Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The Perfect Diet for Dr. Jekyline and Ms. Hyde

Public Service Announcement: "This is your blogging friend. In her natural habitat of eating anything and everything she wants, she's quite a friendly creature, sporting an M & M or two in her chubby chipmunk cheeks and a song in her heart."

"This is your blogging friend on day 2 of a diet. Do not stick your hand inside the cage."

"This is your blogging friend on day 3 of a diet. Be very, very afraid, and perhaps have clergy on speed dial in case you find yourself trapped in a room alone with her."

What can I say? Dieting is hard. On everyone around me.

I start off with a bang and end with a whimper ... for chocolate.

I cannot hide the Hyde in me.

So the other day, I heard about this new diet called, The Alternate Day Diet."

Basically, this plastic surgeon guy named James B. Johnson studied years of research indicating that the fewer calories a mouse eats, the longer he lives.

I believe this data. My theory is that the poor, starving creature wills himself to live until he can have one last mocha frappucino, and then he gives up the ghost, so to speak. So, starving him ironically gives him something to live for!

This research also poses a new twist for the "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" series: "If you give a mouse a cookie, why don't you just run over him with a lawn mower and put him out of his misery because you're killing him, anyway."

My theory is that Dr. Johnson may have said, "Hey. If this 'starving' business works for mice, it's gotta work for humans because our DNA is identical." (Then again, Dr. Johnson and his fam. reportedly look like this:)

Therefore, Dr. Johnson created the "Up Day, Down Day Diet," in which you eat normally on one day and then severely restrict yourself the next. The plan is to do this the rest of your life, effectively cutting your calories in half and creating an inexplicable desire to sleep in a corner of wood shavings.

Here are the nuts and bolts of the diet: On the up day, you eat whatever and as much as you want, although he suggests not gorging yourself to prepare for the next day famine. (Chuh! Like I would do that!)

On the “down” day, you eat between 20% – 50% of your normal allotment. A guide to calculate the number of calories to consume is available at the link.

Let me just say that at my height, weight and age, I am, according to their calculator, supposed to have 2142 calories on my "La Vida Loca" UP days, and a mere 428 calories on my "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" DOWN days.

Apparently, this upping and downing tricks the body into activating SIRT1, a skinny gene. "Gene," not "jean," which is good because ain't nothin' gonna cause me to activate a skinny jean on this wide-leg body.

SIRT1 allegedly helps the body shed fat by releasing fat from the cells around organs. How this happens, I do not know. But firing up the SIRT1 supposedly brings about these effects:

The every-other-day period of low calorie intake is a form of mild stress which the cells of the body sense and respond to by turning on a gene called SIRT1. SIRT1 then activates many other genes which have health promoting effects, including reduced inflammation, lower free radical stress, improved insulin resistance, and better mitochondrial function. Taken together, these effects are anti-aging and anti-disease. To maximize SIRT1 activation, you should follow the JUDDDD and take eResveratrol ( supplements.

I don't know if they're talking Naomi or Wynona Judddd, but I think it's suspicious that they promote a nutritional supplement. (Read: $$$.) They also suggest using commercially prepared shakes of your choice for the first two weeks on the down days.

I noted a lack of any emphasis on running all night on a squeaky wire wheel or any other kind of exercise, but maybe that's hidden somewhere within the book.

Is it possible to follow this diet? I don't know. I do know that it mirrors the built-in inconsistency I display each and every time I diet.

It sounds crazy. It sounds and unhealthy. It sounds wacky and dumb. I just may have to try it!

What do you think about the diet? Have you heard of it? Do you think you could/would do it?


Kimberly said...

I'm having trouble leaving a comment. Blogger makes me as crazy as dieting sometimes!
Somehow I don't think going back and forth like this diet does can possibly be good for you. Your body would be getting all these mixed signals and wouldn't that cause it to just short out? Or something?
We sent a man to the moon; why can't we invent a diet where you take 3 chocolates a day and the pounds fade away?

Chatty Kelly said...

