing!

The Marshamllow Test & The Random Preview

Before you jump to the questions below, please watch this video because

A) It's so darn cute
B) It sets the tone for the questions this week.

Today is your preview. Come back tomorrow when you post and link up here.

1. How good are you at delaying gratification?
2. Maybe a marshmallow wouldn't be too difficult a temptation for you. What food (or anything else) would be most tempting?
3. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being saintly) how patient are you?
4. Have you ever waited for something in life only to be disappointed upon realization of the goal/object/etc.?
5. Are you a person who takes shortcuts?
6. Which line is hardest to wait in?
7. Did you wait to discover the gender of your unborn child until its birth?
8. Are you more patient with children or the elderly?
9. Did you ever sneak a peek at a present?
10. What is the longest you've ever waited for anything?
11. Who has more patience, you or your significant other?
12. Which of the following songs about waiting is your pick for the best? (OK, you may substitute another, if you like.)

A) Anticipation by Carly Simon
B) The Waiting by Tom Petty
C) Right Here Waiting for You by Richard Marx
D) Wait for Me by Rebecca St. James

Mom Moments

Moms know how unique each child is. Recently, I had special moments with each of my three. See if you can relate. If you cannot, try to recall your own special moments to share. Why?

Because (sing to the tune of "We Are Family")

We are Mom-mees.
We got family stor-or-ees.

Summary:

Oldest child, 23, who has moved back home, walks in door from work and announces: "I had my first conference call today."
Me: "OK."
Her: "Hel-lo. This is grown-up stuff. You know, Big Deal and everything. You might want to write it in my baby book."

Second child, boy, home for the day from college (exercise science major).
Me: "OK, body-major Boy, tell me why my toes keep Charley-Horsing around. They curl up under my feet or they spread east and west or one random one will pull up away from the crowd like it's being Raptured. What in the heck is this? How can I fix this?"

Him: "I don't know. Look it up on the Internet. That's what I'm going to tell my clients someday.

Me: "Good idea. Why shouldn't you be stingy with all that knowledge you're stashing away and make sure you live as long as you can and who cares about anyone else, right?"

Him: "Just kidding. You're out of potassium. Potassium level is related to muscle control."

Third child. Had something like senior pictures taken Friday. I let her stay home Friday to prepare for the 2:30 appointment. It was the first day she has missed this year, so I didn't feel too bad about that. (I remember when she was little; she was sick so often, and I worried about attendance all the time. This is no longer a concern--a real perk to the growing up process, I might add.)

In the morning, we went to IHOP for breakfast. Mid-meal, I reached for the syrup for my blueberry pancakes and inadvertently poured coffee on them instead. I lost it, but #3 maintained her cool and did not even bat an eye at her mom or crawl under the bench seat. This is a sure sign of maturity and restraint.

At the studio, mid-photo shoot, I broke into silent tears. This display came on the heels of just the day before my explaining to someone that I do not EVER cry when I am happy like you see women do on TV. I said, "I just don't react that way. Tears are for sadness." And then God laughed and made me cry the very next day out of joy and pride.

Yesterday I sat at the piano with #3, helping her to master the old "Spinning Wheel" song. To hear her play that song that I played when I was young and then switch to The Fray's "Never Say Never," which she has taught herself, much to my continued amazement, I was overcome with pride and love again. Did not cry, though. Apparently, pride crying is for public display!

And I can't forget my other proud moment with her when she told me that she had created a rap name for my 84 year-old mother, Lucille:

Lusizzle B.

Love those kids. They keep me in line, out of breath and amused. Who could ask or anything more? So back to the song:

All! All of the people around us they say
Can they be that close?
Just let me state for the record
We're giving love in a family dose.

So how about it, Mommys--did you have a special moment this weekend you'd like to share?

Because It's Silly. And it's Psych and Hall & Oates

#1: You have to know WHO Hall and & Oates are
#2: It helps to enjoy the USA Network show "Psych."

If you meet those criteria, enjoy.

Parents

One of the great things about the group of girlfriends with whom I go out with every Wednesday ("go out" as in "stay inside in a basement") is that most of us are within a few years of each other, so we have common life experiences like power surges, crushes on the men of LOST, and older parents.

So one week several months ago, when we were discussing great gifts to give our families for Christmas, two ideas came up that are completely representative of our stage of life:

1. Life Hammer, the Original Auto Emergency Escape Tool, which some of us gave to our children to be used should they find themselves trapped in their cars beneath water or engulfed in flames because you just never know.

