Re Social Media Fear and Shame: 5 Reasons I Take Issue with "The Video"

Is social media destroying our ability to connect in meaningful ways?

If you believe  this video's ominous message, which has been appearing in my Facebook newsfeed repeatedly, the answer is, "yes." 

Hold on. 

Ever heard of "Blanket Statements?" This video leaves me feeling like I want to throw a blanket over my head. Depressing.

Facebook is merely a tool, like a shovel. Perhaps you want to turn up a little ground to plant a Petunia. That's one use. Perhaps you want to turn up a bunch more to plant perennials. That's another use. Perhaps you want to dig a foundation. That's another. You can use a tool at different levels for different reasons. Most people are intelligent enough to know that turning up enough earth to plant a Petunia is not enough to build a structure. And so it is with Facebook. You can work the surface or build strong foundations and structures. And just as a person could become distracted by gardening to the exclusion of others' feelings and existence, so it is with Facebook. Or anything in life. So this video is not false, per se, but it does smack of hysteria.

Let's skip over things we learn on Facebook regarding hobbies, travel, health, etc. Let's go right to the challenge of meaningful connection (although I would argue that sometimes, those "incidentals" just mentioned are part of learning who someone really is). Here are five examples of why I cringe at this video and believe that Facebook can serve as the catalyst for rich experiences in life:

1. Meeting in "real life." Let's get this "real life" thing out of the way, ASAP. I have friends with whom I meet regularly for dinner with whom I'd fallen out of contact until reuniting on Facebook. We are extremely close and meet approximately once a month or every other month. However, some form of chat happens nearly daily. There is NO QUESTION that these friendships are real, and mostly, they happen on Facebook. But here's the thing: Suppose we never met in person. Does that lessen the significance of the relationship? My friends and I happen to share very deeply in private on Facebook and share more casually in person because of the environment (restaurant, movie, competing noise, etc.) So who can judge whether my Facebook friendships are real and meaningful except me and my friends? So I use the term "real life" because that's what others have used. To me, it's all the same. It's all real life.

2. Connecting with relatives. Regularly, often daily, I chat with those whom I've never met or met once or who live across the country. I know what is happening in the lives of my "first friends," my cousins, and my cousins' children! They feel like family instead of merely names. In addition, I feel connected to the families into which my kids have married, which I think is amazing. 

3.Celebrating and grieving with others. Instead of finding out six weeks after the fact, I often know when a friend is about to lose someone or has just lost someone. I know when a child is being born or leaving home for the first time. I may learn of a couple's plan to adopt. I can immediately decide which action to take to show support and love, be that a kind word on Facebook, a card, a visit during calling hours or a gift for a new baby or wedding. When my father died, the outpouring of love and beautiful tributes helped me move through the stages of grief and were available to me at 3:00 am when I would not have chosen to phone a friend.

4. Encouraging and inspiring each other toward goals and dreams. Are you dreading your daily run? Me too! Did you just finish a really difficult run? Me too! Did you just enroll in graduate school? Buy your first house? Start a new job? I am so happy for you! Begin a healthier lifestyle? How can I support you in that goal? --Is that not what real friends do for each other?

5. Having my beliefs challenged and eyes opened, spiritually, politically, socially, and learning how to discuss beliefs without losing friends and maybe coming away with a deeper appreciation for that person. I can't count the number of times I've become more compassionate because someone I know on Facebook is struggling with a particular challenge.

There will always be people who live inside their TVs, phones, video games, jobs, bank accounts, movies, latest health trends, pets' lives, children's lives, religion, social causes. There will always be people missing the mark with others, even the most socially conscious and plugged in to others. We could make an ominous video about any subject. We could become monks, but then we'd just be distracted by our robes and each other. Pretty soon, we'd be saying, "Does your robe do this weird thing at your ankle, too?"

For all of its faults and snares (after all--to keep the imagery going--you can assault someone over the head with a shovel) Facebook has helped me grow as a family member, friend and citizen of this world.

 Let's not forget that great quote by CS Lewis: "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What! You too? I thought I was the only one." 

It's just that sometimes, that quote takes this shape:  [Status Update] "My dog likes to eat avocados!" [Comment] "Mine does, too!" BOOM-a small moment of community. I'll take it. 

I personally love it all, the deep and the shallow ends of the Facebook pool. Be informed, yes. Swim where you like, and let others enjoy the water without worrying them about pruned fingers and toes. To that I will add, "LOL." 

Genesis of a Blog Post, Or "Lid, How Do You Come Up With that Junk You Write?" and Flashback Friday

Sometimes people ask, "Lid, where do you get your snazzy ideas for blog posts?" Well, the answer is, I work really, really hard on being witty, current, snazzy and most extremely, brainy-ish.

Like this guy:


So now I take you to the inner workings of my brain to hook you up with "Genesis of a Blog Post."

Here is an actual Facebook message between Lid of Mocha With Linda and me which turned into a blog post:

Mocha Linda to 2nd Cup Linda: Good morning, my friend! Just wanted to say I hope you have a splendiferous day! Can't believe tomorrow is October 1st!