I am not a big "diet" trying - but find me an exercise fad and I'm in. I own a big round ball to exercise on, a jump rope, a 5 lb hula hoop, etc. etc.

Nothing worked like "magic." I found the best thing that worked for me, was walking 6 days a week (2-3 miles) and portion control. (I still ate brownies, just not 2 at a time...1...small...brownie. I lost 10 lbs doing this. I used the Leslie Sansone walking video, least I have to walk outside where bugs live and I might see someone I know while sweating.

But my favorite exercise program was on the Ellen Show...the Hawaiian chair. If you haven't seen it, you MUST go!

Chatty Kelly said...

By the way - you look great. No dieting necessary!

beverlydru said...

I am comforted by my bloggy friends that fight the muffin top with me. My best friend is an aerobic instructor with -5 body fat count so I have to find comfort somewhere other than in her company. I don't think this Up Down diet sounds too great, though I"m reading about it for the first time. Weight Watchers makes the most sense, but would work better for me if I could be disciplined more than 1 day at a time. LOL.

Cindy-Still His Girl said...

Excellent use of the word Chuh. Very impressive.

Pretty much that IS the diet I've been using. I eat all day long, feel guilty the next day so I hardly eat and all, then wake up and think, "What the heck. You only live once" and eat frozen peanut butter bars all the live long day. And the cycle continues.

And yet? Skinny jeans I do not own. Soooo, I'm not 100% sure this is the one. But girl, if Oprah ever does it, it MUST be brilliant, right?

Susanne said...

I've never heard of this one. Personally I'm with Garfield who said, well at least thought, that diet was "die" with a "t". The one diet that ever worked for me was the Weigh Down Diet.

R.L.Scovens said...

Since diets don't work anyway, I wouldn't even bother with it. Why set yourself up? Everything in moderation and move move move!! That's what I'm trying to incorporate into my life.

Another commenter said you don't even need to diet. Are you one of those skinny women who has body issues?LOL

Melanie @ This Ain't New York said...

I have done pretty much anything else. No reason I wouldn't try this one.

Was there any mention that these rats were then turned over to some kind of weird lab? I'd hate to get all skinny and then be used for strange experiments.

Be sure to read Big Mama's post today- same subject. You'll love her ending.

Mocha with Linda said...

I don't think this is real good for the body. The back and forth has to get it all out of whack. Small consistent portions would be better, I would think. But I'm just a muffin-top nurse, so what do I know?!

Seafood's a healthy diet. Maybe you should eat tiny carp from the spa. Or not.

My favortie diet quote is Mark Lowry: "I'm on 3 diets. I can't get enough to eat on just one!"

Roxanne said...

I, too, think you look good and don't necessarily need a "diet" at all. I have struggled with weight most of my 39 years, and here is what I've learned over the time.

A) Fads will work but they don't work in the long run. I'm sure you already know this as well

B) The best way to lose weight is cutting calories and exercise

C) We live in an all or nothing society and that influences the way we lose weight

D) My best ways to lose weight is up the fiber (Fiber one bars, Double Fiber wheat bread) and the water and the exercise (I walk) and track what I eat.

www.thedailyplate is a great FREE website where you can calculate how many calories you need to lose .5, 1, 1.5, or 2 pounds per week AND track your food and exercise.

I had French bread for breakfast, so now I must log it in. It may mean I can't have something else later, but I enjoyed my breakfast!

Laurie Ann said...

I couldn't do this diet. My genes would go all crazy and probably just make me fatter. Seriously, the inconsistency frightens me, as does the capital letter R in eResveratrol.

Cal said...

I am a lifetime Weight Watcher and I do best when I follow the program and go to meetings. The rest of the time I do the on/off day by day diet you are talking about. I didn't know it had a name :-)

It is a battle but with faith, a few good friends and a healthy eating plan and a little exercise, it is amazing what can happen.


skoots1mom said...

I agree with MochaLinda...the back and forth sound VERY unhealthy to me. WeightWatchers and FirstPlace have been my most successful in the past, and you're fed the Word daily with FirstPlace, as well.

