Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Instrument of Torture


One of these tools is used to clean corn on the cob. One of these tools is used to scrape skin off your heels.

Perhaps I got them confused.

All I know is, my ultra-smart friend Madelyn, while sitting by her pool, commented that one needn't pay over and over for a pedicure when one could simply buy her own scraper and scrape the unsightly skin off her heels and soles.

"Really?" I say, with the tight-wad wheels in my brain beginning to roll.

"Really!" she said.

Fast forward to Target, where I'm waiting to get my 'scrip filled. Passing time, I round the the aisle, and what do I see before me, all lit up from above like it had been sent down to deliver me from the ugliest feet in the world?

"The Hitachi G23MR 9 Inch Foot Skin Grinder. Equipped with IDI technology that significantly strengthens the body of the tool. The G23MR deburs diecast products and can also be used to cut soft steel materials as well as grooving and cutting concrete and other stone materials. As well as your nasty foot skin, Lady."

So I brought it home, followed directions and began something like my own Ron Popeil Ronco infomercial:

"Can your razor do this? And this? And this? Can it take off ugly sheaths of skin and prepare your tootsies for those cute sandals you're dying to wear in 30 seconds or less? Watch this woman slice and dice her own dead skin to get to that lovely pink new skin just waiting to be unveiled!"

OH. MY. GOSH. The pain. The blood. You don't know. You don't want to know.

Picture the infomercial camera panning to my husband, who was running for TOILET PAPER, which is what a guy does when he knicks his chin. But I needed something as thick as a blanket or a cushion off the couch to soak up all this blood. What a mess.

So for a couple of days, I've been walking like I have high heels on, even when I'm barefoot. I tip toe to the mailbox. I slide my shoes off at work under my desk. I hold my heels off the floorboard when I press the clutch or accelerator.

Yes, I found my tender skin. I found skin that should not have surfaced until my grandchildren arrive in 2016.

So yeah, you can do it yourself, but--I started to say be careful. But "careful" isn't enough, so I'll just say: Be afraid ... be very afraid.

19 comments:

~~ Lily ~~ said...

Yike. Consider the warning heeded. I'd love to own one of those babies... until you described the experience. If I come upon one in the aisle, I'll be sure to back away slowly, on tiptoe.

Gretchen said...

Oh, you poor thing! Reminds me of the cuticle cutters that seem so nifty and neat until your fingers are raw and bleeding. LOL. Take care of those tootsies!

Susanne said...

Ouch! Oh I'm a sypathizing. That sounds painful. I'll be making a wide berth of the aisle those are in.

Barbara H. said...

Oh, my -- this made me shudder. I have always been afraid to try anything like that. Thanks for the warning! Hope you heal soon!

Diane J. said...

Actually I have to use one of those things on my hubby's feet all the time. But very carefully and after 22 years I still make him bleed occasionally. Makes for some sore feet and as you say, lots of blood, wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Thanks for the visit and comment on my blog. I've seen you around Bloggityvilly but somehow never made it over to visit.

Howdy, neighbor. I live in Arkansas. Glad tameetcha. :-)

Stop by anytime now, ya' hear?

Diane

Merci said...

Well OUCH! I have goose bumps just reading that. And here I thought my pumice stone was rough. Hope you "heel" quickly (pun totally intended) but the thought is sincere! :)

Michele@Philoxenos said...

ouch ouch ouch. I was wincing once you started mentioning blood. Ouch. I think I'll stick with my pumice stone. Oh, DeeDee over at It Coulda' Been Worse slathers her feet in Crisco and puts on socks every night. She swears by it.

And thanks for dropping by my blog and leaving a comment!

Connie Barris said...

So.. have I told you about this neat little instrument for softer cuticles... LOL....

NOT

I have been there, done that...The difference, I was too embarassed to tell anyone....

Nicole said...

Oh yeoowch! I feel so bad for you. How horrible. You find the perfect tool only to find out its like a death sentence. Yikes!
Sorry you are hurting and hope its better soon. I will stay FAR away from this tool - advice taken!

Diane @ Candid Reflections said...

Oh...ouch!! I'm still cringing!! Hope you heal quickly!!

samurai said...

1st - congratulations for receiving the "Rockin' Girl Blogger' award.

2nd - Have I ever mentioned that I am glad I am not a woman? Yikes! I hate the thought of taking a razor to my face every day, let alone to my arm pits, or legs... and now this! I sure hope God heals up and toughens up that new skin real quick! :)

The Preacher's Wife said...

I have always been scared of those things! How do you know when you aren't in the dead zone any more??

Hope you 'heel' up soon....hardy har..

:)

Lisa

Tammy said...

Ohhh...ouch! You poor thing!
(I guess I shouldn't be eating my lunch while reading this...ahem.)

Thank you for letting us learn from your pain!

(And I just commented on your nominations post...bless your heart!)

Deena said...

Ow. Wee.

So sorry you are hurting, but thanks for the warning...

Sharon @ Little Lessons said...

Ya know what? Ignorance is bliss. I never did a-n-y-thing to my feet until about a year ago when I got my first pedicure. And now still only 'do my feet' when I get a pedicure which I have only had a couple in this past year. I never even 'knowd' you were supposed to do them. Ahhhh ignorance is blood free in this case :-)

Lavender Chick said...

Oh, the torture we women must endure!

However, I love Diane's comment above - she let's her husband in on a bit of the pain and suffering that women undergo daily!

telfair said...

What a horrible thing to have happen!

I had a similar occurrence with a home waxing kit, which similarly ended in blood and pain, but is rather too embarrassing to share more than that. :)

Fiddledeedee (It Coulda' Been Worse) said...

I have always wanted one of those things. But no more. You've saved me. And why don't they make bandages for one's heels, I want to know? On occasion, I have used my foot file a bit too vigorously.

But hey, I learned a little secret. Crisco on you feet before bedtime. But wear socks afterwards. Your feet will thank you.

Lynn said...

HIL-AR-I-OUS!!!!!!!

I am still laughing.... You crack me up. Thanks, needed this. Love, Lynn