American Idol, Shakespeare, and Can You Match the Slogans with the Products?

American Idol: First of all, can you believe the American Idol finale? When was the last time you saw so much talent in one place, besides the Lawrence Welk show or the Muncie community theater?!

Seriously. I felt my adrenaline surge during "We Are the Champions," and I felt my stomach go in a knot (in a bad way) just as I did as a kid when my older brother loved KISS. And although Rod Stewart looked a little unstable on his feet, he's still got it. Plus, he is still skinny, which is important when you're Rod Stewart. He is one person who can just never get away with anything else, you know? I mean, even Cher could get chubby before Rod.

I don't know why Cyndi Lauper sat like that. I knew you wanted me to address that issue. "Ladies" shouldn't sit that way. Especially middle aged menopausal ladies. Ick.

Steve Martin? How did he get this gig? I mean, he's an all right performer, but with those big names on the stage, how did he manage this?

Oh, I could go on, but this show is why we watch every season, and somehow, it just seems to get better and better.

Am I a better person for watching AI? No, I am not. I am, however, a highly entertained one, which is not as noble but at least I'm honest.

One last thing: Yay Kris.

Shakespeare:


You may not watch The Office, but I must tell you that if you have ever worked in an office, there was a scene that you would relate to: the filthy office microwave.

Such is is my life.

So the receptionist, Pam, made a sign and posted it on the top of the microwave about cleaning up after one's self after using the microwave. Her co-workers hated this sign.

Today, it was not the microwave, but a plastic bucket of fruit with a lid that had sat for several days in our sink until you couldn't tell the kiwi from the ewwwweee.

Now it's not often that my present life, secretary, collides with my past life, English major, but today, before I even had time to think about it, as I approached the dreaded bucket, Shakespeare said to my head, "Something wicked this way comes."






If ever a bucket deserved to have "Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble" chanted over it, it was this Rubbermaid bucket.

It sure looked like someone had cooked up a pot of poisoned entrails, eye of newt, and toe of frog.

So I did what any Pam-worthy secretary would do. I snuck it outside and pitched it.

Shhh. Don't tell anyone. Oh wait. My co-workers sometimes read this blog.

Match the Slogan with the Product:

In other work news, yesterday we had a giant meeting to discuss the relevancy and viability of our church's mission statement: "Know, Grow, Go."

Shakespeare would be proud.

So as we discussed the statement, a couple of us came up with alternative ones just in case we decided to 86 the current one, my favorite one being, "I Hope You Dance" which was so random that it completely cracked me up.

That got me to thinking about branding and mission statements, and I was wondering if we should just work with what has proven successful elsewhere, that is, famous advertising slogans. So I adapted some; see what you think. Try plugging your church's name in there and see if it doesn't make you giggle. And can you match the famous slogan with the product?

• Union Chapel: A little dab'll do ya. (Especially when you work there all week.)
  

• Union Chapel is the place for the helpful hardware man. (Things get broked.)
  

• A day without Union Chapel is like a day without sunshine. (Uh, this must not include my desk because sometimes, I don't emit sunshine.)
  

• Union Chapel: All you add is love. (And volunteers, and programs, and sick babies and smelly middle school boys. Now we're closer.)
  

• Union Chapel: the San Francisco treat. (Seriously doubt San Fran would consider our theology a treat.)
  

• Union Chapel, take me away. (Ohh, so you want to go on a missions trip!)
  

• Union Chapel: Celebrate the Moments of Your Life. (Kinda cute.)
  

• How do you spell relief? U-n-i-o-n C-h-a-p-e-l

• In the valley of the Jolly, "Ho, ho, ho," Union Chapel. (At least it's reminiscent of Psalm 23.)
  

• Be all that you can be: Union Chapel (Yes, please volunteer today.)
  

• If I've only one life, let me live it as a Union Chapel member! (Sounds like a religious Patrick Henry.)
  

• Just do it. Union Chapel. (I'm kind of liking this one. It's like "stop making excuses and get plugged in.")
  