2. The Making Things Easy for My Family Book, a basic "where you can find my important papers when I die" manual.

Do you detect a theme?

So I ordered the death book for my parents because I'm thoughtful like that.

They actually appreciated the gesture.

Tuesday (yes, it took weeks to get to it) I sat with them at their kitchen table and began the process of getting their things in order.

Not fun.

In fact, the whole experience was just ... trying.

For one thing, they have been married 68 years, so they ARE one person. But they are one person who argues with him/herself, if you know what I mean. Not a real argument like you might have in your 40s, 50s, or 70s, but one you would have in your 80s, which is kind of pointless because ... what was I going to say?

Yeah, like that.

So it went a little like this:

Me: Dad, I need all of your life insurance policies.

Dad pulls out about half a dozen yellowed, ancient policies. I mean, they were taken out in 1953 and matured in 1984 kind of ancient.

Me, putting policies in a pile: Dad, you're just going to have to take these to your company and find out what's what. What's the name of the company?

Dad: American Mutual National Co. (Fake name for blog, clever of me in case you would try to rip off my elderly parents with their 1953 policies.)

Mom: No. That is NOT the name. That is the old name. There's a new name.

Me: What is it?

Dad and Mom: [crickets]

Me: So where do you keep your important papers?

Dad: In a lock box.

Me: Where is that? (he answers)

Where is the key?

Dad: In the box.

Me: You keep the key IN the lock box?

Dad: No, well, yes. I keep it in the lock of the lock box, but it's not locked.

Mom: I want to be buried in my pink suit and just a little bit of bangs to cover my forehead.

************

Yeah, so that's how that went, for TWO hours.

At any rate, we got two pages filled in. That's better than what we had done last Monday, right?

Question: Do you know where your important "stuff" is? And more importantly, what suit do you wish to be buried in?

Link UP for the Random and I Answer the Mr. Linky Question

Many of you ask, "Why doesn't the link list automatically show?" I believe the answer is that a while back, Mr. Linky changed the widget so that unless you purchase a better widget at another level, this is all you get. I could be wrong. I don't really care as long as when you click on it to add your name, you see the names. Does that make sense? Am I wrong on this?

OK--my answers and most importantly, YOURS!

1. So I was thinking about how Jon Bon Jovi never seems to age much. His hair is smaller nowadays, but he still manages to look like a boy somehow. I mean, look at him in this pic with a finger in his ear. Young! And then that made me think of the story of Dorian Gray. Question: If you physically lock in one age for yourself, which would you choose and why?

Speaking strictly physically, I would pick about 34. I was working out religiously, and it showed. However, emotionally I was not in a good place, and I would never want to return there again. (Depression)

2. What is the best dish that you cook or bake (your piece de resistance?)

It's something you don't cook OR bake: No bake cookies. But strictly speaking again, I would say I make really good whipped potatoes and homemade carrot cake. I think we tend to excel at those dishes we like. For instance, I cannot cook meat very well. (Ugh.)

3. When you feel blue, what is one strategy you use to help yourself back to normal?

I begin listing all of the things I'm grateful for. I pray for people who are in a more difficult position than I. I exercise, and if possible, get out into the sun. Plus, the smell of coconut lifts me. Consuming chocolate also helps immensely, but it doesn't help the old waistline.

4. When was the last time you danced in public?

Oh, this is such an issue with me. I NEVER do this. I have a long history of avoiding dances, especially in high school. And just my luck, the one boy I really liked loved to go to dances. I started dreading them months away.

When I was on the homecoming court in my senior year, we had to sign a paper saying that we would promise to attend the dance after the game if we were on the court. I almost didn't sign! I did not dance at my wedding. I dance at home a little, mainly when my kids were little and we were in the kitchen baking cookies and dancing to the oldies.

5. Do you consider yourself a realist or dreamer?

Definitely a realist, to a fault. For example, when new small businesses start up, I do a little cringe for them because I KNOW it's so hard to make it work, and my fears for them are usually realized.

6. As a parent, what is one thing that you have done well?

My youngest told me yesterday that she is glad we did not let our kids speak unkindly to each other. They laugh now because we would not let them say "shut up" to each other, for instance, but it turned out well because all in all, they're very kind to each other.

7. Which is your favorite character on the Andy Griffith show?

This is so easy: Opie. I LOVE that little boy. He's the only little boy I love nearly as much as my own son. Little Ronnie Howard just makes me melt into a puddle every time I watch him. I wish I could adopt him. The little Ronnie Howard, not the middle aged director Ron Howard.



8. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you know about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.?

About a 2. No, let's be honest: 1. But I'd like to improve that score.

9. Have you never been mellow? Have you never tried … to find a comfort from in side you? (Sorry, Jorge was singing that song just now, and it just seemed to be perfect timing as I was creating this week’s questions.) REAL question: What is your #1 driving pet peeve?

People who cop attitudes over the dumbest stuff, like who arrived at a four-way stop first. Puh-leeze.

10. Which color best represents your mood today? Care to elaborate?

Purple. It's the color I have on. I tend to choose colors by how I feel that day.

11. If your spouse were an animal, which would he/she be?

Well, he's been sleeping a lot tonight and now he's reading. What kind of animal does those activities?? He's pretty smart, so I'll say an ape.

12. What activity takes up the bulk of your time on an average day?

At work, mailings and meetings. At home, Facebook and blogging, laundry, sweeping and cooking. I actually prefer my work outside the home now to my home work. For so many years I thought of myself as a SAHM, but now, I think of myself more as a working outside the home mom.

Seriously? How Did the Random Dozen Creep Up Again So Soon?!

This is preview day. Today you read and ruminate; tomorrow you post!

1. So I was thinking about how Jon Bon Jovi never seems to age much. His hair is smaller nowadays, but he still manages to look like a boy somehow. And then that made me think of the story of Dorian Gray. Question: If you physically lock in one age for yourself, which would you choose and why?

2. What is the best dish that you cook or bake (your piece de resistance?)

3. When you feel blue, what is one strategy you use to help yourself back to normal?

4. When was the last time you danced in public?

5. Do you consider yourself a realist or dreamer?

6. As a parent, what is one thing that you have done well?

7. Which is your favorite character on the Andy Griffith show?

8. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you know about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.?

9. Have you never been mellow? Have you never tried … to find a comfort from in side you? (Sorry, Jorge was singing that song just now, and it just seemed to be perfect timing as I was creating this week’s questions.) REAL question: What is your #1 driving pet peeve?

10. Which color best represents your mood today? Care to elaborate?

11. If your spouse were an animal, which would he/she be?

12. What activity takes up the bulk of your time on an average day?

So Much to Say, and Yet, So Very Little

Deep inhalation, deep exhalation.

So how ya doin'?

Because I'm assuming you're a polite bunch of people and would, if you could, ask the requisite question in return and then sit there politely while I answer, even though it's really boring, I'll tell you how I'm doing.

1. I'm like you; I am distraught over Haiti. I'm seriously thinking about seeing if I can adopt or foster an orphan. Probably won't happen unless there's an obviously open door, but I'm open to being open and looking around.

And now as a direct result of saying that, I'm going to get the most comments I've ever received on this blog just with people telling me where to find a Haitian orphan TOMORROW. And then I will have to, won't I?

2. I'm dragging behind on this blog stuff. I gotta be honest with ya, not much is happenin' at the Crows' nest. We're boring. I exercise, go to work, come home, ruin a dinner, do a little laundry, write a post and play on Facebook, then go to sleep. The hugeness of my existence right now is just overwhelming, isn't it.

3. Weight. I am FOUR pounds away from a personal goal weight. Four. Fore. 4. Quatre. Four, that's all. And yet ... I can't do it. I've been eating chocolate chips from the bag, which is not great, since they're semi-sweet, but they're brown and kind of cocoa-ish, so I do it. And then last night on FB, someone requested my No-Bake recipe, and it was like asking a junkie about his drug of choice. Good thing I didn't have all the ingredients in my kitchen that I needed to make them because it would have been all over, with the Fat Lady singing a merry tune and then pulling her hair out the next morning.

4. Zoe. She needs a bath. However, I have recently discovered that when I give her the bath, I wheeze afterwards, and it's quite--not fun. You would think this revelation would mean that many family members of mine would rush in to save the day and be my hero and be Zoe's personal assistant, but no. So I repeat: Zoe needs a bath.

5. I picked up 5 hours at work per week. Woo-hoo, I know, but you'd think I just got promoted to CEO of Macy's or something. I'm having a hard time adjusting, believe it or not. I'm very happy about it, for sure, but now I have to ruin dinner even later each evening.

