Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Getting on the Ball

My weight loss project has not turned out the way I had hoped many weeks ago.

That is, I haven't lost any weight.

I. KNOW.

As Ed once told Mama and Eunice, "Why don't you just tattoo it across my forehead: F-A-Y-L-U-R."

And this last week of chaos at work wreaked havoc on my eating plans. I started the week with a bang and ended with a whimper. And with a couple of hot dogs, which I haven't enjoyed so much in a long time.

But then I had to face the music, otherwise known as the owner of the gym.

Who decided it was time to use the calipers on me to see why I'm not losing on the scale, in the hopes that I'm losing fat while gaining muscle which doesn't necessarily show up on the scale.

Turns out, not so much positive news.

And then he cocks his head and says in the most earnest, gentle way: "You've gotta get on the ball."

[Insert Law & Order gavel sound.]

So at 7:00 pm, I laced up my tennis shoes and took off in the neighborhood, aiming for 45 minutes of jogging.

Did I mention 7 pm, after a long day of work and chores and meals?

So I took off and began the masochism.

It hit 90* in Indiana today, so 20 minutes into the run, I was hearing the lyrics "Been through the desert on a horse with no name ..." because I was hallucinating about the Lab who ran across my path.

But then I had that Jillian mirage, where she always says, "If you're not fainting, vomiting or dying, keep going."

So I think the horse with no name is really named Jillian.

That's when a neighbor threw up a wave at me and yelled, "Hey, Linda. It's 90*!"

Thanks, Neighbor. I wasn't sure I was dying, but now I am.

So then I slogged all the way home and wrote this just to document to the gym owner: "I got on the ball. With no name. It felt good to be out of the rain. When you're slogging, you can't remember your name, until your neighbor calls it out and causes you pain."

23 comments:

H-Mama said...

Kuddos to you, Linda! Really. When the thermometer reads 103 as the outside temp in our van, it would be hazardous to my health to go running through the neighborhood. You think? I'll stay with Bob & Jillian. Indoors. ;)

Melanie @ This Ain't New York said...

I remember that clip with Ed. How I love Ed and Eunice.

Running in 90 degree temps?

C-R-A-Z-Y

Tabi said...

Ahhh that just stinks big! I understand! Have you done measurments though? I have done all my measurements and seen a difference there but not in my physical weight! Oh and it hit 100 here in Texas today...so let's just go run and throw up together!

elizabeth said...

LOL! You are too funny! Have I mentioned I read often but don't comment as much (if ever) as I should. I am back on the *ball* - and know I need to change (again) my whole attitude about food/eating/exercise. I am slooowy aiming to lose 50#

Melissa said...

Oh sweet mercy. That's a killer. You've been encouraging so many so you should for sure get points for that.
And Jillian, she's the she-devil.

Angie Ledbetter said...

Mall walking in climate controlled conditions is more my style. We'll be up to 100 today!

Chatty Kelly said...

La, la, la, la, la...I'm singing back up for you.

LOVED THIS POST! You are so talented.

Dena said...

Way to go Linda. You are much more dedicated than me. I was at my sons golf tournament yesterday and could have used that time to walk the course for exercise, but instead I sat under a shade tree and sipped a lemonade. You're my hero.

R.L.Scovens said...

Great job!! I don't know if I could have run in 90 degree weather!!

Susan D said...

I haven't been doing my part on this either. Thanks for the encouragement. Blessings, SusanD

Debbie @Like a Rose said...

Go you - much more dedicated than I am in 90 degree weather. Or maybe it's because the evil, I mean helpful, person on my shoulder is Bob.

Mocha with Linda said...

You are almost as crazy as the man jogging in our neighborhood last night when it was 99 at 6:45 p.m.

What you don't lose from the run you'll lose in sweat!

I thought your trainer meant he was going to put you on one of those exercise balls.

Mrs. E said...

Nice re-write of the lyrics. You make me laugh. We've been 100+ and ridiculous humidity here. I walk. I sweat. Now I'll be humming "Horse with no name," thanks to you!!

sara said...

LOL!! how you come up with this stuff!!

I am not doing so well either. I have lost a few pounds but life just keeps getting in the way of my exercise!!!

Merrie said...

I know too well! I have been trying to lose weight and I just keep GAINING! I have decided to just enjoy my summer - rolls, flab and all. I blatantly put on my bathing suit and parade around the pool. If they (those who are watching) don't like it, they can look away or leave - it IS my pool after all!
I think all this heat is just making us rise like yeast rolls!
Okay, so I'm going to keep trying! I need to do this for me and the others who have to see me! We CAN do this!

samurai said...

You can do IT! Keep it up Linda... don't lose hope!

Susanne said...

Running in 90*? Oh Linda, that's just wrong, wrong, wrong. At least in my little cheesecake eating world.

I thought your trainer was telling you to get on the exercise ball, too. In a nice air conditioned gym!

DidiLyn said...

Dang it, I feel your pain. What is that all about, not losing the pounds when we eat better and wog/slog all the time?
Maybe it's the Golden Rum cake I made yesterday and had for dessert. And breakfast.
Don't judge me, please.

Fiddledeedee said...

Yep. I fell off my wagon and it mowed me down...

And it's 100 degrees here in Armpit, Florida. I should be losing weight just going out to the mailbox.

Kim said...

Hey Lyd, I can forward you the e-mail I received last week about the machine you can buy that simply melts the pounds off without you doing a thing! LOL

We wish.

Hang in there girl. Think of it this way: How much MORE would you weigh had you not been doing the fitness program?!?

Mama Belle said...

That horse is definitely Jillian. I love it when she says on her "Shred" DVD, "You should feel like you're going to die." That makes me work so much harder.

Good job on the run. Yeah, it's in the 3-digits here. Hot as the Dickens!

Linda Vujnov said...

That is very funny.
Next time bring a spray bottle?

Allison said...

So funny! And I'm sorry you have the Jillian horse in your psyche. I don't think I could handle her popping up in my thoughts. From muggy NH, I say, "You Go Girl!"