Monday, July 07, 2008

Get The Snot Out of Here

My 19 year-old son, already temporarily laid off from his box job for several days, called me into his room, a rarity nowadays, to ask for my help with a problem.

Money? No.
Cell phone lost? No.
Girls? No.
Friends? No.
Academics? Goodness No!

I sat down in a chair and put my feet up on his bed where he lay looking despondently at the ceiling.

"What's wrong, Son?"



"Snot, Mom. I have so much snot that I cannot get it all out no matter how many times I blow my nose."

When he was little, his booger extractions were major events in our family routine. There was syringing, coaxing, pulling, joking, daring ... anything to get him to hold still long enough to get the snot out of there.

But now he is 19.

True, he has a had a big, bad summer cold. True, his nose has been broken 3 times and must be shaped like a maze up in there. True, I am his mother who loves him and has compassion for him.

But here's another truth: there's a difference in the level of snot offensiveness relative to the age of the snot producer. Jordan passed the point of "too yucky even for mom" at about 12.

So I sat there with my feet up not knowing what to do. Then I said something very adult and mature: "I wonder how many blows it would take to really clear you out."

He replied, "I told you. It doesn't matter how much I blow; it never stops. You wouldn't believe it. I mean it never stops!"

To which I said, "You're right; I don't believe that. I know ... let's count how many blows it takes." I retrieved a box of Puffs and a trash can and resumed my position.

The boy used each tissue 3 times. He blew and blew and blew.

We stopped counting at 40 blows. F-O-R-T-Y, people.

Of course, the absurdity of his blowing and my counting made us laugh all the way through this peculiar endeavor.

Finally, I left him in his room full of tissues, feeling satisfied, like I had done something almost ... motherly.

About ten minutes later, he came to find me. Uh-oh.

"Mom, you know that thing you told me about earlier?"

"The Neti Pot?"

"Yeah. That. Can you get that for me because I'm already full again."

"Great Googly-Moogly, Son! You're full again?"


So I went to the drug store and bought one of these:

I bought just the standard fare, but you can buy ones that look like ceramic tea pots, genie lamps, gardening pails or drug paraphernalia:

The Neti Pot gained fame on Oprah (where else), where someone actually demonstrated how to use one. Here she is.

Basically, it's a nasal irrigation system using a saline solution to dou*che your sinuses. Are we having fun yet?

You're probably asking, "But does the nasal bidet come with a full set of instructions?"

Why, yes it does. But it clearly states, "If you are a 19 year-old college boy, you can still make your mom help you, just for kicks."

So we trudged off to the bathroom, and I walked him through this step-by-step. The problem is, he is the son of my husband and me, and we both have over-achieving noses, in size and production (I plead allergies).

So Jordan's nostrils were too large for the Neti Pot. At least that's what we concluded. Water was coming out his mouth and eyes, but not the other nostril. So frustrating! So he worked and worked and contorted himself and finally got a good flow going.

And then, before I even had time to think about it, I spontaneously did something that I still cannot believe.

I clapped for him and bounced up and down on my toes. Just like when he was three.

Then he lost it, and I lost it, and it was a while before he could cleanse the other side because we were so goofy.

Let me tell you, my son has a new best friend: the Neti. For a long time after the cleanse, he inhaled and exhaled deeply through his nose. He just could not get over the niceness of oxygen. He was even excited to take a nap because he was going to be able to, and I quote, "breathe and sleep at the same time."

(Yes, my 19 year-old loves to nap sleep. But don't tell his friends.)

The total time from the great blow-out until sweet nasal freedom? TWO HOURS.

But once again, I am grateful for the exciting SAHM moment I would have missed had I been making boring old copies at work.

I sense that this is going to be a very rewarding, productive month.


Ann said...

Good morning, Linda!! It's been a long long time.

I can really relate to this. My 8 year old has allergies and is always clogged up. We use a sinus rinse for him, it's a squirt bottle that comes with little salt packets, just mix it up with lukewarm tap water and squeeze it up in there. I still need to help him with it, but it helps him so much!! It is kinda gross but works really well. I have a feeling my Owen will be struggling with it when he's older, just like your Jordan is, poor guy.

sara said...

That made me LOL!!! My son just asked me what was so funny! And cudos to your son for allowing you to post about his snot for the whole bloggy world!!!

Fran said...

Holy cow!!! First of all...stinkin hilarious...second of all...need that machine!

Y'all are just crazy! Crazy!!! :)

Merrie said...

WOW... I'm so glad to actually "know" someone who has used one. I trust you and your son. I always wondered if they really work or if it was one of those "old" new age things that are weird.
I laughed at the counting blows and clapping and jumping up and down at the accomplishment. Our "kids" never grow up so much that we don't take great delight in what they do!

Kelly @ Love Well said...

That blows.

:-) (So glad I returned from family camp in time for this story!)

Susanne said...

Oh no. I thought I was over having to help my kids with that stuff. LOL! Them pots are crazy. And I could totally see you clapping and bouncing! Natural instinct kicking in. Hilarious. Glad to hear he is able now to live life with the old O2 flowing.

Jenny said...