6. I played the Bearded Lady again at Oneighty last night for "Carnival Night." The kids (the ones who didn't die of Clown-Fright Syndrome) had their pics taken with me as a souvenir of the good times at "church." Come to think of it, there were a few sweet old ladies in the church I grew up in who sort of had beards, so maybe it's a spiritual thing after all.

So how was your weekend?

The Weekly Event in Which I Chat with Myself

1. When was the last time you craved a food--what was it, and did you cave?

Chocolate. The last 72 hours have been full-on craving. Yes, I caved. I've even been eating chocolate chips straight from the bag. Semi-sweet, not my fave, but it is brown and cocoa-ish.

2. M & M's or Skittles?

Can you tell what was on my mind when I wrote this meme? M&Ms, definitely, preferably peanut.

3. Have you ever read the Bible completely through?

Yes. I did it in 2008, and I've started again for 2010. I do the Online Bible version in which you read a little from the OT, NT, Psalms and Proverbs. I must say that the challenge was a double-edged sword for me. It tested my faith but also grew my faith.

4. How long does it take you to really wake up in the morning?

Usually not very long, but a cup of coffee is a must, even if it's decaf. There's just something about a warm cup with cream that soothes me into snapping to mentally. Give me the real stuff and I become a combination of Stacy London, Kathy Lee Gifford and Bea Arthur as Maude.

5. Have you ever been on a cruise? If not, would you like to?

No, and No. Never sounded appealing to me. Weird, I know.

6. Who is your favorite actress?

Tough one. I used to like Sandra Bullock a lot but not so much any more. I like Emma Thompson a lot.

7. ______ is something that I will just never understand.

Math, football, mean people, bluegrass music, saggy pants, hunting, eating sushi, Bermuda shorts, rings on every finger. Need any more?

8. How much of a technology junkie are you?

Scale of 1-10? Why didn't you give us a standard? I'm about a 4 or 5. There's this great new thing called the "Ipod" ....

9. Do you enjoy selecting greeting cards for people, or is it more of a cultural "have to" for you?

I'm beginning to like it again. For about 10 years it has been nothing but a chore.

10. When was the last time you got a new style/haircut?

I got a haircut about 4 days ago. However, the style you see in the header above is not new; it is basically what I wore in high school, circa 1980.

11. What do you enjoy shopping for most?

Tops. Shoes. Handbags.

12. What's the last thing you think of before you leave the house?

Is this oven off? Lights out? Dog taken care of? (She stands there looking at me with her head cocked as I say, "OK, bye-bye now. You be a good girl." Oh, it breaks my heart!)

If I Were the Cheesy Sort ...

If I were the cheesy sort, I'd post a cute pic of a little one's diaper-clad hinder and add the caption, "I'm a little behind!"

Because I am.

I'll have to get to my answers later today. But let me say this about the meme--you all are amazing! And "y'all" are, too!

Let's Hear What You Have to Say

I didn't get around to answering the questions today; check back tomorrow if you're interested in listening to me talk to myself.

1. When was the last time you craved a food--what was it, and did you cave?
2. M & M's or Skittles?
3. Have you ever read the Bible completely through?
4. How long does it take you to really wake up in the morning?
5. Have you ever been on a cruise? If not, would you like to?
6. Who is your favorite actress?
7. ______ is something that I will just never understand.
8. How much of a technology junkie are you?
9. Do you enjoy selecting greeting cards for people, or is it more of a cultural "have to" for you?
10. When was the last time you got a new style/haircut?
11. What do you enjoy shopping for most?
12. What's the last thing you think of before you leave the house?

Random Doz Preview ~ Read Today, Answer Tomorrow!

1. When was the last time you craved a food--what was it, and did you cave?
2. M & M's or Skittles?
3. Have you ever read the Bible completely through?
4. How long does it take you to really wake up in the morning?
5. Have you ever been on a cruise? If not, would you like to?
6. Who is your favorite actress?
7. ______ is something that I will just never understand.
8. How much of a technology junkie are you?
9. Do you enjoy selecting greeting cards for people, or is it more of a cultural "have to" for you?
10. When was the last time you got a new style/haircut?
11. What do you enjoy shopping for most?
12. What's the last thing you think of before you leave the house?

Weekend Pictures and Other Fiascos

I should probably call this the 2nd Cup Weekend Re-LID, shouldn't I?

Speaking of lids ... I wore a brand new shirt to church Sunday morning, bought a skinny vanilla latte with whip (yeah, I know, contradictory), put the lid on it, sat down in church, took a drink and immediately spilled it down the front of me, right side only.

