Public Service Announcement: "This is your blogging friend. In her natural habitat of eating anything and everything she wants, she's quite a friendly creature, sporting an M & M or two in her chubby chipmunk cheeks and a song in her heart."
"This is your blogging friend on day 2 of a diet. Do not stick your hand inside the cage."
"This is your blogging friend on day 3 of a diet. Be very, very afraid, and perhaps have clergy on speed dial in case you find yourself trapped in a room alone with her."
What can I say? Dieting is hard. On everyone around me.
I start off with a bang and end with a whimper ... for chocolate.
I cannot hide the Hyde in me.
So the other day, I heard about this new diet called, The Alternate Day Diet."
Basically, this plastic surgeon guy named James B. Johnson studied years of research indicating that the fewer calories a mouse eats, the longer he lives.
I believe this data. My theory is that the poor, starving creature wills himself to live until he can have one last mocha frappucino, and then he gives up the ghost, so to speak. So, starving him ironically gives him something to live for!
This research also poses a new twist for the "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" series: "If you give a mouse a cookie, why don't you just run over him with a lawn mower and put him out of his misery because you're killing him, anyway."
My theory is that Dr. Johnson may have said, "Hey. If this 'starving' business works for mice, it's gotta work for humans because our DNA is identical." (Then again, Dr. Johnson and his fam. reportedly look like this:)
Therefore, Dr. Johnson created the "Up Day, Down Day Diet," in which you eat normally on one day and then severely restrict yourself the next. The plan is to do this the rest of your life, effectively cutting your calories in half and creating an inexplicable desire to sleep in a corner of wood shavings.
Here are the nuts and bolts of the diet: On the up day, you eat whatever and as much as you want, although he suggests not gorging yourself to prepare for the next day famine. (Chuh! Like I would do that!)
On the “down” day, you eat between 20% – 50% of your normal allotment. A guide to calculate the number of calories to consume is available at the link.
Let me just say that at my height, weight and age, I am, according to their calculator, supposed to have 2142 calories on my "La Vida Loca" UP days, and a mere 428 calories on my "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" DOWN days.
Apparently, this upping and downing tricks the body into activating SIRT1, a skinny gene. "Gene," not "jean," which is good because ain't nothin' gonna cause me to activate a skinny jean on this wide-leg body.
SIRT1 allegedly helps the body shed fat by releasing fat from the cells around organs. How this happens, I do not know. But firing up the SIRT1 supposedly brings about these effects:
The every-other-day period of low calorie intake is a form of mild stress which the cells of the body sense and respond to by turning on a gene called SIRT1. SIRT1 then activates many other genes which have health promoting effects, including reduced inflammation, lower free radical stress, improved insulin resistance, and better mitochondrial function. Taken together, these effects are anti-aging and anti-disease. To maximize SIRT1 activation, you should follow the JUDDDD and take eResveratrol (www.eResveratrol.com) supplements.
I don't know if they're talking Naomi or Wynona Judddd, but I think it's suspicious that they promote a nutritional supplement. (Read: $$$.) They also suggest using commercially prepared shakes of your choice for the first two weeks on the down days.
I noted a lack of any emphasis on running all night on a squeaky wire wheel or any other kind of exercise, but maybe that's hidden somewhere within the book.
Is it possible to follow this diet? I don't know. I do know that it mirrors the built-in inconsistency I display each and every time I diet.
It sounds crazy. It sounds and unhealthy. It sounds wacky and dumb. I just may have to try it!
What do you think about the diet? Have you heard of it? Do you think you could/would do it?