Wednesday, January 21, 2009

American Idol Reflections

I'm back into the swing of AI again, with my favorite contestant last night being the girl named Akilah who brought along a tattered folder of singing instructions which she had researched on the Internet and printed off. I really don't know how Aretha made it in the biz without this instructional notebook, that's how thick and, um, printed it was.


Anyway, Akilah brought illustrations of human anatomy with all the parts pertinent to singing labeled. Like the "larnex [larynx]," the "legitical cartilages [uh, I don't know what it is, but she pointed toward the part of the body where the leg joins the torso]" the "trayshea [trachia]" and the ... [some kind of word she made up]. It was like a familiar yet foreign language.

The most interesting moment may have been when she claimed that she messed up her song because she sang not from the diaphragm but instead from "the wrong re*ctums" Hel-lo.

In the exit interview, she said, "I shouldn't have let Paula, Simon and Randy eractitate me." I agree. Who can sing when you're being eractitated by four know-it-alls?

She spoke with the force and speed of a careening train plowing over cattle on the tracks, and with all the confidence and authority of a an M.D. who just happens to mispronounce every scientific term. She also managed to mix up all the info she had rehearsed about the judges to impress them, calling Randy "Simon," for example. And to top it all off, she talked about how when you sing "a capella-ly," you have to do something. I'm not sure what she said you have to do because I couldn't hear her over my own head trying to wrap itself around singing "a capella-ly."

There are some early standouts (or perhaps "early legitical standations," if you're Akilah.) You may be one of those who skips the first shows and waits for the truly good stuff near the end of the season. But then you would miss Akilah and jackets like this:


And if you start this early with your favorites, their success at the end matters a whole lot more. And how sad is it that anyone's success on this show would matter to me at all, let alone "matter a whole lot more" under any circumstances. And yet, I cannot lie. It does matter, people. Oh, it does. So stop eractitating me with your "I don't watch AI" stuff. Because people without ugly mugs shouldn't eractitate us normal people!

30 comments:

missy said...

oh how i loved this post. and american idol, of course. akilah was indeed hilarious which you captured well. i loved how simon continually mispronounced her name. Kind of like he does with Kara.

Becky said...

THAT was a good show tonight. Am I eractitating you? LOL.

The Quiet One said...

Incredible! I woke up this morning in horrible pain. I came online to email my boss that I won't be in today, decided to check the blogs and found yours. Even when I'm feeling like crap you managed to make me laugh! How very un-eracitating of you! Thanks and have a great day!

LuAnn said...

Love the post today. Also, what about the young man with red hair, green and white stripe shirt who was trying to sing (?) with his mouth closed.

Dorothy Champagne said...

I liked that guys jacket. I guess if they can put a girl through to Hollywood for wearing a bikini - they can keep a guy off the competition for his wool coat.

sara said...

She was my favorite too! And when people tried to help her with the pronunciations, she very fervently repeated her "own" way!!! too funny!

Teri~Facedown said...

:) Funny stuff. I got to use eractitate immediately last night as my son was talking incessantly during the show! It was fun!

Debbie said...

I don't watch AI but I always love to catch up on the posts!

Mocha with Linda said...

I'm surprised you're even my friend, since I not only don't have an ugly mug, but I don't watch AI. Or Lost. Or Office. Or 24.

I'm just no fun and totally eractitating, huh?!

Susanne said...

She cracked me up. My fave moment was when Simon invited in the little brothers and then gave one of them a hug. Who knew he had a soft spot?

Mel said...

I love love reading your recaps as I have a hard time sitting through the audition portion...i feel so bad for those who are disappointed...mushy mel thats me!!

Anyway so I half listen and watch but can come here and get the awesome recap!!!

Carol @SheLives said...

No clue why, but I did watch it. I think that gal was just plain whack. I'm thinking "legitical caritlages" might have has something to do with pelvic ligaments, but I mean...whatever. Either you can sing or you can't and she was a definite can't.

