Monday, February 09, 2009

RANT: Valentine's Day Commercials

*OK. I couldn't get the poll to post below this post. It has to go up there or at the bottom of this page, so I chose up there. Please read the post and then vote.*

If I offend a reader in this post, I pre-apologize. But I cannot help myself.

I HATE most Valentine's Day commercials. But I hereby dedicate my hatiest hate of all to this one, the one where vapid, bosomy office females squeal over teddy bears in costumes. I mean, would any sane person pay $40-$80 for a stuffed animal?

This is Love Bandit Bear. Questions:
Does this look like $70 worth of bear to you?
Under what circumstances would you pay $70 for a stuffed animal?
What would you do if your sweetheart bought you one of these famous Vermont bears?

For me, it would be the kiss of death on a potential relationship. And if my husband bought it, it would be fodder for 50 years of ribbing: "Remember that one Valentine's Day when you lost your mind and spent $70 on a stupid bear?!"

So I'm going to put a poll at the end of this post about whether you would like a Vermont Teddy Bear for Valentine's Day or for any reason in the universe. Please participate.



In 2nd place for my hatiest hate feelings for a Valentine's commercial is the one I keep hearing on the radio about how if the guy buys the girl this brand of pajamas, it's a sure thing for getting her to take her clothes off.

Well. Isn't that romantic. Could they be any more skanky/crass? Why not just get a hold of some OBGYN paper gowns. They come off even faster! "Green paper looks good on you, baby, but even better on the floor! Woo!"

In 3rd place is a local radio contest for a Valentine's package that includes a getaway, flowers, etc. Fine. But the thing that would preclude my desire to win is that it's sponsored by the local adult-whatever store. You know, the one with the costumes and DVDs. Oh yes. One of the items in the prize package is a bunch of DVDs. Great. Nothing says "I love you," like soft porn. Or worse.

Am I a prude? Am I old and stodgy? Why yes, yes I am. But I also have some self-respect. These Valentine's gifts are legitimate grounds for getting a "loser-ectomy" in my opinion. Well, that's what I think. What do you think?

Remember, please participate in the poll.

52 comments:

Cathy Davis said...

This part slayed me "Great. Nothing says "I love you," like soft porn. Or worse." BAA HAA HAA

Valentine's Day is way over rated but usually my husband will make it special. I wouldn't be too happy if he spent $70 (whatever) on a teddy bear. I had never even heard of those teddy bears till those commercials started showing up. If he's going to spend that much money on something, I'll gladly take jewelry! :-)

Robin @ Be Still and Know said...

You go girl!! I totally agree, $70 bucks for a teddy bear, not in this life time, $70 bucks on a good date night is the way to go and the hubby knows it!

Rant on
Robin

Sarah@Life in the Parsonage said...

Hatiest hate. Love that. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure there's biblical ground for divorce if such a terrible gift were given...I'll go try to find that scripture reference for you... ;)

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

For $70 that bear better take off his mask so that he can give me a pedicure, cook me dinner, and then clean my house. If he could do all that, then he'd be worth the $70. The commercial just about made me want to hurl. I would kill my husband if he ever got me something like this, but he knows that.

Chatty Kelly said...

Is it just me, or did that commercial have double entendre..."It's so much bigger than I thought." Oh. Really. I won't repeat the next comment, but really we're talking grown women here.

I thougth that commercial was totally gross, and I can't even imagine the soft porn one. I thought THIS one was it.

As the card I saw the other day says - Valentine's Day is crap, I don't need a man to validate my worth as a woman...I just need him to buy me stuff. LOL!

DidiLyn said...

Someone needs to take a
hate-cation....

Lorri said...

LOL "Hate-cation!"

Seriously thought, $70 for a teddy bear is, well, stupid. Unless there's a big ole' piece of jewelry inside...no fake costume jewelry either. Great post!

lmerie said...

haha - I saw that commercial the other day and told my husband it was wrong DO NOT BUY me a stuffed bear!!
Love the post!

Renna said...

I voted before I read that I was to read your post first. Sorry. I've never been good about reading directions.