• Union Chapel: It's the cheesiest. (That's a great one! Especially for youth ministry!)
  

• It's the real thing: Union Chapel!

• Like a good neighbor, Union Chapel is there. (Not half bad.)
  

• Union Chapel: It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
  

• Look, Ma, no sinners! (Not hardly, but funny!)

So do you know which products these slogans were originally written for?

American Idol & Biggest Loser

Every Tuesday night, I have to make the biggest decision of my life.

Which one do I watch live, and which do I Tivo?

It's like trying to decide which of your children you're going to play with now and which one later. Or which piece of chocolate you're going to eat now and which one you're going to save for later. It's harrowing.

So I did the unthinkable: surfed between the two.

As far as American Idol goes, there's not much to say except: that's a boatload of natural gifting on one stage. Good grief.

My favorite is still Danny Gokey, who was my choice from the first time I saw him, but the other two are brimming with the talent, as well. I do not personally care for Adam's style, but I'm not blind to his ability.

With that said (as they say in "The Bachelor" ad nauseum) I don't believe the premise of the show fits Adam because he has been on big-time stage before, and this show is supposed to pluck unknown underdogs from Denny's and Borders and give them a chance to shine. Also, it's mainly for Pop or Top 40 music, not opera, bluegrass, Broadway or hard rock.

But details, details. In spite of my compulsion as a rule follower to protest, I believe that Adam will win. And you know what? If so, I say, "Ho-hum."

Real Excitement? Biggest Loser Finale!

I never thought I'd enjoy this show so much, but I have been sucked into the real-life dramas of the contestants' lives, loves and struggles. I have been rooting for them and even thinking about the show during the week. No other TV show has done that to me since LOST.

And obviously, I'm interested in weight management, hence the 30 x 5.

So the winner, or "loser" if you will, is Helen. I was rooting for Tara, but I guess it's fun to see a 48 year-old win. Go middle aged ladies!

I do worry that she looks a leetle too thin, though. Hope there's no mental craziness going on there.

So that's it for Biggest Loser. But I'm inspired to keep plugging away. After all, I'm merely 46!

American Idol Wrap-Up & Oh No It Dit'n!

Oh yes it did snow, right on April 7, right on my little deck where my deck furniture should be unpacked and unstacked and my hinder should be upon it.

Unbelievable.

And the nerve of DeeDee at Fiddledeedee to post: On Saturday, Fiddledaddy took the children out of the house to go swimming. Because Florida forgot Spring and rocketed directly into Summer.

For realsies, DeeDee?

So I'm watching American Idol right now, and tonight's theme is "Contestants Pick a Song a From the Year They Were Born." Wow. We're reaching clear back to 'N Sync.

Speaking of reaching back, they showed the judges' baby pictures tonight, and Ryan's pic was the cutest of all because he had little big bunny teeth. Completely adorable.

The oldest contestant, Danny Gokey, was born in 1980. Sigh. I am old. Ye olde, to be exact.

Glad we got the enigma of Lil Rounds' name cleared up. She is, thank goodness, not "Lih-ull Rounds," as Simon calls her. "Lil" is in fact the diminutive of Lillian. And so we can learn from this that "Li'l Kim," the rapper turned "Dancing With the Stars" star, is not "Li'l" as in "little" at all. She is actually "Lillian Kim," which immediately klassies her up a little bit. Same with "Li'l Richard." He is in fact "Lillian Richard," which suits him like an Alfred Dunner ensemble fits Beyonce.

I know this isn't an original comment, but I do think so far that everyone's just mediocre tonight, truly like pretty good karaoke.

I like Anoop, but I think his look needs some polishing up. Last week Scott had a new 'do, and I'd like to see Anoop get a makeover, too. He looks very boyish, which is great if you are Anoop's mom or grandmom, but after all, as Ryan says, this is American Idol.

That sounds really bad. I'd hate to think what Anoop would say if he decided to critique me. Especially since I'm sitting here in pajamas eating almonds out of a can.