2nd Cup to Mocha: Good morning, to you, too!! I just came from the doc where I received an injection of cortisone into my left buttock. How's THAT for detail?

My eyes are doing the swelling thing again.

Speaking of Oct., my b-day is this month. Now normally, I don't broadcast it, except maybe on my blog where most people don't know me personally. However, this week, on a local radio station, they started a contest wherein you can win a birthday cake from a beloved local bakery which makes cakes to die for. So I thought, "I will enter." That was yesterday. This morning, as I was putting on my makeup, I heard "Happy birthday to Linda Crow, 48 years old today."

??? I forgot to put in a date, I guess. Sad part is, my birthday is next week, and that's when the contest starts. So now I think I will contact the station and say, "I think I got my birthday wrong."

Oh boy.

I think I just wrote a blog post here! haha.

Yep, I believe I did.

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What toys do you remember from your childhood? What did you like to do to entertain yourself? Did you mostly play inside or outside? Did you ride a bike all over the neighborhood? Play baseball in the backyard? Basketball in the driveway? Did you have to "get permission" to play at a friend's house, or were you and your friends back and forth between houses all the time? If you had siblings, was there a distinction between your toys and theirs? Did you "inherit" any toys from older siblings? What were the "fad" or "must-have" toys of your generation? Did you parents buy them? Was there a toy you always wanted and never got to have?

I played by myself a lot when I was little and had a vivid imagination. I had an imaginary friend named "Tacko," who I pictured looking something like this:



When I did play with neighborhood kids or cousins, I played pretend or The Partridge Family. I was usually Tracy, keepin' it real with my tambourine.

I liked to ride my bike and run little races in my backyard.

I also loved Barbies and other dolls, like Baby First Step, whom I have written about ad nauseum here. But she was so cool. She walked like Baby Frankenstein.



Here is a Barbie parade, featuring Barbies riding the ever-popular "Canister Vacuum Cleaner" float. I believe I was either anticipating or had already viewed a Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.



As I got older to loved to play volleyball in our street at night with friends. We would play well past dark by the street light. So much fun. Especially since the boy who lived down the street was suddenly, inexplicably, very cute.

Thanks, Lid, for sharing life and laughter with me--from miles and miles away! Someday we'll meet in person!

Hair Update

FACEBOOK UPDATE: For you who advised on the hair yesterday: I got a trim-cut, layers that I can squish up & leave wavy. This useless update truly reminds me of the AT&T Backflip commercial: "This just in on FB and Twttr, local bachelor age 41 has just enrolled in ka-rah-te" : "Local secretary receives cheap haircut conducive to 80s videos/humid summer days." What do you do with your hair in the Dog Days of Summer?

Facebook Fodder & John Mellencamp's Stop Smoking Challenge from His Son

As you see by my invitation to the right there to "friend me!" I am a Facebook participant. Lately, the whole thing is growing on me. For one thing, it's easier than blogging. One status update is like a mini-blog post. Consider this one from last night by me:

"OHmygosh. I had to leave trays and trays of buckeyes all over my kitchen to go to the doc after a sudden and unmistakable problem. THREE hours later, I am the LAST one out of the office, last in dark parking lot, and finally home with my black and yellow antibiotics. --Hey--are these what they called "yellowjackets" on Hawaii Five-0?? :) Book me, Danno."

See how much info you learned in such a short post? Why can't I do that here?

I like being in touch with friends old and new. About half my friends are bloggers, other half consists of current friends and friends from high school.

Sometimes, a question or update generates a bit of conversation. I thought I'd share this one with you.

I asked the following question, and just look at the differing opinions on the whole subject. Very, very interesting! (I abbreviated names.)

Linda Batt Crow: What do you think about John Mellencamp's FB deal with his son?
Tue at 11:17pm · Comment ·LikeUnlike

MC: Not sure--still thinking about it.

CN:What exactly was it Linda? I just heard about it. I know he needs to quit!!

LW: Don't like him. Don't care. That was mean. Won't take it back though. :)

PH: If he's been unsuccessful so far, it's unlikely that even a million people who join his son's cause will change anything. He's counting on it not being possible. I did see how old the son was...not too young I hope.

SGM: It's sad...parents who lay this crap on their kids make me angry.

PH: Oops...that was i did NOT see how old the son is... I agree S, it makes me both sad and angry. But mostly sad.

Linda Batt Crow: C, apparently if his son can get one million people to join his FB group, his dad has agreed to quit smoking. It was interesting seeing the comments because it didn't occur to me to be angry for some reason. I had other thoughts, but not anger. Interesting.

DFK: wouldn't the risk of cancer and death be enough? i swear some people.....they have no idea

Linda Batt Crow: One way to look at it is that he wants his son to feel as if he is the force (strength) behind him to help him quit. In that sense, the son, "Speck", 14, can always say (or feel) "I am the one who finally got him to quit." For all we know, he may be down to a few cigarettes a day and knows that quitting all together is imminent, so why not let the son feel he had a big part in it? Just sayin'

Linda Batt Crow: And I don't think one million is an unreachable number for Mellencamp, so I don't think setting the number really high to ensure it won't happen is what's going on.