I like you the way you are, i don't think you'd look good as a Mouse! hee hee

Tammy said...

You are a riot, Linda!
And you need to diet? Whatcha' talkin' 'bout, Willis?!
But I know, sometimes we all need to work off a few pounds and this year, I definitely do. My family is off camping this week, and I had grand plans of working out every day but alas, it got lost with all my other grand plans that I have only made a dent in.
Seriously, I really don't do fad diets...just cut back, eat healthier, work out more...and when I actually follow through with all of that, it works! It's the motivation factor that sometimes gets me! Maybe if I did have a squeaky mouse wheel in my livingroom, it would make it easier....especially if there was a truffle hanging on a stick just out of reach... ;)

Debbie said...

This idea kind of scares me. If you eat so little on the "on" day that throws your metabolism into starvation mode - not good. The abs diet worked for me for the first 20lbs. so I've started back (last week) on it again. The upside to me is that with it I didn't gain the weight all back+ when I went off of it. I stopped early last Nov. before all the holidays, etc. I ate what I wanted and just tried to avoid that "stuffed" feeling and only gained 2lbs. back. On it I also don't every feel miserably hungry since there are snacks between meals and at night. It also doesn't require that you follow it exactly to work - lots of options.

Ooops! That was way longer than I planned....

Natalie said...

Never heard of it but this post had me rolling!

Jodie said...

Oh, I'd do the diet. I would do ANYTHING to 'effectively cut my calories in half and create an inexplicable desire to sleep in a corner of wood shavings'. :)

PS- You are nuttier than a squirrel turd. But I totally Ken Lee you. ;)

Marina said...

every time I do a diet I fail they don't work for me b/c I am thinking of what I can't eat. so in setead I just cut back smaller portions and walking is the best exercise 1 hour or 3 miles and I feel good. It took me 1 year to drop 10 pounds by doing these but it wrok. now if I could get the other half off.:),marina

Rhonda said...

I have never heard of it...but, sounds interesting. If you try it, please let us know what you think.

annie's eyes said...

My dieting kind of goes that way anyway. I eat really well one day and the next, throw it all away, ordering my own pizza. I was so grumpy this week on the no carbs days I thought I was going to choke someone. So, I lovingly ordered myself a pizza the next day. We're not over this one yet. Today, I made some strong coffee and we're hoping to have a low calorie day. We, as in the rest of the world that come in contact with me and moi. Good luck with yours.

"MoodyBlue" Jodi said...

And you think you need to lose weight because??? I think you look great.

Anonymous said...

Considering myself a Professional Dieter since my first child was born in 1982, I can tell you that the only thing that truly works is eat less, consistently and exercise more, also consistently. Two of my LEAST favorite activities, i'm doomed. I've done First Place, South Beach, The Miami Diet where you basically deprive yourself for 3 days to drop 10 pounds which I put right back on on day 4 because I'm ready to gnaw my arm off for a snack, etc. Add to that the metabolism of a slug (and the body shape, too, now that you mention) and my spouse and daughter have the metabolism of hummimgbirds. Life just ain't fair. I love your blog, BTW

Breanne Vasquez said...

Yes you are too funny. I bought the book "the longevity diet" sounds similar to this but you starve yourself everyday and only eat food rich in vitamins and protein. I never started it! This one might be easier but I don't know how healthy it is.

What's next said...

Never heard of it, but would love to hear the follow up if you try it!

PJ said...

I didn't think it was possible, but you've pulled one out of the hat I haven't tried. I done: banana & rice diet, grapefruit diet, I Luv NY diet, South Beach diet, Atkins diet, water diet (Atkins before atkins), Turnip Soup diet, (Was it Turnip?? no Cabbage...Cabbage of those ugly vegetables!), the BRAT diet (No, that's for my granddaughter when she had tummy troubles!). All of them worked. As long as I stayed on them. THen I went off...onward and upward and outward. I might just give this one a try. I'm reaching desperation again. I am at an UNACCEPTABLE DRESS SIZE. Let me know how you do!!!