By the way, the can my almonds are in is exactly the same shape/height as my Italian bread crumb can, which is what I accidentally pulled out of the cabinet and sat down with here at the computer to eat. "Yep, just gnoshin' on some Italian bread crumbs! Mmmm!"

I've noticed my appetite has picked up in the last couple of days. Probably because I'm exercising more. But I'm still not going for bread crumbs.

OK--the show is back on.

The songs these people are choosing are terrible! Point in fact: Survivor "The Search is Over?"

Really? Oh, I think maybe the competition is over for Scott. But he is so sweet.
Why does everyone look so young?

Oh yeah, I forgot: "Sigh. I am old. Ye olde."

What did you think of Allison Iraheta's version of "I Can't Make You Love Me?" I thought it was all right, but I'd probably leave Bonnie Raitt alone, just as they should leave Whitney, Mariah, Aretha, Christina, and Kathie Lee Gifford alone.

Did you catch the "How Lovely to Be a Woman" Walmart commercial? Don't know who's singing it, but I'm suspicious. Where has Megan Joy Quarky Corkrey been lately? I think she might have slipped one over on us in this commercial.

OK, the judges went nuts for Matt Giraud and Adam Lambert. I'm not getting it.

I didn't even recognize Adam's song, and apparently, upon Googling it, I found it was originally done by Tears for Fears, the group which recorded one of my all-time favorite songs ever, "Everybody Wants to Rule the World."

Ok, I just looked at a couple of videos of this song, and I def prefer the 1982 original to the others. Go 80s! Ye olde 80s.

Well, time to sign off here because I've got a Ken Lee Cake in the oven (seriously, I do) and Biggest Loser waiting on Tivo.



30 x 5'ers: Tomorrow, Thursday the 9th, is the day you are supposed to post a little somethin'-somethin' about this experience, good, bad or indifferent, and link up here. Then we can all share. Last time I tried this, like four people linked up. Now you have had plenty of warning time, so get thinkin' about what you want to say. It doesn't have to be a dissertation, just a few lines will do.

My plan is that we will call it a day (call it a two weeks?) and rest over Easter. And then I'd like to propose one more idea along these lines.

Remember: Leave those chocolate bunnies ears INTACT. And link up tomorrow!

Week 1 Wrap-Up of the 30 x 5 Challenge; We're Half-Way There!

We're doing a week-one wrap up, sure we are, but first things first.


Speaking of wrap-ups. Some of you who are new here don't know that I used to do American Idol Wrap-Ups. I can't exactly say why, but when I started those, my readership really picked up.

So, logically, I have stopped doing them.

The truth is, I haven't been doing AI updates this year because ho-hum. But occasionally I still feel so strongly about some issue that I simply must break through regularly scheduled posts and share AI info with you.

Hence: Adam Lambert? Looks exactly like a young Kurt Russell.

Oh, no, wait--like a young Kurt Russell playing ELVIS--That's IT!

You're welcome.

Now on to the 30 x 5 Challenge gab fest.







Whoa! Time flies when you're kicking your own butt, doesn't it?!

Either it flies, or it crawls like a springtime worm enjoying the muddy view. (What imagery! Tres impressive!)

So--THE question: how has it been for ya?

I'd love for you to link up and talk about any observations you've made this week. For example, you could talk about any or none of the following:

1. What kind of moving around works/doesn't work for you
2. What motivates you: Tell us specifically what your thought process is that gets you up and moving instead of giving into the temptation not to.
3. What effect this has had on you mentally. Honestly. If it made you crabby, say it.
4. What effect it has had physically. You can share lbs lost or not. You can share changes in stamina or the way clothing is starting to feel different. When I first lost 35 lbs a few years ago, the first thing I noticed, for example, was that my jewelry fit differently. No lie.
5. What are your plans for the next 7 days? Are you still in?
6. If anyone dropped by your blog to encourage you, did you like that? Did you encourage anyone else?
7. Do YOU think Adam Lambert looks like Kurt/Elvis? (I ran out of questions temporarily.)
8. Do you have any other goals you're trying to attain?
9. Do you have any food tips to share? (Come back tomorrow for mine.)
10. Why are you glad (play along, Smarty) that you decided to take this challenge?