Bless her heart, it was in the right place. Where that is exactly...Well, you'd have to have a diagram.

Sitesx6 said...

Oh my..I was laughing from my rectum tonight...(sorry had to go there) WHAT KIND OF CRAZY was going on there?

That dude with the coat, FREAKED ME OUT. The P. Rico girl, MADE ME WANT TO THROW UP, I can't take her- I will have a seizure if I hear her laugh and flip her hair one more time.

Wow....that is all I have to say.

Funny stuff.
Kelly (in Michigan)

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Carol, I believe you mean, "diagrammical lexiconigious."

fransmomma said...

ha! that was great!! we were cracking up at last nights episode. i've decided i get way too much pleasure out of watching people make fools out of themselves on that show.
i think akilah and her diagrams will be back later in the season; not to sing, but for some kind of interview or something.
just a guess.

Julie said...

You give the best play by play of AI of anyone I know....

I am glad you love AI, cause I do too, and that means I have someone I can chat with about it.....

What about the "blonde" who they accused of drinking...and what was that thing around her neck???

Chatty Kelly said...

Stop tempting me. I make it a rule not to watch until all the riff-raff have been weeded out. I start watching at top 24 usually.

Yes, I do miss things like Miss Articulation, the Bikini girl and the blind guy...but I'm still up to date via blogs and entertainment news. Living vicariously through you.

Beverly said...

we used to call that jail house lawyer speak when the parolees would study the law books while waiting hearings for rescinding parole etc. Terrible I tell ya!

Rachel said...

I missed Akilah because I was doing dishes (boo). I did however see couch-coat boy. He was... interesting.

Not to eractitate you, but there is only room for ONE show on our DVR tonight, and it WILL BE LOST! So bye-bye AI. We got priorities around here.

skoots1mom said...

i was crocheting...new preemie caps for cancer kids. I'll get to watch next week...you've got my curiousity up now...let's all write down how many mis-used or mis-pronounced words we can hear :)

Alexia said...

I love the auditions for AI, but haven't been able to watch any this season becuase I work when it's on :( I'm bummed.

Debbie said...

Oh darn...I missed it last night. (watching news, catching up on the inauguration stuff..NOT that I agree with everything Obama believes )
I wish I had seen it. Is it on tonight? If so, it will cut into LOST, which I love too. As I noticed you do.
Love your blog.

Greg C said...

I want that jacket. It is so cool. The only thing cooler is the bikini girl. No I am not a fan, I just see the previews and they keep showing her. I think she is beautimus.

Lois Lane II said...

I have not watched this week's episode yet, but I have it DVRed, yea!!!

But LOST is for tonight...

Edwina at The Picket Fence said...

She was a riot and she really thought that she could sing. It was funny when Paula just walked off. The guy with the coat of many plaids was weird. I love that show, especially right now when we can sit back and make fun of people who sing worst than we do :)

Barb said...

I totally forgot all about American Idol last night... my parents were visiting and we were also watching Biggest Loser.... I will have to remember to watch it tonight

marina said...

I can't belive I forgot to watch it last night. marina

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

Yes, Akilah was my favorite character of the night. The singing out of the rectum comment totally floored me.

Esthermay said...

I get cranial pain reading this -- but mostly I'm just confused. I live in MN. The cold weather does something to our mental ability. Really. . . I'm just lost - I don't watch AI. But you are so funny I'm guessing the 2nd Cup Recap is just as good as the real network thing since you have more talent in your mi´nimus ma´nus (i.e.'pinky') than Akilah and all her fans combined. Don't losers like her have tons of fans? (See...this is a COMpliMEnt)
:-)
My husband has a jacket like that. He looks hot in it. I hope jacketmaster wins.

Dena said...

I watched BL, so I had tivoed AI and watched it last night before the next episode of AI aired. Thankfully it appears that so far they are showing not just bad singers, but bad singers who are entertaining. Oh and I must say that I agree that my problem with my singing is that I'm singing out my wrong um, youknowwhat. LOL