That said, my vote would be the same, "NO, NO, NO!". My hubby saw that commercial yesterday and told me about it. He couldn't get over how those women were squealing as if they were thrilled to be receiving a bear. He knew I'd have him committed if he went out and spent $70 bucks on a bear (or any bucks for that matter!).

And yes, the moral message is loud and clear, or rather lack of morals. It's disgusting, but it seems to be the world in which we live now, one dominated by a media from h*ll.

Mel said...

I never did get that whole bear thing or at least spending oodles of money on one.

no not a prude and the dvd thing is ewwwwwww

RissaRoo said...

Gag-a-Maggot! There is just something entirely un-wholesome about associating plush toys with s*x, which this commercial manages to do.

$70.00?!? Yipes. I admit I am totally old and unromantic, a fact which will become glaringly apparent in my next statement: If my hubby wanted to make me go wild with appreciation on Valentine's day, he could spend the $70 on full service laundering for a month. Washed, dried, folded and delivered to my doorstep... Now *that* would be sexy!

Jeanette said...

That commercial was disgusting! We don't have those commercials in our part of the country - THANK GOODNESS!

My DH would buy me my fav Brighton jewelry before some stupid teddy bear!

Debbie said...

I hear you, Linda. I actually have a post coming later this week that touches on how I would feel about such a gift as this. And I am happy to say that I haven't seen or heard the other ones. I am ahead of you in the prude line:)

Linda said...

I seriously thought that video was a joke. I'm still wondering. Its for real?! No self-respecting guy would buy that would they? I'm sorry I'm asking all of these questions. I guess I'm in denial. I just can't imagine that a man would think that a grown woman would want a teddy bear. Wasn't there a movie about this called Clueless?

Pam from alertandorientedx4 said...

Remember my gift post? I think I'd rather have the dual-bag....

Dayne said...

Interesting post!! I love Valentines Day and like to celebrate it with my friends... I would like to make cute cards for them!!

Edie said...

I fully agree with you Linda. I watch very little TV and tonight turned it on to watch Fox News and both of the first two commercials you mentioned came on and I thought everything you said and more.

The pajama commercial shows them taking off their PJs which totally infuriates me to see on TV too. There is no such thing as decency anymore.

Becky said...

I'm young and stodgy I guess because I agree with you 100%

Sara Bonds said...

The commercial is super stupid. Having said that, I would love anything my honey got me. He would never get me that, because he puts a lot of thought into getting me something I will love, but if he did I would love it because it came from him.

Julie said...

Linda, I said the same thing when I saw the bear... I asked David if this commercial was some type of joke, you know like a Saturday Night Live satire... but then I discovered it was real....

Who thunk that one up????

They sure pegged me wrong.... No bear for me, thank you.

beckyjomama said...

I agree with everything in your post (except the old stodgy part!!!). If my man spends $70 for V-day it better be something I can wear ... and longer that the 53.2 seconds it would take to leave it in a heap on the floor!!!

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

This commercial is so over-the-top that I think it's sort of done with tongue in cheek, but I still think they get their merchandising message across. And I'll bet there are quite a few men who fall for this. God love 'em.

Dena said...

Couldn't agree with you more! Hubby and I have gotten to the point where we give each other funny, silly little gifts all week long and say they are our Valentines day presents. Yesterday he bought me a diet coke during our sons game and said "It's got a red lid, happy Valentines day". Now THAT's love!

Mocha with Linda said...

When that guy lifted up his sleeve to look at his Lover Boy tattoo that matched the bear's, I thought I would choke on my coffee.

There's classy romance and then there's sleaze. Apparently some people can't tell the difference!!

Rachel said...

Wow, that bear is pretty awful! Yep, I'd kill my hubby if he spent $70 on a bear.

I've seen the "pajama-gram" commercials (they come on before the web clips on some Fox News programs) and the opening line disgusts me too: how can you guarantee to get a woman's clothes off? Disgusting.

You are not a prude. Valentine's day has just turned into a giant booty call holiday.

Lois Lane II said...