Shades of the nursing days, ladies.

Saturday, I had lunch with a friend who moved 10 years ago and another friend, so that was good to get caught up and to hear her exciting stories because this woman has THE most intriguing life of anyone I know. And I can't tell you more or she would have to kill you. She is not a spy, but her stories are that good and that serious. Seriously. Seriously serious.

Also, on Saturday I went with Kristin to see Leap Year, starring Amy Adams. It's pretty cute, and if you like romantic comedies, you'll like this one. I enjoyed the Irish accents more than a wee bit. It's rated PG, which I prefer because I'm a prudish nerd. I'm not sure why, but I've seen more movies in the last month than I saw in the entire year. Best one of all: Sherlock Holmes.

After church on Sunday, my Wednesday night Girls Group lunched and celebrated a birthday at Panera, my favorite restaurant, for Diane, seated next to me here, my sweet friend who is still beating the crap out of cancer.

Here she is opening my gift to her: "Cuddle Duds," super-soft long underwear. Hey, don't knock it until you've lived on the frozen tundra.

Diane is my hero. What this woman has endured in the last two years is unbelievable, and yet her faith and attitude are stunning testimonies to the grace of God. Happy Birthday, Diane!

Immediately after that party, we surreptitiously headed back to our church to celebrate the 40th birthday of ANOTHER woman in that group, Rachel, who turned 40 this week. Rachel is in the center, wearing purple and a painfully forced smile at the beginning of her surprise party here.



Here is Rachel telling me not to take her picture while she is crying. Whatever, Rachel.

Rachel's husband surprised her big-time, and all we had to do was lie to her a lot to help make it all happen. Thankfully, a couple of us are really good liars, so it all went well. The chiefest of liars would be the one in the middle. Great job, Daph!

Rachel is not digging turning 40, ladies. For those of you who have passed that benchmark, what encouragement could you offer her that will make her believe that this decade will be a good one? I will print your comments off and give them to her Wednesday night, when we Girls celebrate privately. It might even be fun to read some aloud. So be creative, be fun! Above all, don't be a Debbie Downer!

Sunday evening, I copied all of the addresses that you sent me over the weekend so that I can mail the "Crank" bracelets. I thanked Pastor Shane for you all and told him to look at your comments, which he did.

This is just a bonus pic to show you what face my friends bring out in me all the time. That is the face of searing sarcasm and rapier wit. I don't suggest clicking on this picture while you are drinking or eating.

Also on Sunday evening, I watched the long-awaited season premiere of Chuck, a show saved by fan votes last year. I loved this year's promotion: "No More Mr. Nice Spy." Zachary Levi is a believer, by the way. You can read an interview in which he speaks about his faith at Relevant Magazine.

So that was my weekend. Now, in honor of my coffee fiasco, I'm going to ask you to "spill it!" (Oh, my cleverness knows no bounds) and tell me about your weekend!

Even Zoo Animals Need Blankies and Hot Chocolate

Arctic blasts, lake snow effects, frigid temps--many parts of the country are being affected by the latest winter havoc, but who would've thought the Miami zoo would have to go to such extreme response measures as giving animals blankets and hot chocolate.

Yes, it's a video of a very excited, animated zoo keeper talking about keeping the animals warm. Cracks me up. I'm trying to remember the last time I was this into anything. Maybe the day Clinton Kelly emailed me. Or maybe it was yesterday when I accidentally got some caffeinated coffee at staff meeting. Good fun.

Hot Diggity Dog, The Bracelet.

Pastor Shane has bestowed a wonderful gesture upon us here at 2nd Cup of Crank. If you commented on Jan 4 or 5 about being in the drawing for the bracelet, you automatically get one, no drawing needed.

Hot diggity dog. You just got yourself an accountability resource!

Sorry I have to limit the gift to those two days, but these things don't grow on trees. If you'd like to order some, however, I can get you the address.

So if you still want one, email me this weekend at lindacrowatcomcastdotnet with your address, and I will send you one.

What's that I hear? No complaints!

Thanks, Pastor Shane. You're the best.

Top Five Stalker Songs

I was thinking the other day about when my kids first heard "Every Breath You Take." They said, "That's weird. It's like a stalker song."

Pretty astute for two and four year olds.

Just kidding.

So I compiled a short list of "stalker songs," all of which I like but one. Here they are in increasing intensity of stalker content.