Or you could talk about how Adam Lambert also sort of resembles 80s singer Richard Marx, if you are old enough to remember Richard Marx.

So let's have it: HOW WAS WEEK ONE OF THE 30 x 5 CHALLENGE??

PLEASE go visit Mary Margaret, a young teenager who is doing this challenge. Ladies, she and her sister, Taylor from Taylor Speaks, are making videos about the 30 x 5! You must go to Tales from 7th Grade and look at the two videos within this post called "Challenge." I promise you it will be worth your time. These two girls live with their aunt, Kaye, who is also participating at Butler Family Diaries

OK, Ladies, brang it on--The official 30 x 5 feedback for week 1!

American Idol Reflections

I'm back into the swing of AI again, with my favorite contestant last night being the girl named Akilah who brought along a tattered folder of singing instructions which she had researched on the Internet and printed off. I really don't know how Aretha made it in the biz without this instructional notebook, that's how thick and, um, printed it was.


Anyway, Akilah brought illustrations of human anatomy with all the parts pertinent to singing labeled. Like the "larnex [larynx]," the "legitical cartilages [uh, I don't know what it is, but she pointed toward the part of the body where the leg joins the torso]" the "trayshea [trachia]" and the ... [some kind of word she made up]. It was like a familiar yet foreign language.

The most interesting moment may have been when she claimed that she messed up her song because she sang not from the diaphragm but instead from "the wrong re*ctums" Hel-lo.

In the exit interview, she said, "I shouldn't have let Paula, Simon and Randy eractitate me." I agree. Who can sing when you're being eractitated by four know-it-alls?

She spoke with the force and speed of a careening train plowing over cattle on the tracks, and with all the confidence and authority of a an M.D. who just happens to mispronounce every scientific term. She also managed to mix up all the info she had rehearsed about the judges to impress them, calling Randy "Simon," for example. And to top it all off, she talked about how when you sing "a capella-ly," you have to do something. I'm not sure what she said you have to do because I couldn't hear her over my own head trying to wrap itself around singing "a capella-ly."

There are some early standouts (or perhaps "early legitical standations," if you're Akilah.) You may be one of those who skips the first shows and waits for the truly good stuff near the end of the season. But then you would miss Akilah and jackets like this:


And if you start this early with your favorites, their success at the end matters a whole lot more. And how sad is it that anyone's success on this show would matter to me at all, let alone "matter a whole lot more" under any circumstances. And yet, I cannot lie. It does matter, people. Oh, it does. So stop eractitating me with your "I don't watch AI" stuff. Because people without ugly mugs shouldn't eractitate us normal people!

Weekend News That You Should Know About

This just in: The American Idol crew was on Larry King Live tonight, and at the end of the show, King announced a unique contest: If you can list every song that David Cook sang solo in the competition, you are eligible to win a pair of Larry King's suspenders autographed by all of the contestants.

In the words of Britney Spears,"Huh?"

I had to give that a minute to sink it because I was confused: "Suspenders? I can win suspenders? Oh, with autographs. But would I want their autographs on suspenders? You can't frame suspenders. You can't wear suspenders unless you're Steve Urkel or you're going to Sadie Hawkins."

Nevertheless, at least I let you Cookies know about the contest. And that is why you should always check this blog on the weekends. Invariably, I have news-breaking, heavy stuff going on here.

On Monday night, AI contestants will be back on Larry King Live again, so don't miss it. Perhaps they have recorded a song written by Andrew Lloyd Webber with Larry King singing lead that you can win if you can recall the number of times David Archuleta licked his lips while singing.

Season 7 Finale: Cook is King!

People, is this the best show or what?! I am sappy for the big finale. It was great! And it had funny highlights!

However, my prognostication skilz have fizzled again. Looks like 80s hair will not be coming back soon, either. I'm sorry. Actually, as the weeks passed and I saw the tremendous loyalty of the Cook fans, I was pretty sure he would win in spite of my February prediction.