OH MY GOSH, Linda, you're going to get a kick out of this!! Okay, so when Superman and I first started dating, he was, let's see how to put this, not apt at choosing really amazing V-Day gifts. So...I GOT THE BANDIT BEAR, lol!! Now, granted, I love it now, but I am soooo not a stuffed animal girl. It took me TWO YEARS to get this point across to Superman. I don't wanted stuffed animals. I really don't care for flowers. If you're going cliche, get jewelry or chocolate. One lasts forever, and the other makes me happy. ;) LOL!!

Beverlydru said...

Well, I certainly don't want a $70 bear, or a $5 one for that matter. But after the other gifts you mention, the bear is looking better.

Deven said...

::gulps::

We have not one, but TWO Vermont Teddy bears.

::dodges storm of rotten tomatoes::

We went to the Vermont Teddy Bear factory while we were on our honeymoon. BUT we didn't pay $70 for them, probably because we made them ourselves, so that cuts down on the labor surcharge. :)

Merrie said...

Oh man do I agree with you! I told my husband not to even consider it... I don't want candy, I don't want flowers that die and I don't want flowers that "live forever"... If you REALLY love me, give me cash so I can go out and get what I really want.

Laurie Ann said...

$70 for a bear? Oh. My. Stars. NO!!!!!!!!!!!! Steve knows he would be in trouble if he spent that much on a bear that looks like it comes from a vending machine.

On a side note: I didn't know adult movies were, um, p*rn, until we were at the video store one night looking for something to rent. I couldn't find anything so I saw this door with frosted glass on it and it said, "Adult Movies." I thought, "Voila! No Disney, no cartoons, something with meaning!" Boy, was I surprised.

Greg C said...

I was going to post about the Teddy bears too because like you, I hate them. Now if the response was like the one on the commercial it would be a different story;
"Oh I love my new Teddy Bear, Wait until he gets HIS gift tonight" Wooo Hooo. Hot time in the old bear den tonight.

I just checked out the PJ gram page and yes, she will have to take her clothes off to put the PJ's on unless she puts the PJ's on over her other clothes. But I do have a question for you ladies. Does this mean that if I see a woman in her undie$, then it's a go? Because that is what they are implying. If that is the case, I will just hang out in the ladies room. Or I could run into the stall and maybe get lucky. Maybe get arrested is more like it.

The day I bring home 9orn for my wife, I better just start packing.

Alexia said...

The Lover Boy bear is cute, but I would have a COW if that's what I got for V-day - $70 is alot of money and if you're gonna shell out that kind of $$ I expect to see something more than a bear! (well, either way, if all I got was some dumb stuffed animal I'd be mad LOL)

lingerie isn't a present for the woman, it's for the man. Doghouse for sure.

Soft porn is out for sure.

Carmen Gamble said...

Your Friendly Bear Counselor? Gag! Unbelievable. I agree with Lois Lane 11's ending statements...jewelry AND chocolate all the way baby!

skoots1mom said...

i'd prefer George give me jewelry...
we have "one of those stores" not far from us and I always cringe when I drive by...praying I don't see anyone I know coming out of it.

thouartloosed said...

And have you taken a gander at most Valentine cards?! I'm making my hubby one because the ones in the store I saw were trashy and crass, and believe it or not, our love is not.

Mrs.Naz@BecomingMe said...

I had to watch the cheesy over-priced bear commercial with my hand over my mouth so I wouldn't wake up my sleeping toddler with a loud burst of laughter. This was a very funny read.

Ang baylis said...

I kid you not... My husband wants to order & "send" me some of those P.J.'s! So funny!!

Debbie @Like a Rose said...

Valentines is my LEAST favorite holiday - a "no win" for everyone. Too many expectaions (enhanced by the media) followed by too much disappointment.

No, the bear doesn't look worth $70...$7 maybe but I think it's "holiday-confused" as it looks a little more Halloweeny to me.

I'd pay $70 for it if it was stuffed with money guaranteed to equal more that $70.

My response if I received it would be very much like yours - unless it was from George Clooney 'cause he can afford it and I'd have something from GEORGE CLOONEY (insert squeal).

Joanna said...

Oh gag! I would smack Hubby upside the head for wasting the money.

Smilingsal said...

Too late! I voted before I read. But $70 dollars for a $2 bear! No Way!

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Girl you are too funny.
"nothing says I love you like some soft porn" .

