Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Word on "The Street" [Sesame]: Can-Di-Dates. Brought to You by the Letter L

So last night I was lying in bed with my bowl of burnt popcorn watching the Presidential candidates, thinking, “They remind me of muppets.”

I know; you were just thinking the same thing.

That apparently means you have northern humor, whatever that is. (Apparently, because according to my previous post, no one knows what northern humor is, except they know that I have it and it’s not southern and it has no humidity. So maybe southern humor is responsible for global warming?)

When I was little, I thought “muppets” was pronounced “muffets.”

Anyway, I was thinking, “They [the candidates] remind me of muffets.”

So I started making astute comparisons which I think you will see are dead-on.

Disclaimer about the candidates: I love them all. I say, “Everyone for President!” I respect them all. Now, go on ... read, and be prepared to be stunned by the irony of it all.

First and most obvious of all, Hillary would be Miss Piggy. Why? Each is a strong, accomplished woman. Each knows how to shed a single poignant tear at precisely the right moment to prove that she has a soft side. However, each can devastate any male with a well-placed karate chop or a shrill, “HI-YA!” Like Hillary, Miss Piggy is not “some little woman standing by her man.” She is, in fact, a stout little woman standing by her frog. And she can wear a pantsuit as well as any other little woman standing over by her man.

Mitt Romney would be Guy Smiley, if you went by appearance alone. But figuring in personality, I’d have to say he’d be Bert. Mitt is serious and rich. Seriously rich. Bert also is smart, well-connected (President of the National Association of W Lovers Club) serious (always straightening out Ernie) and rich. Rich? Yes, let’s not forget he owned a ton of collector-quality paper clips, a valuable commodity on “The Street.” Great eyebrows, all three of you.

John McCain. He scares me. He looks angry all the time. If you watch him carefully, you can see his clenched jaw actually relax for a millisecond before it’s clenched again. He seems like someone has knocked on his trash can lid and run away one too many times. Therefore, I think he would be Oscar.

Mike Huckabee. This is so easy. Mike Huckabee is totally Ernie. Like Ernie, Mike is jovial, rolls with the punches, is verbose, and always seems to have a laugh stifled just beneath the surface. He gets under Bert’s (Mitt’s) skin, (or felt) a lot.

Ron Paul? I think Beaker. He’s kind of a back-up muppet/candidate. Wikipedia says Beaker “has been shrunk, cloned, deflated, turned invisible, and blown up, but he always comes back for more.” [Same with Ron.] “Beaker normally communicates through a series of high-pitched ‘mee-mee-mee’ noises. (In books and merchandise, it's often spelled as ‘Meep’.)” [Same with Ron.] When I hear Ron Paul, I think, “Meep Meep.” What is the significance of his meeping, you ask? According to the Wall Street Journal, “A high-pitched voice … suggests nervousness, excitability, sometimes even wackiness. Think Ross Perot or Howard Dean, whose scream after his third-place finish in the 2004 Iowa caucuses may have sunk his campaign.” (November 3, 2007.)

Yeeeeow = Meep.

Finally, Barack Obama would be Kermit. Kermit is the sophisticated muppet, isn’t he. He’s logical, articulate, keeps his cool, smooth-i-o. Kermit and Barack, the Kings of understated Charisma.

So who knows how this will all pan out. We could have Ernie and Bert as running mates. Or it could be Kermit and Miss Piggy. Anything can happen. After all, this is America. Wocka-Wocka.


Laura said...

I come back, time and again, for your Northern humor, because I'm a northerner too, and you are right. It's different than southern humor and it's L-O-V-E-L-Y!

And you are dead on about the candidates. They ARE muffets!

Teri said...

This is truly classic. I will be linking to this post today. (Not that I have any readers that you don't already have, because you are Waycool, Queen of the North.)

But anyway, this post rocks.

Carol said...

Very funny and astute observations about the cadidates! I LOVED the muppets when I was in high school. We would all get together on Friday nights to watch the Muppet Show. You can tell I had a very wild childhood! ~Carol(I Throw Like A Girl)
PS I linked to your blog in my last post.

Julie said...

This is hysterical. You are a hoot and a half. As a southerner, I have no idea what Northern humor is, but I know you are funny.

