I'm sorry I had to go there with that language, but normal words fail me right now.
I've been sitting here for about 3 hours working on the book proposal for She Speaks, the book proposal that I have grown to hate and have thus scratched. Oh yes I did.
Procrastination is not my modus operandi. Ever. But I have had the worst time staying on task with this. As a result, I have a lot more empathy for kids avoiding homework. Before, I never quite understood why they just didn't get to it and get it over with if they disliked it so much. But now I see it's kind of like jumping off a diving board when you're not a good swimmer. Dicey. And not so fun.
So I let it go and picked up another topic, which I'll get to in a minute.
Now I have a modicum of peace, at least mentally, but not physically.
However, I've been trying to cut back on the calories since Gatlinburg, eating veggies and fruits, with the occasional bowl of cereal. Let me tell you, because of the frustration, I've almost eaten my weight tonight in fruit. And it's crazed, WWF binge eating, where I'm grabbing strawberries by their little green collars, gulping most of the berry and then slamming the remains back into the bowl.
Hey, here's a thought: When you eat a lot of fruit, your tummy hurts, and you make a lot of ... noise. Noise which scares little dogs who sit behind you on your chair when you blog, who react to those noises by perking up their little ears, shaking off the assault and then running away. (Yes, College Daughter who reads my blog to spy on me, I just wrote about that. I know, I know; Boomama and Big Mama would never write about such indelicacies. But I'll be sitting at the feet of the masters soon, so maybe Southern decency will rub off on me.)
So #1: I hate my topic #2: I am noisy and traumatizing my dog #3: I'm distracted by every little thing possible, including the spider web on the wall above my monitor. It's like I'm trying to focus and type, and this little poof keeps waving at me, teasing me. If I didn't work, I wouldn't have spider webs on my wall, and I would have more time to write, just so you know.
Anyway--Old topic: Preparing Yourself for Your Changing Relationship With Your Child Before He Leaves for College ( College students don't need helicopter parents, and you need a life apart from mothering, basically, but it's really hard when kids leave home, and nobody tells moms much about this.)
New Topic: Building a book from my newspaper columns OR humorous posts from my blog. It feels dumb to say it, but most people seem to appreciate my humorous writing more than my apparently boring regular writing.
Problem: Experts say that a book of collections, devotionals or newspaper columns or what-have-you, needs to have a common thread, a theme. Well, I don't have that. I have oodles of randomness. And personally, I don't care so much for a humor book that is only about, say, one's humorous office experiences or one's hilarious marriage. I like a person's take on the world, from family to politics to anything else. But what do I know?
So it's almost 10:30 pm, and I have achieved nothing after hours of sitting here.
Argh! Help. Me.
Do you have any suggestions about the topic, as in how to approach it, etc? Do you think I should choose devotional writing or humorous writing? Do you think it was right for me to switch topics if I feel less pressure now? Because it feels like such a relief ... if you know what I mean. Let me know what you think.