Thursday, July 30, 2009

Thursday 13: When The Spouse Travels

Observations, good and bad, about when my spouse travels.

Good:

1. You can eat out of styrofoam bowls with plastic sporks all week long if you want to avoid dirty dishes. (If you want to avoid dirty dishes?)

2. You can get in and out of your vehicle without adjusting the seat and mirror each time. Ditto on the shower head.

3. There is no one to mock you for watching "The Bachelorette Tells All on the After-the-Rose-Jump-Hug Ceremony" or other quality reality shows.

4. Personal hygiene and maintenance of all sorts is an option, not a requirement.

5. You can decide to see a chick flick on a Tuesday night with a friend just because you want to without feeling guilty. Skippy doodles!

Bad:

6. There is no one upon whom to place your icy feet at night.

7. Your coffee doesn't make and walk itself to you each morning.

8. When you bemoan, "I can't wait for Kristin to come home from cross country camp because I miss her so much I went into her room and the tiny little pile of p.j.'s she left on the floor just broke my heart and I'm so sorry I've ever said a cross word to her in her entire life because she is the best, sweetest girl in the world" no one commiserates with you.

9. Your dog mopes around because your spouse, her favorite, is gone. This is both pathetic and a real honk off at the same time.

10. When you work on a draft for a column, no one feigns interest the way you are accustomed to.

11. He takes the book you're reading with him.

12. He is in Florida, and you're not.

13. You find yourself singing weird songs like, "Bluer Than Blue," and "Ain't No Sunshine When (s)He's Gone."

With apologies to Bill Withers (And I sound just like him when I sing this version):

Ain't no sunshine when he's gone.
I set the alarm when he's away.
Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
So I'm singing this bluesy song
And my readers have to pay.

Wonder who will mow the lawn.
Wonder which bills I should pay.
Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
And these cookies won't last long
anytime he goes away.

And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know

Hey, I could just pick up that phone,
But ain't no sunshine when he's gone.

31 comments:

2Thinks said...

Last time my hubs left on business, a pipe busted under the sink at 1:37 a.m. and flooded our kitchen with steamy, hot water.

I know what you mean. I love and hate it when he's gone.

Heidi

H-Mama said...

i hear you loud and clear. great list. i may have to work on one myself. my hubby is out of town too. boo...

Dawn said...

I find when my husband travels that I don't sleep (there is no reason to head up to bed) and I get a whole lot done. He used to fear coming home because something major in the house would be changed. I'm not quite so industrious now but I do get a lot done and eat a lot less. I will pray for a safe return of your husband.

sara said...

so funny....but so true!!

Beverlydru said...

This is all funny and true. Monday I'll be listening for you crowing (I meant singing, of course) "Reunited and it feels so good..."

The Bug said...

That's how I feel - after all there's a reason we're still married after 18 1/2 years. I always think I'll enjoy the "freedom" - & I do, for about two hours - then I'm bored & ready for him to get back home.

Mocha with Linda said...

Too funny.

And I hate it when you get songs is my head!!!

Greg C said...

Here are a few adders:


Good: You can walk around the house in the nakie.

Bad: You pass by mirrors. OMG is that me?

Good: You get the entire bed all to yourself.

Bad: You find out you are afraid of the dark.

Good: You have control of the remote control.

Bad: You find out that there is nothing you want to watch anyway.

Anywhooooo

Mrs. E said...

I feel your joy, feel your pain!

Merrie said...

You are so funny! I am in the same boat when my husband goes on trips. He used to travel ALL the time (that was when we had 4 children at home). One of my favorite things when he is gone is that I only have to make up 1/2 the bed because I don't mess up his 1/2...and cleaning is optional and the house is not as messy...

Ginger said...

Love this! My husband doesn't travel as much as he used to, but when he does, boy life is really different around the house! My daughter and I watch way too much chick t.v. and eat lots of junk food!

Rhonda said...

Worded beautifully! The styrofoam plates and plastic forks - I am so there! My hubby has nicknamed me the paper product queen.

Why is it when the kids are away, we DO remember every time we were cross and just feel sooo bad - only a mother would know. And the husband will sooth your hurt and wipe the tears and remind you what a wonderful mom you are.

As they say: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

PS "Ain't No Sunshine" boy does that ever take me back to somewhere around 10th grade....

Ginger said...

I so love that song!

skoots1mom said...

there are people with cold feet??

great list...oh, so true!
Zoe really loves you best, she's just trying to push your buttons...

wish coffee would come to me, just one time...

can i adopt jorge for a while for some lessons :) (i'm not doing something right)

"Rachel" said...

LOL at #9!!! Poor Zoe!

Jenny wren's nest said...

My life as a farmers wife is interesting and that my husband is alway here in the winter and never around at all in spring and fall.
Jenny

Chatty Kelly said...

Okay, I hate to tell you but Greg stole your blog. I was going to leave you a comment, but his list was so funny, I forgot what I was going to say.

Hope your hubby comes home soon.

Britanny said...

ooohh...a good chick flick...pj's...smokin' hot popcorn with plain m&m's sprinkled over the top...curled up on the sofa with a box of tissues...Nothing better!

Heather of the EO said...

I had the most fun of times reading that. (and singing the song in my head) Your creativity rocks!

Sorry he's gone...

Linda said...

The hygiene thing...I'm just thinking that maybe that is the best reason for my hubby to never be gone! ha.

Lois Lane II said...

LOL, even when he IS here, I use plastic as much as possible...and, unfortunately, he doesn't even know how to turn on a coffee pot.

Kim said...

You chose a most appropriate song to sing (?) as you miss your hubby. And now we'll all be humming it into next week.

Why did he take your book?! That's not just "BAD", that's THE WORST!

Susanne said...

It's been years since hubby's been away on a business trip but seems to me one of my good things was I had to the queen size bed to myself and one of the bad things was I was the queen size bed was empty without him. :v)

And what chick flick did you see?

Carmen said...

I always miss my hubby when he goes away, but the house sure does stay clean a whole lot longer. Which makes me wonder...was it the kids, or was it the hubby all this time?

The older I get, the more I realize that I actually don't mind it when he's gone. As long as he comes back...and so far, he has.

Anonymous said...

I'm gonna jump for joy when my husband leaves on business because it will mean he got a JOB! AH the joys of waiting on the Lord for His provision and timing!

www.willingtoriskreadytogo.com

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Great list...my husband is on the road a lot and there are some plus's.....
I am always ready for him to be home...but love those days by myself...

Debbie @Like a Rose said...

Ha - I love it when you rework song lyrics!

marychristina said...

Agreed! Thanks for putting it into words!

Carol said...

This post is JUST hysterical!! I can SO relate to so many of the good and bads!!

Cyndy said...

Okay it's always the book thing that gets me. That's why I advocate that if you are going to read a book together you each need to have your own copy. Expensive but it avoids the little problem of (s)he taking the book with them when they travel without you...

Did that make sense? I've been painting this week, maybe the fumes are getting to me. HA!

Sandra said...

LOL! Cute post. I don't cook either when my hubby is gone. I love that song too.