DFK: good point, but the man needs to be true to his word. Oh i agree...that number isnt too high at all....just figured he would be motivated some other way...but you are right!

CN: I'm just wondering if I can get about a thousand FB friends to sign on to make me quit chocolate chip cookies. Ehhh, I doubt it!

DFK: whahahabahahahaa that is funny.

Linda Batt Crow: This is quickly turning into a blog post. :) Thanks for the inspiration!

CBB: We also need to realize that nicotine is a drug, and it often self-medicating. Not healthy, but somewhat effective for a period of time. Not a good thing, but if we are constantly judgmental about it, it becomes a power-struggle between the smokers and the non-smokers. I had a very wise counselor who pointed out the BENEFITS of smoking for those under stress, and it helped me realize that I shouldn't look down on smokers. It's a very difficult thing to stop - (self-medicating for relief of stress)

DFK: as addicting as heroine....but the consequences are deadly..

DJP: Linda,I am an ex smoker, I quit 11 years ago on the 7th of this month. E asked me to quit that Oct. I did not give her an answer because I didn't want to lie to her. I did not have any intentions one way or the other to quit or to keep on smoking. Many variables played in my decision to stop. I had more reasons to quit than to keep smoking. To quit smoking is like taking on a full time job, after your first day, you really have conquered it. The key to stop, is once you have gone that day, is to not cave to the craving, do that will feed the habit.
I only hope that John M. will honor his agreement with his son. It is not easy, but it is like any other habit, such as drugs, alcohol, or food addiction, if you fall off the wagon, get pick up and get back on it. Don't give up.

CBB: I remember when you quit, D. Good for you!

CBB: I totally agree, D. Still, I was just saying that we look down on people with addictions, and we should be more understanding.

CN: I think his son is brilliant if dear dad will really do it. Dear dad is an idiot if he doesn't stop. There are plenty of "helps" out there to get him out of the addiction.

KC: any publicity is good publicity, right?

CC: I think it's hilarious & in my head Mellencamp didn't "lay this" on Speck. In my head it's one of those random conversations John didn't think would really become something. Imagine with me, it's morning, John's having his coffee & first cig of the day & Speck starts fake coughing in annoyance. Speck suddenly says he's got this wacky idea to get his dad to quit. It seems unlikely he would actually attempt it, & John's no really awake yet so he says," sure, whatever, go get ready for school." But Speck followed through & I think, with so many others watching, John will follow through.

Linda Batt Crow: KC, I don't think it's career boost move. I have to tell you all that when I first read about it, I had the exact opposite reaction to a lot of people. I thought it was a very sweet gesture on both parts. And everyone knows sometimes your love for your child can change your decisions and habits. I know.

PDH: And you're the ray of sunshine, Linda. That's why we love you!!! I'm sure the child's motivations are pure. I guess my gut reaction is that the Dad was just trying to get the kid off his back and eventually the whole thing will backfire because he has no intention of actually quitting. On the other hand... I sure hope that you're right, Linda!!!

Although, I like C's version too!!!

MAF: Love it! Whether he's successful or not, it's a good model. God does not require us to be successful, just faithful. We don't have to know what the motivation is to join the fight. It will bring attention to how hard it is to do.

CC: Well said MAF!

Linda Batt Crow: My mother, who is 83 and lived through the end of the Depression and WWII and had 4 children, says that quitting smoking when she was a young woman is THE single hardest thing she's ever done.

CH: I would have to agree!

KB: I hope it works, but he really needs to want it for himself.

DC: Wow, 31 comments. Is that your new record? And by the way I agree with you.

Linda Batt Crow: Don't know if it's a record. But it does tell me that it will make a good blog post. And great minds think alike. Or maybe SHS minds do???

DF: I'm thinking it was a good idea on Speck's part - since John agreed, once they get the million people John will know their are a million people "watching" which may be what he knows he needs in order to quit. If he's 14 he is old enough to know that this might not work and not be traumatized by it. If it does work, YEAH!

DJP: Linda, I also thought it was a good thing, and I would encourage anyone with a smoking habit to quit. It is expensive, but it causes so many health issues!! Heart disease, COPD, emphysema, and many types of cancer, anywhere you have RBC cell...cancer.

BW: I haven't heard anything about it what is it?

DOH: How do I join his FB group?!! If I can help to save even one person the grief that I have had to endure related to cancer, I am in-I don't care if he really stops, it is a personal choice, as was my mother's choice to smoke for years and J's to chew, but look at the attention it is gaining!!! For those who don't know me, my mom died of cancer in July and J, my husband, in September-both from cancer directly related to tobacco!!

Linda Batt Crow: DOH, I sent you the link (an invitation to join) and also if you click on my info and go to my groups, you can link there.

Yesterday at 7:07pm · Delete
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Good stuff. :) By the way, this story is probably more interesting to Hoosiers because Mellencamp is one.