Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Thanks to a Friend, I Have Seen the Future, and I am Depressed

This is one of my best friends, whom I shall call "M," except her real name is much cuter (and longer) than that, and it sounds like "Madwoman," which I often call her.
Amongst M's personality traits is a devotion to truth and knowledge. In a practical everyday way, this dogged determination shows up in the form of helpful email links but also in the debunking of urban legends by her checking with Snopes to see what's what. So, for instance, if I get a message forwarded from someone which claims that sleeping with a fan blowing on you all night will kill you, I just wait a couple of seconds to see if a follow-up message from M appears with the text, "False. [Inserts Snopes link.]" And this pretty much happens daily. Because people are not going to be fooled under M's watch. It's a mission.

And if you say to her in a nonchalant way, "Gee. I wonder [fill in blank with something like "Has Rupert Everett had plastic surgery?"] she gets her phone and Googles whatever topic you just wondered about and tells you the answer. Because people are not going to be befuddled under M's watch. It's a mission. Because, you know, knowledge and truth, etc., etc.

Two quirky traits we share are that we count a lot [random things, like number of steps from here to there or how many seconds at a red light] and we each fear that we will be detained somewhere like a doctor's office waiting room or the airport without a useful endeavor to pass the time, like debunking people's emails or having a book to read. She likes Sudoku; I like crosswords. We both have Yorkies, except hers, Petey, pictured at left, is a gigantic Yorkie who backs up into you to give you his version of "the cold shoulder," but it's actually the cold backside.

So the other day, I received this graphic from M, sharing straightforward, albeit depressing info about aging. Why she forwarded this, I did not know, unless she was compelled to make sure we would not be under any false presumptions that aging might be ... bearable. Because people are not going to wear rose colored glasses under M's watch. It's a mission.

Read these stats, and then I'll tell you why it's depressing.


It's depressing because I don't know about you, but by these determinants, I'm already old, and I have apparently been old for many years! This is my life on a graph, people! I mean, all that's missing is "1 hour per day plucking chin hairs and looking for the rheumatiz' medicine."

So I have Madwoman to thank for this, who just had to make sure I was in the know about Expectations vs. Reality regarding growing old. Wouldn't want to be wearing rose-colored bifocals, that's for sure. Makes me want to give her the Petey back-up!

Does this graphic represent your life at this point?

28 comments:

Big Mama said...

I think they must have followed me around for a week. How depressing.

Dawn said...

Well, by these standards, I should have been dead years ago. LOL

Gotta love a friend that keeps you grounded in the truth.

♥ Boomer ♥ said...

Hilarious! I'm old, too! ♥

Dena said...

I'm old right along with you then, because yes, that's my list. For me, searching for all my meds IS my hobby. The only questionable one on the list for me is I'm not sure I'm doing the vigorous exercise part. Unless I can count yanking on those nasty chin hairs as my exercise. If so, then I'm back in the senior game.

Mama Belle said...

What up with the 4% - get into an argument? That's an activity?

I do like the 40% - napping though.

Mrs. E said...

Everyone needs a friend like M! (Well, except for that darn graph!) And why didn't anyone tell us about stray facial hair when we were younger? argh!!

Chatty Kelly said...

Well, I don't take any perscriptions, and I probably spend more than 28% of my time on the internet, but other than that, yes.

I'm glad you & Madeline (right?) have a good time together. You could have been describing me at the beginning because I always am sending the emails "HOAX!" or "URBAN LEGEND!" How do people fall for such stuff????

Chatty Kelly said...

p.s. Did Amy Grant ever call you? I just noticed your cat in the window graphic.

The Bug said...

That's pretty much me, except I'd flip-flop the tv & internet usage - it's like my fingers are permanently attached to my keyboard.

I'm the M for all my friends - in fact they don't usually bother forwarding things to me anymore. My question is - if you have "the email" why can't you Snopes your own self? Yes, I'm annoying that way :)

Linda said...

Sad, but true. I think it is me in a nutshell and it has been for a long time. Now excuse me while I get my shuffle board group ready to go out for breakfast at Denny's. They're having a senior special this morning!

Dutch said...

I tell you every time I read your blog it always puts a smile on my face.
My brother seems to do that for me with Snopes. I sometimes get annoyed with him for it but I guess the truth is better than falsehood.
I guess I have fallen into the old way of life per the stats.
Typing this has made me tired so it is time for my nap. LOL
Have a great day and again thanks for the laughs.

Kim said...

That graphic most DEFINITELY reflects my life....hmmmm....guess that's what I get for priding myself on staying YOUNG....we've got these kinds of things (and friends) to bring us back to reality!!

Off to pluck my Aunt Ruth beard....

Blessings!
Kim

Susanne said...

Uhm pretty much except take a nap would be fighting with vigorous exercise for the last spot.

Mocha with Linda said...

Wow. That is one scary graphic. Of course reading your blog is one reason I'm on the internet!

And I'm glad to know M is in your life since I'm so many states away.

Becky said...

Not yet... now if the kids were grown I would gladly take on the chart.

Like your new style and header... wow! Its been a while since I've been around. It looks great and fits your zany style :-D

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Where have I been? I love your new layout...very cute. Cartoon lady is cute.

My ADHD Me said...

Hi. I haven't been here to visit in a while and I am missing out.
This is FUNNY!!

One thing, are you sure that "M" isn't really "CK" (Chatty Kelly)?
She will set you straight with snopes every time too.
It's nice to have someone do the leg work.
Speaking of legwork, too bad I can't work it out that I could somehow get something out of her excercizing.

You know, she goes to snopes and I get easy info.
She works out and I get firmer thighs....

Greg C said...

I am with you on the aging thingy. However tell miss No it all, that 98% of all statistics are made up on the spot so there. I do the same thing with all the email stories I get. I go to snoops and prove them. And that's the truth. Pthhhhhhhhhh.

Caitlin said...

Hmmm... that's odd, that graph DOES describe me- and I'm only 24!! Except I suppose that my napping is more like 75% or so... DOn't worry, I think that describes almost everyone- not just old people! :)

samurai said...

An interesting twist to the format change... ;-)

Kim said...

LOL
Yep, it's me alright.
Oh well.
I once brought a friend a birthday card that said, "You're not getting old. You're ALREADY old."
And so we are.
But look on the bright side; at least we are of a generation that can say "We still have our own teeth".

Ginger said...

That is pretty much my life in a nutshell! If I didn't know better I'd think they'd installed a camera in my house!

Debbie @Like a Rose said...

Hilaroius post! That Madwoman - hope I don't run into her some sunny Sunday morning, she might take my rose colored glasses :)

Beth E. said...

I do every one of those things...every SINGLE one! Sheesh...

Please excuse my stupid reply to your email...blame it on old age. :-)

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Wow...this is so true....Your blog design looks great....

Enjoyed my visit tonight...

Kellye said...

What a blessing to have a friend like M. Smart and cute - she is the total package!

Sue said...

LOL... well at least you are in good company! I am right up there with you under the "OLD" category... except the internet thing... only 28%? Even when I'm 80 I may still be considered "young"... gotta keep up with my internet ;-)

P.S. Are you saying that you didn't believe me about Rupert's surgery and needed M to confirm?? hee hee (Just joking!)

Sandra said...

Oh, no, me too! LOL! You have a great sense of humor. Thanks for the laugh.