I have mixed feelings about how it all came down. One last time, I will say that I think both are talented, both sounded alike week after week, and both had a great fan base. I think Simon's comments Tuesday night raised the ire of the Cook fans, and they voted millions of times. Literally.

Proof? One of my friends texted for Cook 40 times. FORTY TIMES. But then again, this is a woman who really enjoys the whole idea and actual physical act of voting. She hearts voting, and employs it whenever she can, like making her family vote on which condiment they want on their burgers. She's also a political junkie. So, being an agitated "Cookie," she lost her mind and just kept voting. I think she played a large part in Cook's victory, or at least that's what she kept yelling over and over while she was jumping around celebrating her David Cook's triumph.

Highlights: The Risky Business spoof. That was a scream. I was watching the finale with my group of girlfriends that meet each Wednesday night in the texter's basement, and when I say "scream," that's what I mean. It was such a surprise when he turned around that everyone screamed and laughed. The texter's husband came downstairs to deliver popcorn, and he shamed us. We voted him out of the basement.

Gladys Knight - You won't believe this. I had a post planned for May 28 (Glady's birthday) to talk about the Pips, specifically. I am bedazzled by the Pips. I have loved memorizing their part in "Midnight Train to Georgia." The thing is, they were so smooth and suave. Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr. were hilarious, anything BUT suave. It was a great send-up.

Bringing back Renaldo Lapuz and Alexis Cohen.

Carried Underwood. It should be illegal to be that pretty. I vote her to be illegal and to be put away behind closed doors until she's 60. Then let her come out in that blouse-dress. That girl can sing, though.

Lowlights:

George Michael - That song, the sonorous lullabye that was dropped like a giant rain-soaked quilt on us in the middle of a party, lasted for...ev...er. That big red sun behind him? I kept thinking it meant he was going to do "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" because he did that duet with Elton John. But alas, he just kept droning on and on so long that I could've sworn we watched that sun behind him rise and set and rise and set and burn all of its fuel out until it became a White Midget. I mean White Dwarf. I thought the term for a burned out star was White Giant, but Daughter's boyfriend says the term is "White Dwarf." And no, we're not referring to George Michael himself--but to the sun behind him. Nevermind.

Mike Meyers - Not very funny. And a little too sardonic and derisive with David A. for my taste.

What makes the show THE show:

Paula giving her final piece of advice to the Davids, which actually made sense for about a quarter of the way through until her brain pulled a Jason Castro and she battled "the brain dead." When she finished, no one in the room knew what she just said.

Big David being nice to Little David.

Ticker Tape.

Tears.

Brothers. Mothers.

Paula.

Oh, how I love American Idol. I vote to block out that little blue square with the stars on our flag and replace it with the American Idol logo, leaving the red and white stripes because they're "molten hot." And they should put the logo on those tacky British royal souvenirs to pay homage to Simon. Anyway, I pledge allegiance to American Idol--I'll be back for season 8.

IMHO? It Was a K.O. & Season 7 Highlights

Not much to say ... In my opinion: Little David took the night. I know, I know, you ALL want Cook to win, and I think he will, but I still think David the Younger came out stronger.

High thought of the night:

Clive Davis is to music what Clive Staples Lewis is to theology.

Funniest moment of the night:

Andrew Lloyd Webber saying, "Don't Let Your Eyes Go Shut On Me."

Season 7 highlights:

Behold the post (February 27, 2008) where I predicted David Archuleta will win. (Side note: I also predict every year that big 80's hair is going to come back, so we'll see if I'm consistent.)

