Friday, April 04, 2008

I Know that You Think I Make this Stuff Up

I know that I would be suspicious if some blogger continually talked about how she messes up her cooking. I mean, after a while, come on.

But here is yet another true story in the unfortunate saga. The chapter is called, "The Potato Soup Debacle of '08."

Background info: All day, I've been fighting the first head cold I've for months and months. I did not have one this winter when everyone around me seemed to have pleurisy. I escaped it all.

But it's spring, and this weekend is supposed to finally hit 60*, so therefore, my body said, in it's best Janet Reno voice, "Warm? Spring? OK ... Sinuses, everyone hates sunny weekends! You must fight valiantly! Unleash the mucous!"

I carried on best as I could today, but ironically, this was my day to start eliminating gluten from my diet so that I could see if my symptoms would ease up.

So I was obsessing all day over what food I could and could not have, although I wasn't all that hungry because I felt like I was flying at 100,000 feet. When you're that clogged, you kind of live in your own little bubble and hope no one tries to carry on a conversation. The trouble is, people talk to me at work, as much as I discourage it. Unvbelievably, virtually no one respects my WKRP Les Nessman invisible door.

So then I came home and decided to fix potato soup because it's something my family will eat and has no gluten. So I peeled the potatoes even though I was barely alive and had to have a 15 minute nap between each potato. Then I boiled them and added all the good stuff. When it came time to smash 'em up, I got out my little hand mixer and smooshed away, which is a technical cooking term.

I put the pot back on the burner and added milk and butter. So far, so good. I tasted two or three times. Not bad.

Turning back to the mixer, I was horrified to see tiny ants coming OUT OF THE MIXER. Oh, I thought I would die.

I whipped around and looked into the soup I had just eaten from, and an ant had floated to the top. GAG, GAG, GAG. (No, the ant was not gagging; I was, Smarty.)

I promptly dumped the whole pot down the sink, and called my husband to yell at him.

Being the understanding, smart and slightly scared of me guy that he is, he said he would bring me a Dairy Queen Blizzard to make the bad boogey ants go away.

I don't think DQ Blizzards are gluten-free. I don't frickin' care. And I don't use that pseudo-expletive lightly, just ask my kids.

I'll try it again another day. Because I just want to eat my Blizzard and watch the new episode of What Not to Wear tonight. Because this is a night for gluten and Clinton therapy.


Ann said...

Oh Linda, I just LOVE coming here! I never think you make things up. You are so fun!!! And that is a new one, ants coming out of the mixer hahahaha!

Enjoy that yummy Blizzard! That was so thoughtful of your husband :) I hope you get to just rest and relax and lay around the house this weekend so you can get to feeling better. And please share with us what you learned from Clinton tonite! :) I think I might be moving back to watching that instead of Lost...I kinda lost interest in Lost. Anyway, have a peaceful relaxing weekend. :) By the way, I know I'm rambling too much, but it still just blows me away and gives me a really boosts my ego that you still come by and read my boring little blog! There are so many good ones out there and you still come to mine! That gives me such a big head! :)

Life In Progress said...

I'm a big proponent of self-medicating with DQ Blizzards.

I wrote a post not long ago about how I had a miserable day & my husband ministered to me with Papa John's pizza. This is why I love him. All this to say, I feel your pain. You've done the right thing by turning to the DQ.

Carrie said...

Oooooooooh sorry about the ants. Been there, done that. It stinks!
I hope the blizzard made you feel better.
God bless :)

Mocha with Linda said...

What's the matter? You think ants have gluten? Don't want the protein? LOL

Your husband gets the award of the week. Now that is LUV!!

Mine would have eaten the ants.

PJ said...

Aaaah! The soothing qualities of a DQ Blizzard!! Definitely the right medicine. Dr. Hubby knows what to prescribe and deliver!! But ants?? this time of year. Oh! I forgot. It's WARM where you are. The price of sunshine can be high!!! No self respecting ant has dared show its head around here for MONTHS!!! :)

(You do tell a GREAT story!)

Cindy-Still His Girl said...

Ants just add protein, that's all.

annie's eyes said...

Sooooo, what kind of Blizzard? If we're going to live vicariously, we have to know the flavor. Wait, you said you were sick--forget the vicarious wishes. Hope you're feeling better quickly and get some real comfort food one way or another! The soup did sound good in theory. I'm with you on the cooking thing, my sister. I'll take DQ over my cooking any day. Get well soon, friend. Love, A

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

Oh, Linda! So sorry you are sick. And so sorry you can't cook. If I were there I would bring you some antless potato soup!

Oh how I laughed because not many folks can gracefully work in a Les Nessman reference. You win something for that one.

Jodie said...

Oh Linda! Yuck yuck yuck!! Ants... ohh, even typing it makes me queasy.

I had to cover my mouth so I wouldn't laugh too loud and rouse my sleeping husband when I read this, "I promptly dumped the whole pot down the sink, and called my husband to yell at him." Ain't it always the way? :)

I hope Clinton and the Blizzard make you feel better. And lots of toothpaste and some fiery mouthwash maybe.
And if that doesn't work, get yourself another blizzard. My theory is that if one is good, two will be AWESOME!!!

Susanne said...

DQ Blizzards are the cure all for ALL things gone awry. I'm so sorry about the yet another cooking attempt gone south and I'm gagging with you as I imagine you looking in the pot to see that little critter in your soup doing the backstroke.

Blizzards have gluten? Who knew?!

Darlene R. said...

Nothing will fix you up like a DQ Blizzard, especially a brownie batter one!
Anyway, I was at a hotel in Texas last spring and was eating a bowl of cereal out of one of those handy cereal dispenser that they have at hotels. I looked down after about 2 bites and saw ants taking a swim in my milk. I, too, was gagging as we walked out of the lobby and across that parking lot to Denny's. The Grand Slam made me all better!

Hope you feel better soon!

Roxanne said...

I've heard ants are FULL of gluten. . .so you were totally right to dumpt the vile soup down the drain and drown the ants in your gullet with icecream laced with butterfingers. After all, icecream has milk, and milk has WAY more protein than ants.

Lynn said...

I hope you feel better soon! I'm not laughing at you, but with you, that was Hilarious! Good job hubby for saving the night!

Melanie said...

"The trouble is, people talk to me at work, as much as I discourage it."
Classic line.
Ants in the mixer. A real Hitchcock moment.

Corie said...

Linda- , I found you thru my mama, (ruthie, @garnetruth.blogspot)

Had to comment on this post b/c just this week my friend was telling me about how she was making a cake or something and had to throw out HER mixer b/c there were ants coming out of IT. So apparently you are not alone. :) Better luck on your next batch of potato soup!