Saturday, November 08, 2008

46 Year-old Faces


Recently I was shopping with my 22 year-old daughter, and we meandered into a Sephora-like store. I was drawn to a display of that certain makeup which I will discreetly call "Naked Rocks." You know the one I'm talking about, the one with the infomercials where people swirl and tap and dance and sing about the wonders of this miracle non-foundation powdery foundation.

I'm not daring enough to order makeup, of all things, right off of TV. That's right up there with leaving your dryer running when you leave the house or unbuckling your seat belt and getting your mail from your car while on the wrong side of the street--dangerous, very dangerous. Sometimes I just go crazy like that, but ordering makeup off of TV? No way.

Anyway, here it was, right in front of me, and I was interested to see if the miracles could be performed on me. I wanted to dip my toe in the Bethesda pool, so to speak. Or my whole face.

Instantly, a beautiful young thing asked to help me, and I asked her if she could fix me with the Naked Rock makeup, and she said, "But do you want to be healed?" No, she didn't really say that. She said, "Yeah. I'll try," which didn't do a lot for my already fragile ego.

Then she got some brushes and Naked Rock powder and swirled and tapped and applied. And then she buffed. And buffed. And buffed. Until I shined like the top of the Chrysler Building!

Finally, she reluctantly handed me the mirror. I literally gasped. My skin looked like this:

I said, "I don't ... know ... what ... to ... say."

She said, "[nothing]", which is code for: "What went wrong? I am so fired!"

So a slightly older beautiful young thing came over to see the devastation up close. Eyes were darting. Whispers. Raised eyebrows. Scrambling for remover. Oh, it was so bad.

The first one said, "Yeah, this is probably not for you. Megan, the side of her face where I didn't apply this actually looks better than the Naked Rock side."

Megan looked mortified. I don't think either of them had ever really been up close and personal with skin older than 40, because Grandma-skin doesn't count.

So they swabbed me clean and tried to sell me a whole other line of medicine water, sort of one step up from spackling cement.

I passed.

Therefore, I'm still using L'oreal makeup because if I use it enough years, I'm sure I'll look just like L'oreal spokesperson Andie McDowell, who is stuck at 33, even though she's 50. Poor thing.

I'm just sure of it, Toto!

48 comments:

Becky said...

Oh you poor thing. I can't stand makeup myself except mascara. I keep getting invited to marykay parties by my friends trying to get started in the business. I have enough mascara tubes to last several years.

I love the dorothy/toto comparison...LOL, that you both match fur colors.

Greg C said...

I couldn't tell which picture was you and which one was Dorothy. :) That stuff really worked. My wife sent me to get some of her favorite base cream recently and the lady handed me a 1oz bottle. I asked how much and she said 22.00 I about died. I wanted to ask for the one without the gold in it. :)

Emily said...

Woman, you're beautiful! Don't buy into the hype - ageing is not a curse. If I had a nickle for every time my frenemies make comments about the gray in my hair, but I figure God made me this way, and who knows me better?

(secretly I hope I look as fab as you at 40-something)

Ang baylis said...

Hilarious! Unfortunately I can relate! I can't believe how much I am looking like my mother. The other day I caught a glimpse of her in the mirror... I need better lotion!
Have a great day!
Love,
Angie xoxo

sara said...

You are hilarious! I have friends that swear by that makeup too...I've worn Merle Norman since I was 16,,,,,,,I think I'll stick with it!!!

Cindy-Still His Girl said...

Ok, that confirms it; I'm never doing a sit-down in a department store.

Dena @ Green Acres said...

I had a "make-over" done one time and I ended up looking like Mimi from the Drew Carey show. Scary! I'll stick to the drug store stuff too. :)

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

I can't stop laughing over "Naked Rocks." That's hysterical!

I actually wear that make up and love it. Did you have your other make up underneath what she put on? Did she put any moisturizer on first? If either of those were true, then duh. She should have known better. You have to have clean, moisturized skin or it won't go on right.

Either way, you're still Bea.u.ti.ful. :-)

Tammy said...

OH NO! I am not a make-up girl and probably should be now to some extent. I am waiting on my turn on What Not to Wear and I think Carmandy will hook me up. Until then....nothin'.

momunscripted said...

I ordered from the infomercial. :( I had the crater experience too. Thinking I did it wrong, I went to the store. No fabulous there either.

I settle for a little cover-up, mascara and always lipstick!!

Don't ask me about that "fit your life in the purse" purchase either. It fits, but you have to unpack it to get to it. Not good.

Mrs4444 said...

Awww. Now I know why I don't stop at those counters. Loved your story; you're a talented writer. :)

jennifer@love,laughter,and lyrics said...