5. I've Got My Mind Set On You by George Harrison. Mainly because of the percussion, this song is a great example of the old American Bandstand recommendation: "It's got a good beat, and I can dance to it." Not many unique words in it, but we'll get to that later.

I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you
But it's gonna take money
A whole lotta spending money
It's gonna take plenty of money
To do it right child
It's gonna take time
A whole lot of precious time
It's gonna take patience and time, ummm
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it
To do it right child

This is not a love song; this is an intricate scheme plotted out for months by someone with a single focus: "You shall be mine at any cost, including my own self-respect and sanity." It could've been the theme song to "Fatal Attraction."

4. I Wear My Sunglasses at Night by Corey Hart

I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can, so I can
Watch you weave then breathe your story lines
And I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can, so I can
Keep track of visions in my eyes

That last line makes absolutely no sense. But I wear my sunglasses at night, too, when I listen to this song because I'm embarrassed for anyone to know that I'm listening to it, but I do like it.

3. Private Eyes by OATES & HALL. I had to search high and low to find a pic of Oates on the left and Hall on the right, but I found it, because just once I want to say, here's "Oates and Hall!"

You cant escape my
Private eyes
They're watching you
They see your every move
Private eyes
They're watching you
Private eyes
They're watching you watching you watching you watching you

If you read that last line out loud, it will totally creep you out, but somehow it all seems OK when Hall & Oates are doing the stalking.

2. If I Was Invisible by Clay Aiken. The neglect of the subjunctive "were" in the title really bugs me, by the way. This irritation is surpassed only by the weirdness of the entire song.

I wish I could be
A fly on your wall
Are u really alone
Whose stealin' your dreams ...
If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room ...
Saw your face in the crowd
I call out your name
You don't hear a sound
I keep tracing your steps
Each move that you make
Wish I could read
What goes through your mind Oh baby
Wish I could touch me
With the colours of your life

OK, this whole song is bizarro, but the highlighted phrases prove this goes beyond what craziness most stalkers will even admit to. And what those last two lines are about I don't know, but they made me make the "ew" face. Can you guess this is the one I don't like? And doesn't this pic make Clay look as though he is morphing into Daryl Hall?


1. Every Breath You Take by The Police. I'm not even going to print any lyrics here because every word is stalk-driven. When Jorge and I were in college, Every Breath was popular (#1 for 8 weeks in 1983). The comic "Bloom County" ran in our school newspaper. One edition featured Opus the penguin singing this song with alternative lyrics such as:

Every leaf you rake
Every fish you bake
Every pen you take
Every leg you break
I'll be watching you

Jorge and I were almost falling off our chairs laughing so hard. I'm talking about the crying and not breathing kind of hilarity. Now our kids laugh at US like that whenever we mess up lyrics. It's the "Opus Karma" phenomenon.

So, can you think of any songs to add to the stalker list?

In honor of one of these stalker songs, I'm including a spoof of I've Got My Mind Set On You, which, of course, is probably only funny if you know the song. And yes, this is Weird Al. You don't have to watch the whole thing to get the jist of the joke because it's as monotonous as the original song.

It's the Official First Random Dozen of 2010

1. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being a cranky-baby-hissy-fitter, how much of a complainer are you?

It turns out, not so much. Or I'm completely oblivious to my own complaining. I haven't had to switch the bracelet that much. I did get all bent out of shape in a return line at Old Navy yesterday, but no one could tell but me and God. BUT--and this is crucial--I DID say, "What are you doing?" to myself in an accusatory tone, and then I stopped. So on a scale from 1-10, I'm giving myself four stars.

2. When someone else is talking, do you listen, or are you thinking about what you're going to say in response?

Honestly, I spend a lot of my listening time trying to 1) hear correctly (I have had my hearing tested). 2) comprehend what the person is saying, because I don't have the same kind of intuition that most women have. So don't insinuate things to me because I might nod my head but not have a clue. And then I'll have to play catch up while you're talking.

3. I just deleted 1062 messages from my email account. Do you have any plans for a clean sweep this month--of anything?

I just cleaned out my files at work; that felt good. But I have no plans for home clean sweeping as yet. I would like to garage to be magically clean, though.

And now, here are some brilliant questions from a gal named Angie at Angie's Ad Lib who graciously offered to let me borrow her brain. Please go over and see Angie because it was so nice of her to help me out. Thank you so much, Angie!

