Wednesday, August 15, 2007
First Day of High School
First day of Pre-K, First day of High School
I am really struggling, guys.
I am struggling with the energy and enthusiasm it takes to do life right now. I have no desire to blog, work, cook, or read. Last night I didn't sleep well and ended up taking a sleep aid. I think it was because of all the changes our family is going through.
This morning I sent my baby off to her first day of high school. Seems like just yesterday she had two little pig tails and a Fisher Price Little People Townhouse perpetually open and taking up space. I'll always remember Little People family members strewn all over the floor, which we would daily bruise our arches on, along with the inexplicable presence of a Little People cowboy with a yellow hat. I can still hear her say, "You wan' pay Yiddle Peopo Wish me, Mommy?" Why, oh why, did I ever say, "Not now, maybe later"? That is the coward mom's way of saying, "No, there are more important things than you right now." I just feel sick today, tearing up as I type this. I miss my little girl so much.
And yet I am so, so proud of her now. Forget the roller coasters at Busch Gardens; I'm my own crazy ride.
I do want to praise God, though, because when I picked her and her friend up after school, they were in a very good mood, and everything went smoothly today. A few days ago, when I took her in to school to register, we stood in the empty commons area at her locker. I said, "Look up there," pointing to a window display on the inside of the building above her locker. "You can kind of use that flag as a guide when you're trying to remember where your locker is." She didn't say much.
As we pulled in the driveway today (about a 15 minute drive home) she said, "I even remembered where my locker was by the end of the day." "Oh," I replied, "Did you use the flag I mentioned?" And she smiled and said, "Yeah." And that made me feel really, really, good.
Right now, she's hugging a pillow and lolling around on her older sister's bed, sharing details of the day. Words cannot describe how I feel as I watch their interaction; I am filled with pride for both girls, with thanksgiving for God's goodness and mercy for all of my bad mom moments, and hope for their futures.
But if you have the chance to play Little People or some such game today with your baby, please do. Everything else, everything else, can wait.