I Love a Mystery!
So Jorge and I are driving down our street, when I notice a neighbor has his garage door up, and I see this peculiar sight.
A casket. A real casket with real hinges and hardware and everything.
In my neighbor's garage. On a foosball table.
"[sucking in air]Look!" I say. "Casket! Garage!'"
By that time we were past it, and my husband said, "What?"
"Turn around! Turn around!" I say. "Our neighbors have a casket in their garage. You have to turn around so I can see it again!"
Insert husband's eyeroll. We are big on the eyeroll in our family.
But the important part is, he turned around.
Luckily, since we were on our way to the last Oneighty of the season, I had my camera with me, and I snapped the casket picture as he creeped by. Emphasis on "creeped" because it was creepy.
And then we sped away like Starsky and Hutch, pictured at left. If we were Starsky and Hutch, I would be the blonde one because as you all know, I'm blonde and taller than my husband. I could probably heft him like this. But this picture is just so wrong. This is not the Starsky and Hutch I remember. Looks like a commercial for the E! True Hollywood Story, "Starsky and Hutch: The Duo We Apparently Never Really Knew."
Anyway, I knew you wouldn't believe me unless I took a picture of the casket, so I risked life and limb just to impress you. Because you don't run around willy nilly snapping mysterious pictures of other people's mysterious casket-filled garages--that could be dangerous.
The story almost ended there. But then this post would have been so freakishly short, wouldn't it? That wouldn't do.
So tonight, on the way home from a funeral viewing, no less, we drove by, and Jorge nonchalantly says, "Therrrre's the casket again."
"What?!" I say. "It's still there? Ohmygosh. What is going on there? I think I have to know."
Jorge looked at me askance.
"I'm serious! I have to know. I mean, this could be a Halloween decoration, or it could be a prop for one of those MADD prom wreck demonstrations that they do every spring. I have got to know. Enquiring minds want to know!"
Under his breath, he says, "Gladys Kravitz." But I don't agree. There is a vast difference between Gladys Kravitz and ...
Jessica Fletcher. However, I do have big eyes like both of them.
So I decided that when we got home, I would put the harness on Zoe, and we would "take a walk" so to speak, down the street, just enjoying the view on a beautiful spring afternoon. And if my neighbor's garage door just happened to be up, well then, I might
So off we went. It's been a while since Zoe's been out due to Indiana weather, so she was off like a rabbit out of a trap. We bolted down the sidewalk in front of the casket house, and she was going all crazy and getting so near the street that I couldn't twist my neck around fast enough to get a good look. We walked a treacherous 1/30th of a mile more, then turned around because all of a sudden, Zoe was tired. She kept trying to rest in the grass, and I kept pulling and coaxing her on. All I could think of was, "Get up. Get UP! I can't solve the mystery of the casket house when you're lolling around in the grass like that! Scooby Doo would never have rolled around in a yard like that! He would've put on a costume, rung the doorbell and got inside the casket house, if not inside the casket itself!"
So right when we got to the driveway of the house, the man of the house and his teenager just happened to be bringing a large xylophone out the front door.
I bet this family has some interesting pastimes.
They had so many cars in the driveway that they were backed up to the street, so I had to cut between them (allowing me an even closer look). I wasn't going to say a thing, just look, but then ...
Zoe planted her feet and began the barking fits to beat all fits. I think she was trying to "Lassie" me a message, like "Alert! Stranger Danger! This is the bad Casket Family! Run! Run for my life!" But it was too late--Dad and son looked at us and said, mysteriously, "Hi."
What could I do?
I said, "Hi. I know I'm being a nosy neighbor, but I have to ask, what's up with the casket?"
The dad laughed. "Halloween decoration!" And then we made small talk about the xylophone and a rummage sale he was getting ready for. So if you see an ad for a sale with a slightly used casket and xylophone, that's my neighbor.
I headed home, curiosity satiated and ready to share my story, when I stopped dead in my tracks. "But still, just how did he get a REAL casket?!"
Thanks to someone blowing my cover, we may never know. On Scooby Doo, this is where they said, "And I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!" Only I have a meddling dog who totally blew my cover and made me look more like Maxwell Smart than Jessica Fletcher. Sigh.
But I do love a mystery.