As I voted I'm not a Lost watcher but NO bear would draw me to pay $70 bucks, no ma'am.

Your OBGYN gown comments were a hoot.

JyLnC said...

I admit the commercials are cheezy but not the Teddy Bears and not all pajama gifts. The bears are of a high quality and hand made in the U.S.

With the current economic situation, I am not going to attack silly marketing tactics because companies need to sell their products to survive. The commercials are doing their job because they catch people's attention.

I had a favorite teddy bear when I was a child that my mother threw out one day while I was taking a nap. It was falling apart and she was doing what she thought was right. Her plan was to replace my beloved bear with a new one. But just like in the Velveteen Rabbit it wasn't the same. I was one devastated three year old and I can still remember the sadness I felt. I have always had a soft spot for teddy bears,

As an adult, I buy one every once in awhile. I've never spent $70.00 but I know that Vermont and Steiff make beautiful bears. I've also donated to organizations that pass out teddy bears after a crisis to help alleviate the sadness and pain. Even Laura Bush gave out Teddy Bears after traumatic events.

I also love pajamas and if my dh buys me a teddy bear or pj's I think it's cool because he bought me one of my favs.

Remember one man's meat is another man's poison.

Teri~Facedown said...

I am the type of mom that smuggles stuffed animals out of the girls bedroom and throws them away. (I know, it is terrible, but she LOVES stuffed animals and has a bazillion of them.) Her big brother wins stuffed animals in those crane machines ALL the time.

So, no. I would absolutely blow a gasket if my husband spent even SEVEN dollars on a stuffed animal for me.

We don't celebrate valentines day. Not even a card. I just refuse to buy into all the commercialism! (AND, I am just too cheap!) I love when my husband surprises me, and he does all year around, so Valentines Day is just another day. (Except, we DO buy the kids candy and cards! )

Melissa said...

O.K.
1. Was that soft porn with a teddy bear thrown in? I'm pretty sure it was.
2. I love you!

Patrice said...

I would kill my hubby if he got me a $70 teddy bear! I am a little confused on the outfit for this bear....does not say Valentine's Day to me, more like "would you like to rob a bank....please!"

Oh well, I hate Valentines day, I want to be loved on my own day, not a day everyone eles is loved too! Don't get me wrong, I am loved on Valentines day, but I don't like to share my special moments of love with anyone!!!!!

Roxanne said...

Most of the comments I have to make about that commercial are just not Christian. . .but I DID think them. Gross. Just. Gross.

Brenda Susan said...

Stupid bears....stupider commercial!

Dani said...

Ok.... I feel stupid. But, I can not find the poll! Where do I vote? HAHA!

If my husband wasted that kind of money on such a commercialized holiday there would be a serious fuss at my house! I tell him every year do NOT buy me anything. Send me flowers on a day when I'm not expecting them and when they don't cost an arm & leg!

Dani said...

Ok.... I feel stupid. But, I can not find the poll! Where do I vote? HAHA!

If my husband wasted that kind of money on such a commercialized holiday there would be a serious fuss at my house! I tell him every year do NOT buy me anything. Send me flowers on a day when I'm not expecting them and when they don't cost an arm & leg!

Melanie @ This Ain't New York said...

All of them are targeted to men. And all of them promise that the man will get something in return- respect, approval, or "other."

I can't imagine a grown woman wanting a teddy bear.

Phyllis@Aimless Conversation said...

Umm, I had never heard of The Vermont Teddy Bear company until the box arrived with a 'breathing hole' in it, so the little guy would be able to make the trip safely. Seriously, the box is as cute as the bear.

Yes, (dodging the barrage of tomatoes and snarky comments) I have a $70 bear. He is super cute and I was very surprised to receive him. V-day is either feast or famine for us. If I had known about the purchase, I wouldn't have had him spend that much money for sure! But, the little guy still looks new, even after ten years of abuse by my kids and the dog.

Smelling Coffee said...

I'm late in responding - but i totally agree with you! In fact, I made a "gentle announcement" to the whole family one night that I did NOT want a Vermont Teddy Bear for Valentines Day or any other day, for that matter. :-) They abidided with my wishes, and it was a happy Valentines night for all. :-)