Saturday, August 01, 2009

Ryan Started the Fire, But So Did I

Last night I told the world on Facebook that I was attempting to start a backyard campfire on my own, since Jorge's flights in Ft. Lauderdale and Atlanta were both delayed.

I've never been one to pretend to be Caroline Ingalls, but I needed a marshmallow. Or two or fifteen.

So I did the Scouty "kindling" tepee thing (Hey, I've been paying attention) with twigs and dry mulch and got a roaring fire going, and by roaring, I mean BONFIRE. I know it has nothing to do with the Tom Wolfe novel, but all I could say over and over in my head was, "BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES! BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES!"

I minded that behemoth like it was a sleeping bear because I knew Jorge would be so mad if he came home and I had burned down the neighborhood. He's so strict.

So I sat there and read chapters 1 and 2 of Jeremiah, and then a book on running after age 35. (Ha! Try "after 45.")

I also threw in my draft notes of my column which I've been writing. It felt kind of good to watch them burn.

Then I just sat there and stared into the fire.

And then THIS kept going through my head:

And that's when I knew it was time to put out the fire.

It took 5.5 buckets of water to put it out, and when I poured the first one on, millions of white ashes swooshed up into the air and came down like snow or dandruff or psoriasis, all over my head and shoulders and clothes. But the fire fought me, so I had to come back out 4.5 more times and create another Pompei with ashes.

So that's how I ended July, which I loved except when I fell down two nights ago.

The end.


Dena said...

Glad I didn't see any Indiana 4 alarm fires on the news last night! Oh, and you'll have to ask Jorge if he saw any confused & exhausted Spanish high schoolers at the Atlanta airport. Our host student from last year just spent a month in St. Louis and she sent me a text last night saying they were stuck in Atlanta due to a delayed flight.Just thought it might be a small world after all. Not that they'd be on the same flight or anything - unless Jorge came home by way of Barcelona? Ok, I'll stop rambling. Have a good Saturday. :)

Chatty Kelly said...

Um, did I miss the blog post telling the story of when you fell down? What?

You always make me smile. I love your blog. "Linda started the fire!" I loved that song. yay Billy Joel.

Susanne said...

Sounds like your ready for Survivor! Although I can't say I've ever seen a Pompeii on that show but it would be cool.

You can't just end with a sentence of a fall and leave it that, woman! What happened? Are you okay? You must be if you had the wherewithal to build a fire. Spill it.

Sandra said...

My husband is strict like that too. Men are so funny that way.

Mrs. E said...

I'm with CK-- you fell down??

And how were the marshmallows??

Melanie @ This Ain't New York said...

The important thing is- Do you still have eyebrows? Forget the neighbors' homes.

Your last line cracked me up.

Okay, next to last line.

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

"...and came down like snow or dandruff or psoriasis..."


skoots1mom said...

you're such a hoot...
will the water dry out by time jorge gets home?
sorry you ok?
i'm good at falling, usually at the church in front of a lot of people.
i do smores over the gas stove ashes :)

p.s. thx 4 keeping Katie in your prayers, you're an angel!

"Just Me - NC Beth" said...

Thought I was the only one that falls!!! :o)

Glad you got the fire're much braver than me, even attempting to have a fire!!


Kathryn Magendie said...

*LAUGHING!* good lord, haw!!!!!

12-arrows said...

oh my gosh I just sat here and totally laughed out loud at your post and then to top it off you post a video from the Office which is my all-time FAV show! Hilarious! you go girl I bet you didn't even think you had it in you to build such an awesome fire, did you? one of the best posts I've read lately too! Thanks for the laughter and the visual!!!!

Brenda Susan said...

Strict hubbies are the worst, sheesh!

Whe we first had a fireplace insert I kept a bucket of water near it when Hubs wasn't home! Same strict hubby thing.