Contestant who scared me the most this season:









Surprising break-out contestant of the season:










Contestant most out of place and uncomfortable and had to, in his own words, overcome "the being brain dead:"








Contestant who most resembles/has future in playing Disney character (tie):
Cruella De Ville and Aladdin




Chattiest contestant:











Contestant most quickly forgotten, almost while she was on stage:







Favorite audition (tie):









Saddest goodbye:









Most articulate person who is ... just ... I can't sit down ... most articulate ... clap, clap, clap.:








Least favorite contestant of all time and eternity:








Contestant who got ripped off:








Contestant made of kryptonite who was almost invincible:





Contestant who made best use of props, including her body:








Strangest song choice ever in the history of musicdom:










Former contestant and crazed fan that I missed this season:








That is enough of this silliness. I must go vote ... 1.866.Ivotedlike50,000timesforDavid.

PS: This is for all of you "Cookies"

From My Family Room Computer in Bucolic Muncie, Indiana (Hub of All Mediocre American Idol Re-Caps) It's Yet Another "American Idol Recap Liiiive!"

I was just thinking, "American Idol needs some culture." And then it hit me: I know just the lad to "bring it"--Boy George, formerly of the 80s band, Culture Club. I don't know if AI has ever done a "Songs of 80s Bands" night, but if I could declare it, I would.

Because the lyrics of "Karma Chameleon" surely rival those of "I Am, I Said," especially that part about "no one heard at all, not even the chair." I say, give me, "Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dreams: red, gold and green; red gold and green" any day over lamenting a deaf chair. Just sayin'.

And if Michael Johns had to choose a Culture Club song at this point, he would probably choose, "I Know You Miss Me, I Know You Miss Me, I Know You Miss Me Buh-liiii-ind!" (Blind--because people can actually be blind, whereas chairs can't technically be blind or deaf.)


And Syesha might go for "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me? Do You Really Want to Make Me Cry?" because I think tears work in her favor.

And I'd love to hear Big David rock out, "I'll Tumble 4 Ya" in his gravelly, sultry voice.

So that's what I was just thinkin'.

Here we go!

Wow, Ryan really hit the "This is a-MER-i-can idol" hard this week. He's "stoked," as we said in the 80s.

So it's producers' choice, contestants' choice, and judges' choice. Excuse me? What's missing here? BLOGGER'S CHOICE, that's what's missing.

Syesha looks lovely. Big David's sleeves look like Frankenstein's sleeves. You know, pushed up sleeves were big in the 80s.

Li'l David's up first. This song is reminding me of "O Danny Boy" just a tad. Who is the joker yelling in the audience? I hope it's not his dad. Was this flawless? I think it might have been. A flawless "dope" song, according to Randy. Oh, the little girls are yelling at Simon. He's a meany.

I wonder if she is in the audience? David Archuleta: The New Sanjaya.

I've got my cajun trailmix goin' on again this week. There are three main ingredients: toffee peanuts, sweet, like Syesha; hot, spicy cajun sesame sticks like David Cook, and a strange "toasted corn snack," that's like little David because he's wholesome. Corn is wholesome; I should know because we invented corn in Indiana.

Does anyone else think Paula is speaking with a slight accent tonight?

OK, Syesha was awesome.

David C. has been assigned Roberta Flack. There is an older woman standing in awe of David the audience. My 21 year-old just said, "Is that his mom or just a really old fan?" Wow, 21 year-old, who IS that relic?

I agree with Randy that the song was predictable-- but what can you change up on that song that wouldn't destroy it? So I think he did well. 21 year-old just said "American Idol is played-out."

ohmygoodness. David Archuleta is so sweet. I can't stand it. I do not know who Chris Brown is, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't alive in the 80s. Cowell: "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Chihuahua."

Syesha: "Fever." If I see my husband break a sweat, I'll be bringin' that fever down with a cold, cold show-ah.

Wow, we all liked that song better than her first selection. She still shines in a theatrical way.

PAULA just got BOO'D. What is this world coming to?! Where's the love?!

David Cook is doin' Switchfoot! "Dare Ya to Move?" How about "Dare Ya Not to Vote for Me!" He's going to rock this. This just in: 21 year-old not impressed.

ohmygoodness #2: "Longer" for David Archuleta! I used to love this song when I was about his age. Excuse me while I wave my hands in the air and wipe a tear. Simon just said that this songs fits a NINETY year-old. No way. Maybe someone half of ninety years old. Simon is like aluminum foil in my dental fillings.