Thanks for visiting my blog and your kind words.

Barbara H. said...

This is hilarious and dead-on.

Barbara H. @ Stray Thoughts

Amy Wyatt said...

I love this!!!! My husband is a total political junkie so I can't wait to show this to him.
Thanks for your comments on my site. Only I think the comparing yourself by age starts even younger than 40. I'm 37 and I'm already thinking those same thoughts. Isn't there a verse somewhere about the Lord using you in your "old age"? LOL.
I'll certainly be back to visit.

Susanne said...

Well aren't you the observant one. You are too funny my friend.

Melanie said...


Genius, just genius.

Roxanne said...

Wocka-Wocka, indeed. Very astute. . .if astute can be applied to comparing politicians and muFFets. :)

His Girl said...

excessively funny. all the way, excessively funny. well, well done!

Cyndy said...

So does this mean that since Al Gore is from the south we can blame global warming on him?

Loved this!

PS. About the make-up...crinkly skin around the eyes runs in my family...it's genetic.

Darlene R. said...

Hahaha! I love this. It is so funny and a little bit scary.

Heth said...


Teresa said...

This is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time! If this is Northern humor, bring - it - on!! LOL I'll be linking to this post today! Funny!

Lelia Chealey said...

You always give me a laugh! I'm going to have my Dad and some of my political sisters read this post! I'm not much into politics,but what I do know, you've nailed it right on the head!
Too funny!

Mocha with Linda said...

Oh too funny.

I'd just love to see what MY two favorite guys from the balcony of The Muppet Show would have to say about all that!!

Robin said...

Brilliant analysis! I love your northern humor!

marina said...

Linda, that is funny I thought the same thing only I thought it and you wrote it..my sister and I joke about Miss Piggy how we are like her we can be kind and soft spoken and then when we need to be it's its Hi_Ya!! to make a point then we clear our voice and we are miss nice again,too funny we think like miss piggy...I love miss piggy she is so much a women.too funny!!
These was a really good post!!
love, marina

Tammy said...

Linda, you are a northern gem!
I love how your mind works, and wish I had your humor, but alas, I think the NW rain washes it all away over here.

First of all, you were so right on with everyone it was absolutely perfect! LOL
My husband, who is a true political junkie, will love this...I'm going to have him read it tonight!

Anonymous said...

This post was way too funny. I actually laughed out loud while I was reading it! I had to share it with my hisband too. He liked it as well.

Thanks for the laugh today!

PJ said...

THE BEST political commentary I've heard so far. And your Northern humor connects with me (a transplanted Southerner!) I laughed my way through this one.

kittyhox said...

I'm so happy Teri directed me over to your blog! We watch A LOT of Sesame Street around her (we have a 20 month old son) and your observations are spot on.

My husband and I took an online quiz and it turns out he's Bert and I'm Prairie Dawn. ;)

I absolutely love your disclaimer: "Everyone for President!" Very diplomatic.

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

You totally tagged them all!!

Carol said...

My word! I am laughing so hard right now. Thank you for such a chuckle! Great comparisons!

Myrna said...

WONDERFUL!!!I will think of this everytime I see one of the candidates--and laugh. Of course I was already laughing--but, still!

Magirk said...

I hopped over here from Missy's blog @ It's Almost Naptime.

Awesome, AWESOME analysis! I can't stop laughing. And I needed a good laugh today.

Thanks so much! :D

DeAnna said...

Oh my gosh! You are so right! I just stumbled across your blog this morning. This post is too hilarious!!!! I never thought about the candidates in that way before.

Blessings for the day!!!

T said...

I can TOTALLY see it.

samurai said...

So... what you're saying is... that no matter who wins... we can look forwards to Sesame Street in the White House... Hmm.... LOL

I love this post.. thank you for sharing.

Gretchen said...

Too funny! I came here thanks to Missy from It's Almost Naptime. My kids love the YouTube version of this. They'll be so disappointed when Kermit isn't actually elected. Me too.

Great blog!

Roses Are Red, Violets are Violet said...

cute. cute. cute. I just heard Bert dropped out... guess it's Oscar and Ernie now. :-)

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

LOVE this! So totally dead-on!