I love that you said, "shine like the top of the Chrysler Building"! That made me smile.

Chris @ Come to the Table said...

You completly crack me up...I can so relate to this post that is why I don't sit in those chairs anymore and ask those sweet young ladies for help.

Mrs. Who said...

It's all a crapshoot figuring out what works for those of us who are SLIGHTLY over 21. I recently started wearing foundation again after my daugher and niece kindly informed me (as we sat on a restaurant patio in the sun) that my tinted moisturizer was not doing it. I'm wearing Mary Kay foundation, but I think they are all similar. The secret is the foundation brush. Seriously. It's a big, soft brush (mine is Estee Lauder but you can get others) and you basically just paint your face with it.

Sounds crazy, but it goes on smoothly, covers great and looks really natural. (Of course, you don't spackle a lot of it on.)

It works for me!

Mocha with Linda said...

pshaw, this story is just made up. :-)

Those girls should be lucky enough to live this long!

You're gorgeous, Lid!

Susanne said...

Ohhhh, you are one brave girl. I basically stick with what I know. My 40's skin protests new product by breaking out as if I was 15. Which is not the young look I'm going for.

I've been waiting to look like Andie McDowell for about 10 years now. Hasn't happened. I should probably contact Loreal and ask what I'm doing wrong.

Roxanne Kristina said...

You're beautiful!

Wasn't there a book out several years ago letting us know the drug store stuff is the same stuff at the fancy smanshy counters in the dept stores?

I dont even make it to the Target isles anymore.

If Costco doesn't carry it, I likely don't have it! :0)

Unless it's a gift. Gifts are good. :0)

xoxo,
R

Smilingsal said...

I stepped up to a Mac counter once (just to buy a lipstick so that my granddaughters would think I was cool--does anyone say "cool" any more?). I had a similar experience. Brows wrinkled as She shuddered at the prospect to "HELPING" me. Ooooo old age is a scary thing!

Jodi said...

I've been using Cover Girl for years. I wouldn't change either. Those counters frighten me. You look great Linda. Keep going with your Loreal.

Chatty Kelly said...

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. LOL!!! That is the funniest story! I'm sure you look beautiful like always.

I had a similar experience was Estee Lauder. I saw this girl who was FLAWLESS and asked her brand of foundation and ran right out and tried it. Of course, I then realized it wasn't her make up that was flawless, but her skin (at age 22 or so). Yup, aging S*cks!

Happy Mama said...

You crack me up:-))))

Lynn said...

You're funny! I actually use the bare minerals and will never go back to liquid. Was that the brand you tried?

Leebird said...

I am so glad to hear the powder stuff didn't work for you either...I was beginning to wonder what in the heck was wrong with me!

And I have a 38 year old face!

I just bought some of that Infallible Loreal foundation that's supposed to stay on all day even if you swim the Atlantic and trudge deliriously through the Sahara Desert. It stayed on much better than other stuff I've used. Though I didn't put it through that ultimate test mentioned above, it was still there at 10 o'clock last night after a long day of teaching cynical junior high kids, getting bawled out by one of my co-workers, having a girl's night with my best friend, and reunited with my hubby after he got home from a business trip.

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Well, I am off to buy that stuff TODAY, Leebird! And your list of what you put that makeup through cracked me up! It needs to be a commercial.

Melanie @ This Ain't New York said...

If your L'oreal makes you look like Andie McDowell, then I am totally dumping Max Factor.

Great post! I love giving young people reasons for therapy!!

Linda said...

I had the same thing happen with that stuff. I have tried it twice and the same thing. It made me look like I was 62. Ugh. I have always worn powder, but recently tried Maybelline Dream matte Mousse makeup and it is really nice. Very light and with a light dusting of powder after it looks very nice...natural but not overdone. I hate how some older ladies look greasy...not for me. I'm not ready for the oily look yet. Good luck on your quest for the right look. You're beautiful just the way you are though. ;)

Debbie said...

Hope the Andie McDowell thing works out for you - I'm still waiting for Cover Girl to make me look like Christie Brinkley.

Brenda Susan said...

Ha! This has got to be one of the funniest posts I have read in a long time! I can toally "see" that young girl getting all flustered. Remember when we all thought we would never have wrinkles? Keep writing, you are good! And very pretty.

Debbie said...

Aargh! What an experience. The last time I got my hair cut, they had some funky mirror up with my mom inside it instead of me. I never did figure that one out.

Paula (SweetPea) said...

I wondered about that powdery mineral stuff. I had my reservations about it working as the commercials say. I think there's about 100 different brands of the same "style" of powderyy stuff.

ann said...