Syesha's last song: I loved the song. What is wrong with these judges? Tuff stuff, as we said in the 80s. In Indiana.

David Cook's finale: Aerosmith. Predictable, that's all I'm sayin'.

So don your predictor's cap and prognosticate: Who goes; who stays?

I think it will come down to the two Davids, but there is room for only one David at the top ....

AI Re-Cap 05.06.08

Doin' a bit of a "live blogging" here ... slight time delay ... must get glasses and snack ... OK, all set.

Ok, so this will be written haphazardly in phrases and grunts because it's LIVE, just like AI. Woot!

Does anyone else think that Jason's dreds look even longer and thicker this week? Can that be possible?

And I notice that Syesha has kept her longer (extended) style. I like this hair better; the other reminded me of a cartoon character.

So, you DC fans, did you like the Duran Duran song? I knew that you would. One thing I noticed is that David seemed to be very stationary, not moving around or getting into the entertainment portion of the performance. I think that made it seem less energy-driven. But I know you loved it.

Uh-oh. Paula's "Boys Club" joke just kind of bombed.

Syesha has "the hippy hippy shakes." She's brave to take on Tina Turner, no? I didn't like it so much (Team Simon), but I think whenever she can "pretend" to be someone else, that is, take on a role or be theatrical, she shines.

My phone is ringing. Who in his right mind is calling this household when AI is on? Must be an alien from Planet Out-of-Touch.

Daughter is on the sofa texting fast and furious enough that if she were in a forest, she could potentially start a fire. She is using half her allowance to pay for unlimited texting. She is in heaven right now.

I'm really irritated because primary election returns are being shown at the bottom of the screen. I need to see the swaying hands! Where are the hands?! Coupla funny names in the returns: "Hippie Joe" Stockett and Bryan "Foxy" Fox and Pierre Pullins. Only in Indiana.

Oh Jason. IMHO, you shot the song, dawg. I agree with Paula that he interacted with the audience. That's what I was talking about when I implied David seemed to phone it in.

Li'l David, it's time to shine. Let's see whatcha got. There are a lot of lyrics in this ... don't blow it, David ... Woo! He nailed it! Yes!

I'm snacking on Sam's Choice Cajun Trail Mix. It's a blend of spicy peanuts, toffee peanuts, sesame sticks, toasted corn, honey sesame sticks and almonds. And something like Trail mix Crack because I can't stop. My crunching is blocking out "Teenage Wasteland." And I don't care that much.

Paula wants more David Cook; I want more trail mix.

Hillary is ahead of Obama in Indiana, in case you're interested. You see, here at 2nd Cup, I offer cutting-edge political developments along with food and entertainment reviews. Yep, it's the whole package here at 2nd Cup.

ROUND TWO!

Syesha looks lovely. I think she did really, really well.

Have I told you lately that I miss Chikezie?

Jason's goin' with another Bob song. I. am. scared.

With good reason. Na-na-na-na, hmm, hmmm. Oh, shoot. This is all Simon's fault. If Jason cries, I will stop eating trail mix for a while and cry, too.

Are you all getting as tired of these same commercials during AI as I am?

"Love Me Tender" was the bomb-diggity. And he has probably never even had a date. David "The Crusher" Archuleta.

Dude, I totally said "The Crusher" before Ryan did. I did!

Going? No brainer: Jason
Voting?: 1-866-idols-08

What do you think?

And Then There Were Four

"One thing I don't like about the show is that it turns truly sadistic when the person is voted off and they have to sing while they're crying," Simon said. "I just want to go up .... and carry them off and say, 'It's OK, sweetheart, come with me.' ... I don't know how the panel can stand that cruelty. ... Doesn't that seem like being thrown to the lions?"

~ Guess which Simon said that?




Brooke White's biggest fan and somewhat look-alike, that's who. None other than Carly Simon. Check out this MSNBC article for the rest of the story. Can you imagine reading/hearing that Carly Simon thinks you sang her song better than she did? That you should win American Idol?!