That's hysterical! My husband is a die-hard nasal... umm... irrigator as well. Gross.

Mocha with Linda said...

Heard about it. Seen it. Never had the guts to try it.

But the nosty blogger lady may convince me.

Did he ever read Snot Stew when he was a kid? Love that book!

Carrie said...

Sooo funny! But I'm glad you guys solved the problem. I seriously need to get one of those!!

Cyndy said...

I also have a a rather prodigious proboscis with inner complications (ie. a deviated septum)so I can totally relate to Jordan's experience! I also laughed out loud reading about it!

I've also always wondered about the Neti Pots but was too chicken to try using one...but since I've only been breathing through one nostril most of the spring and summer I think I'll be brave and try it out. :)

Seized by Hope said...

Completely Hilarious.

enough said.

Marina said...

when my son was a baby we use to take him to the hospital to have them take it out the have these machine that sucks it all out.I know how you feel poor thing ,I have been told of that cleaning thing works but now I now it really does work after your story thanks :)
I am glad you where home for him.

Paula (SweetPea) said...

wow. Never heard of this. I'm still a little confused at how it cleared the sinuses but I trust it does. I guess it coats the snot to dissolve it, huh.
Laughing at your comedy here.

Melanie @ This Ain't New York said...

Nothing makes a mom feel better than to know her son is hooked on pot.

The neti pot, that is.

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

Making me laugh and grossing me out at the same time.

Been reading the blog for a little while and am linking you from my site. I know you're so thrilled because you need more readers (sarcasm). Anyway, have enjoyed your observations, thoughts, etc.

Hope you can come by and visit me.

skoots1mom said...

when i was a kid girls used to call others thinking very highly of themselves as "snotty"...this puts a whole new picture in mind
you're too funny!
I totally related to your excited jumping!

Laurie Ann said...

Good night! I never heard of that, but I'm glad it worked for him. Bless his heart! I can *so* relate to the endlessness of cold related nose matter. I had a summer cold last week and I blew until I was weak and my nose was raw. Sigh. Wish I'd heard of those things, LOL.

R.L.Scovens said...

I remember the Neti Pot! I'm so glad Mel never really needed it! I can barely get him to use his nasal spray!

Susan said...

Hmmmm...haven't heard of this tool before, but can sure think of many many times when we could have used one. The truth is, even when they are 19, they still need their "Mama's" sometimes. I know that makes me SO GLAD!!

Thanks for the laugh.



Anonymous said...

My doctor told me women can produce up to 1 pint of snot a day when they have colds. Men, not so much, as I recall.

Yeah, gave me the warm fuzzies, too.

Anonymous said...

My doctor told me women can produce up to 1 pint of snot a day when they have colds. Men, not so much, as I recall.

Yeah, gave me the warm fuzzies, too.

Genny said...

I've tried that little gadget, but I just couldn't quite get the hang of it! Funny post.

Cindy-Still His Girl said...

I am no longer a Neti virgin. I tried my first Neti Pot last month. There was some dancing in my kitchen, too. :)

Lysa TerKeurst said...

Okay... seriously... you crack me up. I have never in my life heard of the Neti Pot. It almost sounds a little illegal.

Anyhow, I will definately be trying it the next time someone around here gets the nose crud.

And thanks for your very insightful comment on my book title and content post.

Truth4thejourney said...

Hi Linda,

LOL!! What a funny post today! My hubby was sitting next to me and he read it too. We were both laughing. Thanks, laughter is sweet medicine. :0

40winkzzz said...

I suppose you thought this was a funny post, but it'snot.

Ang baylis said...

You, Linda are absolutely hilarious!!!

I got my book in the mail today!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH for your generosity!!!

I'll read it and let you know how much I love it!!!!!
A lot of exclamation points, so I hope you know how excited I am!
Much love,
Angie xoxo

Darlene R. said...

The jumping up and down and clapping cracks me up! So glad he got everything out. I hate that stopped-up feeling!

Amy said...

I sneeze ALOT too - sounds like I need one of those :-)


Chel said...

Absolutely hilarious!

I have enjoyed your blog for a LONG time now...I was the one who met Donnie Osmond in the 80's and also told you I wanted to start a blog. Well, YOU inspired me!

I just started one...and I am so encouraged to see how you started out and where God has taken you thus far! He is certainly using you to bring a ray of joy into many lives! Thank you for writing!


Lelia Chealey said...

Oh Linda, too funny!! I pray my son never has me help him with this. He does get pretty stuffy at times. Loving the adventures of the SAHM in Indy!

MoziEsmé said...

LOL! This is funny and gross and sweet all at the same time!

Mavis D. said...

We have a friend with a daughter that has that problem. They found she was allergic to pork. Since they quit eating it....she's cleared up and feels so much better!

I love nasal irrigation. It felt weird at first but then made my nasal passages feel better.

Mavis D.

Breanne Vasquez said...

That is too funny.

Heth said...

Catching up on 2nd cup. I need a 3rd, 4th, and 5th cup I'm so far behind.

This post is the best. You even said Great Goolgly-Moogly. A favorite phrase around here. Glad you got the whole thing worked out and had good times while at it. Poor guy.