4. Tell us about your perfume. Was it a gift? What does it remind you of? Do you have a signature scent?

Well, I've almost given up on scents. The older I get, the more sensitive I get to fumes, both "per" and non "per," as in diesel. However, I do like to smell coconut, and I have a shower foam right now from Bath and Body Works that I enjoy.

5. What is your best organizing tip for the new year?

Don't have your adult children come home to roost.

6. What is your favorite comic strip?

Well, Garfield for personal reasons (someone near and dear to me is an employee of the real actual Garfield in human form). But, back in the 80s I loved Bloom County.

7. Do you sleep with a fluffy or flat pillow?

Fluffy. Cold side only, please.

8. What color is your kitchen? Why did you choose that color?

Well, my blogger friends helped choose my wallpaper. The kitchen is black and white with a touch of spring green and red. Wowsers.

9. What’s the most interesting bumper sticker you’ve seen?

I kept a picture of it for a long time because I was going to do a post about it, but I never got around to it. I was jogging through a parking lot and saw a car window sticker that encouraged the reader to vote for a specific candidate. Problem was, the owner had put it on backwards, so that passersby couldn't read it. Only the people in the car could read it quickly. So maybe he just needed a constant reminder of who he intended to vote for.

10. Do you prefer an expensive writing tool or whatever is lying around? (Are you a Montblanc or a Papermate?)

Papermate. Just like this one and not because I'm cheap but because of the way it fits my hand and how smooth it is on the outside and how smoothly it writes.



11. What chore doesn’t feel like a chore – you just enjoy it (at least most of the time)?

Seriously, I like to vacuum. That's it, though. It's the ooooonly one.

12. If your parents often repeated themselves, what is something one of them said more than once?

I imagined a low rumble starting across bloggyland as readers digested this question. We're all rolling our eyes, right?

OK:

1. "Don't go outside with wet hair or let your feet get cold; you will catch a head cold."
2. "Be careful." This is definitely the most oft-repeated phrase from both of my parents. They still call it out as I'm leaving their house. I live across a small town, so there's lots of opportunity for a 47 year-old woman like me to get into all kinds of trouble on the way home, especially if she stops for eggs and bread at that juke joint they call Wowmart.

OK, let's see whatcha got!

Wouldja Like a "Thanks Not Cranks" Bracelet and Preview of the Random Dozen?

After yesterday's post about the "Thanks, Not Cranks" bracelet, several of you said you'd like to have one. I don't have many, but I think I can come up with about 5.

It's crazy the amount of influence I have, isn't it.

So if you'd like to join the challenge (which, really, is merely about improving your thought process/attitude a la 2 Corinthians 10:5) then let me know in the comments below, and I'll draw 5 names.

Remember: perfection is not the goal, but growth is.

Wow. That was deep. And stunningly original.

And just as a little extra food for thought, let me share with you what I completely ripped right off of Pastor Shane's FB page today:

T.H.I.N.K. before you speak. Are you about to say something “True, Helpful, Important, Necessary and Kind?" from markbeeson.com.

Finally, I cracked up at how many comments there were about my apparent gift for complaining on this blog.

Wow, new blog title: 2nd Cup of Crank!

OK, here's your preview. Come back tomorrow, Wednesday, to link up to the post that you have written. That you will publish on Wednesday. Which is not the same as Tuesday.

1. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being a cranky-baby-hissy-fitter, how much of a complainer are you?

2. When someone else is talking, do you listen, or are you thinking about what you're going to say in response?

3. I just deleted 1062 messages from my email account. Do you have any plans for a clean sweep this month--of anything?

And now, here are some brilliant questions from a gal named Angie at Angie's Ad Lib who graciously offered to let me borrow her brain. Please go over and see Angie because it was so nice of her to help me out. Thank you so much, Angie!

4. Tell us about your perfume. Was it a gift? What does it remind you of? Do you have a signature scent?

5. What is your best organizing tip for the new year?

6. What is your favorite comic strip?

7. Do you sleep with a fluffy or flat pillow?

8. What color is your kitchen? Why did you choose that color?

9. What’s the most interesting bumper sticker you’ve seen?

10. Do you prefer an expensive writing tool or whatever is lying around? (Are you a Montblanc or a Papermate?)

11. What chore doesn’t feel like a chore – you just enjoy it (at least most of the time)?

12. If your parents often repeated themselves, what is something one of them said more than once?

The "Thanks, Not Cranks" Challenge

But there's more than one challenge going on for me, as in "how not to hit the 'publish' button when all you have typed is 'The' in your post title."