I've just always used a hodge podge of stuff, whatever's cheapest, for my face. I have always been curious about that more expensive powdery stuff. I'm so glad you posted this, I'll definitely steer clear of it. I think I just might try that L'oreal stuff you've been using, you look great!

Marina said...

I know just how you feel I tried that makeup too and it looks really bad on me too!! you are not alone they took out some old lady cream and told me too out it on first and then the power makeup to help my skin look more youthful
( talk about really make you feel 47 ) now I know how my mom felt. ") marina

Life In Progress said...

I have nothing else to add except to say that I loved this post. You crack me up, and I think you are awesome!

Sitesx6 said...

Hi,
I'm new.

I love your blog so much. It brings me wrinkles from smiling so much. :) I'm over 40- (42 to be exact) so I wrinkle easily now.

Don't you know....40 is the new 30?
I feel your pain with the makeup.

Keep the fun and laughs coming. I depend on it.

Kelly S. Michigan :)

Kathy S. said...

Funny-I love your humor. This is a great lesson for us not to buy from tv either:)

Robin Lambright said...

I have a friend who swears by “Naked Rocks” but then I am such a tight wad I am never willing to anti up that much for make up. If I can’t pick it up at the wal mart then I’m in trouble. I have been a loyal use of Advance Radiance for the past several years. I love it!!! I have also discovered Oil of Olay Total Effects. It is a moisturizing cream with a SPF as well as a bunch of other anti aging stuff in it as well but the cool thing is that it has a small tint of foundation in it (LOVE IT) so if you don’t want to mess with a lot of make up you still get a bit of color and evening out when you use the moisturizer.

Connie said...

It is so true...I think I'm in need of new foundation but don't know what to do either. They usually want to make me look like a china doll with a white face because I am so pale and don't tan my face. So...thanks for the tip on what not to try next. Connie

Melissa the Careful Wisher said...

So funny! I tried this make up also and just glowed! A bad glow! A really bad glow!

Southern Mama said...

This is so funny! I'm having the same problem. I'm only 34, but I have very dry skin and have recently moved to the south west from the very humid south---so needless to say my skin is as dry and flaky as the desert I live in. I have YET to find something that works. Love your post!

Serendipity said...

I'm not much of a makeup person too. Think I'll have to psyche myself to age gracefully and naturally LOL!

SanDe said...

Your post is so relevant. My face just turned 40 ...my body is out with the jury still in decision. Hears hoping for a 30ish vote.

Who's to say that we aren't paying out a fortune to wrinkle our face with the same paste that promises to keep it slick. What a great perpetual marketing scheme.

What I struggle with though is what do you do when there is a really obvious wrong color choice. It's kind of like having to tell them they have food stuck in their teeth but ten times worse. Either they look like a mime or like theyre always straining. Made my man promise to tell me if I got it wrong with the paint selections.

Hiz

Sandra

Miscellaneous From Missy said...

Sigh. It's a hard knock life. ;-)

Fran said...

I don't do well in Sephora like stores...I don't know why. They intimidate the fire out of me. I bet the girl doing the makeup was dying inside! Ha. "I'm so fired." I laughed out loud. We can all relate to this story in some way. Thanks for sharing with us.

PJ said...

Yikes. I must have an entire different set of problems. This face will soon be .... arffffasgh .... I can't even type the number, my fingers gnarled up so!!! But it ends in an "0". I wear Naked Rock. And it helps. It doesn't, however, prevent that sagging line of skin that hangs from my jowls and nearly comes to my shoulder, nor does it cover the witch-like mole underneath my chin, nor does it cover the deep folds that have appeared between my eye and my temple (on both sides...at least I'm symmetrical) But not terribly brainy, I had to look up Symmetrical to see if it started with a "c" or an "s" and I totally left out the "y". Is there any stuff called "Naked Brain"???

Aunt LoLo said...

You mean...I can't use my "naked rocks" forever? the horror! Seriously- in my 10+ years of trying different make-ups, this is the ONLY one that does no result in "guilt zits" the next day! Sad, sad...so sad.

Lelia Chealey said...

This had me laughing out loud. You are so funny. And beautiful...since I sat right next to ya at She Speaks I saw you up close & you are gorgeous.
love ya,
Lelia

truth said...

LOL, you are so funny. I remember being a young 20 or so and applying makeup at a salon. I was married and my new mother-in-law came in. I did her up in what I thought was the best, most in thing. She later told my son she left looking like a street walker. I was horrified, but she was probably right. I had no idea...

A Gracious Home said...

That's a funny story. I think you look great. I wear L'oreal mineral powder and I love it. Sometimes I put a little foundation underneath if it's going to be a long day. Doylene