Monday, April 28, 2008
The Day I Got My Treat, and How the Big Woman Paid For it Twice
Message from Zoe: "Sometimes, usually Saturdays, the Big Woman comes in the door making a lot of racket, swinging noisy plastic bags and barking at the other people besides me in the house.
Every once in a while, she opens one bag and lowers something down to me, and that is like manna falling from heaven. It's my newest love interest. My raison d'etre. My calling in life: a treat.
For some reason, this time she bought a bone wider than my head. She told Alpha that this one is supposed to last 30% longer than the average treat. I considered that a challenge to my mandible agility, and I immediately began my shock and awe plan of bone decimation.
At first I couldn't even pick it up, and inexplicably, everyone thought that was hilarious. So I dragged it and tilted it and finally got the hang of carrying and burying it. Only I couldn't leave it buried because it was calling my name like chocolate calls the Big Woman.
Unfortunately for the BW, the 30% more invincible treat melted between my teeth, paws, facial hair and carpet fibers. So the next morning, when BW put in her contacts, she gasped and fell to her knees wailing about the stoopid rug. And then, even though I had had a bath only 48 hours earlier, she made me go into the mud room and get my paws and face washed, which I detest with the white-hot detestation that Hillary reserves for flouncy skirts and baking cookies.
So I watched BW get a wet cloth and Woolite and commence cleaning the entire area rug as if I had gone poo on it, but I promise I had not.
I decided this was her problem because she bought the treat for me, not I for myself. So I went to my bed and watched her pick up every crumb, run the sweeper, wash spots, and run the sweeper again.
But the best part was, I watched her from a top my new princess bed, which has a removable cover for washing. I smiled because I happen to know there's a another 30% stronger bone waiting for me in the laundry room. And I happen to know that it's only a matter of time until she will think I'm "too cute," and I will have it in my paws again. That is why I smile in this picture. Power to the Cuteness! Power to the Mandibles!"