Yes, I just did that. So if you received a subscription notice about my clever post, "The," now you know the story behind the story.

Give me a break; I've only been at this blogging thing 5 years.

OK, back to the "Thanks, Not Cranks" Challenge.

Yesterday, one of our pastors brought an awesome sermon about gratitude to a group of people feeling very cranky about frigid temps on a Sunday morning.

Not that I complained. (See yesterday's post for a disclosure of a total lie.)

At the end of the talk, he passed out purple rubber bracelets to everyone willing to participate in the challenge, which is:

Try to live 21 days complaint-free. Any time that you express a negative thought, you switch the bracelet to the other wrist. The goal, of course, is to change your way of speaking/thinking.

I was kind of hoping he'd ask us to snap other peoples' bracelets when we caught them complaining, but no. He is a kill-joy.

And there goes my bracelet right now to the other wrist. Dang.

At least Pastor was honest enough to say that after the first time he delivered the message, he didn't get much farther than four blocks away before he had to make the switch because he noticed gas prices were up on the way home from church.

Ouch.

I don't know if I can make it 21 days complaint-free, but I hope it will help me catch my thoughts, take them captive, you know.

Actually, the harder challenge for me might be wearing this thing for 21 days because I don't do jewelry well (even if it's made of rubber). I tend to feel it all the time, which makes me crazy.

[Switching bracelet now.]

When I come in from work or church or some event, after the shoes come off, I head directly to my room and get the jewelry off. I've been this way my whole life. I got used to the wedding ring, but a few years ago when I started going to the gym, I didn't want to bend it, so I took it off. Ever since then, it drives me crazy, too.

[Not switching. That was merely an addendum to the previous jewelry complaint.]

So if you catch me here or on Facebook whining, feel free to "clear your throat" and gently suggest that I stick with the program.

And I will be ever so grateful.

Happy Monday!

PS: Does this bracelet my hand look fat like a gnarly old tree trunk with roots?

Oy. Switch!

Attention to Detail Gone Too Far

I'm a person who appreciates attention to detail and exactness. Especially when it applies to the person who is writing my paycheck. (Hi, Ang!)

But this morning, it is just too much for the mind to bear: the thermometer perched on my windowsill like a bedraggled, puffed up little bird is screeching: "Zero point nine degrees, 0.9*, 0.9* ...."

Go away, little bird. Before I smack you with a badminton racket.

Post Mortem, Jen and Me

Hey! It's January 2nd, and I've already messed up my first new year's plan! Woo for me!

A couple of years ago, I read through the Bible in one year, and I planned to do it again starting yesterday.

However, since I was still battling the UTI and worst headache of the whole year of 2010, I spent the entire day in bed watching a Jennifer Aniston movie marathon on Lifetime.

Five hours, at least. Jen and I are now bffs.

Late last night (midnight), I finally started feeling better and so I rose and went to the family room only to find Katie curled up with a blanket around her watching Friends. I could not escape Jen yesterday.

Katie and I are collecting awful (so awful that they're good) titles of Lifetime movies. The winner so far?

Mother, May I Sleep with Danger.

Thanks for the get well wishes and advice. Next item on new shopping list: cranberry pills. Bloggers are amazing.

Have a great Saturday!

PS: What kind of human female looks this good with wet hair and a trench coat? I don't think she's human. Just sayin'.

Just Chillin' & Dribblin' in the New Year

I looked in the bathroom mirror this morning and my first thought was, "I sure look one year older."

Hello, 2010.

It was a rough night.

While most of you were drinking fizzy fun drinks, I was doing my best to down 64 ozs of cranberry juice. Yes, another infection is upon me, third one in as many months.

So I never saw the ball drop or got to wish anyone HNY. I missed a party I was going to, and I have no idea if my teenaged girl made it home OK last night, although I'm pretty sure Jorge would've let me know by now if otherwise. This is pathetic.

At least I have my little laptop that allows me to reach out to you and complain from my sick bed. How space age-y is that??

Hope you are having a great first day of Twenty-ten. I hold my glass of cranberry juice up and say, "God bless the bloggers, who encourage each other, listen to each other complain, help each other choose home decor, laugh about our off-the-beaten-path thoughts, cry with us when our kids leave home, pray for us when we ask, and most of all share in CS Lewis' thought:

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one."

Thank you for sharing that you occasionally wear mismatched shoes and hide desserts for yourself. I'm not the only one! You're the best!