I think this was the most difficult exit I've ever watched. Bless her sweet heart. She's going to have a great career.

The rest of the contestants looked a bit shell-shocked when they walked on stage to support Brooke. I don't think they knew what to do, but they knew they should do something.

Most of the world thought Jason was going, but we were once again wrong this week.

And all this softness has made me feel guilty over my Paula comments. But I wasn't mean mean, was I? I love Paula! And didn't she look beautiful tonight?

Ok guys, let's start committing our guesses as to who goes next week. It'll be Syesha or Jason ... I'm waiting to see how they come out Tuesday night before I fully commit--because "THIS ... is American Crazy Idol," where the suspense is as thick as the eyebrows of Andrew Lloyd Webber and Neil Diamond! I LOVE it!

PS: I saw Brooke on Fox & Friends this morning, and they put Carly Simon on the phone line with Brooke--great moment. Carly told her that she is great because she is not "generic" and not to change her style. Wow.

Top 5 Countdown Begins on AI Tonight

Pre-show chatter: Many of us are still reeling from last week's surprise vote-off, including Carly Smithson herself. Here you see Carly's shocked expression as her right arm screams into her ear, "I told you not to do that song!" I have to say that Carly was very gracious on her early morning exit interviews, though.

Well, here's where I'm about to lose some loyal readers.

For years, my least favorite singer has been Neil Diamond. The voice = gravel in my iced tea. The voice = velcro snagging pantyhose. I know that he has been and still is wildly popular; I know I'm totally missing something that the rest of the world gets, but I'm telling you, I cannot figure it out for the life of me. I feel like I'm on the outside of a bubble looking in at people enjoying Neil Diamond, while I choose to sit out on the frozen tundra listening to the wind howl rather than go to the other side of the bubble and listen to "the voice."

In fact, my non-appreciation of Neil Diamond music is so widely known that a core group of students in our youth ministry, the apprentices, once visited a tchotchke shop without my being along on the trip. The next morning, I found a Neil Diamond album on my desk signed by all of the apprentices. So this is not a contrivance just for me to blog about tonight. This is a historical fact: I hate Neil Diamond music.

So, this season, I've had to contend with: country music, Broadway, and Neil Diamond, my three least-favorite musical categories. Nevertheless, I hang in there week after week, hoping against hope that it will one day be Bobby Vinton week. Ha. Just kidding. (But, oh, imagine David Cook rocking out "Blue Velvet.")

But that leads me to ask: Is there a category of music or a particular group/person whose music you'd like to see highlighted one week?

Post-show chatter:
People, get off Paula's back! She has done this show for so long, she could literally do it in her sleep, and that's just what she did tonight, which accounts for that slight "blip" where she pre-judged Jason's 2nd song before he actually sang it. Alternative theory: Paula is the Nostradamus of AI, foreknowing and therefore fore-able to forejudge Jason's future 2nd performance. Each is a plausible Abdullian theory. So come on, people. Just get off Paula's back! Paula forever! We should rally around the slogan, "No Paula Left Behind" because she clearly suffers from "Phantom Judging Syndrome." I'm thinking of starting "PETP," People for the Ethical Treatment of Paula. Because a Paula Abdul is a terrible thing to waste. Paula, you're up there ... and, you're just ... up there, and you're ... just ... clap. clap. clap.

And now those other people.

Syesha looked gorgeous with her newly grown (extended) hair. Seriously, she looked so classy tonight. This is my favorite night for her.

Ooh, Jason. I think this was his last night.

Brooke was adorable and did well. She sang that weird song that says, "No one heard at all, not even the chair." That lyric kills me every time I hear it. I just don't know if Brooke's performances are good enough at this point ....

I loved David A. tonight. I thought he ruled the evening.

I know; I know; you all thought David C. ruled. He gave Neil Diamond goosebumps. Neil almost does that for me, if you count making my hair stand on end.

OK, guys, let's hear it! Let's have the "idol chatter!"